daveg

well, i had my filipina fiancee read this thread. i asked her if that had happened is it likely the woman would give the baby to the "rapist" family. She said it was possible since she wouldnt want the child born of a rape. Having said that she agreed with me that she didnt believe the story. She felt it was her boyfriend who got her pregnant while having a USA husband. happens there more frequently than you would think.

First if an adult filipina has a male "best friend" thats a boyfriend. the culture there is very conservative. Most women dont date alot and they have a chaperone if they do. One of my fiance's friends wants to find a foreign husband. she of course has a filipino boyfriend who the girl states is not her future, so she is looking while keeping this guy on the side. whole thing sounds like she has the USA husband but kept her filipino boyfriend and he got her pregnant. Funny she didnt tell her USA husband about the baby and "rape" until she had to. ANd she didnt go to the police and file a report. The filipino "rapist" is paying the medical bills ( theres a red flag if you ever needed one) of the future baby and the families agree for his family to take care of the baby once born.

I am sure the girl cried when she told the USA husband. i think she was seeing her whole future crumble away. If i was the USA husband i would stand with the wife but only if she went to the police and filed the rape charge. I would go there and be with her for support. If he raped her, he should be punished and she shouldnt protect him. I think she wont go to the police because she is protecting the guy. fortunate he is in korea right now. i say either she is faithful and loyal to the USA husband and files charges on the "best friend rapist" or she is loyal to the filipino boyfriend and the USA Husband should cut his losses. I might be alittle more compassionate if she had told the husband about the rape when it happened, not when she knew she was pregnant and couldnt hide it any longer. I dont believe the guy made threats to her to stay quiet but yet pays the medical bills and is taking the child when its born. Guys who make threats to keep a rape quiet would deny being the father of the baby, not pay the bills and embrace it.

If she files charges then it looks good to the consulate and you have police reports etc on your side. if she doesnt, they have no hope of getting approved. the consulate is going to see this as fraud by her. no matter what, the CO is not going to believe this anymore than alot of us. I feel bad for the USA husband but this story doesnt jive. And in the end the filipina will end up with the "rapist" and their baby.

Chris

I can see why you and her see it that way. But the person was just a old freind from 2005 that came to the Pilippines to visit. Wish I could explain better. But like I said I know her very well from chating cam to cam and on phone like 6 7 hours a day im sure many won't belive me but she is a very good shy sweet girl and was a victim of a rape that was not viloent but its still rape, she is not the type to want to chat or have a side boyfreind and was raisedf by a very good family. Why she didn't tell me or her family at first is becuse she felt embarssed and seems like ashamed it happened.

which no women should feel like if it happened to her. I stayed with her family for most of my stay there they were all so nice, love phillppino people is all I can say. It is one of those thing I guess only us really know how much we love each other and thats hard to explain from writing for me. Anyeway thanks for all the comments and help everyone..

I am sorry to hear about what happened to your wife. If I were in your situation I would personally do the following :

+ support my wife in reporting the crime - the animal can not roam free and do this to someone else

+ finance a trip for both of you to a place were abortion is legal

That 's my personal opinion interview or visa are really not what worry me in your situation , what I would need if I were in your situation is to rebuild my life and of my special one.

I apologise in advance if it is not what wanted to hear

Thanks for your input think I need to hear all views at this point.

I talked to my congress womans office today she said she can't find out how to approach the Embassy

until we decide on what to do, as for if it will affect the visa.

We were thinking of adopting now, but just seen it takes 3 years.

I just can't belive that something so bad that happened to my wife might even effect us being together forver.

my thoughts to you is that if you really love your wife, you should go to your country as soon as possible. Console her and then, if you have decided that you do not wanna tell this to police, your only option is abortion. You have to do that. Adn then, everthing will be ok after a while. You need to console your wife and do this right away.

Your right I should go there but can not afford it. She is with her family now and they are helping her alot.

We are talking chat and cam to cam 6 hours a day and computer phone talk about it.

She can not have an abortion it is illegal there and she does not belive in it also.

I agree that the question of when the OP learned of the rape would be a very valid queston for him and the CO. Whether she wanted to report to police or not, one would think she would have told the man she loved right away of such a traumatc event in her life. Then again, I am sure she was too scared to tell him too.

