Rose-Romagnoli

Thanks to everyone for the frank advice. I had my first counseling today, I was able to walk in this morning. For once I am being completely honest with myself and realize that it is not only an issue with my husband, but I have been trying to control everything and everyone around me. I worry about the future, work (Marines are famous for changing jobs every 3 years), money, future, having babies, etc. I have realized that I cannot control any of this, I can only work toward goals, and the outcome will happen! I have been killing myself with ths perfectionism and need to "know what will happen".

I have realized I need to let go of all of this in order to be happy as a person. And I am. My next counseling is Friday.

I am desperate for advice on dealing with unfounded jealousy on an OCD level. My husband got his interview approval on January 12th and I have driven him over the edge with my outbursts.

Basically last April while visiting him in Italy I saw on his computer he had visited a porn site. I was very hurt, and on top of it he lied about it for 2 days until finally telling the truth. Ever since then I have not been able to let it go although I KNOW HE IS A GOOD PERSON AND IS FAITHFUL TO ME I would still bash him about this. I finally realized that I have been using the event to outlet my insecurities in an OCD pattern. I was very stubborn and had to "win" and it became a subliminal mission for me to control every aspect of his life down to his email and Facebook accounts. It became an obscession to control him even though I have always trusted him in my heart!

Now I have pushed him to the point where he said he wants a divorce but has rolled back to "making a decision" for the last day and a half. We have talked EVERY day for 2 years and 3 months and NEVER ended an arguement without saying that we love each other. When he told me that instead of coming to visit in March, he was going to stay until the end of May to write his thesis and graduate. I blew up on him and in a selfish and childish rage I screamed, broke glass, and kicked a hole in the wall. This is when he said he wanted a divorce andI turned it off like a damn switch. Today I made appointments with a psychiatrist that specializes in OCD, a marriage counselor, and anger management.

I have completely surrendered and realized that I have a problem. My husband had told me to seek therapy for it before and after a feeble attempt I did nothing more. I thought I could change myself, but I was as usual proud, hard, and rigid with a self-confident exterior. Im a Marine. I have taken leaps and bounds in the last 2 days and even connected with my mother, who I was always distant with. I completely let go with her too, and shed my shame to show emotion and really admit I need help. After all we have been through, I hope my husband can recognize I am seeking a solution and not giving him lip service? Has anyone else been through this?

My son calls him papà and my husband comes from a very bad childhood and his trusted family consists of his older sister that grew up with him in an orphanage. I have had regular contact with her and she convinced him to call me today, and though I was able to tell him of my admission (surrender, and misdrection of emotions), he remained hard and undecided. I tried to tell him that I do and always have trusted him, but I obscess a thought and it quickly turns into words that I do not mean at all.

He said we got married too soon, and while that may be the truth, we have a lot invested in each other. We are finally on the home stretch and I went and drove him past his limit just because he wants time to write his thesis. I have already lost 6 pounds and I am trying to show him I can be sane. However, I am terrified.

Thank you for the input. I know that my husband can visit for up to 90 days at a time at any given time of the year.

I am looking for red flags on his coming to visit the USA for 40 days this summer with our I-130 being approved April 15th.

I hope I gave enough info, I know this is a tough (opinion) question. Just looking for advice!

Our I-130 was approved in only 57 days, on April 15th. We are naturally overjoyed at the progression, but now we have to be careful(I think) with our timeline.

I am using a military lawyer, so I am not positive of my next action (I am researching still). I am not sure of how much my lawyer has submitted for info beyond the I-130 itself. I will call her Monday.

My husband has about 6 months left to graduate at the university (in Italy). On summer break we are planning for him to come here. July 20-September 1st.

Benito must return to Italy to finish the courses, exams, thesis, and graduation (projected in October).

As far as I have gathered there is no restriction on him visiting the USA while the visa application is in progress as long as he has proof to return before the 90 day period--no problem.

I want to buy his commercial ticket for this summer because prices are decent right now. I am looking for opinions on what ind of conflicts we might run into at our stage in the game and a visit here this summer. Thanks, and good luck to all!

We got the I-130 approval April 15th after only 57 days. I was in Italy with my husband this week and we found out together

I am using a lawyer for our process...can anyone clue me in to the next step? I will call her Monday, but I would like to have the appropriate docs ready if I can. Yayyyyyyyyy!!!

I also received Benito's tax ID number in this period, another step done.

We are planning for Benito to spend part of the summer here between semesters, from 20ish July to the end of August. He must return to Italy in September for classes, exams, thesis, and graduation. Does anyone see any red flags in this according to the timeline?

This is what I have from the USCIS site today. How do I know if it has been touched?

I sent the packet to my lawyer January 23 and she got it in the mail right around the end of January or beginning of February. I am thinking that there should be more to it at this point. Can somebody correct me? Thanks and good luck to allllll of us!

