faryan

When I read your post I thought it was the story of my life. I totally understand what you've been through. Apparently 3 pages of people posting that they are in the same situation made you feel better..at least I feel better hearing that there's people out there in the same boat. I'm peruvian too, been in the states several times and I even lived in another country(Japan)which it was hard to adjust but to be honest this time is even worse. Like you there are times I just think I can't hold it anymore and I want to leave but oh boy! I got married to a great guy and I'm sure every sacrifice really worth it.

It's funny but I think the same about american food. Instead of complaining I thought: Well, there's good food too and a diversity of ingredients so I put aside any stereotype or rule and for example I cook some peruvian dishes with chili habanero. My husband love spicy food and he thinks it's amazing and he finally learned how to eat rice.. Somos peruanos sin arroz, no nos llenamos! . From what I read you are sad and depressive. It's true, the lack of family and friends, not knowing what to do because we just can't work without authorization, having so much free time, boredom, thinking too much because you are done with the cleaning, cooking and you just don't know what to do is depressing I know that but look at the bright side our country isn't perfect either it's becoming more dangerous and more chaotic considering years ago and it is so sad but a lot of incompetent people is always around.

*sigh* I wish visajourney create a forum to connect people who live in a certain area..

I totally understand how you all feel. It's been more than 2 years for me here, and I still have this feeling a lot of times. Intellectually i know that it takes time to adjust (i've read and heard that it takes abt 5 years/stages). I am perhaps halfway through that, I hope. I have the same fulltime job for almost 2 years, an understanding and supportive husband and a little 9-mo baby. If I just concentrate on that, I'm okay, but there are days that my mind wanders off and i get sad. I too have lived abroad for a few years, but i guess it's different because that was when i was single and younger and I knew it was temporary. This is permanent, we are building a home, a family here. Building friendship is difficult. Same reasons like all that you guys have mentioned. I am a bit lucky that we have a small community of students from my home country that go to the university in this small city, we do meet up once a while for dinner and chats. But they are not my peers. They are more like younger sisters, with young girls' concerns And they will leave soon as they graduate. I don't depend on colleagues. They are nice and polite, but that's about it. We are planning to move to a bigger and more diverse city, like Seattle. I know i will still be me no matter where we are. But I think this will help quite a bit.

just returned from traveling abroad (visiting family), and lo and behold - green card arrived. letter dated 4/15/2011. yay!

I just received an email

On March 8, 2011, we ordered production of your new card Please allow 30 days for your card to be mailed to you.

I should thank my WM Lawyer Tom Langford for putting my case together.

Congrats!!! Do update us when you have the card in hand. I wonder how long it takes from order to produce to card in hand

That was the quickest Biometrics appt ever. We got there 1/2 hour early and were in and out in 5 minutes.

Same with me. My appointment was on 2/28 (yesterday). Very fast. Only us, and another family before us at the office.

My husband go to KL for dental and it is so much cheaper than in SF.

Which hospital do you went for c-section? Sound so expensive

Hello dear!

Good question, made me go over my medical bill again just to make sure.. the actual cost for my c-section was $30k++ (it wasnt just for c-section per se, but for the whole scenario including after 1.5 days of labor an emergency c-section was deemed necessary... and my baby's hospitalization (10 days) was almost $60k USD. I went to a local university hospital...

I think I gave the higher number [(was thinking in a different currency because i was explaining to my brother the importance of him making sure that his job offers good insurance coverage (he just got married, his wife got pregnant, he changed jobs, etc.)] I have a colleague who just a cpl of mths before me had triplets! And apparently the requirement is that when those babies are out say 2 months before due date, they have to stay in NICU for at least 2 months (one had some difficulty and needed surgery, so he had to stay wayyyy longer that the other 2 cutie pies). Just imagine the medical cost of that without insurance? It is a sad reality. A lot of people get bankrupted by medical cost I would imagine.

Want to say hello to the people on this thread

Sorry to hear you ladies having a hard time getting the certificate of good conduct. The best way is still to go in person to the counter in Putrajaya. The people at the counter aren't any nicer but you get results. It didnt take me long to get it when I go in and ask for that. Not right there and then, i think i had to either come again that afternoon or on another day (this was back in 2008) but it sure beats being unsure of the outcome if I chose to obtain it online.

