bjejelola.isscamr

Thank you so much

I went back and searched for that post from 'boye'. I was shocked to see it was in fact him. From the date on his post, it looks like he wrote it about two weeks after he left me. It made me so sick to read the lies he wrote of me on there. He knew I used VisaJourney to guide me thru the process to get him here (ironic huh?). He now came to it to find his way out. It looks like he tested out all his lies on this forum and got the responses he was looking for, which was a solution to him staying without being with me. Everyone was so sympothetic to him...even ones who have posted here to me. lol. They all gave him advice to file without me using that spousal abuse form. However, I noticed in his post that I don't think he mentioned to anyone that we had not filed AOS yet. I then noticed someone, someone called him out on some of his comments. And after that, nobody heard from him again. By then, I think he got the answer he was looking for anyways. I just want everyone to know that he completely lied about all he wrote. For God's sake, why would I spend $22,000 plus to go to Nigeria to meet him....phone bills...sending him money to make him comfortable....paying for his Visa and all the fees associated with it......filing the petition for him to come....and buying his ticket to come here just to throw him out???? na wa for me if that was tru ooooo. lol. I don't blame anyone here for giving him the advice that they did. Afterall, he fooled me too. Thanks everyone for ur support...I'm trying everyday to move on. If I do file for a divorce....how do I do that if I don't even know where he is to serve him papers??

Im sorry about your situation. It is sad anytime one takes advantage of anothers feelings. I do recall an old post titled " My Experience in the States, Sharing my worries with the house". Was this by chance your husband? The guy has the same first name as yours did.....

Again my heart goes out to your situation....

I doubt it, but how could I find that post??

But how do I find out if he is attempting to stay here on the basis that I subjected him to this "cruelty"? Won't they have to let me know? Who would I call to find out? When he left the first time (2 months after marriage) I waited about 2 weeks and then went to the Homeland Security and let them know that he was not living with me and that I wanted to withdraw any financial responsibilty. They told me that after we got married and since we didn't file AOS, that I didn't have a financial responsibility anymore anyways. They also had me put in writing that he was not living with me. I did. And they said they would 'put it in his file'. After that time, we got back together and he left again several times. But I never told them anything different. Tho I'm sure he could prove we were together after that with emails or something that we used to write while I was at work and he was home. Should I go back to Homeland Security again to inquire anything, or will it be a waste of time?

Without an affidavit of support, or proof you battered or subjected him to extreme cruelty, he does not have a shot at getting a greencard.

Without the AOS, he is dead in the water basically. He is "out of status" with the expiration of the I-94. If ICE picks him up, he is subject to deportation.

As Otto has said, get divorced ASAP. Start getting together all the evidence you can now, if he chooses to pursue "spousal abuse" against you. Tell your family too, so you can get support from them. They are your family - not enemies.

It would appear, with the info you posted, he used you to come here, so take steps now to protect yourself now.

The time for self-pity is over, the time now is for action!

Good luck!

lol. Ur right......and thanks for the tough love. lol. Everytime I wanted to come back to this site and write for help...my hands would not have the determination to write. I just keep thinking that if I ignore the situation....I'll wake up one day and it will all have been a nightmare. But since that never happened, here I am. So thanks for your advice and keep it coming.

A relationship falling apart is never a good thing.

What kind of information are you looking for?

If it were me and the marriage was truly over, I'd get/file for a divorce (in absentia if need be) and begin to put it all behind me. If he decides to attempt to adjust status, let him try.

I know that is what I should do. And I spent months telling myself to let it go. The only thing that disturbs me about it all, is that I was so good to him. I did everything I was supposed to do for us to be together. I paid for everything. And I was so loving and attentive when we were here together. It just disturbs me to think that he is somewhere talking horrible things about me just for him to stay in this country. I don't care if he's here or not. God knows, I would not want even my worst enemy to be forced to go back to somewhere that they don't want to be. And obviously he wanted to leave Nigeria so bad that he had to lie, hurt and deceive a good woman. But I just don't want him to use me as his scape-goat to stay. Ya know?

Hi VJ, first let me say, if I'm in the wrong area here, pls let me know where I should be posting this. I secondly want to say that I'm not here to rain on anyone's parade or discourage anyone in anyway. I used to post here alot while going thru the process of filing for a fiance visa. My fiance came, we married a month later and about 2 months after that the problems started. And continued up until month 6 of the marriage when he finally left for good. We had not filed the AOS and I was told that he could still try to file that claim ( I think its an I 130?) saying that I was a horrible wife. HA. Its been nearly 5 months since I've seen him, despite my begging and pleading thru email for him to contact me...he wont. At first I didn't want to do anything about the situation. I had used all the 'fight' in me just to get him here. I just wanted to bury my head and try to forget this whole mess I got myself into. But now that Im passed the hurt stage (tho I still truthfully hurt) I'm just now feeling so mad and deceived. I NEVER expected this to happen. This man was so loving while he was in Nigeria. I really never saw it coming. I guess what I'm looking for now is some advice and direction. I have NOBODY to talk to about this. My family has no idea that we're not together, I'm too humiliated to tell them. And most of my friends are Nigerians who all FOR-WARNED me about this, so to go to them with my sob stories is just gonna get me one big "I told you so". I was wondering if there is anyway for me to find out if he has filed this I 130 thing. And wouldn't they contact me for my side of it all?? Please don't tell me that they would just go by his word and some forged up, trumped up documents by his fellow Nigerians that he met while in the States (one of them being a lawyer/pastor). From all the stories I heard about this approach...I can pretty much guess the path he has taken to try to stay. It would be the only option he has. But there must be something I could do to stop him from dragging my name thru the mud. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

