Bumbellina

Thanks again everyone for your support. Yes, I have my own (very small) place -- it's sad really. I have all this nice furniture, that is not really so nice now that it has been moved THREE times in the last three months. It's all banged up and virtually nothing fits up here. I've had no time to think because I've been doing nothing but packing, cleaning, looking for places, and moving. It's crazy. Then I went to work and just mindlessly worked for hours and hours and hours. Unfortunately, on the weekend when I'm home trying to downsize and organize (what is a girl to do with a closet full of shoes when she no longer HAS a closet?) I have way too much time to think. Now, maybe I sound really strong on paper, but in person I am anything but. I am a basket case. This REALLY hurts. It hurts worse than anything has ever hurt, yet here I am, slogging through. I've been told my whole life, "Oh you are strong, you will make it through..." The suck thing is, being strong just means I can keep going after it hurts, long after other people would have dropped. I am sharing my story because the truth needs to be out there. I am not anti immigration, anti MENA, anti Egyptian or anti anything other than ANTI JERK!!!! Jerks come in all shapes, sizes, varieties and nationalities, however, ladies, if ya want a jerk, just go to the local bar. There you can find an azzz without having to go through the pain of the immigration process. I am going to say if you are with one of these men, question everything. Put them through the wringer and listen to your instinct. Be strong UP FRONT so you don't have to be strong on the back end. If I would have listened to my intuition and done more research, maybe this wouldn't have happened.

'kay now I'm rambling. The next thing for me to do is file the divorce. Unfortunately, he is making this difficult by saying he wants it, but not willing to pay for it, or provide me with an address to serve his papers. He seems to think I can just mail it to the old address and it will forward. I tried to explain to him that it has to be served, he has to sign for it, and even mail methods for this require a current, not a forwarding address. His reply? I can't give you my friends address. There are so many things he doesn't understand, or maybe he does, but in the US, you don't just say, "I divorce you" and be done with it. There is a procedure to follow to finalize the divorce and of course he uses this as an excuse to say, "you are being hysterical" He thinks he is single right now. He is lying to whomever he meets and acting as if he never had a wife. Just, you know, leaving that part out. The problem? Hey, jerko, YOU ARE STILL MARRIED. Such a butt.

Well, I am back, after a month exactly. I have moved to another city, and then found a small fairly affordable place where I came from originally. I had an appointment with USCIS on March 23rs and my sister and I went in and told our story. The helpful officer instructed us to put it in writing with evidence and mail it in. He also looked up my husband's file and he had this small smile on his face as he said, gently, "why this is only a conditional card....the condition is that he is married" He instructed us to send in our letters and let us know it would go in his file.

I finally had access to a computer on April 7 and composed my letter which has been delivered. My sister is adding her own account to accompany it.

Between the walk out but before I went to USCIS, he came to me, tears in his eyes and apologized. He said it is ALL his fault, he was just not ready to be married from the very begining, but he went through with it anyway. He said what he did to me was inexcusable and begged me to forgive him and let him be my friend. Said he couldn't bare to lose the one person here he knows. He also promised to apologize to my family and everyone who had to drop everything to rescue me. He also said he is staying so he can pay me back.

Well, la la la la. He never apologized, never sent any money, and now acts as if he never knew me. He won't give me an address so I can file the divorce, though he does have one now. He says, just send it in the mail to the old address, they will forward it. He wants nothing to do with me, yet he won't even make it easy to file the papers. So, I'm trying to figure out his address.

I discovered a lot of stuff in the meanwhile. He lied to his family completely and also he was chatting with his sister telling her he doesn't need to be married, if he can show ties to the country like work and student loans, he can get the 10 year card anyway. Of course at the time, his sister thought I left him, she did not know my version of the story. She knows now. Apparently the family has been sending him money to pay me back and he has never been giving it to me. At the very least they now have the story. They can make of it what they will.

I STILL can't believe the nerve of this man. It's like he can't stop lying once he has started. He couldn't even tell the full truth while he was on his knees, crying begging me to forgive him for what he had done (yet not wanting to stay married, of course).

I want to thank everyone who took the time to offer advice, opinions, and support. I know I will be fine after time, and YES I learned my lesson. Never ignore "women's intuition"

I will be moving over the weekend, so I won't be here to post, but I will definitely come back and share any updates as well as correspond with anyone who showed some kindness and support. I feel strongly we do all have to stick together and that above all else, people looking to take advantage of not only the system, but the milk of human kindness need to be taken care of. God is watching, this I know. However, that doesn't mean we as fellow human beings can't also look out after our own.

Thank you so much!

If you send me a Private Message I can connect you with my dear friend who was duped by a MENA man. Only her ex went so far as to make certain he had her pregnant before he showed his true colors. It seems he heard somewhere that having an America child would assure him residency here even if he bailed on the marriage shortly after it began. She now has a permanent reminder of this man.....

She lives in Texas where they don't have a really great "love" for MENA men anyway... so maybe that helped her get out of the situation... but she went to the USCIS and reported it as "fraud" and she had to sign a bunch of papers but they reversed her sponsorship... or so the story goes... She could tell you the details better than I.

I am truly sorry for your pain. I hope that you have not been harmed physically from his "adventures"! Such a scary thing in the Bay Area!