She did not tell me until she felt pregnant but she was not sure at the time.

Yes she was scared and very ashamed. A woman should never feel ashamed of course if she was forcee to have sex.

We are talking about this at this very moment its so hard to tell what is the right thing to do and wrong.

And maybe we should keep the baby with us? Or will it be ok with the rapist parents since he is far away in Korea.

It just such a horrible thing to happen to any woman, and couple, let alone it might affect us finally being together forver.

We honestly love each other so very much.

At this point I think there can only be speculation about motives, etc. Those issues will not be resolved on this board. I think it's probably in the best interests of everybody here to just focus on the immigration issues, answer his immigration related questions, and let him and his wife sort out the rest.

I agree. I think it's clear now that the "rape" while still a rape, can be more accurately characterized as non-consensual sex between two people who are acquainted. Since the result will be a child who has a family who wants to love and raise it, I see nothing to be gained by criticizing that decision.

We have enough information to start focusing on the immigration problems at this point. Since there is no intention for the child to immigrate, the original plans can procede without a delay to get the child's immigration dealt with.

I agree that the bona fides are the greatest issue to deal with. Without multiple visits, at least one during the pregnancy, I see some big red flags for a Consular officer to overcome.

"I had a child as the result of non-consensual sex with a person I thought of as a friend. Since abortion is not an option, and the father's family wanted to adopt and care for the baby, I decided that was the best course of action." , is a viable explanation but a Consular officer still must overcome the natural reaction that the story isn't entirely true.

A full and candid explanation of the events and decision making process, backed up by strong evidence the petitioner behaved like a husband during the process, will be critical to convincing the CO, the marriage relationship is bona fide.

Your question is "Will they believe her?" The answer is nobody knows. Your best bet is to have and effectively present what a reasonable Consular officer would believe is a bona fide marriage relationship.

What's the plan? Will you visit? Have you already? When? How many times?

Yes I have visited once of course to marry her and stay with her family the whole time.

My problem now is as lame as it sounds is I have no money I barley make enough to get her here as my yearly income is just over the amount needed. So basically can not afford to go there now.

I am there for her 6 hours a day on chat and cam and yahoo computer to mic calling.

She has meet the parents of the rapisist and they are very nice they are willing to take care of the baby while the guy pays for its support from working in Korea.

If I made enough money to adopt the kid I really think I would.

I can see how this whole thing looks weird to people of course.

All I can say is im sure my wife was forced to have sex, after talking to her so many times about it and knowing her well. She is a very shy sweet girl who loves me so much and is having a very hard time with this.

She still breaks down crying when we talk about it.

Thanks for everyones opions and thoughts as well as help.

Dave,

The $64,000 question you still haven't answered is, "Where and with whom is the child going to live?"

I'm trying to get a handle on just what immigration problems you'll be dealing with. Right now, you've not taken any action that can result in the child immigrating with its mother.

The child will stay with the parents of the guy in the Philppines ( she thought was a freind) he is in korea now back working and will support the child and hopefully take the child at a later time.

Dave,

The $64,000 question you still haven't answered is, "Where and with whom is the child going to live?"

I'm trying to get a handle on just what immigration problems you'll be dealing with. Right now, you've not taken any action that can result in the child immigrating with its mother.

As for proof of bonafide marriage I have chat logs saved about 6 hours a day for 10 months now.

plus hundred photos being there with her and her family, wedding etc...

Also many phone calls hope thats enough.

You should have a LOT more than that as she is your wife.

How about a will, joint bank account, money you sent her receipts, life insurance etc.

Best thing you have are the pictures.

However scammers have them also. You have to do one better than the phonys and they are good.

Lots of rich Filipinos pay guys to bring relatives to the US. You have to beat that trip also.

FLY! Get more pics of an ongoing loving marriage.

It is difficult for me to understand why you didn't fly over to show your loving support when she told you she was raped. I'd have been on the next plane!

Chatting and cam wouldn't hack it for me if my love went thru what yours is going thru. That's just me tho.

I send her money monthly to, no will or life insurance yet or joint bank yet planned on that when she is here of course.

