Habilus

Revenge? I don't do revenge. I've bent over backwards to help this woman. Even offered to get her immigration and start a new life if she would just get off her lazy butt and help a little around the house. I've been far too kind. Fool me 80 times, shame on me, fool me once more,.... not going to happen. (the 81st was 7 months ago)

I wish her all the best and a happy life with a rich husband, but she needs to leave my house.

Yes, she came as a K3. Did I mention she has a history of domestic violence here? I'll send the letter to the USCIS and see what happens.

Thanks,

Brian

(it helps to imagine reading this on a crumpled cardboard sign at a busy intersection)

Please Help! Hard-working, kind-hearted American man, dupped by conniving woman.

Her visa expired, my money too! Anything helps, God bless.

Even with the benefit of my exceptional stupidity and gullability, my lawfully wedded dependent can't muster the slightest sympathy play to compell me to fund her immigration so I can pay for the divorce and support her while she finds another man.

Can the USCIS help? If I explain the situation, would they at least send her a letter telling her to spend my last few dollars on a plane ticket home? The leaky boat can't last much longer.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gulf_Stream

Brian

I am very sorry about what happened to you, but not all women are the same as not all men.

I would recommend you to take some time off and put your feelings and emotions in order. I don´t know your age but try to find somebody over the 30´s because women on that age knows what they want.

women on the 20´s they are not mature enough.

This is just what I think.

Age offers little assurance of maturity. My "wife" is 36, but acts like an impetuous teenager.

There's no misunderstanding in the relationship. In the 20 months we've lived together, perhaps 3 months were spent in the same bedroom. The last time that happened was a very long time ago. I've made it clear, there won't be any physical relationship without a real emotional connection.

The "level" she's on is a single minded focus on an easy life in America. I've made it quite clear, I can forego the marital commitments we've made and help her immigrate as a platonic friend. It is equally clear that continuing down that path will mean financial ruin for me, not to mention the tense and acrid atmosphere I've endured in my home and will likely continue to endure ad infinitum.

My home has always been peaceful sanctuary for my children and myself. Someday, it will be again.

It is a violation of the sacntity of ones life to give someone your complete trust and invite them to share a life together, only to have them emotionally devistate you, finaciallly destroy you, physically exhaust you and invade your home like an occupying army. This I can speak from experience.

So I can understand the ease at which the original poster made the statement "I want her out ASAP."

Every few months, I get a chance to sleep in till 6:00 AM. I work a full time job, have a full time business and two wonderful children. I haven't had a day off since October 05. I keep spare clothes, tools, a parka and my guitar in my very used Suburban. When I have the time I'll play a few songs and dream of toy boats on makebelieve seas in the parking lot at Costco. After two and a half years, my coffee house is finally making a little money. It's enough to keep me out of bankruptcy. It will be a long hard struggle back.

I reurn each night to a filthy home and a "wife" who has slept half the day. When she does greet me at the door, it's with her hand out. When I give her every dollar I can spare, she walks away, shaking her head in disgust. She can't be bothered with bills and debt, American Idol is on. The frozen chicken pot pie can give me a thousand calories, ready in 6 minutes. I'll need them all.

ASAP would have been a blessing, but I wasn't so lucky. The three years I've been "married" to her have been devistating. Her visa will expire in three months.

Three and a half months before the visa expires,... An open letter that others may benefit from my misfortune.

The USCIS has politely as they can, informed me that they've received my correspondence and that I am obligated to pay the fee's associated with filing the application for AOS. They did however say that I can apply for a refund, and while not guaranteed by any means, it is possible.

I've made every attempt to maintain my civility and accord her the basic human respect everyone deserves. This is a daunting task however, when dealing with a thirty-six-year-old teenager.

The application for adjustment should have been rejected by now for non-payment. I expect to see it in the mail sometime soon. At that point, it's anybody's guess how she'll react.

You make it sound like you would be trying to convince her of a lie. That might be enough to qualify as manipulation, control or even abuse. Why not simply tell her the truth, which if I understand correctly is that your marriage didn't work and you're getting a divorce. As such, you will not be sponsoring her status as permanent resident but would be happy to pay her way home and otherwise treat her honorably.