As for the plan to marry someone in the USA as a safe guard, even then BE CAREFUL. I did that after losing my husband of 8 years to deportation thinking I could avoid grief that way... Only to be used by this USC MENA man who wanted the help I gave him to relocate and become employed in his field of study after driving a cab in Chicago for 18 years.. One month after after he finished going back to school to "freshen up" his credentials (with loans from me and housing, food, ins. etc. for a year) He was (with my connections and support) able to get a job (starting at $25.00 an hour!) at my former employer, in his chosen field one month after he started the job, he told me he "wasn't happy" any more.... about 5 minutes after I found he had placed an ad on Yahoo Personals! (and found all kinds of user names on the chat log that were obviously female after I was gone for the weekend!)

Fortunately I wasn't his "sponsor" but it still was totally INFURIATING to know that he probably had planned this from the beginning! It was humiliating as well, considering he was working at my former employer. Never mind all the emotional issues and grief over the loss of what I thought was a PERFECT marriage... Maybe in hind sight it was a little TOO perfect.. we never fought... and now I know he had no reason to "sweat the small stuff"because he was a "short timer" from Day ONE.

Worst part is that we live in a small community so I can't escape from being reminded of this NIGHTMARE... running into him at Muslim/Egyptian Community events.

Try to focus on the good (that might take awhile to do)... I have made a decision to be thankful that I still have his family (in Egypt). We became VERY close and nothing can take away the love I share with my ex-mother-in-law and his sisters. God will punish him for his sins and I know that justice will be served.

I wish you the best. I pray for a healing of your heart and for you to have peace in your soul. Hindsight is 20/20 nearly all of the time... so don't beat yourself up now... just learn from it and move on as soon as you turn him IN!

Hugz

Thank you so much. I may just take you up on that PM. I guess the best thing is, since I'll be moving out of the area, and I don't frequent massage parlours, I can probably avoid him, other than any interaction required to file a divorce. It's a good thing I know his work address, because he basically walked off and didn't tell me where. Of course I'm in no hurry to message him, as for now, I don't think any good will come of us talking. He would characteristically be mad AT ME because I caught him. He was already divorcing me, so catching him with his hand in the cookie jar just sped up his departure. The sad thing is that up until 24 hours ago, I still deeply loved him and was hurt beyond all belief. Now, I'm still hurt and reeling, trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life, but at least it's easier to let him go. Oh and yes, God will punish him. While he was gathering his things, the Qu'ran fell on him from it's stand high on the top shelf. I found that rather amusing myself.

A big concern is my family. They are going crazy. They really are afraid of the whole financial obligation thing and are more or less over reacting. I'm trying to calm them down, without defending him. It's not easy. I keep getting to-do lists from them, so I figured I'd come somewhere people go who have had similar experience. It's better, more relevant advice. I never thought I'd be posting that I think I got used, but that's exactly what I think. The capability of a "long con" from some of these men is mind boggling. This was planned in advance, and I wouldn't doubt he was coached through it by friends already here. Crazy stuff.

I wanted to throw in: don't you just love these jerks that have miles long agendas? I love how we are to pay them to be in a position to go after lower lying fruit. I just chalk this up to I was a "starter wife" Now he can pay for someone young and cute and see how it feels when they leave for someone more distinguished. He's going to look real cute pushing that BMW because he can't afford to put gas in it

Wow, i feel realy soory for all that has happened to you!

From what you sayd here, he likes to go to prostitues and drive expensive cars...he's sleek, charming, i'm guessing very well groomed and appaers classy at first glipse. To me he seems like he's high maintenence, seeks wealty(er) wemen to depend on and suck dry(almost like a gigolo of some sort)His kind of lifestyle requires a lot of money, i mean, A LOT...If that is the case, he might not be satisfied with the amount of money he'd possibly get through the Affidavit of Support you and your sister signed. The amount(from what i know) he'd get is based on the povery level in California, and not on your income or your sister's. It is not that high, not high enough to pay for prostitues and eat at the same time. I don't know if you are aware, but he'd not be colecting those money directly from you(you not need to send him a check home every month)...it's the US goverment who might come to collect money from you and your sister for supporting his asz while unemplyed and on food stamps. I don't know...this guy just doesnt seem the tipe who'd go to the store with food stamps from the goverment.I might be wrong... Non the less, you need to protect yourself any way you can from scumbags like that. Unfortunately you can't withdraw the Affidavit of Support unless he becomes a citizen, dies or leaves this country and abandons his status(stay ouside the country for more than 6 months from what i know).

If i were you, i'd focus on regeining my peace of mind, working out of dept(which is shared between the paties at divorce) and gathering all the evidence against him. Inform USCIS, make them aware of what's going on and hope that he'll be denied when he'll apply to lift conditions.

Outside the point..i'm not trying to give you advice(god knows i've had my share of misgugements about men in my life and paths i took in life) but, one lesson i've learned real quick was not to dance infront of a man i like or furfill his fantasies unless its our wedding night or thereafter

I realy hope things will turn out good! Best of luck to you

Hi zila,

Thank you for the nice post and good advice. Yes, he is a flashy, live beyond his means kind of guy, but doesn't come off sleek, or like a player. He's very mellow. He knows how to work it, for sure. I can see plenty of people falling for his charm because he is so darn likeable and easy at first. I'm working on the debt, won't he be happy when he learns US divorce = half the debt. That's his half. I officially went into debt AFTER we married.