Application Type: I130, IMMIGRANT PETITION FOR RELATIVE, FIANCE(E), OR ORPHAN

Current Status: Case received and pending.

On February 11, 2009, we received this I130 IMMIGRANT PETITION FOR RELATIVE, FIANCE(E), OR ORPHAN, and mailed you a notice describing how we will process your case. Please follow any instructions on this notice. We will notify you by mail when we make a decision or if we need something from you. If you move while this case is pending, call customer service. We process cases in the order we receive them. You can use our processing dates to estimate when yours will be done. This case is at our VERMONT SERVICE CENTER location. Follow the link below to check processing dates. You can also receive automatic e-mail updates as we process your case. Just follow the link below to register.

You can gather proof of your relationship. Right now you have only emails and phone bills, and maybe letters that you have written to each other in the posta. Gather all of this evidence of your relationship by making a neat file. Your receipts for gifts can be included but are only supplemental evidence. There is not her name on receipts, therefore in the eyes of the authority it is not good evidence.

Have your girl do the same, a file of all correspondence between you.

To have a better reply from more people here, start a new discussion with a specific topic. It will attract more interest in your fellow VJ people especially if your original post has turned a little long like this one. Do not be afraid to ask, but advice is given sincerely so do not take offense. We are all in some way a similar situation and happy to share and advise each other. Ciao ciao!

Do not worry about using another language, people use tagalog here often and I take no offense, besides, we are adults. However, I must say that you have come to a very good place for support and information. You will get a frank and honest response every time. You had a rough start with your first few postings, but I can recognize your passion and imaptience as very normal, you are an Italian man and (kind of) from the south. I am sure you have already realized, but you must develop a large amount of patience and tolerance if you want this to work. You are very noble and rare to allow yourself to love a woman with a past (was she married?) and a child. What does your family think??

We just finished a Skype conversation. He uses a skype phone (or internet when available). In USA we only have Skype on PC. You will hate cellular service here, it is controlled with contracts unless you use a prepaid, which is very different from Italia. However Skype service is great. We rerely have video contact because Benito does not have internet at the university. If you give me some info on the card you use that would be great!

Your work is useful and always in demand. Send to your girl a copy of your diploma (laurea) in university to make a translation. It will cost about $100 but you will find it money well spent.

To eat here, you must believe every horror story that you hear. Sorry, but you will see the health of many people here and know why. Bravo to you because you can cook...but be careful the meat is different and più schifoso. Most produce will have a little less flavor unless you buy "organic". However, you can eat well but you will miss many things. (fresh mozzarella, all seafood, good bread, spicy food) My Benito came to enjoy Japonese and GOOD Chinese food.

You will not have a problem with speaking here, especially in California. In North Carolina Benito had trouble because of the accent is very full of slang. We speak Italian almost exclusively with each other, but I am also a teacher and I have Italian students often. Sometimes I repeat an entire lesson for them in Italian so I hope that my grammar is not too bad. Right now I see that your comprehension is good and you make common syntax mistakes that I see in all of my students. (They are nearly always the top graduates in my classes!)

You should encourage your girl to learn Italian for the sake of your future family. In many cases in the USA the culture of whichever country is lost forever, and the door to preserving your heritage is language.

We will be in Napoli in April, but we have not made plans for a long stay. If you live in the city we can certainly take a caffè or lunch together, no problem. Benito can certainly tell you a lot, he is from Calabria. While you wait, learn every small piece of information about immigration, USA, and California. Put some passion to use with that and stay calm. Ciao ciao

Ciao, non devi preoccupare degli avvocati...ci sono solo se hai pagato! Devi solo rispondere con la verità a Napoli. Anche mio marito deve fare a Napoli quando il tempo é giusto. Adesso siamo conoscuiti Io e lui da 15 mesi e parliamo tutti i giorni su Skype...gratis! Vado in Italia spesso, verrò ad Aprile! Per le cose più buone nella vita dobbiamo aspettare. Segui, segui, segui le regole. Ca in USA non fanno una scusa per i sbagli così, dicono vai via subito senza ritornare! Sono d'accordo a te-un paese di base immigrazione ...però...

Puoi raccontere un pò della situazione di tua ragazza a noi, sicuramente qualcun aveva qualcosa similare in questo sito e siamo tutti grandi. Che fai a lavoro tu?

Scusami ho iniziato imparare Italiano 2 anni fa e poi faccio schifo! Ciao ciao... dormi!!

I betcha it was a Hasher that started it. I know of many (worldwide) that kick off a 5 miler with a beer or 2 or 3. Then they kill a beer or 2 DURING the run, and finish up with songs and more beer.