Stacey

Ok, thanks for your replies

Good Morning. I'm going thru a bit of a crisis and I'm hoping you guys might have some insight. My husband came here on a K-1 Visa. I was the person who filed the affidavit of support. We have since married but have not yet filed the AOS. I lost my job recently and I wanted to temporarily file for some type of public assistance, even if just for medical. Do you guys know if I'll be able to do that with my husband or will this jeopordize his stay here? Also, can I apply for the medical for him too? I'm not worried about the AOS period, cuz by then I'm sure I'll be working again. This is just a temp situation. Unfortunately my husband does not have working papers so the burden is all on me. Thanks for your help!!

My fiance has been hurt from a fall at work. His spine is "on the mend" and he has just gotten over meningitis. What does the medical exam entail?

Chest exam, listening to heart, lungs, etc. X-ray of chest. Immunizations. Bloodwork to test for disease. Eye exam. Ears and Throat. That's all my husband can recall.

thanks...so having had meningitis and a spinal injury won't hurt his application for a k1 visa?

I'm pretty sure a spinal injury wouldn't prevent him from getting a Visa, as for the meningitis....I'm not sure.

My fiance has been hurt from a fall at work. His spine is "on the mend" and he has just gotten over meningitis. What does the medical exam entail?

Chest exam, listening to heart, lungs, etc. X-ray of chest. Immunizations. Bloodwork to test for disease. Eye exam. Ears and Throat. That's all my husband can recall.

Many pages ago I threw in my 2cents for what it was worth. I've now just quietly read post after post after post. Each one getting more and more ugly. I can now say that as a White American woman, the wife of a Nigerian man, and the friend of a once Nigerian resident who was into scamming and then came here and even though he had 2 good jobs continued with scamming pulling in resources from Nigeria & South Africa (he's now in Federal Prison) I am just thoroughly disgusted with where this has gone. Abeg....we've shared our opinions, given our advice, now let the cards fall where they may. I personally don't even think someone should comment on Nigeria's conditions until they've actually gone and seen it for themselves. My husband lived in the very conditions that you described but he never once considered himself anything less than blessed. Sure, the jobs don't pay well (his brother has a masters degree and works for a large insurance company in Victoria Island yet only earns a few hundred a month), NEPA (the electric company) is a problem, the bathroom in his house is a toilet bowl in a cement room with a bucket of water for you to flush....I could go on and on but what for? My husband NEVER looked at these things as a problem or a reason for him to go out there and scam for money. If I called and he was in the middle of watching a movie and then "NEPA took the light", he would never complain. He'll simply say "well, I know they'll bring it back soon". IN all of our 100's of hours of talking before my going there, he never described life as bad. I never knew how bad his conditions there were until I went. But despite his level of poverty, despite the conditions of his home, despite the lack of resources in NIgeria, I never felt like we lacked anything. Even as I sit here today, I miss being there surrounded by so much family, love....people being grateful for having life. IMO, anyone in Nigeria complaining about how bad it is there, probably is trying to play on your sympathy or trying to Justify their lifestyle.

KenDC, Lovin_famo, and AkinStacey thank you for your posts.

AkinStacey, I want to say that I never said that those living in poverty whether it is in America or abroad feel less than blessed. One should always be appreciative of their current state in order to receive the blessings of more opportunities and change. A person doesn't have to pity a place or people in order to acknowledge the hardships they deal with on a day to day basis. E never complains about his life in Nigeria and I never said that. If anything, he goes out of his way to conceal any hardships he is experiencing because he doesn't want me to think he could be asking for money. I was only saying that it is easy to put someone down or jump to conclusions about why a person has done something or continues to do something in life when you have no idea what life is like for them. Until you can live in that person's shoes you shouldn't generalize.

The following is not addressed to anyone:

Just the other day E said to me again that the invitation for me to join him in Nigeria is still there he justs wants us to be together. E is also experiencing negativity on his end and comments from people about why he would want to marry someone (less than a decade) older and how long does he intend to stay married to me...etc.. He said this upsets him but it also fuels his desire to make a life with me because he truly loves me and they are unable to see pass the bad marriage intentions of others. As he shares his excitement about loving me with people around him, he said he can see and hear their doubt about us and some have even said he is making a fool out of himself but he said he is not going to let that deter him because he believes in me. No matter what happens between us, there is no way I won't at least make my trip to Nigeria to meet him, because I am the type of person that keeps my promise and I would never allow him to look like a fool by not showing up. At a minimum he is my friend and I would not wish that kind of ridicule on any friend of mine. He told me that the other day that a female family member that was younger than me, was negative about us and had already concluded that because I was older I had to be I don't know what. He told her that I looked younger than her and she said impossible. He then showed her approx. 15 pictures of me for her to say thy were a lie. Yet she stared at them (unrelated to beauty) for nearly 20 mins not realizing she had a smile on her face until he snatched the pictures out of her hand. Now all of a sudden she is excited to meet me. He says that people like her show him that others see the same thing in me that he sees and loves. So, the obstacles are not just a one sided American thing. He is experiencing his own level of negativity and comments that I am going to use and control him.

