Kharkov_Natalie

I just read your question April about how do we manage financially. I have always been good with the finances and am a programmer. My husband came from a family that was very poor and didn't feel at all comfortable dealing with non-cash situations. He's gotten used to using a credit card after all of these years, but I still manage the finances. When he was working, he would just hand me his paycheck. Now, we have an online business and we both work from home. He does a lot of the house work, some cooking and spending time with our son and I do the majority of the online business, but there are areas he helps me with. Our male/female roles bleed into each others quite a bit.

But, at the end of the day, he still wants to make the final calls on everything we do. We clash on that sometimes. But, he is more of a visionary and I am more of a worker-bee/entrepreneur. It has taken us years to get to this point and be comfortable with it all, but I think we are finally there.

But, marrying someone from another culture is definitely not for the faint at heart. As someone said earlier, you have to have the fix-it mindset or divorce will seem very attractive at times.

Hi There! When I was going through the greencard process in 2008, there weren't many of us American women, Russian men couples. So, glad to see there are a few more out there these days. I read along with interest.

We are going on 10 years of being a couple and 9 years of being married. We have a 7 year old little boy and we all spent a year in Moscow last year so that our son, Hunter, could understand his other culture. For now, we are in enjoying life in Florida and bringing his mom here on a greencard sometime this year. (Luckily for me, she will live with my husband's sister!)

Add us in, please. Sent N400 on 2/23. Check cashed 2/28. NOA dated 2/28, we received 3/2.

We got a text today that biometric appt is in the mail.

It does seem like things are going quickly....

If we paid for biometrics as part of the green card process 2 years ago, do we need to pay for biometrics again when we apply for citizenship?

From what I have read, as a USC a parent, child or spouse is eligible for an immediate visa number.

Thanks, that's what I thought as well. My sister-in-law is just not wanting to accept that it will be another 2 years before she sees her mother.

Wrong, you have to be a US Citizen by either birth or Naturalization to sponsor someone to immigrate. A greencard holder is just a permenent resident.

Actually, you both are incorrect. A permanent resident can sponsor a spouse or child, etc.. A USC can sponsor a parent or sibling, etc.

Back to the original question please

Hi everyone! I have a couple of questions about bringing my husband's mother for a visit.

My mother-in-law is divorced and lives alone in Yakutsk, Russia. She works as a teacher and owns an apartment there. She has a son who lives in Ukraine and her daughter is married to an American and lives in Florida and her son is my husband and we live in Louisiana. My sister-in-law desperately wants her mother to visit as she hasn't seen her in over 3 years and she hasn't seen her two grandchildren.

My sister-in-law and her husband created an invitation letter and helped her mother put together a packet of evidence. I gave advice based on what I had read here as to what she needed to show - proof of job, apartment, etc., but wasn't really involved in the process. She went for her interview on Aug 3 and was denied. She was told that because of her economic situation and the current recession, she would probably want to stay in America and not return. They also told her that it wouldn't do any good to reapply unless her economic situation changed.

We, of course, have no desire to do that as my husband is eligible to apply for citizenship next April and will be able to bring her here legally if she so desires. One of the purposes of her trip now was for her to decide if she wants to immigrate as she is afraid she won't like it here (yeah, whatever!)

After my MIL was denied, she went to Ukraine to visit her son. Now, my sister-in-law and her husband are calling me asking if she can re-apply in Kiev and what are the chances that she would get a visa so soon after re-applying.

It sounds like a long-shot to me, even if she is able to apply in Kiev in that she is a Russian citizen.

What do you all think? Can she legally apply in Kiev, even if she doesn't live there? Is there any chance they would give her a visa given she was denied so recently?

We just got finished removing conditions and we did DCF and therefore, my husband received his greencard right after he crossed the border and we never had to do AOS. We didn't get any RFEs or any interviews. Just a biometric appointment that took about 30 mins and 2 months later the card in the mail.

If you send in the right information that shows that you have comingled your finances and there are no other red flags, you shouldn't have to go for an interview.

We received the green card sometime while we were on vacation for Memorial Day and the date on the letter was May 24th. Yeah! We're done!

We were on a cruise this past week and received the update from USCIS that we were approved and the card production was ordered on May 10th. We received another email the next day saying that production card was ordered on May 11th. Now, when I try to look at our case online, it says that there is a duplicate case and so it doesn't show anything....

But, I think we will be getting my husband's card soon! WooHoo!

Hi! My husband and I are scheduled to go on a cruise a week after his conditional green card expires and I am assuming the way things move at a snail's pace at VSC, that we won't have his permanent green card by then.