As for going there I really really want to it kills me I can't really go there becuse I cant afford it unless put it on a credit card which Is very high now from paying for going there and the wedding when I was there the first time. She is with her big family now and they are giving her alot of support now. I talk to her for hours to now on yahoo messenger computer call for free. It is almost like being with her in her house then becuse I talk to her family to.I am barley making over the yearly amount to get her here to, but yea your right I really should find a way to go there again.

Hi this is a very hard question for me to ask and a very terrible thing that happened in our relationship.

My Wife was raped and I really dont want to go into details of it of course ,and now she is pregnant from the guy. She did not report the rape because of threats made from the guy, and she was very scared.

I know she was really raped becuse after she went into details of it she broke down crying and I could tell she was telling me the truth. She is also a very shy sweet Pinay from the philippines and would not be in her character to cheat on me. We have been talking on cam and chat for 10 months now on average 6 to 7 hours a day almost so we also know each other very well. We also talk on the phone alot and messenger computer to computer call.

My question is will this affect her in the interview when she will try to get her visa to come here and finally be with me? As many know abortion in the philppines is illegal. She will have the baby a few months before the medical exam and interview but plans on telling them the truth if asked if she has a kid. Our worry is if they ask if it is ours, she will have to say no its from an other guy. And we are not sure if they will belive she was raped if she needs to tell them why it isnt from me? We just pray this wont affect us finally being together becuse we are in so much love and can't wait to be together like the so many other couples going through the same process.

If anyone can help I would apprecaiate it so much.

This is a rough situation. I'm sad either of you has to deal with it.

As for the practical issues, since your wife intends to disclose that a rapist, not her husband is the father of the child, you have some decisions to make and unless she puts the child up for adoption, some immigration issues to deal with. Since the child is not a child of a USC, it would be your step-child. Your timeline indicates CR1/IR1 so this means there is no I-130 filed for the child and, of course, can't be until it is born. This means the child will not be issued a CR2 visa until after an I-130 is approved, then gets through NVC and to Manila. This most likely means your wife won't be coming to the USA as quickly as you planned, unless she leaves the child behind.

Have you thought these things through yet?

Yes we have thought of this, but she knows the father and he is in Korea now and has been paying her medical bills and plans on taking care of the baby. All she wants is to make sure the baby is taken care of, it was rape, she was forced by a so called friend, she cries about it everyday still. She is such a sweet nice shy girl and it is so hard on her that this happened to her. We are just scared that in the interview they ask if the child is ours and when or if she has to say no will they belive her that she was forced to have sex?

Maybe I'm missing something but I don't understand why it matters if her story is believed. Where is the child going to live? If with you and your wife, you have an immigration problem. If the child will stay with the father, then again, why do you think there is any issue with the medical or interview?

Reason I think is becuse she will probably be asked if she has children at medical and visa interview, also probably by the medical exam she will still show signs of having been pregnant.

Then if they ask was it by your husband and she will say no then will that cause a problem becuse of course they will think she was with another guy on pupose and we are already married of course.

As for proof of bonafide marriage I have chat logs saved about 6 hours a day for 10 months now.

plus hundred photos being there with her and her family, wedding etc...

Also many phone calls hope thats enough.

You should have a LOT more than that as she is your wife.

How about a will, joint bank account, money you sent her receipts, life insurance etc.

Best thing you have are the pictures.

However scammers have them also. You have to do one better than the phonys and they are good.

Lots of rich Filipinos pay guys to bring relatives to the US. You have to beat that trip also.

FLY! Get more pics of an ongoing loving marriage.

It is difficult for me to understand why you didn't fly over to show your loving support when she told you she was raped. I'd have been on the next plane!

Chatting and cam wouldn't hack it for me if my love went thru what yours is going thru. That's just me tho.

Hi this is a very hard question for me to ask and a very terrible thing that happened in our relationship.

My Wife was raped and I really dont want to go into details of it of course ,and now she is pregnant from the guy. She did not report the rape because of threats made from the guy, and she was very scared.

I know she was really raped becuse after she went into details of it she broke down crying and I could tell she was telling me the truth. She is also a very shy sweet Pinay from the philippines and would not be in her character to cheat on me. We have been talking on cam and chat for 10 months now on average 6 to 7 hours a day almost so we also know each other very well. We also talk on the phone alot and messenger computer to computer call.