That reminds me, when my SO's friend heard about me, he said oh my goodness don't you know that they have guns there and shoot you, how can you trust her ?

Also a 40 or 50 year old American woman looks usualy so much younger than a 40 or 50 year old in my SO's country.

Due to nutritional factors, better health and all around better resources.

The life expectancy in S/L is 40 for a man.

My SO's friends said the same thing about us having guns but I believe what one said was "she will blow your F______ head off" LMAO, we joke about it now.

A couple of things I will add to the great suggestions here are:

1) Make sure your SO picks you up at the airport (I'm sure that's a no brainer for some but I do know of some who didn't do that). I would also recommend that your SO hire his own driver if he doesn't have his own transportation, to pick you up from the airport. The taxi's waiting around the airport are less than desirable and I've heard they will rip you off pretty badly.

I found that taxi's pretty much anywhere will rip you off especially if you are standing with your SO when you're trying to hail one. I think you said you will be getting a hired car though, so you will be all set.

2) We found the exchange rate from the guys hanging around the airport to be considerably better than we did later in town. In retro-spect, we wish we would have exchanged more money there.

3) He will not be able to enter the airport at all, I did know this when I went to Nigeria so I didn't freak out but I didn't going into Ghana so when I didn't see him all the way through getting my luggage, I was pretty unnerved.

This is true at the Lagos Airport. Also, don't be surprised if some of the people working there try to delay you or ask you for paperwork you don't have. This is just so you will tip them and keep it moving. I have many Nigerian friends here in the US that warned me of this and they gave me a pocketful of Naira to bring for that. Handing them $5 here and $5 there adds up to alot but $100 Naira here and there is not much at all.

4) The recommended immunizations for travel to Nigeria/Ghana are pretty expensive, this may or may not be something you have considered.

Yellow fever/malaria are very costly and if you're going to get them you should plan on doing it about a month before you go. I, however, didn't get it and I'm fine. (knock on wood)5) I found the food pretty spicey and I love spicey food. It's awesome but it is a little spicey.

6) The fresh fruit is AMAZING!

7) I recommend you send your proof of relationship (im's, emails, pics, etc) with your petition, I sent pics and proof that I traveled, hotel receipts, etc.,, but I did not send our im's, emails or phone records. This may or may not have contributed to our being put on AP. I believe the Consulate Officer's review the case before the interview and make a determination prior to the interview about the course of action. If that's true, she didn't have all of that info until the interview, my guess is she didn't want to or couldn't take the time to go thru it prior to the interview.

I believe 100% that the interviewers already know what their "verdict" is going to be before they even meet your SO. I believe they make their decision based on the evidence you submit in your initial petition for the K-1. When you file, include all important pics, and all important evidence. Don't wait til interview day. I think all they look for on interview day is things like Affidavit of Support, etc. Send all IM's. Even ones where you have arguements show that you have a real relationship. IF possible take photos with all family members, mother, father, siblings, etc. We had hotel receipts in both our names, I don't know if this helped or not, but you might want to consider it. If you use calling cards for your calls like I did, it will help if you call him directly at least once a week even if its a short conversation. While you're waiting to go, send each other cards or pics in the mail. Hope all this helps.

8) Meet the family and take pics prior to filing. I believe that's in your plan but we met in Ghana so his family was not available.

9) Address any "potential" red flags in a letter with your petition (I actually received this advise in retrospect from an immigration attorney I met here on VJ). Things such as age difference if there is one, etc., etc. (I'd leave out prior undesirable activities but I'm sure you get what I'm saying).

10) Make sure your SO is prepared for any and all questions the CO could ask from your sex life down to the color and make and model of your car. Know each other inside and out.

Good luck with your journey!

Beautiful post. Your 2nd paragraph sums up the whole reason I chose the name LovinLiberia. A lot of people look for beauty in the sights and scenery when the true beauty lies in the people and the spirit. Although a majority of the people in third world countries are poor, they are still happy and make the best out of their situations. The situation they find themselves in is a way of life and most people that I have met on my travels are content with their lives. In fact, there are many who don't dream of coming to America because they would rather be home in familiar surroundings with their family. A lot of times, people feel a sense of pity for those in Nigeria, Ghana, Ethiopia, etc., but for the most part, these people have been surviving before you and they will still survive after you. People in third world countries are stronger and more resilient than those of us in developed countries.

Another thing people forget is that yes, the job may pay a few hundred dollars (or less), but the cost of living there is much lower. In Liberia, there are no electricity and water bills, you don't have house insurance and day care payments to worry about. You can live off of a dollar a day and that dollar will include 2-3 rice meals and 20 cents worth of taxi fares. I know this doesn't necessarily add to the original topic, but I had to give a response to KenDC and Akinstacey.