Will we have any problems with people not understanding that his expired green card and NOA that extends his green card for one year is enough to travel in and out of the country?

I see that some people get a stamp, a I-155, I think. Would it be better if he had the stamp as well?

Thanks for your help!

Would someone please add our bio date to the list??.... it is 3/26.

Thanks!

Hi! Not sure how to update the timeline. Would someone add that our NOA1 was dated 2/22? Thanks!

We filed on Feb 17th. in the Vermont Service Center.... hopefully, it will go fast!!!

I just want to thank everyone who replied. I took something from each of your posts and I think the overall message was that with patience things will get better with time and to live the American way and in time they will get used to that as well.

I also discovered that the issues are similar whether the husband or the wife is the USC.

If any of you would like to talk personally, feel free to PM me.

Good luck to all of you who are about to embark on this journey. It can be a rollercoaster ride, but that's what makes it exciting!

Hi Natalie! I would loooove to be friends with you! I think we are a rarity (American woman marrying RUssian man), not just on VJ but everywhere!

I am not married...yet... but Vasya (my fiance who's also from Russia) will be coming to me in February if his medical/interview goes well. )) When I lived in Russia (and everytime I've gone back to visit), Vasya has always been my protector and rock and helping me with practically everything - like what you said about Vadim. But when he came to stay with me last year, our roles pretty much switched (me exlaining and helping him with everything, etc....plus driving to ). So I understand what you guys are going through. And I will be going through this all again in a matter of months for a whole lot longer than when he was on his tourist visa! Gof help me! And help him too! Eiy-eiy-yiy!

If you don't mind me asking, what part of Louisiana are you in and where are you thinking of moving? Is there University or community college or anything nearby where Vadim could perhaps take an English class or a Business or IT class/course? By taking an ESL class could help him meet other immigrants whom he could relate to and possibly develop a friendship. The business/IT classes may help him network a bit more in the job market and also keep him up-to-date in the subjects. etc. and increase his overall understanding of working in the US. Also, most importantly, taking a class or two may help him feel like he is less of a "waste of space" and bit more productive and like he has some sort of a structure in his life while looking for a job, rhus making him a bit happier.

Sorry - this post is horrible... I've been awake all night (insomnia) so my brain is fizzled out. I am so happy you posted this topic... If you'd like, PM me and we can trade emails...? I have a TON of questions for you, but don't think I should post them all across a public forum

Good luck and I will write you back again after I catch some Zzzzzs.

Anna

Hi Anna and welcome as well. Feel free to PM me as well with any questions you may have. My husband is Sergey and is working now (as Melissa has said... we are both replying at the same time!). I was fortunate in that he was an English translator so his English is excellent. However, he is still struggling with the cajuns around here and their humor.

I never realized how sarcastic and "put down" our humor is. My husband takes everything literally and this has been quite hard for him. He can never tell when his boss is joking or being serious with him. Just yesterday, his boss jokingly told him not to "rip him off." Seems his last 3 employees stole huge amounts of gas from the company (small fuel company). Sergey was on the phone with me asking what "rip off" means!! Of course, I told him to go straight to the boss and clarify that comment and get everything straight and the boss said he was just joking cause he felt like Sergey was the first honest employee he's had in awhile - which is true!

this is probably the best thread i have ever read...since i am about to embark on all of your experiences. i am a female USC marrying a belarusian male. not quite russia...but might as well be. what seems odd is that, during the short time we've actually spent out in public, my fiance has been very reserved. this is contrary to many of your experiences; however, he similarly loves to pay for everything, hold my hand, keep me on the inside of the sidewalk so cars won't hit me...etc. these attributes are what i fell in love with. i haven't met his mother yet, but she passed down the family ring to me. she calls him daily to make sure he has talked to me. i just hope that once he's here he doesn't become so negative and blunt as many of you have experienced with your husbands.

Welcome, Amber. It seems that there are a few more of us out there than I originally thought!

You can never judge how a person is going to react to a new culture and how they are going to handle culture shock. I naively thought my husband wouldn't have any culture shock since he is very Americanized and speaks English very well. But, they have years and years of one type of "worldview" if you will and when they come here, everything is challenged. The same thing happened to me when I went to Ukraine for 4 years, except I was there with an American organization and wasn't try to move there long term and assimilate into the culture 100%. If that had been the case, I am sure that I would have went through much worse culture shock.

