Hassan /mony

Hello,

I'll be leaving out of SFO tomorrow to see my honey in Manila. I've bought her flowers from Manila Florist islandrose.net and they seem to be delivered in a timely fashion. But the roses don't seem to last very long. I'm considering taking flowers with me from US to surprise her. Anyone know any tips? I would want to carry on to keep them properly, but I don't know:

1) if US will not allow me to carry flowers out of the country

2) if Philippines has agricultural restrictions

Thank you,

Chris

P.S. I've been lurking around the forums and have found visajourney so helpful. I definitely benefited from the recommendations on how to send the K1 application.

Chris,

1. The US does not worry about you taking flowers with you to another country.

Not certain, but I think that TSA would care and may not let you through departure security with them.

In any case, far better to buy the flowers there in the Manila. That is UNLESS, of course, your concern is to be able to have them IN HAND as you depart the airport arrivals terminal with her waiting to greet you (you big romantic, you!!!) - then how about a different option than flowers? Maybe a Big Stuffed Animal with a Bright Bow or something like that..

Warm Regards,

Samby

what about taking silk ones? and as far as flights go so far they want me to fly from atl to penn, to washington.d.c to london than to cassa morocco than a 12 hours bus ride to my loves home. what a ride . i am trying to get it so i can fly from atl to pa to cassa but so far no luck, they also suggested me going to newyork instead of Pa, but i am not crazy about being in the city plus they wanted me to change airports, my biggest fear about flying is getting lost at the airport and missing my plane. when i drove up home last spring i got so lost it end ed up taking 23 hours one way when it would have taken only 18. and the first flight i mention was 22 hours long. no thank you.mony

My mom married my step dad, white american, when I was 2...he spent the next 16 years making all our lives miserable with emotional and physical abuse. I escaped him and went into the military. I met my future husband there, arab, and spent the next 20 years being emotionally and physically abused by him. I got soooo damned angry with myself when a few years into my marriage I realized I had married my father and hell if I could figure out how that happened. I swore I would never allow myself to be in such a relationship....and there I was. It lasted 20 years because the laws in this country did not favour divorced foreign wives regarding children who are married to nationals. Basically I stayed married so I wouldnt lose my kids. Now I am divorced(laws changed) but am plagued with guilt that I have role modeled my daughters to believe that an abusive relationship is normal...and that my sons have learned that an abusive husband/father is normal.

The cycle of abuse must stop somewhere...I hope its not too late for my kids.

i can tell you by my experince in rasing my kids, with abrusvie father , my son keeps letting things just go in one ear and out the other now ,he used to walk around until he got calm down, my oldest daughter has had it rough , their dad played mind games on her, she was to frail from the stuff going on that she could not deal with it, my other girls are doing find except when their dad comes around, the cycle can be stop by getting them help before they start in a relationship and explaining to them why you had to stay married so long to your ex's , explain to them that it is not right . and if you have photos of the marks he left on you, it will also open up their eyes. talk to them about the abuse. mine did not start with phyiscal abuse it started with little things like bad comments about me and teasting me non stop and as the months when on i hope it would get better but it did not, until the day he beat me up and i left than went back and got my girls, today it is accpetable to be hit by a guy or the other way around. the chain can be broking, since my kids are away from their dad they are happy and making new freinds and doing ellexcent in school. my only regret was not geting out sooner. talk to them. my son is doing good too, he now is the man in my house for now and he deals with his father, mony

So far, it ain't lookin' too complimentary for the **non**-MENA men.