LL,

That is so true. In fact, my husband is still shocked everytime he goes to get his hair cut and has to pay $17 plus tip. In Nigeria a haircut is 100 Naira. This is less than a dollar. And what I pay for my apartment in rent for 2 months can pay for 2 years in Nigeria. (sorry, added to your "off-topic) lol

Many pages ago I threw in my 2cents for what it was worth. I've now just quietly read post after post after post. Each one getting more and more ugly. I can now say that as a White American woman, the wife of a Nigerian man, and the friend of a once Nigerian resident who was into scamming and then came here and even though he had 2 good jobs continued with scamming pulling in resources from Nigeria & South Africa (he's now in Federal Prison) I am just thoroughly disgusted with where this has gone. Abeg....we've shared our opinions, given our advice, now let the cards fall where they may. I personally don't even think someone should comment on Nigeria's conditions until they've actually gone and seen it for themselves. My husband lived in the very conditions that you described but he never once considered himself anything less than blessed. Sure, the jobs don't pay well (his brother has a masters degree and works for a large insurance company in Victoria Island yet only earns a few hundred a month), NEPA (the electric company) is a problem, the bathroom in his house is a toilet bowl in a cement room with a bucket of water for you to flush....I could go on and on but what for? My husband NEVER looked at these things as a problem or a reason for him to go out there and scam for money. If I called and he was in the middle of watching a movie and then "NEPA took the light", he would never complain. He'll simply say "well, I know they'll bring it back soon". IN all of our 100's of hours of talking before my going there, he never described life as bad. I never knew how bad his conditions there were until I went. But despite his level of poverty, despite the conditions of his home, despite the lack of resources in NIgeria, I never felt like we lacked anything. Even as I sit here today, I miss being there surrounded by so much family, love....people being grateful for having life. IMO, anyone in Nigeria complaining about how bad it is there, probably is trying to play on your sympathy or trying to Justify their lifestyle.

From what my husband tells me, Gele is the more ordinary one....where Aso oke is the more 'fancy' one. Made of thicker or shiny fabric. Even pros like his sisters/mother had trouble tying it on my head. I guess its like a tie, you have to have it around your own neck to do it properly. I look back at the pics of me with the hair wrappers on my head and I look like a hot mess. lol. Good luck on your quest.

Since this was my post/thread I want to say that I truly appreciate everyone's contribution to this thread.

I do believe that this thread will be of value to others in the future because I am sure there are bound to be others that find themselves in the same position E and I met in.

Prior to coming to VisaJourney I researched and educated myself on the different types of scams, hired a private investigator to protect my interests and made a decision to pursue a relationship with E. I googled, checked IP addresses, romance scam websites, youtube videos, viewed photos of scammers, had conversations with Africans, including Nigerians who were very negative toward their own brotheren... etc.. etc.. so VisaJourney was not my first stop in this process.

The purpose of me finding and becoming a member of VisaJourney was to get information on just that the visa journey. I clearly said in my original post that I was comfortable with my decision to pursue a relationship with E and that I was being honest so that I could get helpful information on how to make our relationship possible. Some members were able to answer that question and some even went as far as to privately message me with tips for my particular situation. From what I have gathered, if E and I make it to the next step in our journey the K-1 visa appears to be the way to go, but of course there are no guarantees. Thank you.

Unfortunately, if this was an examination many of us would have failed because we didn't answer the question posed, instead we felt the need to write warnings and share our life experiences. I am not trying to disrespect anyone with what I am saying but I felt I needed to say it. No one knows every detail of the relationships of every person's journey on this forum and I am sure if people revealed more many us of would have a warning to give. Whether it is related to scamming, green card issues, physical/sexual abuse, cultural differences etc..etc..

I hate to say this but in a lot of ways some of the information posted nearly took E and I back to where we initially started......the scam! Even after we have done everything we believe we could do in our power and in our current circumstances to make each other comfortable enough to try we keep having to revisit the scam and other peoples misfortunes when we just want to move forward. E did not have to meet with a private investigator and put himself, his self dignity and his personal life/home/relatives and friends on display to pacify me but he did. Anyone able to see the picture of him that the investigator took would be able to see what I mean. The face of a man with the soul of a sad animal being evaluated and sold off to the highest bidder. Because of what he did, E pledge to me to do whatever it took, whatever I asked and whatever I demanded to have a life with me. Imagine how you would feel if your SO wanted you to "dance" to prove your love or affection for them.

I don't know if E and I will ever be able to overcome the stigma of "Nigeria"... but until the pages of our story are written we want to believe that we can.

Thanks again. One love!!

Just one thing I have to add..........yes, your first post was asking about the K-1 vs K-3. If you had left it at that, I'm sure all our responses would've been about that. But you threw the "scam" word in there. I even asked you in one reply "what was the scam". You told me that he lied about his age and name. To me that doesn't spell scam because imagine on all the American websites how many people lie about their age, even name. You labled him a scammer and I think that's why we all addressed that.

Imnop123,

Even though I personally think your situation got more red flags than all those that will fly in Bejing for the Olympics , I gotta say, "Do yo' Thang, GIRLFRIEND!!!!!" Life is too short, and sometimes we do have to take a chance, but if you are a religious woman, is your decision led by God, or is your desire to be with the man at all costs? Oh I knew mine was from God, otherwise how did I meet the perfect man more than 8,000 miles away? What I have always said from the day I first posted my story is that we are all grown A$$ women, makin' grown A$$ decisions whether they are good or bad. The key is to make sure that you don't invest more than you can afford to invest financially or emotionally. Because if it works, you will get a return on your investment tenfold, and if it don't, you will have enough strength to survive and become an even better woman than you started, 'cause you stared Satan in the face and whooped his A$$!

