La Belle

you've got quite the situation on your hands there girl..

I have 2 step kidos.. they both live with their mum in LA. We've had situations with their mum in the past.. when I met my husband they were basically at war, so I hear you on being taken by surprise by everything, it's quite a shocking revelation really how things can be between ex's when kids are involved. Then we gained a truce, (mostly by being consistent and non-confrontational) and now it's actually quite pleasant. Mind you, we don't live in the same state and hubby only gets to see his kids 4-6 times a year.. that's not like your situation.. but I do think she's the mother of his children, so I try to be as supportive to your hubby as you can be, try not to mouth off too much about her, and especially NEVER in front of the kiddos.. and just hold on. I'm sure some of the rocky road has to do with your hubby getting remarried and she's probably fighting for her "place" within the relationship.

I really don't have much contact with my hubby's ex.. she & he talk about everything, and I give him the time and space he needs to parent with his ex.. (again a different situation), and the few times she calls me she's very apologetic about it.. so I'm blessed in that regard.

I wish it would turn out the same way for me, but as I'm seeing it, it's far from happening.

The real reason she was upset with me in the first place was her and my husband were living together for 10 years and she was expecting so much that they'd eventually get married but they didn't. I don't blame my husband though, because I heard her talk and I haven't heard her talk without yelling and cussing(like mf/f/sob...you name it). When my husband met me, he wanted to get married after 6 months of being together. She said it was a slap in the face. Sometimes I feel guilty even though they separated before I even met my husband, still I think to myself if he didn't meet me maybe he'd find a way to fix their relationship and be a happy family, but it's just a thought now.

Well, I don't talk anything bad about their mom when the kids are around. Even when my step-son told me one time that he's fed up with his mom bad mouthing my husband and me, I told him it's his mother's opinion and he should still love and respect her.

Sometimes I feel sad for my step-daughter because she's so scared whenever we go to someone's house with them, she'd hold my hand and it's like a signal for me to pick her up and hug her coz she doesn't feel secure. They even told us that their mom's new boyfriend disciplines them and one time smacked my daughter-in-law for crying too much. The scary thing is we found out from court records that he has anger management issues. The mother is going through psychological counseling too. I would love to have the kids live with us but I know it won't be as peaceful as I'd wish it would be.

One last thing, the kids mother keeps on telling me that she's scared that we'll take the kids with us to my country and never return. I was like, what the heck was the purpose of me waiting for months and months to be here with my husband just to go back home?

Thanks guys for sharing your thoughts..

Over two years ago, a few days before me and my husband got married, he admitted to me that he has two kids with the woman he used to live with for quiet sometime. He said he was so scared of losing me so he didn't tell me earlier in our relationship about it. To me it was fine, I wasn't part of his life then so there was nothing really I could do. He assured me his kids were nice and they lived with their mother so there wasn't going to be a problem. So I thought..

The very next day after I got here, my husband went out to pick up his kids so they could meet me. I was so excited to see them, only to find out when they got to the house that they were so dissapointed about the fact that their dad was married. His son stayed in the car and didn't even want to look at me, he kept saying he hated his dad and he wanted to go home. My step-daughter was just in the back-seat crying and asked for her mommy.

I felt so sad and so bad for the kids. I didn't know they weren't expecting me to be here, plus my husband never told them about me until that day. I was also mad at my husband and felt like he wasn't proud of me or something. He explained to me that the reason he kept it from his kids was because their mother was a trouble-maker and he didn't want her causing any problems that would hinder my Visa application. I wasn't convinced until we got served with papers saying she filed a case of domestic violence against my husband and temporary restraining order against me. I was so shocked and scared, and was asking myself what have I done?I haven't even talked to her kids nor touched them! We went to the court hearing and found out that the reason she was getting TRO against me and my husband was because she just doesn't know me and she was blabbering about verbal abuse from my husband when every single word that came out of her mouth was the F word. The judge finally denied the TRO and said she doesn't think there was any form of abuse done to her, furthermore, she stated that she thinks the kids' mother is still bitter and still has issues and there is nothing she can do with me being around when my husband's with the kids because we're already married.