I was phsyical and verbal and mental abused by my ex and he was an american , he drank all the time and when he beat me up for the last time i left him and was put in a safe house for batter woman , with my younger girls, when we went through our processing for me to keep the kids his lawyer told him where i was, lucky he never showed up there. and right before our divorce was finalized my baby girl drown in his care. no he did not kill her . , that was the hardest thing i went throught, but his drinking did not stop nor his abuse on my son, my son was 18 at the time and the judge told him he could stay with his dad instead of letting him come with me, abuse is so common that it is scary, and when i was a the safe house there was alot of other woman there who would come in with broken bones and all kind of stuff , that after a few days would just go right back, itry to tell them they did not need to go back ,but they were scared that if they did not go back they wooul get hurt worst. it is hard for them to change or be on their own, my ex was told once you abuse one family member than you could go after the rest of them ,the judge told him that , to this day i don't like him coming over to see his kids, but now we lives 10 hours away from us. I told Hassan about the abuse i went through and he told me he would never do it ,because he just wants to love me and help me take care of my kids. I think here in the states it is starting to be so common that even the police don't want to get involved . one of my coworkers husband beat her she called the cops and they wouldn't do know thing, than she quit working and i found out two days ago she finaly left him, he had been abusing her for 7 years . i am happy she too is a surviver like me.mony

How awful to lose a child. I'm very sorry for the loss of your daughter.

Glad you are safe.

thank you

So far, it ain't lookin' too complimentary for the **non**-MENA men.

I was phsyical and verbal and mental abused by my ex and he was an american , he drank all the time and when he beat me up for the last time i left him and was put in a safe house for batter woman , with my younger girls, when we went through our processing for me to keep the kids his lawyer told him where i was, lucky he never showed up there. and right before our divorce was finalized my baby girl drown in his care. no he did not kill her . , that was the hardest thing i went throught, but his drinking did not stop nor his abuse on my son, my son was 18 at the time and the judge told him he could stay with his dad instead of letting him come with me, abuse is so common that it is scary, and when i was a the safe house there was alot of other woman there who would come in with broken bones and all kind of stuff , that after a few days would just go right back, itry to tell them they did not need to go back ,but they were scared that if they did not go back they wooul get hurt worst. it is hard for them to change or be on their own, my ex was told once you abuse one family member than you could go after the rest of them ,the judge told him that , to this day i don't like him coming over to see his kids, but now we lives 10 hours away from us. I told Hassan about the abuse i went through and he told me he would never do it ,because he just wants to love me and help me take care of my kids. I think here in the states it is starting to be so common that even the police don't want to get involved . one of my coworkers husband beat her she called the cops and they wouldn't do know thing, than she quit working and i found out two days ago she finaly left him, he had been abusing her for 7 years . i am happy she too is a surviver like me.mony

I agree we need to get this pinned.

i agree, because we through all this stuff toget our loved one here and they said cann't happen . It has to be fixed.

I changed my name as soon as I got back to the U.S. I couldn't wait. And it made my husband so happy that I took his name Plus we file taxes togeather and it helps with no confusion there.

when i got married the first time I took his name than after we divorce I went back to my maiden name , but Hasan loves it when i write him and sign Mony Salhi, his last name and i can not wait to be able to sign it to everything. mony

mine means Mark and Salwa and I love it

mine is mony1, because Hassan calls me mony , short for monique which is my middle name

Jenn- are you observing Ramadan again this year?! Brave!!!

I am looking forward to the first day because I plan on doing a lot of cooking for the first night. I for one do not fast during Ramadan and I am not Muslim, but it sure seems like the next few years are going to be tough ones during the summer/fall months.

Yup, I am!

Wadi suggested we move to Alaska so that the next few years of Ramadan won't be so bad.

hahaha you can just take a Ramadan vacation every year to Alaska!

Re more thought.

sorry i can join in the fun of fasting durning Ramadan , i have to eat because i have low blood sugar, but i will pray for you allto get through this with no problems. yes the thirst is the worst before i found out i had low blood sugar i used to fast ,but the doctor said i can not any more ,oh well. mony

Things to give up.

We've had this talk and many more. He gave up smoking I gave up alcohol. I offered the "we can do it in moderation" option, but he said a venomus "no". Explaining I wouldn't like him if he became someone else because of drinking that it's black and white.

Among the list:

- farting (which yeah right we're humans and I had all brothers growing up so plsssssssss.)

