bubblyjellybelly

Thanks for the advices... I admitted in some way I became too demanding (I think one or two minutes of call from him to tell me not to wait for him is being too demanding)... He choose not to chat with while I waited non-stop (not even sleeping and eating) for 2 days now.

Please don't think that he is not a good man, he has been so good to me, just that he did not even give a little of his time to me now that I am so weak and in the point of giving up...

Right now I feel so alone in a dark underground cave, and when ever I ask for help, I only hear my own echo. All my simple dreams has vanished, my dream to watch movie with him while having popcorn, my dream to wake up each morning seeing him right next to me, my dream of sharing a scoop of ice cream with him...

Did i dream too much?

I am just completely insane and numb as of this very moment... and I don't know how to get a new piece of heart because I think I lost my heart...

I am not supposed to come back here anymore, but I am posting this because somewhere in the corner of my brain I am still expecting that maybe, maybe he will realize how I am feeling right now...

God bless you all and please pray for me to be strong at this time of my life.

It's been almost 36 hours now since we last talk and that phone conversation only lasted for like 3 minutes??? How can I not make Tampo now?

Although I have been realizing that I have been too sensitive and insensitive, and I have been childish (in some way or another), I still want my fiance` to make SUYO in a very simple way that does not require too much effort and so on when things like this happens... I always look forward to just laugh on my tampo when it is over, but it always get worst because he totally ignore me.

Anyways, as always, it will be fine if he will not make suyo because I can't take it anymore and I am wanting for us to be ok.

And like now, he turned off his phone (that's what he always do when we have this kind of thing which is making me feel so sad) when all I want to say is I MISS HIM and I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! I am wanting to raise the white flag because I will not be able to last a day without talking to him.

To be honest I have learn a lot on this discussion because this is the first time I shared issues like this in an open and knowing that it also happened to some couples here and they were able to handle it well, it lessen the burden that I am feeling now.

I am just so sad not now... Not mad (it's two different thing).

My advice is not to be too clingy. I learned that early in our relationship. I used to be sad if she didn't get online everyday or only chatted for a little while. I also called her if she didn't get online that day. It was only when I realized that I was being to needy and clingy I stopped getting sad for a short chat or her not coming online, and she in turn wanted to chat with me more and thats when our relationship started to get even better. Some people just don't like it when the other person constantly needs their attention every moment.

It does make sense. I'm glad I am receiving matured advices and it's making me realize a lot of things.

After rereading what you wrote I wanted to say one more thing.

I do not think you are childish, however I do think you need to stop waiting around for him and start living your life. Normally for most couples, it is best if you have some things in common and share some common intrests however it is good for you to have things you like to do without each other.

Go out, find things to do that make you happy, hang out with friends, have fun, go shopping or whatever makes you happy. When you are happy the time will fly faster and you will have more to say to him when you do talk.

Tell him your feelings about your lack of communication, but do it when you are not upset as this can make him feel defensive.

Dear BMJ, I appreciate what you have said (quoted) and I have been patching all the advices I have been receiving here and it's giving me a little light in a very dark corner where I am sitting now.

i guess i was being childish too back then for expecting something different, but i guess we have our own way of thinking and wishing how a perfect relationship would be... but its not the way how the world works or else this world would be boring...

Hi RonMay, I was moved by what you've said, I understand it clearly... it makes sense.

I am understanding more that I am on the state of self-pity because I made my self think that almost everyone here communicates differently the way we are communicating now.

I did not use my real user ID (sorry for that) because this post is a little unfair to my fiance` but all I want is to enlighten my mind of what is going on with our relationship.

The positive responses are giving me the comfort I am needing now... I am being so weak now and at the point of giving up but I am still holding on to one last great thing I have, that is the love I have for him.

I have a question: Are you Lea, Michael's fiancee?

You see, a vj member here posted about his fiancee having TAMPO with him. If you're the one, please read that thread (TAMPO) in the Philippine forum.

-ApriL

Hi, I'm not Leah... I have read that but we have a very different story... that story ended so sad, I am praying my journey will not end sad...

Hi, I am hoping to enlightened my mind, since I have seen a lot of Filipino-American couples here who's also applying for K1 visa just like us... I am from Manila, Philippines and my fiance` is from the Philippines. We are now waiting for the results of the petition.

I am hurting now, my heart is in pain. I just want to share this so I would know if I am only being so childish as that's what my fiance` told me.

I am loving my fiance` up to the maximum limit that I only want to stay at home to wait for him, the highlight of my day is when he message me, he is everything that I am thinking every minute of my day here at home. He became part of my system already that I can't even sleep well without one message from him. And I consider my self being the most happiest person and the most contented person living on earth when he is being sweet and telling me that he loves me and he misses when we chat on yahoo messenger.

I have seen couples here who communicate always everyday, and in fairness to my fiance` he always find time to chat with me on yahoo messenger for 2 hours before he sleeps and he has been supporting me financially for nearly 8 months now and that's a blessing I think I am so thankful and grateful of.

And the fact the he went here in Manila to see is really the best thing ever happened in my entire life.

But I am sad right now for the reason that when I am upset or we call it TAMPO here in the Philippines (meaning just wanting some affection does not really means mad) he just ignore me as if I am not important to him. He don't even call... In the entire time that I have known him he only called me twice and that was during the first few weeks that I've met him online (but it does not matter if he calls or not so long as he calls me during the most important days of my life like Christmas or to say an apology). As time goes by I have learned to accept that he is a person who does not want to call me on phone but still I am loving him so deeply.

When I am upset I am always the one who calls to force him to say sorry, I hope Filipina girls would understand me here, when I am upset I only want a simple sorry that he have to tell me once on the phone or on email.

I am making my self believe that my reasons for being upset is valid but I will appreciate if you will tell me I am really childish. Like for instance, the other day I waited on YM for him from 12NOON until 3PM because we normally chat around that time, I called him and he said he was trying to call me, I cut the phone call, then I waited for his call but he did not call. I called again at around 2:30PM his son answered my call. I'm glad I was able to talk to his son but it made me feel upset because I don't have a phone load anymore and I only asked my mom to send me load just to ask if he can go online (anyways phone load has nothing o do with that). And we never had a chance to talk online, without a call from him. And so I felt upset (not mad). But he is just ignoring until now, he said he is feeling sick, that's all... I am being too sensitive and childish because I am upset now for that reason?

The thing is, he always ignore me and we will only talk when I approach him to talk. He even sleeps so well at night without even fixing what happened while I am crying at night and not able to sleep for long hours. He says I am being over too sensitive and he is blaming it to me being so sensitive.

Despite all this I am loving him and I am trying to make my family love him the way they are loving me.

But now I have this fear now that when the time comes that I have to be with him in the US, he will just ignore me when something happened that he will not want to talk and will make me feel upset... He will ignore me in a place that I don't know anyone aside from him?

Be honest on your response, if I am childish, then maybe he is right, I will try to change because I love him so much.