Hi Anya, thanks for responding (i just saw it) I love bananas, and yet never thought about this at all! Will definitely introduce Ihsan to bananas soon. Will try and see if he likes carrots first (tomorrow). Today I fed him rice meal with just water and not milk, he seems to find it ok. STill not a fan. Hopefully he will enjoy the veggies and fruits better. I kept on putting it off. Right now we have established a little routine everyday, and that is keeping me sane and that is why I'm a bit worrisome re feeding him solid. But i suppose the only thing that remain constant is change hahaha. cliche i know.

Hi Far, I think I remembered you, you had a very pretty wedding Anyway, dont stress about solid!!! I didnt give my son rice cereal becasue he hated it. And also becasue the rice ceral is likely to give him constipation. I started him on just a ripe banana. Just a plain ol banana, spoon (or fork or any baby food mill) and he loves it. I started my son on solid since almost 5 month and gave him banana a lot coz he didnt like other things much and it's easy. Now he has 4 teeth and can chew a bit so I made apple sauce, pear sauce and also vegetable (boiled then throw in blender or something like sweet potato, put it in the oven until it's super soft and can use fork to mesh it) Now he eats almost everything I gave him and love table food. It was just out of the blue one night he just wanted to eat everything we eat lol, before that he only eats banana hehe. Banana is pretty easy to swallow so I think it's really good for the first food. Also ripe one helps him poop

Dont force him to eat though. the solid at this stage should be an addition to the milk, not replace so if he doesnt want to eat, you dont have to worry, just try later.

have fun mama!

To Kelly (i think?) re breastfeeding, I have heard that fenugreek works wonders. I'm sure you've gotten that nailed down.

I was unlucky in this department (sob) as the most that I was able to pump at one time was abt 2 oz. We have lactation consultants, i bought a brand new electric pump (ameda) even before baby is out, a book on nursing etc. We went for a holistic mindful birthing class with yoga and the whole works, and had a doula (i read about doula on this Baby Corner thread wayyyyy before I was pregnant so thanks to you ladies) and wanted a water birthing (they just allow water labour tho here) but after a 1 1/2 day of labour, pre-enclampsia bla bla, had to undergo an emergency c-sect. The pre-enclampsia, and then also baby hospitalized for 10 days doesnt help my breastfeeding case. Probably only on day 3 that I was able to have him on my chest, and try to have him latch on day 5 or 6? It was veryyyy stressful being there at NICU. I accepted the situation of the birth (because we were prepared mentally i suppose), but not prepared to face having the baby hospitalized. After he was discharged and we're back home, OMG felt soooo good! Then abt at abt a month old or so, he's diagnosed with not being able to process protein in milk (i was breastfeeding him with what I can + pump + formula). Changed my diet to no milk and casein etc, and changed his formula. He got better, but my milk production just went down the hill. It never really take off in the first place anyways... I'm still sad about that. But he is flourishing and such a happy baby Maybe next time I can breastfeed

How do I post picture? Wanted to share baby picture...

Sara, sending positive thoughts and well wishes your way...

Well, as somebody who had to go through c-section and hospitalization here, i can see how the husband would want to have his wife deliver back in the philippines. esp since he has no insurance. our bill was like $60k for me n $80k for my baby. we are lucky that we have very good insurance coverage, but we do still have to cover some out of pocket. if just looking at this issue, i do not see it as abuse at all. being hugely in debt when you have better option is crazy. people in US go to the philippines all the time for medical tourism. your baby will still be usc wherever he/she/they r born being tht a parent is usc. plus, the mother will have support from family.

Hello! I finally found this thread again - was reading this before I arrive here/being pregnant. Now we have a 6 mth old baby boy Ihsan. There's just me and my hubby and Ihsan in this town, and I went back to work but now half time after 8 weeks of maternity leave. We dont send him to day care, just the 2 of us, shifting our work timetable around (we work for the same org). It's been good but very very tiring that our apartment looks like an episode of "Hoarders". Now that Ihsan is 6 months old, we'll have to start feeding him solids - pureed food n all. he has only tried ricemeal a few times, not really a fan.... im really stressed out about this next stage. can you share your experience on introducing food to your babies?

thanks, Far

Obviously I'm very bad with this, so apologies for multiple postings in a row - have to figure out this multiquote thing.

