confuseddd

Thank you so much for the great response. That is exactly what I was looking for.

As far as I know he didn't notify USCIS of his new address when he moved out. I called to tell them but they wouldn't allow me to give his address. They said HE had to be the one to do it. I guess I can submit a copy of our divorce judgement and let them know of his last known address anyway in writing. What happens next is out of my hands. Thanks again.

He can apply to remove conditions anytime he wants. He will have to prove he married with good faith and not for immigration purposes.

Thanks for the info, but I already know he can now apply to remove the conditions on his own. My question was if anyone knew of his chances of being approved with no proof of our marriage other than what was already submitted in the K-1 and AOS filing times?

Also I want to know if I need to notify USCIS of our divorce. Thanks again.

Sadly, my husband and I are divorced. He came on a K-1 visa, received a conditional green card, and we divorced shortly there after. Do one of us need to notify USCIS of our divorce? Or should I just leave everything as is? I want to make sure I do everything right.

What are his chances of getting a 10-year green card if he has ZERO evidence to submit? I don't know if he will even try or not, or if he is even still in the country, but I am just asking out of pure curiousity.

Thanks in advance.

How else could someone receive a restraining order if it weren't for an illegal act? I'm talking about along the lines of abuse. So does that affect one's chances of removing conditions?

I would just like to know what, if any, consequences a restraining order against a person with a conditional green card would have?

If a restraining order is granted, are the parties involved required to notify USCIS of it or can they leave it be just for the protection of the said person?

Thank you.

I`m even more confused reading this topic. Doesn't really have to do with immigration...

and the strategy: if the annulment will be contested, I'll just turn it in a divorce sounds like you don't really have a strong case for annulment (and you know it) and you actually want to ,,take your best shut at" your spouse. It sounds vindictive and if he is really smart and resourceful, can turn it against you in court. When you do anything in an attempt to hurt, distroy rather then separate, from your spouse can always get a boomerang effect (especially if you cannot sustain the allegations with HARD evidence).

In such disputes, if there are no considerable property to split .... the real winners are only the attorneys.

An uncontested divorce is the easyest and cheapest way to get out of a bad marriage.

If you "take away his future " here, he might want to "hunt you down" and seek revanche, while illegal here.... You win an enemy, one that will have nothing to loose ......hmmmmm.....

If you cant serve him, you can always publish. I think you should not worry about being vindictive. I think you should worry more about just getting divorced. You can always write a letter to USCIS saying that he did whatever he did.. bla bla bla. But the reality is that being vindictive usually doesnt work and its that behavior that may have contributed to how nasty he is being right now as well. Try being nice and saying we need to just get divorced.. If he doesnt, you can publish on grounds of abandonment and just let the marriage go. It sounds like you still love him enough to be pissed and you arent really thinking about extricating yourself as much as just hounding him. He doesnt want to be with you anymore.. and my guess is that he already knows he can remove conditions without you and has moved on with his life and really doesnt care about your threats. He probably has someone else in the other state he is in or whatever place he is in and isnt really caring what you do at this point. Thats why you just need to do what you have to do go on. At least you dont have kids with him trying to track him down for child support. My advice? Just move on and dont worry about kicking him out of the usa and all that jive

Leave to the judgemental people on visa journey to come along and start spouting a bunch of stuff they really have no idea what they're talking about. I love visa journey for all the friends I have made and for those that reply to posters who are asking for help, not asking for judgements about their decision to either marry or separate from a foreign spouse. Did I ask your opinions about which option to file?

Excuse me, but where in my posts did I say I did not have a strong case against my husband? Just because I am stating my options of turning it into a divorce if the annulment doesn't go through, does by no means mean I have no case for an annulment. And turn it around on me at court? Good one.

I don't appreciate the accusations from either of you for being so-called "vindictive" either. Who are you to judge WHAT I am doing to my husband and WHY I am chosing to file an annulment versus a divorce? And being vindictive contributed to how he acts towards me today? That's real rich. Thanks for the support. Do you two know what I've been through? Do you even care to know? No, its the poor immigrant! What about preserving his green card? What about his chances of being in America? Not the USC who has put up more than you can imagine. Have you said you felt sorry for me and wonder why I would take the steps to protect myself and do what I am doing? Thanks for caring about my husband though! I think its time I care about myself for a change. Something I haven't done for a very long time.

And how is filing an annulment equal to "hounding" someone? I find its the opposite. I also never said he didn't want to be with me. You assume the worst, as usual, Hanging In There. I've read your posts and I know you've also been through a lot but your experiences do not mean everyone else's is the same.