My question is will this affect her in the interview when she will try to get her visa to come here and finally be with me? As many know abortion in the philppines is illegal. She will have the baby a few months before the medical exam and interview but plans on telling them the truth if asked if she has a kid. Our worry is if they ask if it is ours, she will have to say no its from an other guy. And we are not sure if they will belive she was raped if she needs to tell them why it isnt from me? We just pray this wont affect us finally being together becuse we are in so much love and can't wait to be together like the so many other couples going through the same process.

If anyone can help I would apprecaiate it so much.

This is a rough situation. I'm sad either of you has to deal with it.

As for the practical issues, since your wife intends to disclose that a rapist, not her husband is the father of the child, you have some decisions to make and unless she puts the child up for adoption, some immigration issues to deal with. Since the child is not a child of a USC, it would be your step-child. Your timeline indicates CR1/IR1 so this means there is no I-130 filed for the child and, of course, can't be until it is born. This means the child will not be issued a CR2 visa until after an I-130 is approved, then gets through NVC and to Manila. This most likely means your wife won't be coming to the USA as quickly as you planned, unless she leaves the child behind.

Have you thought these things through yet?

Yes we have thought of this, but she knows the father and he is in Korea now and has been paying her medical bills and plans on taking care of the baby. All she wants is to make sure the baby is taken care of, it was rape, she was forced by a so called friend, she cries about it everyday still. She is such a sweet nice shy girl and it is so hard on her that this happened to her. We are just scared that in the interview they ask if the child is ours and when or if she has to say no will they belive her that she was forced to have sex?

Maybe I'm missing something but I don't understand why it matters if her story is believed. Where is the child going to live? If with you and your wife, you have an immigration problem. If the child will stay with the father, then again, why do you think there is any issue with the medical or interview?

Hopefully she will be approved. Unless you are planning on moving there your lady will be "hung out to dry".

No divorce in PI and annulments are expensive. For a pinay that is.

To me your main goal is to have overwhelming evidence of a bonafide loving marriage. ####### happens!

Don't know how many trips you've made but if only one. Get on the plane. Most common question asked is!

How many times you met and for how long !

Plus plan on going to the interview to show your support.

if I had to move there I would becuse we love each other so much.

As for proof of bonafide marriage I have chat logs saved about 6 hours a day for 10 months now.

plus hundred photos being there with her and her family, wedding etc...

Also many phone calls hope thats enough.

I am being honest I truly know her and she is a sweet shy nice girl not her character to want to cheat on me.

And after she told me in details of how it happened and her breaking up crying I know she was really forced.

I was told they might just need a letter telling them im aware of what happend and if I still want to be married to her.

Hi this is a very hard question for me to ask and a very terrible thing that happened in our relationship.

My question is will this affect her in the interview when she will try to get her visa to come here and finally be with me? As many know abortion in the philppines is illegal. She will have the baby a few months before the medical exam and interview but plans on telling them the truth if asked if she has a kid. Our worry is if they ask if it is ours, she will have to say no its from an other guy. And we are not sure if they will belive she was raped if she needs to tell them why it isnt from me? We just pray this wont affect us finally being together becuse we are in so much love and can't wait to be together like the so many other couples going through the same process.

If anyone can help I would apprecaiate it so much.

When the rape thing happen? before you had communication or relationship?

or it happened during the period that you are officially "in a relationship"

Hi, it happened after I went there and we married. I seen that you got your interview did it go well? Do they ask if any children? She is in Butuan now with her family thank god, she is gradually getting over it, it is a horrible thing to have a baby from someone that is not your love, and someone she thought was a freind, and is very hard on her, but I always tell her don't worry I wont leave you becuse something bad happened to you my love is forver just like yours. One thing I love about pinay women they are so sweet and nice and down to earth and most are very good wifes and there love is forever im always told.

WOW! The rapist pays the medical bills?

Sorry but things don't add up.

The CO may have concerns about you/her having a bonafide loving marriage.

Guess all that matters is we know she was raped and she is thinking of the baby being taken care of now.

We have plenty of proof of a good relationship, and plenty of love in our hearts to hopefully get through this.

