BIG_O

Hello everyone, sorry for not providing an update any sooner. I just returned from a 30 day stay in Senegal and I am still a little jetlagged...

The interview lasted about 10 minutes. We arrived at the embassy at 7:30am. There wasn't a very long line at all, perhaps 10 other people. Your are asked to turn in your passports at the guard booth before joining the line, which we did. Then another guard calls your names per passport surrendered. Meaning that my fiancee got called in first, then I followed. The guard were all very pleasant. They conduct a security check on your person and belongings, then issue you a ticket number. You are then led to a general waiting area. When your number is called, you go to the assigned station. I think there were 4. We were asked for her original birth certificate & the certified translation, her police reports and my I-134. That was it. She was then fingerprinted and asked to wait in a second waiting area. This area is very small and the interviews are handled right there at the same stations. Just think DMV type of setting... About an hour later, my fiancee was called to the window and I followed here there. There were 2 COs behind the glass. One of them looked at me and after greeting me asked me who I was. I told him I was the fiance. He turned to the other CO and said: the fiance is here... He then said Ok, would you mind having a seat while we talk to your fiancee? I obliged, of course. By the way, I was carrying a briefcase full of all kinds of goodies (phone bills, bank statements, western union receipts, employment letters, tax forms...)

They asked my fiancee how we met, where we met... How often we talked, the medium... That was it. A total of 3 questions.

They then asked her to call me up to the window. They announced with genuine enthusiasm that they had granted the visa, to be picked up the following wednesday. They even commented that the circumstances of our meeting were so "cute".

The visa was issued on 01/02/08.

...I say learn about his culture...

That seems like to me like a smart thing to do...

...don't get impregnated before marrige...

I would not advise anyone to have babies out of wedlock. Call me old fashioned...

...ask of his families and hope they are all well...

I don't think that asking someone how their folks back home are doing, and hoping that the news is good, is such a dangerous concept...

...respect him...

I would advise any individual to respect their spouse. Not doing so is just uncivilized...

...cook his food for him and hand it to him...

Broad statement. Does not specify how often... Definitely does not imply kneeling on all four and placing the plate on ones back so that the husband may eat!

...Make sure the place is very clean at all times...

Does this really mean clean after him? That's not what I understood.

...give him sex when he wants it...

Poorly stated in my opinion. Perhaps better stated as: please do not use sex as reward system in your marriage. That is not what intimacy in a marriage is all about.

...don't ask him lots of questions about his whereabouts...

I understood this to mean Do not interrogate him, everytime he is out of your sight...

...don't let him catch you looking in his phone...

Why would you want to do that?

... don't nag him...

Please name one human being that would like to be subject to that...

...treat him like a king and you will have a marriage made in heaven...

OK. Last I checked, a slave does not stand by a King. A Queen does.

".. my dear they are not known to be romantic (thats not to say he doesn't love you though) they are macho a bit like some south american men also. Therefore they are not 'soft' men like the white man who believe in candle lit dinners and caressing and hugging and kissing in public...

Very poorly stated. The race based stereotype simply obliterates the point. So, let us dismiss the useless racial illustration. We all agree that it has no foundation. However, I believe that there is some validity to the idea that no man is born a "romantic guy". It is something that is learned through one's observation of the relationships that surround us, TV, movies, books... In other words, there is a cultural influence in the way a man manifest affection towards his wife. In some cultures flowers and chocolate is a good thing. In others, not so much. In some cultures, public display of affection is encouraged, in others it is frowned upon...

...Nigerian men are raised to be very strong men unlike white men who will jump to the white womans beck and call. Thats not to say they are not good men. They have difficulty in being romantic (unless they really have to be) becasue being romantic might damage their strong male super ego...

I am not a Nigerian man, so I will refrain from commenting on this one.

...They like to be the head of the family also and are raised to be the breadwinners of the family but plenty of nigeiran ladies work also nowawdays...