I knew I shouldn't have bothered posting here. I thank those of you who weren't judgemental in your replies but tried your best to help me. You are the kinds of people that are important members around Visa Journey. Too bad there are always negative and judgemental people roaming around every post ready to pounce. I've read so many posts where people were judged unnecessarily and now I've become one of them. There are loads of people who leave Visa Journey because of the harrassment and have so much knowledge and information to share that was wasted. Next time you want to judge someone in a nasty way you should think about things before you click "add reply".

Well my lawyer said it was pretty cut and dry as long as he doesn't contest it. And if he does, I will file a divorce instead. Either way I'll be separated from him once and for all and can finally heal.

I know you didn't but from prior posts it appeared that you believed the marriage was bonafide and were emotionally involved with him, but that his psychological state was causing issues in the marriage. Why would you think it appropriate to annul the marriage? The unsound mind that is cause for annulment, I believe, relates to someone that agreed to marry without the capacity to carry it out.

Frankly, I can empathize with your dilemma over what to do in your marriage, but I see it is quite callous to pursue the annulment...and strip him of any chances of remaining in the USA. Although I tend to believe from your earlier posts that he wouldn't anyway

I did believe our marriage was bonafide at the time. It was on my end anyway! Maybe I was so in love and wanted it to work so badly that my better judgement was clouded? There are so many more awful issues I have not addressed here on VJ that cause me to believe I have cause for an annulment for one, possibly two of the reasons applicable for an annulment. I have reasons and proof of that but I will not disclose of them here. Why would he want to stay in the US when all he did was say how awful it is here and how much BETTER his country is? He has always told me over and over again if we split he would immediately return to his country. We have been separated for a little while now. Has he gone home? NO. I believe now he's changed his tune. Surprise, surprise! When we spoke recently, I offered to buy him a ticket home and he refused. There is just so, so much more I don't choose to post here but believe me, DM, there are really sound reasons to why I am doing what I am doing. And if an annulment takes away his chances of staying here, it will be best for my safety and the safety of others living in this country.

On another note, I've decided calling a process server is my best route. I don't want to possibly endanger any of my friends even if it were in a public place. I will also check into what SUS said about provision for service by publication but I don't believe that's possible as there is a paper to fill out that the person serving him must sign that says the date, time, and location of when it was served to my husband.

Thanks for the input everyone.

You cannot use a friend. You need to use a process server like the cop or someone paid to do that that is licensed

Not true. Anyone who is not involved in the situation and over 18 can serve him, including a friend.

I might have missed some discussion, but why, exactly, are you petitioning for Annulment rather than a simple divorce

Because I can. I have proof of one of the reasons you need to be able to file an annulment so why not? If its not granted for whatever reason then I can switch it to a divorce and it will be granted whether my husband likes it or not.

In my state you have to prove one of the following:

1. petitioner's age at time of marriage

2. prior existence of marriage

3.unsound mind

4. fraud

5. force

or

6. physical incapacity

My question really wasn't if you think I am able to get an annulment or not. Or if you think I am allowed to have a friend do it or not. My question was HOW do I get them to do it? I do have a friend willing or I can pay someone if that is better. Which ever is easier and safer to get it done. I just don't know how they're going to find him so easily when I don't know his address and he is in another state now. That is what I'm really worried about. If I can't get him served it really creates an issue. Do I try to trick him into meeting up with someone? Or do i tell the truth and hope he will show up and accept the papers? Or do I need to do nothing and the process server handles it all? But how does that work? Some random man calls my husband and askes to meet him? It just seems really difficult. But I'll call and talk to one I guess.

And I did ask the court house yesterday when I was there. Desert Fox was right. She really didn't have an answer of what's best or who to suggest, especially since he's not in my state any longer.

I have filed an annulment with my local county court today and am ready to have my husband served with the papers. Only problem is how do I do this? He is very unstable and highly disagreeable with anything I say and I'm afraid that if I call him and say, "Hey so and so is going to meet up with you to give you the annulment papers." He's going to freak out and not agree to meet up with my friend.

Is it better to surprise him? If I'm going to surprise him, what is a good way to get him to meet someone to surprise him with the papers?

Do you think its better to pay someone to do it or have a friend who is available to? Do the people you pay help you find them as well? Are they costly?

I don't have his current address so surprising him randomly at home is not an option.

Please help!

If your husbands family had your spouses ex at all of the family parties how would you feel? If they hadn't had an encounter it would be different. Its like a slap in the face to me. Again, principle over the people you care about? I hope my husband would respect me over something as stupid as that.