Hi this is a very hard question for me to ask and a very terrible thing that happened in our relationship.

My Wife was raped and I really dont want to go into details of it of course ,and now she is pregnant from the guy. She did not report the rape because of threats made from the guy, and she was very scared.

I know she was really raped becuse after she went into details of it she broke down crying and I could tell she was telling me the truth. She is also a very shy sweet Pinay from the philippines and would not be in her character to cheat on me. We have been talking on cam and chat for 10 months now on average 6 to 7 hours a day almost so we also know each other very well. We also talk on the phone alot and messenger computer to computer call.

My question is will this affect her in the interview when she will try to get her visa to come here and finally be with me? As many know abortion in the philppines is illegal. She will have the baby a few months before the medical exam and interview but plans on telling them the truth if asked if she has a kid. Our worry is if they ask if it is ours, she will have to say no its from an other guy. And we are not sure if they will belive she was raped if she needs to tell them why it isnt from me? We just pray this wont affect us finally being together becuse we are in so much love and can't wait to be together like the so many other couples going through the same process.

If anyone can help I would apprecaiate it so much.

This is a rough situation. I'm sad either of you has to deal with it.

As for the practical issues, since your wife intends to disclose that a rapist, not her husband is the father of the child, you have some decisions to make and unless she puts the child up for adoption, some immigration issues to deal with. Since the child is not a child of a USC, it would be your step-child. Your timeline indicates CR1/IR1 so this means there is no I-130 filed for the child and, of course, can't be until it is born. This means the child will not be issued a CR2 visa until after an I-130 is approved, then gets through NVC and to Manila. This most likely means your wife won't be coming to the USA as quickly as you planned, unless she leaves the child behind.

Have you thought these things through yet?

Yes we have thought of this, but she knows the father and he is in Korea now and has been paying her medical bills and plans on taking care of the baby. All she wants is to make sure the baby is taken care of, it was rape, she was forced by a so called friend, she cries about it everyday still. She is such a sweet nice shy girl and it is so hard on her that this happened to her. We are just scared that in the interview they ask if the child is ours and when or if she has to say no will they belive her that she was forced to have sex?

Daveg,

I am so sorry that this happened to your wife and I know that many times women do not report this incident to the police or authorities immediately after this horrific event. As other vjers have mentioned, if it is possible for your wife to have some sort of proof from a doctor or from the authorities (if she now wishes to report the rape incident) to have documented proof of the cause of her pregnancy from another man this would probably help her out in the interview. You being there for the interview would look even better for her and if you cannot go there, then probably a letter from you to the embassy verifying your knowledge of this might be useful for the interview....Where your wife lives is there any sort of community agency where women who have been abused/raped can go?-This might be beneficial for your wife to seek out and join a place like this not only to possibly use them as a letter reference for the interview but also for her to get some counseling and get the help and support that she needs after experiencing such a traumatic event.

Good luck and hope all goes well on the interview and that your wife will recover from this traumatic experience and live safe and happily in love with you!

Thanks so much for the support and help, I did tell her she should tell the doctor but she felt the doctor would not care why or how she got pregnant don't know why but wll talk to her today more about that and going to counsling center to.

Hi this is a very hard question for me to ask and a very terrible thing that happened in our relationship.

My Wife was raped and I really dont want to go into details of it of course ,and now she is pregnant from the guy. She did not report the rape because of threats made from the guy, and she was very scared.

I know she was really raped becuse after she went into details of it she broke down crying and I could tell she was telling me the truth. She is also a very shy sweet Pinay from the philippines and would not be in her character to cheat on me. We have been talking on cam and chat for 10 months now on average 6 to 7 hours a day almost so we also know each other very well. We also talk on the phone alot and messenger computer to computer call.

My question is will this affect her in the interview when she will try to get her visa to come here and finally be with me? As many know abortion in the philppines is illegal. She will have the baby a few months before the medical exam and interview but plans on telling them the truth if asked if she has a kid. Our worry is if they ask if it is ours, she will have to say no its from an other guy. And we are not sure if they will belive she was raped if she needs to tell them why it isnt from me? We just pray this wont affect us finally being together becuse we are in so much love and can't wait to be together like the so many other couples going through the same process.

If anyone can help I would apprecaiate it so much.