Look up Hash House Harriers. The beauty is that there is no pressure and it is worldwide. I hashed (ran!) in Rome upon my first arrival in Italy and felt right at home.

Ciao amico, non ti preoccupare!

Ti ho chiesto di dove sei per ragione...

lo so che sei molto felice/agitato adesso e non vuoi aspettare per essere con tua ragazza. Communque devi capire che sarà un processo complicato e una sfida davvero...sto solo dicendo! Spero che la situazione con l'ex può essere risolto! Se segui le regole va bene tutto! Ciao ciao

Stai tranquillo! Di dove sei??

Se vuoi parlare in italiano farmi un messaggio privato.

I am married to an Italian man and we are asking for a CR1 visa. You must read the requirements for the visa (permesso) that you intend to apply for not once or three times, but 5 times and more. In addition, read the requirements for the other types of visa available to you and your FRIEND. Be certain that she also understands the options.

You can visit the USA for 90 days at a time. You will be asked the address and phone number of the person that you will stay with during your visit. Also the reason for your visit and who you will stay with. Be honest and polite even if they are not. Do not become angry or lose patience. Be nice even after you have stayed in an airplane for 9 hours. Se fai incazzare possono dire no.

My Benito was held in customs because he had not memorized our NEW address to give to the agent. We married here and he returned to Italia after 40 days to continue his studies at the university as we planned. We filed the CR1 visa and are now waiting.

When you arrive you will see that the bureaocracy in USA is just as complicated as Italy, only that you cannot pay a friend to make it better. Do not be disappointed if you cannot file ANY papers the first day, but be happy that you can finally kiss your girl. Good luck!

Thank you so much!!

I see that my check has been cashed this Friday. What does this mean as far as my timeline? I am military, and I used a (free) immigration lawyer in base. She helped me prepare the package for the CR1 and seemed to be very capable and familiar with the process. Does she receive the NOA or do they send it to me? How? Once my check is cashed, how ong can I expect to wait for the NOA?

Thanks to everyone! It is finally started!

I wish I had not chosed to circumcise my son. I consider it the worst decision of my life, even if I was married to an idiot for 11 years. I sat on the fence forever and finally said "yes" only because his father is. Big friggin' deal!

My husband now is Italian and they do not practice circumcision in Italy. In Italy, hygiene is very important, to include frequent bidet use after bathroom visits and obligatory bidet washing after sex. It was slightly akward to use at first but not I love it! It is just a sink placed low to sit on where you can wash your junk with nice warm water and a little soap. Perfectly sensible! Hygiene is something EASILY taught and I hate to hear that lazy reply that the circumcision was done for hygiene.

The benefits: a real live #######. Sensitive in a natural way. protected when "sleeping". Besides, when it is ready to be used, the foreskin disappears with enlargement. At that point, there is no visual difference. I had an Italian boyfriend before I met my husband, and I noticed a very different, more frank and natural approach to making love in comparison to American men. Sensitivity heightened equals better sex.

As for being married without EVERYONE knowing, do NOT worry about immigration. Document your relationship and respond rationally IF they ask if his family knows. I am sure that they have seen a traditions conflict before.

Your steadfast commitment to your marriage will be obvious if you mean it. You guys are adults and in the end the opinion of the family means VERY LITTLE. Focus on you guys, not on whether they know, accept, ect.

International relationships are bound to have social barriers. I am divorced with a child, which makes for a very unacceptable spouse in southern Italy. I just happened to fall in love with a southern Italian man with "kind of" divorced parents. The church will not grant annullment to them, even after his mother has 18 and 21 year old sons with her companion. Our current marriage is not a public affair. His sister and mother know. the rest of the family knows of our intention to marry in Italy in the next 2 years. We are equally dedicated to each other and that is what counts for our future. Does that make sense?

ABENITEZ, yes--being positive is a major factor. I have gone into some of our conversations irritated and it never resulted in a good communication session (though we talk until it is resolved). You mentioned that you complain to him that you are at times lonely. The solution is to find a hobby instead of giving him a sense of insecurity. Lonely equals potential to seek comfort from the point of view of a man.

It might seem too girly at first but scrapbooking is a great way to do something productive while serving a purpose of documenting your journey together. If proof of relationship is needed, you can use it!

Fill your time at home. when you go shopping, fantasize about how you want to transform your house and buy things here and there that will compliment your lifestyles together. For example: Benito is Italian but loves Asian culture. On my kitchen bar is a glass bottle of peperoncini, a little Calabrese pot of hot pepper sauce that his mother made, a pretty little vat of spicy olive oil that we bought together, and a thriving bamboo plant.