As for the advice, thank you I did not dance for him till we were married, and we rushed to get married once he got into the country because we wanted to have everything right in God's eyes. Out of curiosity, what types of things constitute evidence? I have print screens and call records and emails and things like that.

If you send me a Private Message I can connect you with my dear friend who was duped by a MENA man. Only her ex went so far as to make certain he had her pregnant before he showed his true colors. It seems he heard somewhere that having an America child would assure him residency here even if he bailed on the marriage shortly after it began. She now has a permanent reminder of this man.....

She lives in Texas where they don't have a really great "love" for MENA men anyway... so maybe that helped her get out of the situation... but she went to the USCIS and reported it as "fraud" and she had to sign a bunch of papers but they reversed her sponsorship... or so the story goes... She could tell you the details better than I.

I am truly sorry for your pain. I hope that you have not been harmed physically from his "adventures"! Such a scary thing in the Bay Area!

As for the plan to marry someone in the USA as a safe guard, even then BE CAREFUL. I did that after losing my husband of 8 years to deportation thinking I could avoid grief that way... Only to be used by this USC MENA man who wanted the help I gave him to relocate and become employed in his field of study after driving a cab in Chicago for 18 years.. One month after after he finished going back to school to "freshen up" his credentials (with loans from me and housing, food, ins. etc. for a year) He was (with my connections and support) able to get a job (starting at $25.00 an hour!) at my former employer, in his chosen field one month after he started the job, he told me he "wasn't happy" any more.... about 5 minutes after I found he had placed an ad on Yahoo Personals! (and found all kinds of user names on the chat log that were obviously female after I was gone for the weekend!)

Fortunately I wasn't his "sponsor" but it still was totally INFURIATING to know that he probably had planned this from the beginning! It was humiliating as well, considering he was working at my former employer. Never mind all the emotional issues and grief over the loss of what I thought was a PERFECT marriage... Maybe in hind sight it was a little TOO perfect.. we never fought... and now I know he had no reason to "sweat the small stuff"because he was a "short timer" from Day ONE.

Worst part is that we live in a small community so I can't escape from being reminded of this NIGHTMARE... running into him at Muslim/Egyptian Community events.

Try to focus on the good (that might take awhile to do)... I have made a decision to be thankful that I still have his family (in Egypt). We became VERY close and nothing can take away the love I share with my ex-mother-in-law and his sisters. God will punish him for his sins and I know that justice will be served.

I wish you the best. I pray for a healing of your heart and for you to have peace in your soul. Hindsight is 20/20 nearly all of the time... so don't beat yourself up now... just learn from it and move on as soon as you turn him IN!

Hugz

Thank you so much. I may just take you up on that PM. I guess the best thing is, since I'll be moving out of the area, and I don't frequent massage parlours, I can probably avoid him, other than any interaction required to file a divorce. It's a good thing I know his work address, because he basically walked off and didn't tell me where. Of course I'm in no hurry to message him, as for now, I don't think any good will come of us talking. He would characteristically be mad AT ME because I caught him. He was already divorcing me, so catching him with his hand in the cookie jar just sped up his departure. The sad thing is that up until 24 hours ago, I still deeply loved him and was hurt beyond all belief. Now, I'm still hurt and reeling, trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life, but at least it's easier to let him go. Oh and yes, God will punish him. While he was gathering his things, the Qu'ran fell on him from it's stand high on the top shelf. I found that rather amusing myself.

A big concern is my family. They are going crazy. They really are afraid of the whole financial obligation thing and are more or less over reacting. I'm trying to calm them down, without defending him. It's not easy. I keep getting to-do lists from them, so I figured I'd come somewhere people go who have had similar experience. It's better, more relevant advice. I never thought I'd be posting that I think I got used, but that's exactly what I think. The capability of a "long con" from some of these men is mind boggling. This was planned in advance, and I wouldn't doubt he was coached through it by friends already here. Crazy stuff.

I don't have any legal advice, just wishing you a quick recovery from a very hurtful situation.

However, don't close yourself to other options in the future.

I tell you, next time, I marry someone already legally IN the country.

My ex husband also racked up a bunch of debt in our names then never paid me a penny, cheated on me, went to strip clubs, etc., and he was 100% full blooded American. My fiance is foreign and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Not all men are like this, but some are and it really doesn't matter where they come from. I wish you the best.

I'm sorry to hear about your X husband, and thank you for the good wishes. I know jerks are not exclusive to any one country or culture, I'd just like to not have to endure the pain and suffering of going through the arduous K1 process again, on top of the rest of it. It took us a long time to get him here, I had to get my congress rep involved, and it was painful and frustrating and slow. I'm sure anyone who's been through the US embassy in Cairo could relate. It was supposed to be extra worth it in the end. Fate and Destiny and Intercontinental Romance and all that. Wow, it turned to hogwash pretty quick. In any event, thank you, and I'm very happy you are happy. Hold onto the good one.

This is a sad situation indeed. One would think you married a Nigerian guy. In addition to getting a blood test after all that evidence of screwing around, you need legal advice. But the sponsorship contracts that were signed are enforceable no matter what.

just what I need, the gift that keeps giving. I've got my appointment for that tomorrow. I feel filthy, petty, and diminished.

Don't feel that way. If he trully deceived you from the outset, that's what would be the last piece of the plan falling into place for him. Hold your head high and keep looking forward. That is, after you send a letter to USCIS telling them of his abrupt departure. At the very least, he'll have a lot of explaining to do when he attempts to remove conditions, if the marriage ended within a month of receiving his GC.