I wouldn't like it either. I didn't say anywhere in my post that he has no right to be jealous over it. But its all in how he handles that jealousy. Maturity level. He is verbally abusive to her over it! What about his principles? I certainly wouldn't abuse my husband the way that mine has (and apparently the OP's has) no way, no how, ever, never in my lifetime. Its not in my nature and I didn't deserve it. I never even had an ex at a family/friend gathering yet I was abused anyway because of jealousy!

I don't know why her brother should tell his best friend he is not allowed to come over anymore when the OP and her husband are there. If it were just an acquaintance, okay maybe. But this is his seemingly life long best friend. If her fiance can't get a grip of his jealousy, and cannot trust her, then he seriously has a problem with his maturity. I can understand feeling that jealousy inside. We've all felt jealousy to some degree in our lives. But to abuse someone he supposidely loves over it? That's taking it too far.

Whatever happened to trust?

Thank you everyone for your responses. As you can see, this is something I am struggling with. My fiance is from a country that is culturally similar to where your husband is from, mona_jamie. I suppose when we first met I didn't realize the extreme differences in culture with regards to past relationships and I shared too much information with him. It's strange, because on one hand he absolutely adores me, but this is something that eats him up inisde and I see that whenever we have an argument about something - this issue always bubbles up. I think the thing that upsets him more than anything is that I had a brief relationship with my brother's best friend. I was a teenager and naive and it was very short lived. I suppose I made the mistake of telling my fiance about this when he asked, although I don't know if it is a mistake because I don't want to lie or hide anything. Anyway, he feels that this was very dishonorable and cannot get over it. Especially because my brother is still close with this friend and he lives in the area and I can't help but see him from time to time when my brother invites him to family get-togethers. He knows I can't change that, but he expects me to never be around when this person is with my brother. For the most part, I am not, but I have to be careful because I know it upset my brother a bit that my fiance is so jealous over this old history.

My fiance is not very controlling, in fact, I would say that I am the more dominant and controlling one in the relationship. But, his jealousy and insecurity does lead him to act that way sometimes.

And I do ask him and myself the same question over and over - if this is how you feel, why do you want to marry me? I can see the war that is going on inside himself, he loves me, but can't let this thing go. But, if we are going to have a future together he is going to have to...I just don't know that he will.

Again, everything you're typing is exactly what happened to me. Except that I do not speak to the ex men in question anymore and are not family friends. But all of your words otherwise are the same. I too told my husband way more information than I should have. I did it early on and wasn't sure if we were ever going to see each other again anyway. If I would have known he would have had a hissy fit, I would have said I was a virgin! But I didn't, and neither did you. You cannot take back what you said and it will forever be burned into his brain. My husband also loves me to death. But he cannot get over that I've had past sexual relationships and brought it up constantly. Constantly. Your fiance isn't even here yet! If my husband had done it before he got here, you BET your azz I wouldn't have continued on with the visa! Unfortunately, my then fiance, now husband, brought it up maybe two months after he arrived, and it was too late to turn around. Trust me, as a woman who's married to someone that sounds exactly like your fiance, it is NOT going to get better. I know it hurts. I know you think you can change him. But I'm telling you, with men from these cultures, they cannot see their pure angel wives having a sexual past before them. Even if they are not particularly religious, it is burned into their brain from their culture. I'm sorry to hear others go through what I have. I went through this and so much more abuse. Save yourself while you can.

One, you can cut your losses and move on.

Two, you can tell him that this has become a big enough issue that you are seriously reconsidering the marriage. I am not sure if this is possible, but if you can delay the petition and tell him that you are giving it some time to see if he can learn to deal with it better? And honey, I am talking about a lot of time. I can see he is immature, and there is a strong chance he is going to try to behave for awhile, but if he remains immature, given time, he will crack. If he really sees that his behaviour is unaceptable he will accept the time you need and will learn.

I must be honest, I don't think he will "pass the test". But it is better than jumping in knowing these serious flaws just to lead to a nasty divorce. You need to think seriously about this.

I totally disagree that he will learn. I gave my husband lots and lots of time, and he remained immature and passionately jealous.

I can't imagine being in any relationship where I had to skip family functions because a friend of the family might be there. I don't make cultural allowances for abuse. Who cares if jealousy is different in MENA? ** it then. You're American. Exercise your culture-given right to be respected. I don't even understand why some of you would be in a relationship where you couldn't tell the truth about your past if asked about it. What makes some of you feel so badly about yourselves that you're willing to put up with a guy cussing you out for having a past? I've been there and I got right with myself. If a man talked to me like that again, I'd walk. IMMEDIATELY. You don't go through that twice, believe.