My husband didn't turn negative just by coming here. He had a very bad childhood and life and so tends to see things very negatively. I had no idea what he had been through until we had been married for awhile. He didn't want to scare me off and knew that as an American, it would be very hard for me to understand and relate. I wish he would have shared more, as it felt like quite a load placed on me after we were married.

So, the only advice I would give someone in our shoes is to just get to know their family as well as possible and know their history. I'm not saying that it would stop us from getting married, just better prepared for what we are going to come up against.

Unfortunately, I met my husband in Ukraine and his family was in Siberia and so the first time I met them was at our wedding in Ukraine. It was definitely the wrong foot to start off on with his family as the weeks surrounding the wedding, I didn't have time to really spend with them as my family was also there and my mom was freaking out cause let's just say that she is a little bit of a diva and was not prepared for Ukraine. There were a lot of misunderstandings between the families and things that were just cultural differences that has caused hard feelings that have yet to be resolved and may never be. So, if it is at all possible, take the chance to get to know his family at a time when things are not so stressed.

They say you marry the family as well and I am now a firm believer of that!

Well, when it comes to the Russian "Superiority" complex, my husband goes back and forth. It's mainly just when he's frustrated with life here. He can be very contradictory with his praise and criticism of both countries and I think that just shows the struggle he feels on the inside to connect to both countries.

And I have seen him make some huge strides forward since he has arrived. He now appreciates his job, even though it wasn't the salary he thought he could make, he is trying harder with my family (most of the time), he has stopped complaining about life in Louisiana (this is not our final destination, but is necessary at this point because of my family), and he is trying to say things with a softer tone to them. He had a tendency to step on people's toes at times in Ukraine, so he knows he can be a bit harsh.

My family tolerates him and overlooks a lot since he is Russian, but overall, they do not like him and that is hard on me.

Do any of you have any children of your own? What I don't know is if my husband's attitude towards our son is Russian or just specific to him. He thinks raising our son is my job and his job is working outside the home. He has very little to do with our son and doesn't even talk to him personally. He thinks that he is like a doll now (4 months developmentally as he was born premature) and he doesn't play with dolls. I am trying to talk to him about how important a father's love is to his children even at this early age, but he thinks that he has time to love him when he becomes "a real person."

Sometimes, I feel like my husband has all these wierd ideas and I don't know if they are cultural or just his own brand of strangeness

I think he is starting to come around with our son now that he is more interactive and and seeing how my family is reacting to his brand of fathering, but I am worried about how he is going to be as a dad in the future.

Any thoughts?

One more issue that I am not sure if it's cultural... he is suspicious to the point of almost being paranoid. I lived in Ukraine for 4 years and although I know that people get used to expecting the worst from others, it seems my husband takes things to an extreme.

Examples:

My dad decorates the front yard for Christmas with this elaborate Christmas light display. The other day, a family drove by slowly with the windows rolled down and you could see little faces peering out. He started asking all kinds of questions about who they were, etc. and seemed worried they were up to no good.

He didn't want anyone to know our new address in America at first (even his family) because he was afraid that someone might try to do something bad to us out of jealousy. (To his credit, he does have some nasty distant relatives).

Of course, we could tell no one we were leaving Ukraine until the last couple of weeks and then he didn't want anyone to know exactly when we were leaving..... and everyone asked constantly as I was a missionary in the church...

He about drove me crazy in the NICU when my son was born. He nitpicked every little thing and was convinced one of the nurses was going to try to harm our baby. He was rude to them constantly instead of appreciative because he was convinced that the birth mark on our son's face was done to him intentionally.

I could go on and on. I think that part wears on me the most. Constantly trying to convince him that what he thinks is going on is not. He thinks I am naive and have a rose-colored glasses view of the world and I think he is reading too much into everything!!!

Well, cooking Russian food isn't the issue since I lived there for 4 years and learned a few recipes.... I wish it were that easy!!!!

It is just different when you consider gender roles and it's the woman's country and she knows the ropes better, can get the better jobs, a woman having to teach her husband to drive (which I am convinced is completely unnatural ....

My husband doesn't know anything about doing finances and so I still take care of all of that. Of course, I am finding out that it is not uncommon in Russia for men to just hand over their salaries to their wives anyway, but it makes me feel strange. I guess it is harder for him to be the "man." Over there, he was my protector, he knew much more than I did about life there and so this role reversal is hard on us.

They have different ideas about fatherhood than the typical Americans do.

Then there are probably things that we all have to deal with... my husband developed this superiority complex about Russia as soon as we crossed the border. He is having problems with people because he has not learned the art of tact when talking to people. He still says what he thinks very bluntly. He expected to get a job at the top and not have to work his way up....