Ah yes. Economics. Touchy topic. I will leave this one alone for the simple fact that African Immigration to the US (I'm excluding slavery, of course...) is a fairly recent event. Some of the challenges faced with the economic arrangement in a married household today (one with a African husband) are similar, in my opinion to challenges faced by earlier immigrant, who mind you also came from corners of this world where men were raised to be providers.

People, we all have sensitivities. Let's not jump and scream bloody murder at the first sight of controversy. When you take a closer look, things don't always seem so inflammatory. Surely we can all agree that a man, is and always will be defined by a woman.

Hello Folks, please take the time to complete this super short survey. I am trying to determine statiscally if the presence of the USC at the interview has any bearing on the outcome of the interview.

What an experience, Heather... I am glad to hear that in the end it all worked out.

I don't believe in the "testing the waters before jumping the broom" theory. If someone has been living with a partner for 14 years, getting married is pointless, and can in fact have a very negative impact on the relationship. I have heard of many cases just like the one Zainab mentions.

I also don't believe that a marriage should simply survive. In my observation, people get into the situation with an option to exit from the get go. It's a "I'm gonna give it a shot..." scenario. The marriage support system is quite often weak, or non-existant... The expectations are unrealistic, and often misguided. How can a marriage make it if ones career ambitions out-rank it?

Am I the only one who is feeling the impact of the US$ losing its value against every other currency out there? I am going through the financials of my mid-December trip to Dakar, and I am realising that simply by the conversion rate of the US$ against the cfa, my budget has been increased by 20%. That's a lot...

No ones bitting?

Ok, I'll give it try... I guess in my point of view, it all boils down to the definition of love. Is it the passionate kind or the platonic kind? I believe that the western culture promotes passionate love over platonic love. It is more exciting, intense and is the subject of a lot of best selling books and blockbuster movies. But I noticed that in a lot of these books and movies, the story often focuses on the early stages of the relationship. The movies usually end in the wedding ceremony, with a promise of a Happily Ever After... So it seems to me that in the Western world, women (and men) are well trained for the stages that lead to the ceremony. This in itself is not a bad thing. Except for the fact that a marriage trully begin the day after the wedding. Thats when things start getting interresting... Perhaps it is because I live in the GREAT state of California, but I am absolutely amazed at the divorce rate in this country. 51%.

Higher in some states, like California... The top reasons usually cited are money and "irreconcilable differences". To me, the latter is a fancy word for saying Real Life Kicked In. Too many times I have had to witness breakups, where someone's feelings had "changed". The individual did not "feel the same way as before", or my favorite "...I am no longer IN LOVE with my husband/wife..." By definition, feelings change. Personally, I don't ever remember feeling the exact same way about anything two days in a row, let alone two months or two years...

In my observation, the kind of love that is forever lasting has passion, but only as an ingredient, among many others. Matter of fact, I believe that this love cannot be the primary reason for a successful marriage. I don't think that the heart was created with a decision making function in mind.

I believe that a wiser decision making process begins with the brain, then the soul. The heart keeps beating, which is what it is meant to do

Ok Sub-Saharan, lets have a fun topic. I'm laughing ahead of time at the responses I'm going to get.

If marriage is an institution, is love a prerequisite?

I am glad you bring this topic up. A lot of the threads I was reading concerning couples that were experiences some challenges with the SO adjusting to life in the US specifically mentioned that the cultural elements and the religious elements were closely tied. For example, there was one about the husbands from Africa who were having a hard time dealing with the fact that for a while, their wives were the bread winners. This cultural element was reinforced by a religious one. I don't think the two can be seperated. I think that a very important part of ones culture has to do with ones religion. Would you agree?

My fiancee is a citizen of Mauritania. She was born and raised there, moved to Dakar post high school graduation to attend college.

Calling on all the members from the Sub-Saharan region forum... I am curious and would like find out a little more about the USC's on this forum. What I am basically interested in establishing is the cultural background of the USC... Are you male or female? Where you born in the US? Are your parents USCs? Are they naturalized USCs? Are you a naturalized USC? If so, what country were you previously a citizen of?