After the kids' first visit, things turned out fine, my teenager step-son started talking to me and he was very respectful, my step daughter, I found out, was a sweet 4 yr old and loves to talk. I talked to them too, I told them that I wasn't taking the place of their mom and I can be their friend and that they didn't have to love me because resepect was enough for me. I was so surprised when they gave me a card for valentines day saying they love me and they're happy everytime they spend time with us.

The kids mother is a different story, she's still causing problems, telling everybody that for 10 years that my husband and her lived together he never married her or she's pregnant again and my husband was the father blah blah blah. It's been over a year now since she said it but she hasn't delivered the new baby yet. She even accused my husband of molesting his own daughter and slapping her. Horrible were the accusations and I could no longer take it so I challenged her to file a case, but she didn't. One time she just dissappeared and left her kids with friends and we ended up getting them. Having them at our house meant me babysitting them (I never minded it because they're well behaved)until she came back almost two weeks later saying she got married. I hated her for abandoning her kids like that for someone she just met. She's with a new guy now but she still calls my house 20 times a day bothering me. I wish I could get TRO against her but I'm not gonna step down to her level.

Does anyone here have the same problem?Because I ran out of things to say to her, she doesn't seem to understand the words"don't bother me"!

Hi! Me and my husband have also live with my parents-in-law when I first came here. It was a difficult time for us because we always had to consider what they were going to say about us and we were always mindful of our actions. Honestly I never liked staying there becaus

Sorry bout this, it's my first post/reply

Anyway as I was saying, me and my husband also lived with his parents(Dad and 4th wife) when I first came here. We had no choice because we were financially broke. My husband was also going through child custody issues, and half of his earnings went to child support.

I honestly never liked staying at my parents-in-law because I felt like a teenager who had a curfew at 9PM, and we always had to be cautious about our actions. We couldn't even be intimate by ourselves in our bedroom because my father-in-law's wife always had her nose in our business. She always had something to say about the things we do, where we went to, and the things we buy( She always said that the things I bought were cheap, well I wanted to tell her that I wasn't a social climber like her, but I had respect for them). She was a Filipina like me but she acted like she wasn't. She cussed a lot and said obscene words that she doesn't even have any idea what it meant. She made me so mad one time when she asked her friend out loud(loud enough for me to hear from the other room) to flirt with my husband. I was so hurt and I felt so betrayed by a fellow Filipina, in the first place she should've known how it would feel like being a married woman herself. The thing is, even when she's publicly flirting, my father-in-law just sees it as an innocent act because she's decades younger than him. I am way younger than her but for me being married, flirting with others is just plain offensive to my husband and it's certainly a thing I would never ever do.

It came to a point when my dad-in-law was already complaining about the bills and things he wanted to get done(like his backyard) but couldn't even start working on because either my husband was busy with weekend overtime or they had other plans and he didn't want my husband to work on it by himself.

I was struggling emotionally and mentally with all the pressure. I didn't know what else to do to please them and show my appreciation of being allowed to stay at their home. I did household chores, but still it wasn't enough. So I talked to my husband about moving out of the house,I found out that he wanted to move out too but was just waiting for a couple of months more to have enough savings for at least a one bedroom apartment. When we found one, we moved in immediately.

Now, although I can't say life is really good. It is comfortable and we are enjoying our privacy. The most important thing for us right now is we have each other to love, support and be there for through each trying time.

Just remember that communication is essential in marriage or in any relationship. God bless you and I hope everything turns out better for you.

Labelle,

Just to give you a thought, you know you and your husband can get advance if you apply job in the Middle East like Kuwait or Qatar.. There are US bases here that really offers a lot of money.. Especially for technical and mechanical job, with free housing and car, you will have to just buy your food and thats it.. People come over here to get advance and even stay here longer kasi mas maalwan ang buhay dito.. Probably in 2 years, you all can settled all the finances you need back in the US.

And too.. you can be citizen quickly if your husband is deployed overseas.

Hi, thanks about the suggestion but I'm gonna have to pass. I'm contented here and plus I just got a job which offered me a decent pay naman. I was just saying life wasn't so good because we are just starting and you know we have to make adjustments. My mom worked in the Middle East as a nurse/professor for 20 years and I have an idea of how it is over there. I was tempted once but like I said I'm happy with where I am right now. Thanks to you and God bless.