Angelic, where in the HELL where you when I needed to hear YOUR story? Same script, different cast! That is another thing I have always said that brought on some struck nerves. If yo' man or wo MAN ain't investing anything in the relationship besides good ding ding or good meow, then you got a problem. It's sad for me to say, but the best and consistent thing about my marriage was the daily supply of BOOM SHAKA LAKA!!!!!!!A good man will be a good man in ALL seasons, and just because his A$$ gets transplanted in God's own country does not automatically make him a responsible man! So if he is on the internet and the phone with you during work hours EVERYDAY, don't think he's gonna come over here and work like the valliant young boys and men selling LaCasera and sausage rolls on the streets of Lagos to support their families! It AIN'T GON' HAPPEN!!!

Now another thing I found quite amusing was when I was going through my visa journey, I was everybody's DAMN WIFE!!!! I think it was OUR IYAWO? If I'm wrong my Yoruba bros and sis' correct me. But when his A$$ acted a fool, I was no longer Morenike Iyawo, but the ex wife in America!!! Now when my Nigerian friends here in the states and in Nigeria saw what went down between us they started singing like canaries!!!! " You should neva trust Nigerians!!!!! (their words to me, not mine, so don't get touchy). I said, " then why the hell you tell me this NOW and not THEN!!!!? " We just pray that God will be wit you and 'im". RIGHT!!!!

Now I call my visajourney period my Crack Period, 'cause when I put that crack pipe down, and my lasik eye surgery kicked in and I got 20/20 vision, I saw EVERYTHING crystal clearly! I can't tell you what made me take leave of my senses, and believe me, I am a strong, beautiful, intelligent and self sufficient young woman who became Dumb & Dumber when I met my ex..... Yes I can tell you what made me trip... it was the draw of the Candy Stick!!!! So anyway girl, go get yo' love on! Let your heart and inhibitions go, and drop it like it's hot AMERICAN STYLE, but don't let go of your common sense and your female intuition, because as women we like to ignore it when it's whispering something we don't want to hear. Now go get the Red Light Special, and work it like a champion, 'cause either you will walk away having the best DAMN Smack Down of your life, or you will have a good partner who will dish up Red Light Specials on a daily basis for life, AND without the aid of VIAGRA!!!!!! Peace!!!

You are right......Iyawo Mi is My Wife........(my hubby's Yoruba). Thanks for the laugh!!!!!

Imnop123,

Even though I personally think your situation got more red flags than all those that will fly in Bejing for the Olympics , I gotta say, "Do yo' Thang, GIRLFRIEND!!!!!" Life is too short, and sometimes we do have to take a chance, but if you are a religious woman, is your decision led by God, or is your desire to be with the man at all costs? Oh I knew mine was from God, otherwise how did I meet the perfect man more than 8,000 miles away? What I have always said from the day I first posted my story is that we are all grown A$$ women, makin' grown A$$ decisions whether they are good or bad. The key is to make sure that you don't invest more than you can afford to invest financially or emotionally. Because if it works, you will get a return on your investment tenfold, and if it don't, you will have enough strength to survive and become an even better woman than you started, 'cause you stared Satan in the face and whooped his A$$!

Angelic, where in the HELL where you when I needed to hear YOUR story? Same script, different cast! That is another thing I have always said that brought on some struck nerves. If yo' man or wo MAN ain't investing anything in the relationship besides good ding ding or good meow, then you got a problem. It's sad for me to say, but the best and consistent thing about my marriage was the daily supply of BOOM SHAKA LAKA!!!!!!!A good man will be a good man in ALL seasons, and just because his A$$ gets transplanted in God's own country does not automatically make him a responsible man! So if he is on the internet and the phone with you during work hours EVERYDAY, don't think he's gonna come over here and work like the valliant young boys and men selling LaCasera and sausage rolls on the streets of Lagos to support their families! It AIN'T GON' HAPPEN!!!

Now another thing I found quite amusing was when I was going through my visa journey, I was everybody's DAMN WIFE!!!! I think it was OUR IYAWO? If I'm wrong my Yoruba bros and sis' correct me. But when his A$$ acted a fool, I was no longer Morenike Iyawo, but the ex wife in America!!! Now when my Nigerian friends here in the states and in Nigeria saw what went down between us they started singing like canaries!!!! " You should neva trust Nigerians!!!!! (their words to me, not mine, so don't get touchy). I said, " then why the hell you tell me this NOW and not THEN!!!!? " We just pray that God will be wit you and 'im". RIGHT!!!!

