gaeliza

yes I am actually doing that..and it is a frre service as part of my benefit package at work.. I am trying to come to grips with the fact that I may never have the answers I need.

It sounds like you've done all that you can for now and just wait to hear back from them. If you don't hear from them maybe follow up with them. It must be very disappointing to have this outcome after all that you've been through. I'd still take steps to get into a grief counselor because it may be a great source of relief and support while you are going through this right now so you don't have to carry everything on your shoulders and can have a safe and confidential place to let it all out.

I contacted ICE and the 3 embassys involved....(I have not heard back from any of them) I dont know what else to do than these things. I had called USCIS and they told me pretty much the same thing you did. No amount of AP or FBI checks can determine outcomes in these cases. Now is the time to protect myself as best I can...just where to go from here is my issue...I have to put the emotional devistation on the back burner until that is achieved.

They can change their address at Point of Entry (POE) and the petitioner know nothing about this nor be notified about it. Their green card and SS would go to whatever address they put then. With a CR-1 visa they can come work here right away without needing the petitioner as well for anything else. If their sole purpose was to obtain a green card you can bet they have contacts stateside to go to and who know how to successfully navigate lifting conditions when it comes time. There are ways to do this as well if they can prove themselves to immigration that when they entered the marriage it wasn't a fraud. For that to happen he'd have to be betting on you being emotionally drained enough not to do anything to stop him or prove him otherwise. Really there isn't much you can do about him coming here now other than notify immigration that you believe that you are divorcing before he even uses the visa and pass on the evidence to support that and why. This is encase later down the road he does come here and try to lift conditions without you using some other excuses. However, I do believe no matter what you are still on the hook for him financially for the next 10 years.

we did the CR1 visa so he can come here without an interview until the 2 year green card is complete. However the green card and SS info will come to my address. I think you are right that he probably is not here. It hurts all the same. But I am coming to realize that better now than after he got here and he was working and had a larger mortgage and all the things that married people do. Ive decided not to do anything right now...My emotional status cant handle it, other than the obvious, stop him from coming if he isnt here and take him off insurance and financial things. The Sheik told me I am no longer Islamically married barring the 3 month waiting period, however we are legally married in the USA. So the cleanup is all here. There is no hurry to do anything else at this time. +Judgement Day comes for all of us and I hope by then that I have some ounce of forgiveness n my heart..but right now I dont.

This is so sad!!! It very well could be he went to tell them and they threw a fit and tore his papers up. So he followed through and was glad you called him a scum, it made the break up easier for him to blame you. He is probably on yahoo invisible seeing if your online. I doubt he is coming to usa. He still would need to show up for interview here to get his green card and it would be a mess trying to come here without anyone. Most come here and get that permanent card first if they are using you for a visa. Just give it to God. Things happen for a reason and we dont always know the answer, just roll with life and hold up your head. You are still for now his wife and as a muslim man, I would tell him that he has failed and hurt his wife and God will judge him on that and the fact he obviously LIED to you about his family accepting. Let him ponder the fact he lied and how God will judge him on that and you were never given a chance.

Today is not better yet...I know all the things that are reasonable in my head. I still search for fault in this some way. My heart feels dead. Last night i got 1 hours sleep and today I will try to do something, anything that is not inward related. Thankyou all for your comments and prayers, you cant imagine how much it helped to get thru yesterday.

yes that is what I am going to do now...Now its about self preservation and protection

gaeliza I am sorry to hear about you losing your Dad, Mom, unborn baby, and now your Husband. I hope that you may take some time for yourself now to heal and grieve. Maybe a grief counselor would be best to see at this time for all the loss you have experienced in the last two years.

Of course its better that I am not with him...if he can treat me in this way that i dont have more years invested in the relationship...but the loss is more than I can bare right now....as I said I lost my parents too in the last 2 years and now my husband Im not sure I want to live

Gaeliza,

I am sure no word I or others can provide which can provide you with peace and comfort.

It is heart breaking to see what you have endured during the whole process and as you were close to celebrate an achievement you went into a down fall. You need to put your trust in God. There is a reason for everything and we could spend the rest of our lives trying to justify why things happened in a way we did not plan for it, yet we always tend to forget that God has power over us, and all we need is to trust in him.

