genem

Genem....i seems to remember you posted recently about a girl and her demand for a prenuptial agreement to ensure she not financially disadvantaged? i recall there were some concerns about her true motives....the relationship you refer to this time is a different person?

Yes, i ended the relationship with the other woman and i have met a new one who already has a USA visa.

I have met a Russian woman with a USA business visa good until 12/07. If she comes to USA for marriage to me in 08/07, can she stay in USA after we are married or can there be problems where she would have to return to Russia until a K-3 visa can be issued to her? I am hoping i can obtain all the necessary papers (AOS, SS#, green card, etc.) while she is here so she will not have to return. Please help with answers or links!!!!!

If I take what you wrote at face value, the woman is not currently in the USA. The plan is to come to the USA in August and marry you. She can do that but she must return to Russia instead of staying here to adjust status. Coming to the USA with the intention of marriage and status adjustment is only allowed with a K1 visa. To do so on another visa type (and attempt to adjust status) is visa fraud.

If she is coming here in August, you can marry but sometime before her visa expires or for a K3 or CR1 interview she must return to Russia. The visa interview will be in Russia.

If I've misunderstood, and she was already here before you decided to marry, is still here and will remain, then yes, she can stay and adjust status.

Yes, she is in Russia.

I have met a Russian woman with a USA business visa good until 12/07. If she comes to USA for marriage to me in 08/07, can she stay in USA after we are married or can there be problems where she would have to return to Russia until a K-3 visa can be issued to her? I am hoping i can obtain all the necessary papers (AOS, SS#, green card, etc.) while she is here so she will not have to return. Please help with answers or links!!!!!

Andrew, I am very sorry to hear about your situation. I, too, just broke up with my fiancee' a day or two ago so i share your pain and heartbreak and I feel I know how you are feeling. If you want to email me to talk, maybe we can help each other. I know it feels like the end of the world, but as many others are saying, try to stay positive and look for the future. I have already started my search for a new woman just to help me get through the pain of getting over this one. I know keeping myself busy is the best thing I can do so maybe it will work for you also. Gene

By the way, the $1,000 i gave to my Fiancee was for expenses for her and her son to go to Moscow for the visa interview and had nothing to do with sex, as TimsDaisy applied. She lives in Siberia and was going to have to spend at least 1-2 nights in Moscow for medical & interview.

I want to apologize to anyone who was offended by my update post. I had just emailed my Fiancee' and was very angry and hurt. I do not wish anyone a bad marriage, ever. My apology does not apply to TimsDaisy, who i thought his remarks about whores and Johns was completely insensitive, and poor in taste. If you agreed with his post, then i am not apologizing to you either.

UPDATE!!!!!

For everyone that said i already had my mind made up, you will be glad to know that today i emailed my Fiancee' and told her the relationship had ended. For the selfish ones who were angry because we were ahead of you for a K-1 Visa, I HOPE YOUR MARRIAGE GOES TO HELL!!! And for the few who tried to make a "dirty" post out of a plea for help, YOU CAN KISS MY A__!!!! For the rest of you who offered sympathy and good advice, I THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!! Needless to say, i met some very nice people on this site and some real JERKS!!!

Lisa,

Not sure what "Feel for your stones" means. I must have missed that movie or book, Please explain.

I have read "Men are from Mars, Ladies are from Venus" and i try to communicate more now than i did before i read it. My mind is not made up, as i said before, the replies have given me lots to think about. Earlier today, i decided to take Turboguy's suggestion and maybe go see her one more time to try to work it out & decide whether she really cares about me or not. But i am waiting on an email from her to see if she cares anymore. The last thing she told me last night was "i will email you soon with a decision", the decision being whether she wants to go forward with the visa. My gut feeling right now is to forget the whole thing, and forget women altogether. But who in "MY Hell" wants to go through life lonely and by themselves. Though i know i would probably be better off, i don't want to do it. So i don't have ANY answers. Though my mind says "forget her & move on", my heart has a mind of its own that says "hey you idiot, i think i am in love with this woman and i don't want you to forget her". So, what to do, what to do, what to do!!!! I am on the fence falling in both directions.

ORIGINAL QUESTIONS:

In your opinions, was i wrong for asking for my money back when she wouldn't come to bed? Should i continue to try to make this work when i am wondering if she cares?

Ms. Bong, not sure very many read the questions.

Wow!!!! How many would suffer foot in mouth if she were to tell her side.

Yes, everyone should realize that i am only telling my side of the story and she does not have the opportunity to tell hers. Yes, i realize i am forcing the relationship. But i do care about this woman very much, and, because of the language barrier, i feel i do not completely understand her feelings toward me. She started out the perfect match and only after our problems in St. Pete was their any problem at all. She came into the St. Pete meeting with a great attitude and only after our discussion on the 4th day did it turn bad. I blame myself for most of those problems because i did not understand her feelings toward me, which i still believe were honest and good, except for the dress she wanted. And that problem i blame on her not realizing the value of a dollar because she grew up in a small town. She is poor and was looking forward to coming to St. Pete to buy a new dress. I don't want to defend her too much, but i assure all of you that she does have a side to the story that none of you know about. I feel this woman is a good woman and not in it for my money. I do appreciate most people's comments because it gives me things to consider and think about, however, i do feel some of you are making harsh comments when you do not know all the facts.