Now I call my visajourney period my Crack Period, 'cause when I put that crack pipe down, and my lasik eye surgery kicked in and I got 20/20 vision, I saw EVERYTHING crystal clearly! I can't tell you what made me take leave of my senses, and believe me, I am a strong, beautiful, intelligent and self sufficient young woman who became Dumb & Dumber when I met my ex..... Yes I can tell you what made me trip... it was the draw of the Candy Stick!!!! So anyway girl, go get yo' love on! Let your heart and inhibitions go, and drop it like it's hot AMERICAN STYLE, but don't let go of your common sense and your female intuition, because as women we like to ignore it when it's whispering something we don't want to hear. Now go get the Red Light Special, and work it like a champion, 'cause either you will walk away having the best DAMN Smack Down of your life, or you will have a good partner who will dish up Red Light Specials on a daily basis for life, AND without the aid of VIAGRA!!!!!! Peace!!!

One thing I will say to you Lois is if you have a doubt in your mind and do not trust this man then do not go. Why do I say this? One of the things a relationship is supposed to be built on is trust. If we get into a relationship with someone we do not fully trust then we are cheating ourselves but also cheating the other person out of a solid relationship and in turn you will be bringing them on board a sinking ship. If you do not trust him then be fair enough to let him know how you feel and let him decide for himself if he wants to continue on in a relationship where there may be alot of tests and turmoil becuase when you do not trust your lover you inevitably end up testing them and trying them and for the other person it can be quite painful and upsetting. There is nothing more aggrivating and more emotionally draining than an insecure lover. I can testify to this becuase I have been on both ends in my lifetime.If you really love this man and you think he loves you then give it a fighting chance. Dont throw the race before you have even left the gate.In a family book that I read once it said " you cannot build a house on a foundation of sand becuase eventually it will give way. Love is the same. Start with a strong foundation and you will whether any storm but start with a weak one and any small rain will cuase it to sink. Enjoy your trip, its a beautiful country!

K1............. ROCKS

Hello "confused". I kind of am in the same situation, but I've "known" "j" for 14 months. I have my tickets to go on Dec. 25 thru Jan 4. I will be flying into Lagos and then onto Benin City. I know someone via email that just got back from Lagos and got married there. Actually last week. I am from the U.S. and so is she, but shouldn't it be best that we bring them over via a fiance visa? I don't really know. I am a white, blonde haired, blue eyed american meeting a "nigerian". lol They seem to follow the same pattern, don't they? I am quite older than him, but I think that their primary concern is that they have a better life than the one that they have now. I'm sure that love is there, but somewhat secondary. Do I sound confused also? Stay in touch....Lois

Hi everyone. I am so sorry if I sounded a bit confused, but I just seem to have come across many women who are much older than their man in Nigeria. Right now he has spinal menigitis and needs my help. I cannot change my plans due to commitments and jobs. I DO trust him, but I guess it is just my past experiences that have made me so cautious. I have been alone for ten years by choice, but as you can see, I'm taking it slower this time. I'm worried sick about him as he only has his sister left. Anyway, I still plan on going in December (God willing) ALONE. That scares me in itself, but I have read and learned many good things about the men there from you guys. How do I get these K1 papers for us to fill out? I think that things "will happen" when we meet. (an engagement). lol That was a good point to bring them with me. Should I get all my phone records now too? Thanks again...Lois

Lois,

I don't consider myself a suspicious person by nature and I didn't condemn my husband just because he is Nigerian. On the other hand, I keep myself well informed and I walk with my eyes wide open. When I read your first post, I was kinda confused because it sounded like you knew your SO had a primary motive, yet you were ok with that. You also mentioned that you were white/blonde/etc....getting together with a 'Nigerian'. I'm not sure what you meant by that....but it rubbed me the wrong way. I wish you had elaborated more on what that was supposed to mean. Anyhow.....when I just read your second post......I'm really concerned with what you said about your SO having spinal menigits and 'only having his sister left'. My husband comes from a family of 10 siblings. With that comes many cousins, neices, nephews, etc. Almost every Nigerian family is like this. For someone to say that they only have a single sister left, is very hard to believe and I feel like that, along with the illness...he could be setting a stage for a performance yet to come. I almost hate myself for saying this to you because I hate to think negatively about ones intentions. I also could be dead wrong, and I pray that I am. Just please be careful and make sure you know this man very well before you travel to his country alone.

I guess that I am not giving all of the information needed....sorry. He does have a cousin, a father who has three wives (for which he doesn't see). Two step brothers.........but the same there. If I can get that phone number, it would help me further. When I said about being blonde....etc., I meant it to be "out of the ordinary". I wouldn't have feelings for him had I felt differently. Oh yeah, and a sister who is getting married the end of August. He lost his mother this past December. I hadn't spoken to him on the phone when this happened, but I have never heard him cry before. I would be worried too if I were in a hsopital with no insurance coverage. Like I said, I've known him for 14 months and man.....he should be on tv if he were acting. In any event, I intend to cover all of my bases before I do anything...whew....again, sorry for blonde thing.Lois

I forgot something. I was the one who asked his sister if I could "help". I think that that was also important.oops....Lois

Lois,

Mama, ur killing me here. As I keep reading your posts, I'm getting more and more worried. When you said that "I would be worried if I was in the hopital with no insurance too".......are your referring to your SO? Did he tell you this? Mami this is classic....from the books of scamming 101. I pray I'm wrong. What hopital is he in? What part of Nigeria is he from? I have contacts in a hopital in Lagos. And when you say that you are the one who asked his sister if there's anything you could do....of course you did. It's probably your compassionate nature and that may or may not make you an easy target. Look, I have never before responded to a post by saying that I think the person is being 'played'....but I couldn't sleep tonight knowing I didn't say something to you. I really hope that I am totally off-base. But please believe that I say all this with only good intentions. Please do your homework and if there's anything I can do to help, please let me know.