I'll start... I was born in Mali, while parents went back home on vacation. Never lived there. Just vacations every two years or so... Both parents citizens of that country. I am a 30 year old male, naturalized USC.

Here is my theory on the cultural background of the USC. I've been reading some threads relating to the challenges some couples are facing with adjusting to life in the US. I wonder if the experiences are different for couples who share similar cultural backgrounds than couples who don't...

Hi Omoba, my tentative return date to the states is 01/09/08...

Question for you all: how many of you who had a second interview scheduled had the USC at the first interview?

Hello everyone, we have our interview date. 12/27. Hopefully there will be one more reason for a new year celebration. I am scheduled in Dakar on 12/15... By the way, the department that schedules the appointments is like an outside contractor of some sort. They are very customer friendly and they basically just schedule appointments...

Any indication that December will be a busy processing time at the consulate?

I'm guessing that the mini department that sets up the appointments for the visa interviews is funded, at least partially by the money we spend purchasing the card. It is beginning to feel like a nickle and dime process... Oh well. I asked my fiancee to purchase a card today and forward me the pin. By the way, does anyone know if a appointment will be setup, if the file has not reached the consulate yet?

Hi guys, apparently one needs to purchase a special type of prepaid calling card just to make an appointment for the interview... So, one calls in and gives the operator your pin number for validation before they'll assist you with the appointment. I guess we are directly funding the service...

Just a quick update on our case. I called NVC today and was given the NVC receipt number. The file was received by NVC on November 2nd, and was forwarded to the consulate in Dakar today. My fiancee went for her medical yesterday. She was sent to two labs. One was for her chest X-ray, the other for blood work. She received her X-ray results the same day. She went back today for her blood work results today. She's due in for her vaccination shots tomorrow and the medical process should be completed then. I am really hoping for a December interview...

This topic is trully entertaining. It made me laugh a lot. It seems Mr Justin has created an uproar by raising the issue of money in a forum where folks are emotional, frustrated & IN LOVE. What I find humorous, is the fact the money has been cited as the number one reason for couples divorcing... Another interesting fact is the 50% divorce rate that we have on record in this country... Mr Justin, personally, I would have thought twice before posting this topic. There are some topics that will not be open to contructive discussion, even though they clearly have merit. B)

Bimax, Congratulations on your successful interview. Please do tell us how it went?

Congratulation Shanon. You trully deserve praise for your courage and perceverance.

What a process??? But, all is well that ends well. I wish you and your future husband all the happiness and love that your hearts can hold....

Your account of the interview has strenthened my belief that it is quite advisable for the USC to attend the interview. Interesting that the interviewer actually advised you that it does not garantee approval. Seems to me that the absence of the USC certainly garantees AP, AR & even denial... Is it just me or do we have a scenario here of presumed fraud, until proven innocent? What a shame...

Excellent. So basically, worse case scenario, I wasted money... Best case scenario, I save a lote of time...

Omoba, could you forward me the list of the approved labs. I live in Los Angeles.

I'm actually tempted to just do the darn DNA testing prior to the interview... Omoba, how involved is the process?

Hello Everyone, Just wanted to provide a quick update on my case. The NOA2 came thru on 10/09 and we are hopeful for an interview in December. I am planning a 4 week vacation for the holidays, from mid-December to mid-January, and in order to secure a decent rate for the ticket, I have to book my flight now. I am really hoping that the interview can take place while I am there...

My fiancee and I communicate in French. Well, my french is quite broken but I'm getting some practice lately...

Thank you all for your feedback. I live in Los Angeles and I have traveled to Dakar twice this year alone, at a rate of about $2500 for a airline ticket, each time. I am planning to attend the interview with my fiancee, who does not speak english at all. I have had to complete most of the forms that were submitted thus far. I am just worried that a simple inquiry, for which I would have an answer, may turn into an unecessary delay. My fiancee is from Mauritania, currently a student in Dakar. I am a naturalized US citizen, born in Mali.