Frankly, unless you have clear proof of fraud, and in writing, I'd just be darm sure he intends to Naturalize as soon as possible. That's the fastest way to get your sister off the hook.

Thanks for the feedback and advice. I intend to inform the USCIS that he left with no forwarding address tomorrow, report my suspicions, get moved, then file for a divorce. That's a lot to do in a month, let alone a week. Thank you for your feedback.

That's very clear. How does one go about reporting him to ICE and USCIS? Is there a FAQ on that somewhere? If you are someone else would be so kind as to point me in the right direction, I shall be on my merry way. The work never ends. I tell you, next time, I marry someone already legally IN the country.

USCIS Info-Pass appointment.

http://infopass.uscis.gov/

ICE:

http://www.ice.gov/about/contact.htm

Thank you so much.

This is a sad situation indeed. One would think you married a Nigerian guy. In addition to getting a blood test after all that evidence of screwing around, you need legal advice. But the sponsorship contracts that were signed are enforceable no matter what.

just what I need, the gift that keeps giving. I've got my appointment for that tomorrow. I feel filthy, petty, and diminished.

Here is what it says on the form instructions for affidavit of support:

Your obligation to support the immigrant(s) you are sponsoring in this affidavit of support will continue until the sponsored immigrant becomes a U.S. citizen, or can be credited with 40 qualifying quarters of work in the United States. Although 40 qualifying quarters of work (credits) generally equate to ten years of work, in certain cases the work of as pouse or parent adds qualifying quarters. The Social Security Administration can provide information on how to count qualifying quarters (credits) of work.The obligation also ends if you or the sponsored immigrant dies or if the sponsored immigrant ceases to be a lawful permanent resident and departs the United States. Divorce does not end the sponsorship obligation.

I guess I am asking about divorce before conditions are removed. He basically got the card and asked for a divorce one week later. He has been sleeping with prostitutes the entire marriage and not serious about the marriage. He stopped trying as soon as we filed for AOS, and his level of not trying decreased with each step in the journey. He's a good actor, but I'm questioning the "good faith" here. I entered into the marriage with good faith. In light of new evidence it does not appear he did as well. Knowing this, will he be able to remove conditions on his own, and if so, is there anything my sister and I can file to remove ourselves from obligation? I know divorce doesn't end the obligation, but that general statement about sponsorship doesn't seem to differentiate between two-year conditional card and ten year card. It's confusing.

BTW, I have gone from devastated that he would walk out on me, to completely disgusted at what I discovered. I'll be the first one to say if the marriage didn't work and the good faith was there, I love him and wish him well and am saddened he didn't see eye to eye with me and that he latched onto petty things and sought divorce without trying to reconcile or seek outside help. I would be inclined to believe he just wasn't mature enough to marry, and sad to see him go, but wish him well. However, having discovered hard proof about him romping with prostitutes really erodes my faith in him and his intentions toward me. That coupled with him walking out and abandoning me when we agreed he would help relocate me makes him REALLY suspect. That's all.

Unfortunatly the only ways out of the I-864 obligations are:

• Immigrant Dies.
• Sponsor dies.
• Immigrant leaves the USA and gives up LPR status.
• Immigrant works and is credited with 4 quarters of work.
• Immigrant naturalizes and becomes a US Citizen.

Note I have yet to see the US government hold a sponsor to repay means tested benefits that the immigrant may apply for.

Best to report him to ICE, and USCIS and file for a divorce and move on.

That's very clear. How does one go about reporting him to ICE and USCIS? Is there a FAQ on that somewhere? If you are someone else would be so kind as to point me in the right direction, I shall be on my merry way. The work never ends. I tell you, next time, I marry someone already legally IN the country.

First off,

Hello all VJers. This is my first post, and it's a horrible note upon which to start. I've come here, read faithfully, and taken advice on a great many topics during my own visa journey, but never registered or posted until now. This forum gave me comfort and patience through the long arduous wait for my sweet, handsome, kind amazing man to get into the country, so we could finally get married and begin our life together. I read a lot of trauma and drama, but never felt compelled to participate. I heard some horror stories, too. Well, now it's all too real and I need some advice.

We were so happy and so in love, or at least I thought so. I visited him four times and spent hours chatting with him and emailing him and waiting. He promised me everything, promised to never hurt me, to be faithful, to never leave me, to always take care of me. He was handsome, charming, funny, intelligent, really easy going, blended in perfectly, spoke perfect, English, not even an accent. Had a way of putting everyone, self included, very much at ease. Was almost off putting because it often felt like he was born here and not from another culture, let alone from half way around the world. I was as happy as could be, it all seemed a fairy tail. We laughed, frolicked, played, flirted, just had so much fun and such a great connection. I danced for him, he loved it. He said all he cared about was if I was happy, . If I was happy he was happy. Just unreal. Now, looking back, I feel like big, fat, idiot for believing something that seemed so real and wonderful could really be true.