Today, look at the bright side. No matter what is the reason for this break up, you are still at the beginning of the road.

Try to take a time off, recollect yourself and then start looking for options to work this issue.

If it was so easy for him to let you go, then this is not a true love, and if I were you, I would not need to spend my life with someone who does not want to stand up for me and himself.

I been where you were, and I can tell you.. when I look back at things happened, it was the best decision I made by breaking up an engagement, because I would have been dead by now..

Cheer up.. your friends are here for you..

Batta

I got an email today stating a divorce certificate was on the way and the reason I am getting a divorce because I called him scum for doing this to me. However he did it to me before I called him that name

i am sorry to hear this. i agree with lia and nancy. even in india, the family ties are very strong. i don't think it was a scam to get in the usa, or he would have come immediately, imho. i think his family really got to him. the fact that he kept you a secret marriage does not look good, especially since his family had plans of him marrying his cousin. they could have threatened him, disowned him, etc.

i do hope you get closure and an official divorce. i am not sure about how that is done in the muslim culture, but it is worth going into some investigation, but u will also want the divorce american style so you can move on with your life. you are in my prayers .

The other hurtful thing is that if this were true then he would have known his families reaction and he was playing games with me....I mean was I going to be his secret the rest of our lives?

Thankyou I am in the health field and I know I need medical help ....I have an appt with someone on tues ..My PCP and ER personel are co-workers and friends..but not close friends I dont want to share this with just yet. ( or let rumors fly) I have not been to work because "I have a very bad case of the flu" My issue is if this is indeed true, then 1)why turn the phone off even before the "incident" supposedly happened ( that makes me think it was fraud) 2) why not just tell me on the phone 3) why make me suffer, thinking he was dead Just the day before I was helping him with what kind of medicine to get and talked to the pharmacist when he was in the store as to the best medicine for him. It is too much for this to handle One thing I didnt say was that during this relationship... (2 years ago) my father died..I had to bear this alone (1 year ago to the day he did this) my mother died I have had nothing but loss

Thankyou I am in the health field and I know I need medical help ....I have an appt with someone on tues ..My PCP and ER personel are co-workers and friends..but not close friends I dont want to share this with just yet. ( or let rumors fly) I have not been to work because "I have a very bad case of the flu" My issue is if this is indeed true, then 1)why turn the phone off even before the "incident" supposedly happened ( that makes me think it was fraud) 2) why not just tell me on the phone 3) why make me suffer, thinking he was dead Just the day before I was helping him with what kind of medicine to get and talked to the pharmacist when he was in the store as to the best medicine for him. It is too much for this to handle One thing I didnt say was that during this relationship... (2 years ago) my father died..I had to bear this alone (1 year ago to the day he did this) my mother died I have had nothing but loss

Gaeliza, if you are feeling really depressed, you need to get some kind of help - talking to us can be helpful, hotline, good friends or even your local emergency room. I'm sure that you have put so much into this relationship that it seems like way too much to handle.

Please bear in mind that your husband may not be in any control of the situation. It is much more likely that his family is. I also have my doubts about your divorce being real, too. Or that your husband even wrote you that email. Middle Eastern families are very important to their members, and yes, they can dictate what the adult member will do.

Take it slow. At this point, you do not know what is real and what is not. Breath. Watch tv. Take a walk. Talk to good friends. Let things play out.

It is good that you found out whether he was coming into the US or not. That is good to keep an eye on. He has four months to do so from your timeline. That does change my first response, because I thought he only had a few days left. Even if he manages to come in, the minute he comes in to a new address without changing his address, he has violated procedure.

We are here supporting you; keep your chin up.

+its yahoo.....how do I do that? You know through all of this pain...I miss him so much I can hardly get thru my daily prayers I cant eat and I cant sleep Is there any other thing that I can do that I am not doing? I bpounce back and forth from being so shocked to being mad as hell to just so sad I want to die...