If you could help me with the phone number of University of Benin City teaching hospita, it would be great!!! Don't worry too much, I'm very investigative. I have never sent anything this past 14 months, so why would I now not knowing any facts? thanks for all of your concern. lois

That is in Edo State. Try these numbers: 234 802 338 1822 or 234 802 880 9710

One thing I will say to you Lois is if you have a doubt in your mind and do not trust this man then do not go. Why do I say this? One of the things a relationship is supposed to be built on is trust. If we get into a relationship with someone we do not fully trust then we are cheating ourselves but also cheating the other person out of a solid relationship and in turn you will be bringing them on board a sinking ship. If you do not trust him then be fair enough to let him know how you feel and let him decide for himself if he wants to continue on in a relationship where there may be alot of tests and turmoil becuase when you do not trust your lover you inevitably end up testing them and trying them and for the other person it can be quite painful and upsetting. There is nothing more aggrivating and more emotionally draining than an insecure lover. I can testify to this becuase I have been on both ends in my lifetime.If you really love this man and you think he loves you then give it a fighting chance. Dont throw the race before you have even left the gate.In a family book that I read once it said " you cannot build a house on a foundation of sand becuase eventually it will give way. Love is the same. Start with a strong foundation and you will whether any storm but start with a weak one and any small rain will cuase it to sink. Enjoy your trip, its a beautiful country!

K1............. ROCKS

Hello "confused". I kind of am in the same situation, but I've "known" "j" for 14 months. I have my tickets to go on Dec. 25 thru Jan 4. I will be flying into Lagos and then onto Benin City. I know someone via email that just got back from Lagos and got married there. Actually last week. I am from the U.S. and so is she, but shouldn't it be best that we bring them over via a fiance visa? I don't really know. I am a white, blonde haired, blue eyed american meeting a "nigerian". lol They seem to follow the same pattern, don't they? I am quite older than him, but I think that their primary concern is that they have a better life than the one that they have now. I'm sure that love is there, but somewhat secondary. Do I sound confused also? Stay in touch....Lois

Hi everyone. I am so sorry if I sounded a bit confused, but I just seem to have come across many women who are much older than their man in Nigeria. Right now he has spinal menigitis and needs my help. I cannot change my plans due to commitments and jobs. I DO trust him, but I guess it is just my past experiences that have made me so cautious. I have been alone for ten years by choice, but as you can see, I'm taking it slower this time. I'm worried sick about him as he only has his sister left. Anyway, I still plan on going in December (God willing) ALONE. That scares me in itself, but I have read and learned many good things about the men there from you guys. How do I get these K1 papers for us to fill out? I think that things "will happen" when we meet. (an engagement). lol That was a good point to bring them with me. Should I get all my phone records now too? Thanks again...Lois

Lois,

I don't consider myself a suspicious person by nature and I didn't condemn my husband just because he is Nigerian. On the other hand, I keep myself well informed and I walk with my eyes wide open. When I read your first post, I was kinda confused because it sounded like you knew your SO had a primary motive, yet you were ok with that. You also mentioned that you were white/blonde/etc....getting together with a 'Nigerian'. I'm not sure what you meant by that....but it rubbed me the wrong way. I wish you had elaborated more on what that was supposed to mean. Anyhow.....when I just read your second post......I'm really concerned with what you said about your SO having spinal menigits and 'only having his sister left'. My husband comes from a family of 10 siblings. With that comes many cousins, neices, nephews, etc. Almost every Nigerian family is like this. For someone to say that they only have a single sister left, is very hard to believe and I feel like that, along with the illness...he could be setting a stage for a performance yet to come. I almost hate myself for saying this to you because I hate to think negatively about ones intentions. I also could be dead wrong, and I pray that I am. Just please be careful and make sure you know this man very well before you travel to his country alone.

I guess that I am not giving all of the information needed....sorry. He does have a cousin, a father who has three wives (for which he doesn't see). Two step brothers.........but the same there. If I can get that phone number, it would help me further. When I said about being blonde....etc., I meant it to be "out of the ordinary". I wouldn't have feelings for him had I felt differently. Oh yeah, and a sister who is getting married the end of August. He lost his mother this past December. I hadn't spoken to him on the phone when this happened, but I have never heard him cry before. I would be worried too if I were in a hsopital with no insurance coverage. Like I said, I've known him for 14 months and man.....he should be on tv if he were acting. In any event, I intend to cover all of my bases before I do anything...whew....again, sorry for blonde thing.Lois

I forgot something. I was the one who asked his sister if I could "help". I think that that was also important.oops....Lois

Lois,

Mama, ur killing me here. As I keep reading your posts, I'm getting more and more worried. When you said that "I would be worried if I was in the hopital with no insurance too".......are your referring to your SO? Did he tell you this? Mami this is classic....from the books of scamming 101. I pray I'm wrong. What hopital is he in? What part of Nigeria is he from? I have contacts in a hopital in Lagos. And when you say that you are the one who asked his sister if there's anything you could do....of course you did. It's probably your compassionate nature and that may or may not make you an easy target. Look, I have never before responded to a post by saying that I think the person is being 'played'....but I couldn't sleep tonight knowing I didn't say something to you. I really hope that I am totally off-base. But please believe that I say all this with only good intentions. Please do your homework and if there's anything I can do to help, please let me know.