I've always treated her and her daughter honorably, respectfully and truthfully. In return I've been taken advantage of, berated, accused of despicable motivations and financially wiped out. I still cook most of my own meals, wash my clothes and clean my house. This is what acting honorably and truthfully have gotten me. She operates under the misconception that being American, I'm wealthy and just unwilling to give her what is "rightfully" hers.

She's devistated my life by taking advantage of my kindness. Presently my home life is miserable. When she realizes she is going back home, things will get far worse. Now I'm just trying to survive.

I fear the worst is yet to come.

Thank you all so much for your kind reflections and advice. We just returned from a long road trip to SanFrancisco to renew her expiring passport. I am pretty sure she will need that to get home. We got back late and I had to work today. Because her passport was surrendered for renewal, we'll have to re-schedule her biometrics appointment.

As for the spousal abuse. She is the one with the police record. Last year, in one of her outbursts, she back fisted me. I dialed 911 instantly. The police responded and verified the bruise on my face. In my up-bringing hitting a woman is a despicible act of cowardice.

I don't think she intended fraud, but rather, enduring an unhappy marriage seemed better than her life before. Her impression of America came from tv and movies. She simply can't believe westerners really work this hard. I have a full time job in high-tech and a small business. That business had suffered huge losses until recently. (no help from her, she's the laziest person I've ever met)

My goal: As soon as she realizes her immigration has been denied, try to convince her that the application was denied due to my inability to support a family. She's somewhat aware that my net worth is nearly zero because of the business. If she can just go home for a little while, I can re-apply when I have more money.

I'm not at all proud of doing this, I only wish her the best, but I have a duty to my children and myself to un-do this terrible mistake.

Thank you for all your kind thoughts and advice. It's nice to know that some people will still take time to help others.

Unfortunately, it hasn't worked out. What started as an optimistic future has become a marriage of convenience for her and her daughters immigration. The financial and emotional toll on my children and I has been nearly unbearable.

We are at the point that the adjustment of status has been applied for and her appointment for biometrics is in 2 weeks.

Thus far, I've issued stop payment on the checks and sent letters to the national and local offices withdrawing my endorsement of the affidavit of support. All of this unbeknownst to her.

Her visa expires, coincidentally, on the 4th of July 2008.

Can I still stop her adjustment of status?

If so, will the USCIS send a letter telling her to leave the country?

Thank you for any help.

Brian

Thank you all for your kind help. The "Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits" forum seems to be the place I was looking for.

It's really nice to hear that so many unions have worked out. When two people can get together and create an sphere of happiness around them, it always makes the world a more beautiful place.

For us, I believe that she was sincere, but she was more than willing to settle for immigration if the marriage failed. The emotional and financial price my two lovely children and I have paid, has been too high. I need to get my life back. I take this course of action with emotional sobriety and a heavy heart, but it must be done.

Thank you again,

Brian

It's heartwarming to hear of so many happy lives beginning together. But even with the best of intentions of both people, sometimes things don't work out. Is there a forum or thread here dealing with marriages that fail? I may need some advice on getting through the comming months.

Forum administrator: Please feel free to delete or relocate this posting if this is an inappropriate place or topic. Thank you.

Brian

It is with a heavy heart that I take this course of action. I believe she was sincere in marriage, but for the wrong reasons. Maybe we both were.

Thank you for your kind help.

Tito,

Firstly, my sympathies with your situation. I can relate to it though. It didn't work out for "us" either. America is a lot different in real life than on tv. We don't get whatever we want on a silver platter.

I won't go into lengthy details, but her visa expires in 6 months and last friday I reluctantly sent in the complete package for adjustment of status. Shortly after, I noticed it's the same water going under the bridge over and over.

If it's this bad with her immigration status depending on me, then how bad will it be when she has permanent residence? I have to end this now.

I have already cancelled the checks I've written, but how do I legally withdraw my affidavit of support?

Thanks for any,

Brian