It is terrible when this happens. It is hard to know if he just wasn't strong enough in his love for you to stand up to his parents or if there is something more sinister behind this. If you still have his recent email it is possible to track where it was sent from usually. The process is slightly different depending on your email.

[He is an adult not a child..and not that young either.... truth is what I want and at the very least an apology I just need closure

quote name=Darnell' date='Jan 27 2010, 11:29 PM' post='3666558]

I suggest it's his family, combined with a bit of him being 'chicken sh|t' also.

Family is everything. He could have stood up to his family, though (hence the bit of chicken sh|t ).

I actually was pregnant last year and miscarried.... yes I know that Allah has in his wisdom protected me.

This is a very difficult situation and no matter what anyone says they cannot truly understand unless they have gone through this themselves. Right now all you need to do is to ensure that the visa gets cancelled and that he isnt able to enter the US. I know that you are hurt right now but this is a blessing in disguise. Imagine if he had come over here and you had gotten pregnant and then he left. I know its hard to believe it right now but better now than later. If you ever want to talk just send me a PM anytime. You are in my prayers and thoughts!!

I cant suggest anything to him...he cut off all communications cold...there is no way to get a hold of him. All the phone numbers have been changed. I dont need a document from him...the issues are here..a possible american divorce and financial liability.I dont know what to do. It is very possible some of it is true...but then why did he cut off all communications. Calling me and telling me instead of letting me think he was dead for 5 days. So that scenerio does not make sense. Doing this by email is the cowards way out. So is it fraud or is it family? I just want to know...if it was family then he was playing a game with me...knowing his family would object, if it was fraud then it was a more serious game...either way he did something very wrong and I have to pay the price

If you need a divorce document, suggest to your husband he go to the mosque, and get it started. He then will take the document from the mosque to some gov office, for official registration.

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

Like most of you we have been through this visa journey, all the ups and downs and all the waiting. I myself made 4 trips to kuwait. We worked hard to stay together. Alas we got our visa, it was delivered and we were so happy. Every time we were together or talking on the phone and when we lived together we were happy and I felt loved and happy and content. Then it started. I NEVER saw it coming. Now I am not a stupid person..I am highly educated and I met my husband before agreeing to marry. We talked on the net 2 years before I finally agreed to meet him...(he pressured me this entire time) When I did meet him we felt it was right and we proceeded with the very difficult process of getting married, having our marriage authenticated in the usa and then beginning the visa process 19 months ago.The visa was issued early nov...my husband said I need to give notice,,,,well of course I was fine with that...so he did..30 days. Then he had to wait to get his "rights"...ok Its not that much money but I am sure it meant alot to him. Then he had to go to Jordan to visit his family. He spent 4 months of the summer there and 2 weeks at EID..well I am not going to stand between him and his family...ok. So last wed..was the last day I really spoke to him...thursday I heard nothing, the phone was turned off. I thought ok well Ill try the jordanian phone ..sure enough.I could only talk 5 min because I was at work and had 10 people talking to me..I said Ill call you back in 5 min. I call back in 5 min, the phone is turned off. I could not reach him and still havent talked to him. I thought he was dead...I searched newspapers anything that would give me any hospital notes or obituaries. Finally at 4 am on Monday I receive an email...basically stating his parents were devistated that he had married me. I had not met them because we were never in the same country at the same time. But he had told me he told them, they werent happy but had accepted. (they wanted him to marry his cousin originally) Now this is not a child, this a grown man. The email was so bizzarre I have never seen anything like it. Basically it siad there was a huge drama and his passport and visa were destroyed and that I should leave him alone and go away forever. Of course I dont believe any of that #######. Naturally I shot some nasty emails back regarding him and his family out of anger. So the next day I got an email stating that we are divorced. In Islam you can divorce by saying it to your partner..but it was never "said" to me...it was emailed to me...so I do not believe that even in Islam we are divorced. However in any case we are married legally here in the United States. Now I have been speculating all this time between tears about what really happened and I guess it really doesnt matter, except that I would like some closure and i want to hurt him.

I suspect of course that he is in the states and that is why he isnt calling me because I can track him easier. The next scenerio is that he is at home with another wife or just a very upset family. Who knows.