One thing I will say to you Lois is if you have a doubt in your mind and do not trust this man then do not go. Why do I say this? One of the things a relationship is supposed to be built on is trust. If we get into a relationship with someone we do not fully trust then we are cheating ourselves but also cheating the other person out of a solid relationship and in turn you will be bringing them on board a sinking ship. If you do not trust him then be fair enough to let him know how you feel and let him decide for himself if he wants to continue on in a relationship where there may be alot of tests and turmoil becuase when you do not trust your lover you inevitably end up testing them and trying them and for the other person it can be quite painful and upsetting. There is nothing more aggrivating and more emotionally draining than an insecure lover. I can testify to this becuase I have been on both ends in my lifetime.If you really love this man and you think he loves you then give it a fighting chance. Dont throw the race before you have even left the gate.In a family book that I read once it said " you cannot build a house on a foundation of sand becuase eventually it will give way. Love is the same. Start with a strong foundation and you will whether any storm but start with a weak one and any small rain will cuase it to sink. Enjoy your trip, its a beautiful country!

K1............. ROCKS

Hello "confused". I kind of am in the same situation, but I've "known" "j" for 14 months. I have my tickets to go on Dec. 25 thru Jan 4. I will be flying into Lagos and then onto Benin City. I know someone via email that just got back from Lagos and got married there. Actually last week. I am from the U.S. and so is she, but shouldn't it be best that we bring them over via a fiance visa? I don't really know. I am a white, blonde haired, blue eyed american meeting a "nigerian". lol They seem to follow the same pattern, don't they? I am quite older than him, but I think that their primary concern is that they have a better life than the one that they have now. I'm sure that love is there, but somewhat secondary. Do I sound confused also? Stay in touch....Lois

Hi everyone. I am so sorry if I sounded a bit confused, but I just seem to have come across many women who are much older than their man in Nigeria. Right now he has spinal menigitis and needs my help. I cannot change my plans due to commitments and jobs. I DO trust him, but I guess it is just my past experiences that have made me so cautious. I have been alone for ten years by choice, but as you can see, I'm taking it slower this time. I'm worried sick about him as he only has his sister left. Anyway, I still plan on going in December (God willing) ALONE. That scares me in itself, but I have read and learned many good things about the men there from you guys. How do I get these K1 papers for us to fill out? I think that things "will happen" when we meet. (an engagement). lol That was a good point to bring them with me. Should I get all my phone records now too? Thanks again...Lois

Lois,

I don't consider myself a suspicious person by nature and I didn't condemn my husband just because he is Nigerian. On the other hand, I keep myself well informed and I walk with my eyes wide open. When I read your first post, I was kinda confused because it sounded like you knew your SO had a primary motive, yet you were ok with that. You also mentioned that you were white/blonde/etc....getting together with a 'Nigerian'. I'm not sure what you meant by that....but it rubbed me the wrong way. I wish you had elaborated more on what that was supposed to mean. Anyhow.....when I just read your second post......I'm really concerned with what you said about your SO having spinal menigits and 'only having his sister left'. My husband comes from a family of 10 siblings. With that comes many cousins, neices, nephews, etc. Almost every Nigerian family is like this. For someone to say that they only have a single sister left, is very hard to believe and I feel like that, along with the illness...he could be setting a stage for a performance yet to come. I almost hate myself for saying this to you because I hate to think negatively about ones intentions. I also could be dead wrong, and I pray that I am. Just please be careful and make sure you know this man very well before you travel to his country alone.

New account + first posted thread = dirtyass troll muthafukka.

PLEASE TAKE YOUR ADVERTISEMENT SOMEWHERE ELSE. RALLY IN ANOTHER FORUM.

There is no doubt he will get his Visa this time. Congrats !!!!!!!

I'm sorry but I don't get it. I have been really quiet...waiting for someone to actually comment on the irony so that I can post and say: that is tooooo funny

BUT

No one has spilled the beans. I thought Chispas was about to say it...my mouth got all watery and then boom ...nothing.

So I guess I'm a little sloooooooooooooooooow. So please enlighten me on the punch line

Section 419 is the section of the law (I believe Nigerian Law) that is to prosecute scammers.

NOW I GET IT!!!!! :idea:

Thanks Zainab!!!! I could not sit quiet any longer....the suspense was killing me....I had to put my pride aside and risk looking ....in order to get the answer

Thank you

As my husband would say....NA WA OOOOO!!!!! Sorry, I just assumed everyone knew what 419 would mean. The term is synonymous with scamming. When they put us in room 419 I was wondering if they were trying to say that my husband was scamming me.

Stacey, I am familiar with the term but for some reason I did not make a connection I'm just gonna chalk it up as a very slooooooooooooooooooow moment. LOL!

I totally get it now and I can officially say: That is soooooooooooooooooo funny!

LOL. I won't discredit you for having a blonde moment, we're all entitled to one. (no offense to any blondies out there).