The Visa Journey was the easy part. Once he got here, there was no work, and I was not really prepared to support him for an extended period of unemployment. California is expensive, esp, the SF Bay area. I wasn't working when I filed the petition but had a fairly large reserve of cash, so family member co sponsored because of the tax return thing. This was temporary, as I soon had enough income to meet the guidelines. However, we all know nothing is "temporary" once the immigrant touches down on US soil. We got on well, but there were issues, I always felt something was wrong. He was secretive. He hid things from me. He minimized chat windows when I walked in the room, he went outside to take calls. He said he's private and he doesn't really know me well enough yet, so I tried to let it slide. I felt unease though. Through all the love, it seemed he spent an inordinate amount of time online, on social networking sites and chatting. Too much chatter not enough work. Well things progressed and the fairy tail started to wear off. We got in a few fights, but always kissed and made up afterward. At some point though (after our adjustment of status was filed, mind you) he began to withdraw from the marriage. He became more secretive. He never introduced me to any of his friends, never helped foster a relationship between his family and myself. I don't speak arabic, his mother does not speak english. Yet, he always passed along their love and regards to me, as I passed mine along to his family.

Meanwhile, he wasn't working and I was struggling to get a better job. The debt kept racking up. He already owed me for all the filings, lawyer fees, and a large loan as well. He never had money for his half of the bills, and this caused stress. I began noticing things. Suspicious new email accounts on his iphone, the fact he never listed himself married on facebook. That he had pictures in his profile that he marked private so I couldn't view. His excuse: I don't use facebook much so I shouldn't be "spying" on him. I began to get more and more suspicious of him. Something just wasn't right. After we had our AOS interview and he was approved, he got money to relocate us to the bay area. This made me nervous because it would be a much longer commute for me, and my income alone would not be enough to cover the higher overhead. He insisted. So we moved in December. He had already checked out of the marriage by then, but I was the last one to get the memo. Once we arrived, his 2 year card showed up about weeks later. He got a low paying job, and gave me a total of $400 dollars toward the last 8 months of bills. We began having worse fights, and he withdrew his affection. His eyes no longer followed me across the room. He demanded a divorce in the middle of a fight in Jan, but changed his mind when I left for two days. In Feb on the 15th we had another fight. He told me I wasn't keeping the house clean enough, I wasn't taking care of myself, and that I turned him off (mind you I was working full time the entire time). I took offense and called him an explicit name, with the word pig thrown in. Bad move, he is muslim though he does not practice, other than we observe ramadan. He again said he would divorce me. So it went. I promised to never call him a name in anger again and kept that promise. He didn't believe I could keep my promise, so he found something else to blame me for. He told me everything is all my fault and I'm a nag and a bad wife. I was still paying for him.

He finally got a job that would allow him to pay his share and begin to pay me back. At this point he was in debt to me over $25,000 and I was in debt as a result of it. We sat down and calculated the bills (the first time he really saw how much went in and out, and even then, I didn't include everything, so his share was $1300 a month and pay me back $500 a month on the back debt. This amount barely covered food, and had nothing built in for gas, auto insurance, tolls, misc, emergency, co-payments, the like. His job would yield $2400 take home per month. He decided in his infinite wisdom that since we would be working 24 miles away and I used the car for my job as an outside sales person that he would purchase or lease a car. He decided on leasing a 50,000 BMW that we could not afford. The payment alone was over $500 a month, not including insurance, gas or anything else. This was after he was going to get 10,000 from his family. He would not listen to me when I explained this was a very risky decision in this economy. Would not listen when I suggested something less expensive, but still nice. Told me it's none of my business. I could not let it go. As a result he said he would give me the 10,000 but he would take a job anywhere in the world and I was to follow him or not. Things escalated from there and he told me he's moving out at the end of March. We have a year lease which I cannot afford on my own. I dipped deep into my credit to make sure the roof was over our head, but he would not listen when I told him how hard it was. Would not discuss, just said he was going. Unlike before, I didn't beg him to stay. I said fine, you go. My family is coming to collect me, help me move all the big furniture and things I bought to furnish our home. He is moving out to go rent a room and in all likelihood not pay me anything he owes me. He can't handle being married or my debt. This is what he told me. The romance is gone. Has been since before we moved in December. The look in his eyes, gone. The desire to make me happy, gone. I tried REALLY hard to make sure we were taken care of and looked the other way anytime he fed me a line about what he was up to, why he was flirting with other people, why he didn't try to make me happy anymore.

It's a done deal. I have to sublet this apartment or I'm on the hook for an additional 20K. I can't stay, with my debt and the rent, I can't cover the overhead. My family who co sponsored him, loved and trusted him because he loved and cherished me is coming to collect me, 43 years old and pathetic.

Well it didn't end there. Last night I googled one of his user names or passwords he likes to use. The google search returned 7 hits on that name, all of which were posts at an exclusive adult entertainment site, specializing in massage parlours, escorts, call girls and the like. There is a feature where users can ask about one of these no doubt high caliber ladies and the services they provide. There is also a feature where a patron of said EXPENSIVE ladies can rate the lady on looks and "as a provider" it's a scale of 1-10. Lo, and behold, there was my sweeties screen name rating his experience with three of these ladies and inquiring about a few more. I didn't want to jump the gun, accuse him unfairly, so I dug around. I couldn't find any info on the user, however the particular ladies listed all had their contact information under the listings. I pulled our cell phone bills. Lo and behold the numbers for the three "escorts (I so want to call them what they really are)" were all on our phone bill. He had been he had seen he had his conquest.