Complains about our country a lot even though I know he wouldn't give it up and go back for all the money in the world, etc. It just feels a bit ungrateful to me since I know exactly where he came from and how much better his life is now.

I am a bit of an old fashioned woman, so I would like to let him take more of the lead, but he has some wrong ideas about life here and is a bit stubborn in letting what he thinks he knows go... It requires a lot of tact and skill as a woman to teach a man without him feeling like he is being treated like a child. And I don't feel like I have mastered that...

Then there is dealing with the mother-in-law who thinks that her son could have done a lot better with a Russian woman. But that is probably a common issue for all wives... MILs thinking there was someone better for their son.

While it is interesting reading this forum, it is mostly from an American male perspective. I was wondering if any of the women out there would be interested in sharing experiences and making friends with other women married to Russian men.

My husband and I have been married for over 1.5 years and we have a 3 month old little boy. We are now really hitting some of the cultural differences and having to work through some tough issues. It would be great to have someone who may be going through some of the same things to talk to. Even greater, someone who has successfully overcome some of these challenges.

Anyone out there interested in being friends and sharing experiences?

Yeah!!!! I am so happy for you Mariya!

Glad things have worked out for you guys quickly!

As far as your question about talking to USC's wives, there is a website http://www.russian-fiancee.com/rus/forum/index.php that you can check out. I have read a little here and there (in Russian) and it seems to be a good sight.

I had my wife change both her Russian passports to her married name and I thought all was well. Now I wonder as we sweat out the CR-1 process. We're at least at he NVC stage.

The name issue is that the way the Russians translate my last turns it into a different name in effect. I'll give a fake example. English name "Robert Duvall." Russian spelling in passport--"Robert Davol"

Can my wife fix this problem on her passport so the last name in English is right, or do we just live with it and maybe fix it later in the USA?

The embassy stressed to us that the English name on the Russian passport needed to match exactly with the English name that you put on all the American paperwork. So, we waited to get my husband's international passport to file the I-30 so we would put his name in English the way it was translated.

We had also looked into how to get his Russian passport changed in the event that they butchered his name in English. My husband found that there is a way to get a special stamp put in the passport with an alternative English spelling. But, fortunately we never had to use it cause they spelled his name as we requested (we got the passport through the Russian embassy in Kyiv and they asked us how we wanted it to be spelled.)

But, my sister-in-law had her name spelled wrong on her Russian passport (Oxana instead of Oksana) and the embassy insisted that they write Oxana everywhere to match her passport. So, now she is in the States trying to get every instance of her name spelled Oksana and not Oxana.

So, in summary, my understanding is the names must match the Russian passport translation.

ONE MORE QUESTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN EVERYONE POST HOW LONG IT TOOK FOR YOU TO GET PASSPORT AFTER THE INTERVIEW DATE

I hope it won't take as long as 10 days and if it's possible to track it online or by calling to the courier company?

We interviewed on Feb 21 (Thursday) and received our visa on Feb 25 (Monday). So, it only took us 2.5 working days. I think when you get it depends on when you have your interview. I have heard that they only make visa once or twice a week and then send them all out at once, but I am not sure how accurate that is. My sister-in-law went through the process last June and she received hers in 7 days.

Hope that helps!

Wow! This is what we are planning to do, so I am glad to find out it is so much easier. How long did you need to wait to file the petition after getting married?

Congratulations!

I don't think you have to wait at all. Before they changed the requirements for DCF to 6 months residency, people were flying over, getting married and filing all in the same trip. I remember one guy stayed in Ukraine for 1 month and got everything done and flew home with his bride. So, I think you can file right away after you are married (as long as you have lived in the country at least 6 months already).

And the process to get married here is easy and pretty fast. I was told that ZAGS (wedding registation place) had a 3 month wait, but we were able to register and pick out the next available date which was 2 weeks later. So, if you come, you may just want to check that out and you can apply at ZAGS earlier to make sure you don't have to wait on that.

If your fiancee is in Russia, you may have a harder time doing this... I know that they have changed some of the visa laws where you can only be in the country 3 months and then you have to leave for 3 months. But I am not sure if that is for all types of visas or just tourist visas.

Something that you may want to consider is living in Ukraine and having your fiancee come live in Ukraine with you. She will file according to where she is living and Ukraine may be much easier for you to get longer term visas, etc. From what I have read, the Kyiv Embassy seems much easier to go through as well.

Anyway, good luck to you!