It's funny you said that, because almost all calls I got from customers wanting to change their flight dates don't even know about their tickets being refundable or changeable or the exact opposite. A lot of people just book tickets online and don't even read the restrictions. I know you know what I mean.

Hey make sure you ask for the first time immigrant fare discount! Good luck!

It is not advisable for you to get your tickets before your interview, they even advise you at the embassy to make sure you receive the visa first before you get your tickets. A small suggestion though(I have been working for a travel agency for 3 yrs now), if you do book your tickets early just make sure it's refundable or exchangeable so you won't lose the value of your ticket/money.

I've been looking for a job for almost 3 months now. It was so frustrating at first because most employers who interviewed me told me the reason they couldn't hire me was because I had no U.S. work history or because I don't speak fluent Spanish. I have a good work record in the Philippines but all they can tell me is they cannot verify it as it is in a different country.

I often wondered how I'd have a work history if they won't even give me a chance. I've posted my resume on various U.S jobsites and last week I got a call for an interview and exam Friday(last week). Funny thing was I found out they did the same kind of business as my last employer in the Philippines. The exam questions were not so hard for me because it was the same exact work I was doing back home. Finally, today I got a call from them saying they're offering me the job and I will be starting in a couple of weeks after a background check. Yey! patience and perseverance really pays off.

A bit of advice to those who are job hunting, try appyling for a job that has the same nature as the ones you had before you came here. Also, don't just focus on jobs offered in your city, just make sure you know how to use public transportation or you have a reliable transpo. Good luck to all and God bless.

Hi! Me and my husband have also live with my parents-in-law when I first came here. It was a difficult time for us because we always had to consider what they were going to say about us and we were always mindful of our actions. Honestly I never liked staying there becaus

Sorry bout this, it's my first post/reply

Anyway as I was saying, me and my husband also lived with his parents(Dad and 4th wife) when I first came here. We had no choice because we were financially broke. My husband was also going through child custody issues, and half of his earnings went to child support.

I honestly never liked staying at my parents-in-law because I felt like a teenager who had a curfew at 9PM, and we always had to be cautious about our actions. We couldn't even be intimate by ourselves in our bedroom because my father-in-law's wife always had her nose in our business. She always had something to say about the things we do, where we went to, and the things we buy( She always said that the things I bought were cheap, well I wanted to tell her that I wasn't a social climber like her, but I had respect for them). She was a Filipina like me but she acted like she wasn't. She cussed a lot and said obscene words that she doesn't even have any idea what it meant. She made me so mad one time when she asked her friend out loud(loud enough for me to hear from the other room) to flirt with my husband. I was so hurt and I felt so betrayed by a fellow Filipina, in the first place she should've known how it would feel like being a married woman herself. The thing is, even when she's publicly flirting, my father-in-law just sees it as an innocent act because she's decades younger than him. I am way younger than her but for me being married, flirting with others is just plain offensive to my husband and it's certainly a thing I would never ever do.

It came to a point when my dad-in-law was already complaining about the bills and things he wanted to get done(like his backyard) but couldn't even start working on because either my husband was busy with weekend overtime or they had other plans and he didn't want my husband to work on it by himself.

I was struggling emotionally and mentally with all the pressure. I didn't know what else to do to please them and show my appreciation of being allowed to stay at their home. I did household chores, but still it wasn't enough. So I talked to my husband about moving out of the house,I found out that he wanted to move out too but was just waiting for a couple of months more to have enough savings for at least a one bedroom apartment. When we found one, we moved in immediately.

Now, although I can't say life is really good. It is comfortable and we are enjoying our privacy. The most important thing for us right now is we have each other to love, support and be there for through each trying time.

Just remember that communication is essential in marriage or in any relationship. God bless you and I hope everything turns out better for you.

Hi! Me and my husband have also live with my parents-in-law when I first came here. It was a difficult time for us because we always had to consider what they were going to say about us and we were always mindful of our actions. Honestly I never liked staying there becaus