I woke him and asked him to explain. He packed his bags and walked out. Said he will never return. The floodgates opened. He began seeing these women before we moved to the SF bay area. How many others there were I don't know. This is all I had numbers for. I don't want to know. I caught him lying in October about "flirting" which was basically contacting prostitutes and trying to get pictures, or so he said. He begged me to forgive him. Said it was an addiction, he would never do it again. Yet I found empty condom packs tucked into his brand new luggage. Luggage he didn't own before he became engaged and then married to me. He said they were probably his brothers. He obviously lied. I never could trust him completely, because I always felt something was wrong, and something always was. He has lied to his family saying he is paying rent and he has, to date, not done so. Yet any time they send him money to "ship" something, he has a hard time shipping it because he manages to spend the money. I wonder on what? It sure isn't on paying any bills in our household. He is clearly too immature to be married, or the logical, in your face, obvious answer: He USED ME FOR A CARD. I never wanted to say that, but a man who would go to a prostitute and completely disrespect his wedding vows, would have no qualms about having sex with a woman for a card. He said if that were true he would have left the minute he got it. Well, he didn't have a good job the minute he got it. He seems to have left pretty immediately after he got a good job though. It hasn't been two weeks since he got a better job. Not a great job, but a job I am sure will make him far more comfortable if he is renting a room and not paying back debt he wracked up. He is still going to buy the BMW as well, he lied about not getting it and using the down payment money to pay me back. He is flat out going to stick me.

So now the advice part. I'm going to divorce him as he asked for a divorce, but won't actually initiate the paperwork on his own. He walked out without leaving a forwarding address. He has a conditional green card for two years, it was issued Dec 23 and in hand in January. His first verified documented visit to a prostitute was December 2, 2008. He didn't throw around the D-word till the card was in hand. Me and a family member sponsored him to come into the country. He is here for two years at the very least, as we are not going to go to immigration and cry "he used me for a green card" unless of course there is some grounds for this. That he was using me all along is obvious. A man committed to his new marriage does not visit prostitutes when his wife willingly and lovingly satisfies him any time he desires. But a man who shuns his wife and spends money he doesn't have on prostitutes is pretty much liar and a con, not to mention someone with a problem.

The marriage is irretrievably broken at this point. I tired to talk with him, work it out, seek counseling, numerous times but he refused. It seems he went from prince charming to a monster overnight, but it was gradual. Yet he was lying the entire time.

What steps can my sister (the co sponsor) and I take to protect ourselves? Can he file to remove conditions on his own when the card expires and are we still responsible for him? What steps can we take(if any) to get taken off as sponsors if he files to remove conditions on his own? Can or should we report fraud or will it just look like a case of bitter betty to the immigration department? Are we just on the hook and naive idiots who got hoodwinked? Do we notify immigration that he is acting strangely and that he moved out of his residence in the middle of the night?

If you would like to make fun of me, tell me I told you so, it's cool. I believed him. Some things didn't feel right, which caused friction, but the bottom line here is, I am left wondering if what we had was real or not. He is VERY good. Charming. Sweet, so like able. Everyone likes him. But there was something foul in dodge from day one. Not including the dating sites he still logged into AFTER we were engaged, but he was waiting. Yes, I did snoop. There wasn't much to find, but I did find it.

What a welcome to the forum, eh?

So sorry for what you are going through. I wish I had some words to ease your pain and disappointment.

Betsy

Thanks so much, that is really sweet to say. I was completely devastated because I loved this dear sweet man and built my hopes and actions around us having a happy, successful and wonderful life together. But it's funny. After discovering his huge betrayal, it makes moving on easier for me. He promised to never be unfaithful and broke that promise repeatedly, early and often. I found other "evidence" as well, but turned a blind eye to it. I can't ingore it any longer. I am saddened that a seemingly good Egyptian man would come here and then slide into a the pool of filth and degenerate sex that is on offer in the big city. It's a shame, truly it is.

Here is what it says on the form instructions for affidavit of support:

Your obligation to support the immigrant(s) you are sponsoring in this affidavit of support will continue until the sponsored immigrant becomes a U.S. citizen, or can be credited with 40 qualifying quarters of work in the United States. Although 40 qualifying quarters of work (credits) generally equate to ten years of work, in certain cases the work of as pouse or parent adds qualifying quarters. The Social Security Administration can provide information on how to count qualifying quarters (credits) of work.The obligation also ends if you or the sponsored immigrant dies or if the sponsored immigrant ceases to be a lawful permanent resident and departs the United States. Divorce does not end the sponsorship obligation.

I guess I am asking about divorce before conditions are removed. He basically got the card and asked for a divorce one week later. He has been sleeping with prostitutes the entire marriage and not serious about the marriage. He stopped trying as soon as we filed for AOS, and his level of not trying decreased with each step in the journey. He's a good actor, but I'm questioning the "good faith" here. I entered into the marriage with good faith. In light of new evidence it does not appear he did as well. Knowing this, will he be able to remove conditions on his own, and if so, is there anything my sister and I can file to remove ourselves from obligation? I know divorce doesn't end the obligation, but that general statement about sponsorship doesn't seem to differentiate between two-year conditional card and ten year card. It's confusing.

BTW, I have gone from devastated that he would walk out on me, to completely disgusted at what I discovered. I'll be the first one to say if the marriage didn't work and the good faith was there, I love him and wish him well and am saddened he didn't see eye to eye with me and that he latched onto petty things and sought divorce without trying to reconcile or seek outside help. I would be inclined to believe he just wasn't mature enough to marry, and sad to see him go, but wish him well. However, having discovered hard proof about him romping with prostitutes really erodes my faith in him and his intentions toward me. That coupled with him walking out and abandoning me when we agreed he would help relocate me makes him REALLY suspect. That's all.