This Saturday will be the anniversary of my arrival here in US (Feb 2009) and also our son's 1/2 year birthday Just thinking about everything and also the birth of our son and how my husband took care of me (and still is) bring tears to my eyes. We will celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary in April, and hopefully will be back in Malaysia to visit around that time too. I am a somewhat outspoken independent person normally, but to tell you the truth I am still adjusting to life here in the US. I heard it takes 5 years for a person to fully feel that they've adjusted to moving to another country. I went through the initial euphoric stage of moving here, reunited with my husband, sense of adventure. Then after a while that wears off and I feel really down (which comes and goes). SOmetimes I get really mad that I cant just go out and buy Malaysian food when I dont want to cook. I do have a job, so that helps to alleviate feeling of isolation, but when you want to eat your own food and hang out with your family and close friends once a while and can't, that is very very frustrating, no matter if you have a very very close relationship with your spouse My poor husband has to listen to me rant sometimes (a lot of times). It was terrible esp when I was in my 1st trimester...

Hello!

My hubby and I have been married for 1 year now, and we love each other so much, and now we are expecting our first babies together, this is a big blessing for us as a couple that is expecting triplets in my first pregnancy!! They are a God's blessing :thumbs:

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!

Tony and I have our 3 year dating anniversary coming up (Valentines Day) and our 1 year wedding anniversary was Nov 7th 2010 but we knew each other as friends first.

I read a lot about the first year being the hardest and there being lots of fights and adjustments but honestly we had no issues, nothing like that. We don't really "fight" but we have had disagreements so it's not been sunshine 24/7, just not hard... just a normal relationship. We lived together in his apartment in Houston and we had room-mates at different times.

Tony and I often talk about how easy we seem to have it. I think that comes from LOTS of talks about what we expected from each other. Not on purpose but because we had a long distant relationship we relied on email a lot (if he was asleep and I needed to talk I'd write him an email and vice versa). I've also had enough relationships to know my flaws (and my ex was the worst). You need to KNOW your partner. Tony is very laid back. I know that he can't cook well but one of the first things he said to me is if I didn't want to cook I didn't have to, so I don't feel like a slave in that regard. If I ask him to help me he will. He plows the driveway (snowing at the moment) he knows that sometimes I will get sad and that I like to be hugged (some people like to be left alone when they're upset). He will give me time if I need it, and try and fix it if he can but he doesn't baby me.

Ultimately though we put each other first. I know he likes to play WoW (that's how we met) and I don't stop him from having fun just because I might feel lonely sometimes. I know that time with friends is important. I suppose the way to explain it is a relationship is a two-way street and some people, the ones with the "bad" stories seem to have unrealistic expectations.

The majority of issues I've seen relate to finances, spouses expecting money to be sent back to their family. In one instance the girl tried to send money home using his card but without telling him. The culture shock for a Filipino must be extreme.

Some things I've read that help are: phone so she can call home when she needs to (Magic Jack gets good reports), Filipino TV channels, Filipino food place (to buy groceries). I also recommend you take your time to show her around. Give her an idea of what there is to do. For Tony and I a good escape was Red Box (renting movies), Netflix (watching stuff online) or actually going to the movies together. I enjoy walking around WalMart and getting to know the different food and brands and stuff like that. Taking time to smell the different body washes and deodorants and perfumes. The smells of things are vastly different (like cherry) so I couldn't just got and get the deodorant I've been wearing for most of my 20's, i had to choose a new one.

One of the biggest things for me was the different food (the bread, cheese and chocolate is awful in the US compared to Aus) and I remember once getting very overwhelmed when trying to pick out a loaf of bread. Tony rarely bought bread as a loaf and I had NO idea what the best one was and the different brands and types (the names were different) and it was just an overwhelming reminder of what was different and a little bit of fear of wasting money on food I didn't like. Another thing I've read is Filipino's don't like the waste stuff so make sure you have tupperware to put leftovers in. Also have some good restaurants you want to take her to once in a while to get her out and used to being around people. Maybe show her where the library is if she wants to borrow books, or if she has a Kindle or something.

Clothes, clothes stores. Sizing is different in the US. A size 14 here is an 18 in Australia so there's a big difference. When I was in Houston I did NOT expect the humidity so nothing I had was good for humidity (we have dry heat) and now in Iowa it's snowing so I had no cold clothes. She will probably need to buy some new clothes as well. It'd be good if she could go with you, but also have some girls around that she likes and trust to make it more fun.