Confuseddd, for the record, I know I've said some men change, but really it's rare as helll. So are you getting out of this relationship yet?? I just want happiness for you!

Apparently I'm feeling like speaking my mind today, sorry.

I'm not saying all MENA men are abusive; I'm saying being from MENA does not excuse being abusive.

Alex you are totally correct. I do understand that he would be jealous knowing the other guy would be around (not sure why the OP even told him that part of it) but I do not think he should freak out and abuse her over it.

Yes, Alex, I have. With deep pain and sadness, I finally did it.

To the OP:

What are you going to do when your fiance arrives? Do you have any male friends? You can kiss them goodbye.

If this ex boyfriend is going to be at family functions, you can kiss those goodbye as well. Your husband will likely refuse to go to them (maybe even if the ex isn't even there) And I am sure he will hold hostility towards your brother for being friends with him.

Please don't be afraid to PM me.

I am also posting under an annonymous name.

I have gone through the exact same situation with my husband. When I read your post, it looked like I was writing it. My husband also comes from a culture where women are expected to be virgins (but the men seem to go see prostitutes). I had told him a very low number, even lower than the real number because I knew he wouldn't approve. But that wasn't even good enough! I wish I had never told him anything, but I can't take it back now, and neither can you. Every single time we have a fight he brings it up, like your fiance does. He has gone through my personal things in search of photographs and ways to bring up his jealousy. When we have a fight he brings up my past, repeats how he can't get over it, threatens to leave me, and has on occassion called me some awful names. He especially has called my girlfriends names (girls he has never met, or met just once) because he knows I have gone out with them and they knew me when I had so-and-so boyfriend. They're prostitutes, they're sluts, they're bad influences, they're (insert lame attack here)!

Its been a never ending cycle and I warn you now while you are still engaged...it is not likely to get better. It hasn't for me and I've done a lot of searching for help in this matter. I've explained myself countless times. I was firm. I demanded he "get over it" like others are giving advice here. Nothing worked. My family even sat him down one night when he freaked out and explained to him how my past is my past. How he needs to get over it if he really loves me. We've all tried everything. But yet he still throws a temper tantrum at times about it. Its an excuse to always be upset with me. Plenty of time has gone by for him to realize I love him and want to be with him, not my ex's, but he still can't get over picturing his wife not as pure as he wanted I guess.

I don't know where you are in the visa process yet. Is he still in his country? Do you have other problems as well? Reaaaaaally sit and think hard about the other aspects of your relationship. Is it worth it to bring this guy over who is already abusing you? You deserve so much better than that. I know its easier said than done (trust me, I KNOW). Everyone told me to run while I could. But I stuck with it, we got married, and things went downhill after that for many other reasons as well, but that jealousy was a major, huge, gigantic, massive reason. I suggest you break up while you can and either find someone more open-minded, or next time don't share your past sexual information. I've learned my lesson big time!

If you need to PM, feel free to write me.

I've posted here a few times about problems with my husband. Recently my husband went back to his country so we could take a break/maybe divorce. He assumed he was going for a breather. We were fighting constantly and he was very homesick. Well two weeks has turned into two months and although we had both agreed if certain changes were made, that he should come back and we could give it another try. A few days later I get a call from his family that he is in the hospital and he attempted suicide. He has been there a week now and isn't due to be released until further notice. I won't get into details but I really believe now that he is bipolar and is obviously very sick. He blames me for everything but I know (thank God) that I'm not totally to blame. One day he blames me, the next he takes full responsibility and is sorry for everything and asks me what he can do to prove to me he loves me.

I really do love him but I feel confused. He treated me like ####### a lot of the time he was here living with me. But we also did have a lot of good times. I miss him but I'm scared if I continue with this I'm making a huge mistake. Its already difficult enough that we are newlyweds, have cultural differences, and now attempted suicide/possible bipolar? :

I have no experience in situations like this. I do love him. I just don't know what to do! Should I be on the next plan to be by his side? Should I be tough and let him work it out there with his family? Should I run for my life while I can?

And...how long can one be out of the country on AP while their green card is still pending?

:crying:

sooooo...sorry to interrupt your argument but basically I just withdrawl my support and that is that?

My husband and I really haven't been getting along for a long time now. We fight constantly, he's depressed, he's homesick, he's lost all the passion I once knew in him. And he's threatened to divorce me and go back to his country on multiple occasions. We've discussed him going back to his country and take some time apart to see if it helps his homesickness/depression. But honestly as much as I hate to say it, I really think divorce is in our near future. Currently our AOS is still not approved although he does have AP documents to return.