No biggy! Happens more and more as more people get online.

If you divorce him you'll be doing him a favor as he can apply to remove conditions as soon as the divorce is final.

I'm not too interested in doing him any favors, I'm more interested in protecting my sister and self from any ramifications of our sponsorship. We don't care if he stays in the country, as long as it doesn't have any potential averse affect on either of us. If he files for and removes conditions on his own, are we off the hook as far as the 10 year sponsorship requirement?

First off,

Hello all VJers. This is my first post, and it's a horrible note upon which to start. I've come here, read faithfully, and taken advice on a great many topics during my own visa journey, but never registered or posted until now. This forum gave me comfort and patience through the long arduous wait for my sweet, handsome, kind amazing man to get into the country, so we could finally get married and begin our life together. I read a lot of trauma and drama, but never felt compelled to participate. I heard some horror stories, too. Well, now it's all too real and I need some advice.

We were so happy and so in love, or at least I thought so. I visited him four times and spent hours chatting with him and emailing him and waiting. He promised me everything, promised to never hurt me, to be faithful, to never leave me, to always take care of me. He was handsome, charming, funny, intelligent, really easy going, blended in perfectly, spoke perfect, English, not even an accent. Had a way of putting everyone, self included, very much at ease. Was almost off putting because it often felt like he was born here and not from another culture, let alone from half way around the world. I was as happy as could be, it all seemed a fairy tail. We laughed, frolicked, played, flirted, just had so much fun and such a great connection. I danced for him, he loved it. He said all he cared about was if I was happy, . If I was happy he was happy. Just unreal. Now, looking back, I feel like big, fat, idiot for believing something that seemed so real and wonderful could really be true.

The Visa Journey was the easy part. Once he got here, there was no work, and I was not really prepared to support him for an extended period of unemployment. California is expensive, esp, the SF Bay area. I wasn't working when I filed the petition but had a fairly large reserve of cash, so family member co sponsored because of the tax return thing. This was temporary, as I soon had enough income to meet the guidelines. However, we all know nothing is "temporary" once the immigrant touches down on US soil. We got on well, but there were issues, I always felt something was wrong. He was secretive. He hid things from me. He minimized chat windows when I walked in the room, he went outside to take calls. He said he's private and he doesn't really know me well enough yet, so I tried to let it slide. I felt unease though. Through all the love, it seemed he spent an inordinate amount of time online, on social networking sites and chatting. Too much chatter not enough work. Well things progressed and the fairy tail started to wear off. We got in a few fights, but always kissed and made up afterward. At some point though (after our adjustment of status was filed, mind you) he began to withdraw from the marriage. He became more secretive. He never introduced me to any of his friends, never helped foster a relationship between his family and myself. I don't speak arabic, his mother does not speak english. Yet, he always passed along their love and regards to me, as I passed mine along to his family.

Meanwhile, he wasn't working and I was struggling to get a better job. The debt kept racking up. He already owed me for all the filings, lawyer fees, and a large loan as well. He never had money for his half of the bills, and this caused stress. I began noticing things. Suspicious new email accounts on his iphone, the fact he never listed himself married on facebook. That he had pictures in his profile that he marked private so I couldn't view. His excuse: I don't use facebook much so I shouldn't be "spying" on him. I began to get more and more suspicious of him. Something just wasn't right. After we had our AOS interview and he was approved, he got money to relocate us to the bay area. This made me nervous because it would be a much longer commute for me, and my income alone would not be enough to cover the higher overhead. He insisted. So we moved in December. He had already checked out of the marriage by then, but I was the last one to get the memo. Once we arrived, his 2 year card showed up about weeks later. He got a low paying job, and gave me a total of $400 dollars toward the last 8 months of bills. We began having worse fights, and he withdrew his affection. His eyes no longer followed me across the room. He demanded a divorce in the middle of a fight in Jan, but changed his mind when I left for two days. In Feb on the 15th we had another fight. He told me I wasn't keeping the house clean enough, I wasn't taking care of myself, and that I turned him off (mind you I was working full time the entire time). I took offense and called him an explicit name, with the word pig thrown in. Bad move, he is muslim though he does not practice, other than we observe ramadan. He again said he would divorce me. So it went. I promised to never call him a name in anger again and kept that promise. He didn't believe I could keep my promise, so he found something else to blame me for. He told me everything is all my fault and I'm a nag and a bad wife. I was still paying for him.