I called ICE and I called USCIS. They told me I am finacially responsible for him if he is here, No matter what. ICE will investigate. I also emailed the US embassies in Kuwait and Jordan and also the Jordanian embassy here. I have contacted an attorney and I have had the police run all his passport info....as of 2 days ago he had not entered the usa

I just want closure. And repayment of all the money I spent on trips , apartments, visa expenses and maybe an "im sorry" which never happened.

You know we griped and complained about the process taking so long but it still didnt protect me...and maybe because I didnt take the steps to protect myself. He was to be here this week I have some of his clothes here, all his records and all our possessions we purchased while I was there for our home. I dont want to believe it was fraud and I dont want to believe he just stopped loving me...I am just so confused and so upset..I cant eat or sleep....All i do is cry. Can anyone tell me if there is more to do or any advice on how to handle this better?

Happy Sunday Everyone...It is still so cold here. We are just not used to it in Georgia. I dont even have a real winter coat. Layer, layer, layer! (looking like a fat snowman in hijab) I hope everyone is staying warm! Have a good week next week! Can you believe Jan is half over???? Spring will be here soon!!!!!!!!!

Happy Sunday, well in one hour it will be Monday! Another short week for some of us.....Everyone have a good week and if you are traveling please take care!

I treat autistic children on my off hours to help parents learn how to help their children and to help caregivers tap into the child's individual way of learning. I am amazed everyday at the abilities of these children. I have seen savants for reading (memorizing books etc), baseball statistics, hurricane statistics, numbers, etc....all developed before the age of 4. Thankyou for sharing these amazing paintings!

Im off to work but wanted to wish everyone a good day! For those traveling, I pray for your safe arrival and return.

Hello and Salam Alaikum

My name is elizabeth and I live in Georgia. (The weather is wet but not snowing like in other places.) I converted to Islam 4.5 years ago and met my husband after that. We were married in Kuwait in May 2008 and applied for CR1 the following June. We have our visa now after a 17 month wait however my husband is finishing up at his school where he teaches and will be here in 10-15 days. I have appreciated visajourney so much because this site allowed us to complete this leg of the process with relative ease. I know we will be using this site again soon as we work towards the 10 year and citizenship. I have not chatted alot because I am very very busy and have never really chatted anywhere. My husband and I communicate once a week or so by computer but we mostly stay in touch daily by phone. I guess I wanted to say that I feel that I "know" some of you not because we have spoken or chatted but because I have laughed and cried with you all as I read your threads and comments. One thing that is so clear is that we all want the same things, the freedom to love, to be loved, to be with our families and to be able to provide for them comfortably and to watch our children grow into happy healthy adults themselves. This site certainly helps and is a support to these values. Its is such a pleasure to be a part of all of that and to get to know all of you

We had our interview in Kuwait....They would not let anyone come with my husband or myself when we were there and interviewed us separately. Really I dont think a lawyer would be of benefit to you. There are translators there and believe me everyone is nervous. They are really very nice there. If everything id truthful and you are sincere in all your dealings, it will be OK.

Good Morning! I hope everyone has a good week. I am tired of the cold already and its only been cold 2 days! I dont know you Aya, but congrats! Sounds like you are nearly there! Well off to another very very busy day!

Good Morning Everyone! Its been raining here all night and today, the wind will pick up. The temps will stay fairly warm though. I am ready for sunshine!!!! Everyone have a good day!

Good Morning Everyone. You are right, that 4-day weekend went waaay tooo fast. Now it's back to work and back into our routines. Routines are good , right? I have a new laptop also, but I keep using the old one, as if I use the new one it will get "old" also too fast. (or is it just "old" age setting in and not wanting to change my ways). Anyway, everyone have a great week!

Good Morning Everyone! Started shopping at midnight and just got home 10 am. Got a few good deals. There werent as many shoppers out as I had expected and was relatively easy getting thru lines this year. I hope everyone has a good day and a great weekend!

EID Mubarak!!!! Happy Thanksgiving ! May all of us have a blessed and fruitful year to come!