Regarding AOS- Even though we did file the AOS would I just then have to call USCIS to notify them of a pending divorce and that is that? Would he still be able to come back with his AP even if I pulled my affidavit of support (I didn't sign anything in our initial K-1 because his country does not require that. Only in this AOS process did I file the I-864) Would I need to do anything else regarding this? Although I do not think he would even attempt to return here and try to live on his own in the US. He isn't in it for the green card.

I'm really crushed over this and do not want to divorce. I know I've posted here a few times in the past about divorce because he's threatened me so many times with it, but I never thought it was actually going to happen. I thought he would come around and stop acting this way but he just hasn't. We've both come to our breaking point and something needs to change or we need to separate. I've tried everything I could possibly do to make our marriage work but he just was never happy here.

Start looking into going to Turkey now. Sounds like that was a good idea and if he can also get a visa there, then you two can be together!

I would confront him. But what good is that really going to do? He'll just make excuses. Why in the world does he save his chat logs anyway? I find that extremely odd. I know if I were trying to sneak around I would delete all chat logs/cookies/ANY history. Although I would never do that, I'm just trying to think of what goes through a cheating mind.

To me, chatting with another woman and telling her he is not married is not acceptable. Period. There really is no way to excuse that imho. There are no lies he could come up with that could make that any less painful and make me less suspicious in the future. If you have no kids, I would say that is a deal breaker. But we all have different limits as to what we are willing to put up with. It doesn't make any of us better or worse than you because of what are opinions are on this. I wish you the best in your deicision either way.

we've been married just a few months. i WISH we had gone to vegas to get married! thats a shame. Anyway, does anyone know what you need to prove an unsound mind? I do think he has serious mental issues. If I could convince him to see a doctor, get antidepressants, etc? Could that be enough? Could my witnesses and emails describing all that he has done to me, be enough?

PS. Our AOS has not been approved yet.

I went to speak to "We The People" today about the differences between divorce and annulment. They said they do not do annulments and she advised against it because it was difficult to prove. He either had to fraud me or be of an unsound mind. . He definitely has an unsound mind for many reasons I do not care to discuss on VJ, but how can you PROVE that? I have countless emails I've made discussing my problems, witnesses, etc. But what proof can I really have?!

Has anyone really had successful cases of annulment? Is it even worth it? I would rather have an annulment for my own selfish reasons... to delete this HUGE mistake I've made in my life...

if its at all possible, I will go for it versus a divorce.

In our last fight I suggested we see a marriage counselor and he scoffed at the idea. There is no way he'd go with me. Our main problem is communication. He keeps things bottled inside until he explodes in anger instead of discussing them and nipping it in the bud. I know he didn't mean it when he said he'd rather be homeless than be here. He was angry and came back instantly and all night apologized to me for doing that to me. We're currently trying to work it out but I have little hope until we can learn to communicate better. I wish I could make him see a counselor with me and alone. I think he does have self esteem issues and is truly in deep culture shock.

Thanks for the advice.

Maybe I worded it incorrectly. We've been having fights here and there. Sometimes big blowouts where he threatens to leave. Recently he threatened to leave but without letting me help him pay for a ticket home. He said he would rather be homeless and do what was necessary to get the money to pay for his own ticket home. Of course I would pay for him to go home if he asked! Even if we were to get divorced, I would never want to see him roam the streets begging for money (or worse)! I was wondering what I should do if he actually followed through with that at some point? Should I call the police and/or INS and tell them as he's walking away and intends to overstay his visa? Or let him go and be homeless!? If he refuses a ticket, he refuses. I can't force him to go to the airport and use the ticket I paid for. I'm trying to work things out with him but if we have another huge fight...who knows what he'll do?

my husband and i have been experiencing a lot of problems ever since his arrival earlier this year. i feel like the end is near and i'm trying to figure out our options regarding his departure. he doesn't want to stay in the us if we happen to divorce. he threatened to take his things and walk out the door, becoming homeless and begging for money until he gets enough to pay for his ticket back to his country (his family refuses to send him money for a ticket and he refuses to except i pay for it)

i'm afraid he might eventually do this. what will then happen to me? i'm responsible for this person (although we have not been approved for AOS yet) what if he does become homeless and roams around doing god knows what?! should i call the police or INS if/when he is in the process of leaving our home? (he really does have NO WHERE to go)

or just let him walk away...... and can i divorce him without him involved?

The reported experience of others in a similar situation appears to be

appears to be what? don't do it? get married now?