He finally got a job that would allow him to pay his share and begin to pay me back. At this point he was in debt to me over $25,000 and I was in debt as a result of it. We sat down and calculated the bills (the first time he really saw how much went in and out, and even then, I didn't include everything, so his share was $1300 a month and pay me back $500 a month on the back debt. This amount barely covered food, and had nothing built in for gas, auto insurance, tolls, misc, emergency, co-payments, the like. His job would yield $2400 take home per month. He decided in his infinite wisdom that since we would be working 24 miles away and I used the car for my job as an outside sales person that he would purchase or lease a car. He decided on leasing a 50,000 BMW that we could not afford. The payment alone was over $500 a month, not including insurance, gas or anything else. This was after he was going to get 10,000 from his family. He would not listen to me when I explained this was a very risky decision in this economy. Would not listen when I suggested something less expensive, but still nice. Told me it's none of my business. I could not let it go. As a result he said he would give me the 10,000 but he would take a job anywhere in the world and I was to follow him or not. Things escalated from there and he told me he's moving out at the end of March. We have a year lease which I cannot afford on my own. I dipped deep into my credit to make sure the roof was over our head, but he would not listen when I told him how hard it was. Would not discuss, just said he was going. Unlike before, I didn't beg him to stay. I said fine, you go. My family is coming to collect me, help me move all the big furniture and things I bought to furnish our home. He is moving out to go rent a room and in all likelihood not pay me anything he owes me. He can't handle being married or my debt. This is what he told me. The romance is gone. Has been since before we moved in December. The look in his eyes, gone. The desire to make me happy, gone. I tried REALLY hard to make sure we were taken care of and looked the other way anytime he fed me a line about what he was up to, why he was flirting with other people, why he didn't try to make me happy anymore.

It's a done deal. I have to sublet this apartment or I'm on the hook for an additional 20K. I can't stay, with my debt and the rent, I can't cover the overhead. My family who co sponsored him, loved and trusted him because he loved and cherished me is coming to collect me, 43 years old and pathetic.

Well it didn't end there. Last night I googled one of his user names or passwords he likes to use. The google search returned 7 hits on that name, all of which were posts at an exclusive adult entertainment site, specializing in massage parlours, escorts, call girls and the like. There is a feature where users can ask about one of these no doubt high caliber ladies and the services they provide. There is also a feature where a patron of said EXPENSIVE ladies can rate the lady on looks and "as a provider" it's a scale of 1-10. Lo, and behold, there was my sweeties screen name rating his experience with three of these ladies and inquiring about a few more. I didn't want to jump the gun, accuse him unfairly, so I dug around. I couldn't find any info on the user, however the particular ladies listed all had their contact information under the listings. I pulled our cell phone bills. Lo and behold the numbers for the three "escorts (I so want to call them what they really are)" were all on our phone bill. He had been he had seen he had his conquest.

I woke him and asked him to explain. He packed his bags and walked out. Said he will never return. The floodgates opened. He began seeing these women before we moved to the SF bay area. How many others there were I don't know. This is all I had numbers for. I don't want to know. I caught him lying in October about "flirting" which was basically contacting prostitutes and trying to get pictures, or so he said. He begged me to forgive him. Said it was an addiction, he would never do it again. Yet I found empty condom packs tucked into his brand new luggage. Luggage he didn't own before he became engaged and then married to me. He said they were probably his brothers. He obviously lied. I never could trust him completely, because I always felt something was wrong, and something always was. He has lied to his family saying he is paying rent and he has, to date, not done so. Yet any time they send him money to "ship" something, he has a hard time shipping it because he manages to spend the money. I wonder on what? It sure isn't on paying any bills in our household. He is clearly too immature to be married, or the logical, in your face, obvious answer: He USED ME FOR A CARD. I never wanted to say that, but a man who would go to a prostitute and completely disrespect his wedding vows, would have no qualms about having sex with a woman for a card. He said if that were true he would have left the minute he got it. Well, he didn't have a good job the minute he got it. He seems to have left pretty immediately after he got a good job though. It hasn't been two weeks since he got a better job. Not a great job, but a job I am sure will make him far more comfortable if he is renting a room and not paying back debt he wracked up. He is still going to buy the BMW as well, he lied about not getting it and using the down payment money to pay me back. He is flat out going to stick me.

So now the advice part. I'm going to divorce him as he asked for a divorce, but won't actually initiate the paperwork on his own. He walked out without leaving a forwarding address. He has a conditional green card for two years, it was issued Dec 23 and in hand in January. His first verified documented visit to a prostitute was December 2, 2008. He didn't throw around the D-word till the card was in hand. Me and a family member sponsored him to come into the country. He is here for two years at the very least, as we are not going to go to immigration and cry "he used me for a green card" unless of course there is some grounds for this. That he was using me all along is obvious. A man committed to his new marriage does not visit prostitutes when his wife willingly and lovingly satisfies him any time he desires. But a man who shuns his wife and spends money he doesn't have on prostitutes is pretty much liar and a con, not to mention someone with a problem.

The marriage is irretrievably broken at this point. I tired to talk with him, work it out, seek counseling, numerous times but he refused. It seems he went from prince charming to a monster overnight, but it was gradual. Yet he was lying the entire time.

What steps can my sister (the co sponsor) and I take to protect ourselves? Can he file to remove conditions on his own when the card expires and are we still responsible for him? What steps can we take(if any) to get taken off as sponsors if he files to remove conditions on his own? Can or should we report fraud or will it just look like a case of bitter betty to the immigration department? Are we just on the hook and naive idiots who got hoodwinked? Do we notify immigration that he is acting strangely and that he moved out of his residence in the middle of the night?

If you would like to make fun of me, tell me I told you so, it's cool. I believed him. Some things didn't feel right, which caused friction, but the bottom line here is, I am left wondering if what we had was real or not. He is VERY good. Charming. Sweet, so like able. Everyone likes him. But there was something foul in dodge from day one. Not including the dating sites he still logged into AFTER we were engaged, but he was waiting. Yes, I did snoop. There wasn't much to find, but I did find it.

What a welcome to the forum, eh?