If you surround yourself with things that make you calm and happy, it is not a chore to stay at home in your off-time. Redesign your home to reflect your melding of cultures and individual likes. Browse the local thrift stores! I found a ceramic hand painted kitchen pot coaster that reads "Benedetto Pomodoro". Something so bland and innocent has a special meaning to us because my husband's name Benito is derived from Benedetto and means "well-spoken". He studies english and therefore we were able to communicate well on our first meeting. So the humble little coaster that I bought for 99 cents is a source of a shared smile for us, and has a meaning beyond just the paint.

Distance requires ingenuity. Allowing weaknesses such as boredom and lonliness act doubly against you. Go to Michael's Craft store and fantasize!

Skype!

We have a very set schedule and talk on Skype every day. Benito knows that I have my son to take care of and no social network. There is no "going out" with the girls or coworkers and such, so he has very little to worry about.

Since having visited here for 40 days, he saw my work, my routine, my town, he met all of my friends (they are Italian students or nationals all with families,). Now we both know in person each other's daily life routine, so when I say I am going to visit my horses he can visualize what I am doing and the people I may be in contact with.

This was the biggest "calming effect" of our relationship--seeing in person each other's routines. Before, I had been to Italy 5 times and I had no problem with the distance. He was very nervous about every little thing, if someone talked to me, if my students looked at my behind when we did physical training. We used to fight like cats about dumb little things; he would be nervous about me going to inspect my (American) students' rooms at the barracks when I tried to explain to him that students generally have a bit of fear of their instructors and we are not FRIENDLY. Now that he has been here it is much better!

Other than Skype, we found that text messages throughout the day help tremendously. Even going to Walmart, it gives him a warm fuzzy to know that I am out and about. Having a social life of NIL is natural for me, so that is a big plus for him as well LOL.

It is not a question of economy for us. There is concrete need for both of us to work, no matter what.

My husband has been my "beneficiary" for over a year and he HATES it. I gave him an ATM card with access to some money for needs, but he refused to use it and put it in my wallet while he was here over the holidays.

Our purpose for not applying for AOS now is for him to finish his last year of college. We applied for CR-1 instead, because our best interest as a family is for him to attain his degree in-country.

He has already established a temporary job upon approval and arrival, but his professional career will depend upon my duty station. Because of the fact that we WILL move, I do not pressure him to establish a permanent job. However, it is not a maybe. The answer is immediate, and continuous. Period.

There does not seem to be a ton of military families here, but I will check in regardless.

My name is Jessica and I am a Marine. My husband and I met in 2007 when I took a personal trip to Italy for family reasons.

So far, the only advantage that we have had is the free ise of an immigration lawyer. She seems very competent and I am optimistic. So many people tell me that our Visa app. should take less time because I am military, but I don't think that is the case! I just sent my 130 and it has not been "touched" yet. We will see!

I do not know if she has contact with authority in the states (such as a local judge), but YES he must publish his intention to divorce even if she is not in the US. In addition, he must publish it in her language and ANY other language that she claims to speak. As you can see, a translator and newspaper space can add up and become possibly the stupidest nightmare that he would have in the whole case without any possible reporcussions on her.

Military men here post such notices in the local papers, and I saw a 7 language notice one time.

Thank you highway star!

I called my lawyer and she confirmed that if he WANTS to be known here legally as Benito Romagnoli only, then we fill in the forms as such. As of right now the lawyer had me write an explanation of the birth certificate, and everything seems to be in order.

I certainly hope it is all good, because I sent it off today! Now I get to start a timeline and be able to share experiences instead of just asking.

I have my husband's spouse visa package all together, but I am not clear exactly on what to write in a couple of places.

My 325--what do I put at the top under my family name? Maiden or married name?

at the bottom, do I reprint my information or his information. At the bottom of his 325, his infor or mine?

My husband was named Benito Alessandro Romagnoli at birth, but on his birth cert. it was written Romagnoli Benito, Alessandro. Because of the comma, Alessandro is not recognized as part of his name and it has been removed. His passport is just Romagnoli Benito, but I do not have a name change document. Is a "middle" name such a big deal?

Thanks to everyone for the help!!!

My fiancé arrived this month, and we married the 23rd of December. He entered the USA on a 90 day visitor visa, and the Social Security office told us that we need to go to immigration to change his status. My husband does NOT intend to stay here; he will return to Italy after 40 days here to continue his studies in college (this is his last year, and it is a priority for both of us that he will earn his degree in Italy).

My first thought is that a trip to immigrations while he is here will ultimately cause a problem. I understand that I can apply for AOS, but I do not want to risk a delay or possible denial. From what I have read here, a CR1 or K3 application is the route that we want. Please correct me if I am wrong.

For us, the wait is unevitable and planned. My husband has nearly a year left in college, so there is no rush. I am military, so we have more "visit" time since we can utilize (nearly free) space-A flights to visit each other.

When should I start the process, and which process is best? Thanks to everyone!