One of the first things I got when I got here was a cell phone. I loved picking it out and then Tony's mother bought me a pink phone cover to go over it to personalise it.

For K1 specifically though, get her her SSN 10 days after she enters. Show her where the wedding will be happening and get her excited about that. Oh, and one of the most annoying things for me is most American's I dealt with when I first arrived didn't even try to understand my accent. I got so frustrated making calls to people and having them repeat what I said and it be NOTHING like what I was saying, or a rude "huh?" so that will probably be an issue for your girl as well.

Good luck

Ola, it's me again. Received the letter for biometrics yesterday, yay. It's gonna be on 2/28/11 in Des Moines, IA, That's like 2 hours away...... Thank you!

Hello! Haven't been here for a while.

Anyways, we sent my I-751 on 1/18/11 (i think) on the overnight mail, date of NOA said its 1/20/11... Haven't receive mail on biometrics yet, hope that this will be here soon seeing that many of you have a date already

Hope that this will go smoothly for all of us, and yes, I too hope that my photo for this time around look decent and not scary!

Hello fello Malaysians!!! Haven't been on VJ for a while.. Hope all of you are doing fine and hanging in there...

Why do you need a sarcastic reply? I've found that when someone asks me a question I find extremely rude, I just look at them and say "why would you ask me that?" and patiently wait for an answer. Sometimes I think Americans are just nosey and/or ignorant and don't think before they speak. Perhaps it is because they grew up in a town where people all looked/acted/thought alike. I was lucky enough to grow up in a town where there was a Military Base, so I was diversed in A LOT of different cultures, however, not everyone is or has that kind of a childhood basis. Don't automatically, take offense. Ask why...then get mad if they give you a stupid answer.

I shall try and remember this if somebody ask me such questions in the future! Thanks

congrats!

The law says you have 10 days to notify USCIS of your move. You file an AR-11 and your husband files an I-865. Remember you will need to provide evidence of 2 years of marriage, including addresses lived in when you Remove Conditions. so yes, you have to notify USCIS of your move. It svcks, but it's the law.

Ahhh, ok, i think it is better that the OP notify USCIS.. We dont want any problem when we remove conditions... thanks

I love Harry Potter!

I have a Quidditch costume for Halloween. Robe, boots, jersey, goggles....name on robe "Weasley." I love that I can dress up in my job

That's sooo cool!!!

moved from off topic to general polls.

i can't believe no one has moved it yet!

Thanks Charles

i love harry potter

although my husband does not read HP books, he insisted that he will be the one to buy the book for me, he's in Japan when book 6 came out and he bought it there, when book 7 came out he's one of the early birds lining up to buy the book

That's love

Me. Huuuuuuuge fan of Harry Potter. Have all books and have read them several times over.

yay!!! :dance:

how come there's no guys answering this poll? is Harry Potter not cool enuff for yuh?

they all have "wand" envy

I'll admit that I think it's a good story. I always made fun of my sister and mom for reading the series. Then, I got a job teaching and had to read the first 3 with the kids. Then I just read the rest of them. Mel loves the series too. Although I like the story line, I do think the writing is very pedestrian and J.K. Rowling is an utter twit for the way she treats those who operate fan sites. She's worth a fvcking billion dollars and she sues every person who tries to write anything related to it. That said, i'll be watching the next movie with my wife..... although NOT on opening week, I hate crowded theaters

Rob, i too hate crowded theaters... i wonder how long they play a movie here in the US.. i hope long enough until i get my first paycheck, starting my first US job tomorrow going to treat my hubby to it (or rather, drag him with me hehehe)

Ive read on the news/blogs re JK Rowling and her suing people, but i dont know anything surrounding HP fan sites. I have mixed feelings about the lawsuits...

But.... i still love Harry Potter

how come there's no guys answering this poll? is Harry Potter not cool enuff for yuh?

I love Harry Potter. Del always makes fun of me because when the last book came out I had it delivered to our door the morning it came out. And we had both gotten off work at like 5am (and gotten home around 6am). So, I was worried the post man would knock on our door and we wouldn't hear it because we were both sleeping. Soooo...I left him a note and told him that I was in fact home and that he had to keep knocking until I came to the door.

I'm excited about the next movie too.

i left all my harry potter books back at home (with the hope that my 3 younger brothers, or at least the youngest for whom i bought the first book for would pick it up and start loving to read!!!) :crying: going to goodwill later to find replacement