- pork (which I don't eat much anyways, but he did say I could if I liked just don't serve him any.)

- non-modest clothing (which I don't wear anymore because I'm no longer a twig with T&A. I've grown to accept my woman body & wear age apropriate clothing.)

- being alone with male friends (I try to watch that now even. I understand this because I am the same way. I don't want him alone with female friends.)

- Alcohol (ok it's better for my body and child rearing.)

- Smoking (That one's his. I can't live with a habitual smoker. I am more relaxed though since I went to Egypt and saw how shisha is ingrained in the culture. He can bring it over as long as it's not habitual stinking up the house.)

- Giving up having children (I feel this one is going to make or break us. The debate is still swirling on this one. I've read articles that in Egypt they function by associating their social status on how good a muslim they are. If the father isn't raising the children muslims then his family is looked down upon and scorned. Even so far as people lose jobs, people in stores won't sell products to the families, ect. At first we wanted children and I agreed to raise them islamic in my ignorance to please him thinking I had an understanding of Islam from reading nine books at the library and the Quran. I didn't agree however that the daughters wear the head thing because I know not all muslims do. We even disagree on names for future children. He wants arabic ones and I like western ones. The western ones he's chosen are modern arabic ones with religious context. One day I told him, "I don't know if I want kids." Now he says, "Lets not have kids. If you couldn't have kids I would still want you over all the kids in the world." It's a sore topic because I like to know we have the option when he's saying after marriage "nope". As optimistic as we like to be we may not stay together because the realty is we are having espeically different view points on the kids issues. From raising them here to raising them there, to what to name them, to how to raise them, to what schools they go to. And he doesn't like the idea of going to a marriage counselor about it. I don't know what to do and it's not like I have all the time in the world but at least a few more years. For now we have agreed that once we get through this immigration process, and we've achieved all we want to have a stable life then we'll reconsider the children issue. That gives us at most 5 years time.)

When polling successful (long marriages) married people before I got married I asked what makes it last so long. Among the things mentioned in every group was compatability, and compromise.

The kid problem comes up here time and time again. Honestly I can't understand how people commit to marriage and file for a visa if they haven't decided or been able to agree on so many things. For us it was very important to talk about everything and make sure we weren't going to have any bumps in the road about children. We both want kids and both want to wait several years and are both very happy that we talked about those things and agreed before he got here. It's hard for me to imagine a man from MENA who doesn't want children since family is so important in those countries. When a man says they don't want kids (which is usually when the women already has some and is too old to have more) I think that is a big red flag.

we have talked about the kid issue to because I already have kids and i asked him if that bother him, he said no, i asked him about adopting children, and i have not hear any thing back on that issue. but he did say that he would be so glad to be a father to my kids . as far as smoking or drinking goes we don't have that problem because never one of us do it. my ex was a bad drinker and a very violent man, so for the longest time i did not want to be near men, but it all changed when i meet Hassan Salhi, he stole my heart. as far as by dressing goes biggest part of the time i am nursing uniforms and he likes that, but there are times on my day offs i wear tank tops and shorts and he has no problem with it. I asked him when i come to visit him if would be okay if a guy coworker could come with me on the plane , because my parents cannot, they are taking care of by eldery grandmother, and Hassan respons to that idea was no no , no male coworkers come because i don't want to share you with him when you only have a short time to be here with me and my family. I told him that was okay , because i wanted to spent time with him alone too. mony

i had been talking to a group on another site and they were very mean , they would not answer my question directly, and insulted me. I have fallen in love with a guy from Morocco and we have alot in comman and he loves my kids and they love him . I had even written to the consulate in Morocco the same question and know answer yet. has anyone ever been turn down because of a big age diffences? we are planning a june wedding 2008. mony

Bye bye little piggie.......and I will wear capri's instead of shorts and short sleeved shirts instead of tank tops. I know I'll have to cook a lot more often too. But these are small changes and easy to live with. He's willing to make compromises with me too. He isn't overly happy that I have a large golden retriever that lives in the house. Our compromise is the dog stays out of our bedroom.

when my love gets here i don't plan on changing anything but moving into bigger place. we al ready have so much in comman, he likes to do the same things i do . and i like to do the things he likes . but i would like to learn how to cook some of the food from Morocco , if you really love your man /or wife it won't hurt to try once in a while to cook what he likes and it can be very fun cooking together in the kitchen , if you know what i mean. try to make him feel at home remember you both are in for changes and he or she may get home sick than what do you do? mony

Jenn,

Thanks for the clarification, I now understand what you were thinking.

And I agree that if the visa applicant has simply failed to show a bonafide relationship they should be given an opportunity to provide more evidence. That is different from the consulate having evidence that it believes shows the relationship is not bonafide. In the former case a decision cannot yet be made on the visa application, in the latter case a decision can be and has been made.

Yodrak

i agreee with the whole thing , my love will be going to the consulate next summer in casa for his visa approval , and after reading al the infor. i would hate for that to happen to any one , we all need to do something about this . if my loves visa doesn't get aproval , i had already made palns to moved there and live with him there and than go back to the consulate again, they can not contuine to turn you down, after a while the will get sick of it and hope fully let it go through . what we should do it everyone go to the consulate and unite there and not leave until they change things, the can not do any thing to us for we would be on american land but in Casa. I hope the start making changes for the good soon. i was told by a lawyer that my age diffence from my love would stop us from getting his visa approvaled, what a joke . age should not have anything to do with it. mony

hello, i would apprecaited it if i could get any feedback on my question, i have just got engaged this past july to a guy from Morocco, and we plan on getting married over there this june 2008. i have been trying to do all the reseach i can on visa and stuff rlated to the visas, i had even talked to laywers who told me that i would facce great diffculties getting my husband here after we get maried because i am 15 yearsolder than him. i even had a guy ask me if i lokked like demi moore because that was the only way i would be able to keep him . i was angry with this statement and now very discorage about it and i don't want to tell my love about it and have be come depressed about it. so if any one could help me out with any information i would appreciated. as far as that guy goes who said that about demi moore i told not every one has tolook like a super model to be in love. thank you mony, my loves name is Hassan Salhi please pray for us. Mony

First of all I would like to congratulate you on being in love. Age has nothing to do with the visa approval process as long as you have proof (pictures, chat logs etc) to support your relationship.

Forget the negative comments and proceed happily with your life. I send you good vibes.

thank you for the encouargement, i really need it, i hope everything goes well with you . mony

hello ,

sorry about last post , I am very discourage and angry right now. my question was can age difference stop my soon to husband from getting his visa approved? I have just got engaged this past July and we plan on getting married next June 2008 in Morocco where he lives, I have talked to laywers and they told me that my age will play a big part in his visa getting approved or not. Has any one heard of this or had the same problem? I even had one guy ask me if I looked like Demi Moore, because that was the only way I would be able to keep my love, I replied back to him , not every one has to look like a super model or a movie star, so many people place looks as everything, i don't feel that way . true love is from the heart not the looks and if that is what you based it on than you will fail. Can any one help me with my question? i would apprecaite all the help i can get, thank you , please pray for us. My loves name is Hassan Salhi. thank you Mony

hello, i would apprecaited it if i could get any feedback on my question, i have just got engaged this past july to a guy from Morocco, and we plan on getting married over there this june 2008. i have been trying to do all the reseach i can on visa and stuff rlated to the visas, i had even talked to laywers who told me that i would facce great diffculties getting my husband here after we get maried because i am 15 yearsolder than him. i even had a guy ask me if i lokked like demi moore because that was the only way i would be able to keep him . i was angry with this statement and now very discorage about it and i don't want to tell my love about it and have be come depressed about it. so if any one could help me out with any information i would appreciated. as far as that guy goes who said that about demi moore i told not every one has tolook like a super model to be in love. thank you mony, my loves name is Hassan Salhi please pray for us. Mony