I think you need to realize that she is likely giving up a job and disrupting her life a lot. A prenup can be good for both of you. I know one Ukarainian gal who came her on a K-1, married, divorced a year later and they each spent $ 20,000 in legal fees including about $ 5,000 each argueing about who owned an $ 8.00 snow shovel. With a good prenup you can save the arguements and the legal fees.

She got to stay in the USA and came out with about $ 30,000 in her divorce settlement and a lawyer bill for $ 20,000. He lost his house over it and a lot more in addition. The only winners in a divorce are the lawyers.

I totally agree with your comments. I was to meet with the attorney tomorrow, Friday, to draw up the agreement but decided to call her through an interpreter to see how serious she really was. She told me about some concerns she had and we had a very nice discussion. I called the attorney to say i was going to make some changes in the agreement that i hope will help her feel more comfortable, yet she is definitely not going to get much from me because i don't have much for her to get. I believe her concerns are valid and I believe the relationship is going to work out, maybe even stronger than i had hoped for. Language has certainly been a problem but i believe things are headed up hill again and will be stronger because of our problems.

yes, this relationship is unique and does not have "LOVE" in it yet, and i say YET!!!! We both have needs and can fill the other person's needs. Love can and will work its way into our life. Who of you want to play "GOD" and say it can't work. Sounds like many of you do.

"Something is not right with your relationship with your fiancee as others have stated. Please don't mistake LUST for LOVE.

My fiancee is from VN a third world country. She adamantly says no to me when I tell her I want to send money to VN and support her with the expenses for the K-1 Visa and our wedding. Instead, she went out and found a job to support herself and not become a burden to me. She is only 20 years old......

I would send her money in a heart beat but also respect her independence."

Sounds like you found a jewel. Good for you & hopefully she has found one also. Good luck and thanks for the reply.

i have not posted often, but as a woman i feel the need to respond to your post.

unfortunately for you, i don't this woman really wants to be with you. i strongly advise that you get out of this situation before you are out more money & more heartache... the fact that she left 2 days earlier than planned says a lot about her. I'm quite sure you spent a lot of money going there to see how and this is how she treats you??? of course, she is going to call back & be nice. she realized that she might be throwing away her "meal ticket" to the US. The age difference also bothers me a lot. I absolutely do not mean any disrespect to you, but I am a 42 year old woman & I would NEVER think of dating a 61-year-old man. Does this woman have children?? Does she want children?? If she is acting this way now before she gets what she really wants, a visa, how in the world is she going to act when you bring her over here??? I understand that you want to be generous to her & give her money & buy her things, but you need to ask yourself would she want to be with you if you weren't doing those things.. I think you seriously need to evaluate this "relationship". take a step back and take a very, very good look. I do not know this woman, but judging from your post i honestly think she's an opportunist & she is in this for all the wrong reasons. If she had any integrity she would have given you your money back when you asked for it & she absolutely would not have been asking you to buy her things. please, please think twice, three times & four times about what you're doing & don't waste anymore of your money. if you really feel the relationship is important to you, go visit her & don't give her ANY money or buy her ANYTHING & see how interested in you then... that will certainly be a test to see if she's interested in you, or if she's more interested in $$ and what you can offer her... It would be much easier to get out now than after you were married to her.

Good luck to you.. You're in my thoughts.

Thanks for all your opinions and thoughtfulness. I would like to add that i do have a copy of her divorce papers which i submitted one with the I-129F. But the copy i have is illegible & USCIS says i have to translate it into English so i asked her for a more legible copy which she has not sent. She is going to school full time & i wonder why if she plans to come to USA, she just enrolled for two months. She has not beat me out of any money to date and when i visited her in 11/06, she was very frugal with my money. But when i met her in 02/07, she seemed like a spender wanting a $1,200 dress. She settled for a $300 blouse, which is still a lot of money, but she was not happy. I also know she doesn't love me yet, but she has a 14 y.o. son and said she wanted a Dad for him, so i am hoping she will learn to love me. Thought i would add some more infor, it is hard to tell the whole story in one post. thanks again everyone, i am needing some encouragement to continue. But i am coming to realize that it may be a lost cause.

Reading the post in some topics, i decided to ask for help. I met my Fiancee 6 months ago on the internet. She was wanting badly to come to the USA. I was very lonely and looking for romance and companionship but i am 62, she 41. With that said, i met her in Russia for 4 days in 11/06. We hit it off. I met her again in 02/07. We talked, i gave her $1,000 in cash for expenses. She later asked some questionable questions & said she wanted a marriage agreement. I went to bed, she slept on sofa. I am laying in bed thinking this is our 1st sex & because i am a diabetic & don't perform very good, she is unhappy, plus i didn't buy her a $1,200 dress she wanted so she is unhappy, plus i am a diabetic, etc. I decided i should ask for the $1,000 back until i was more sure about her. So i got out of bed & got my money back. The next morning she left 2 days early so i asked for my ring back but she wouldn't give it. When i got home, i emailed & apologized, she accepted, but has been very cool since. Currently, i am needing a copy of her divorce papers for RFE1 but she hasn't faxed a copy to me in 3 days. In your opinions, was i wrong for asking for my money back when she wouldn't come to bed? Should i continue to try to make this work when i am wondering if she cares?

Signed, sad & worried

Add this one to the list. The US citizen must show proof that they are a US citizen. We already know that but they are pretty picky so your birth certificate MUST show BOTH parents names. Fortunately I had already ordered the long forms and they arrived while we were waiting but my opinion is GO GET YOUR PASSPORT!!!!

I just got an RFE because i sent the divorce decree of my Fiancee" which was in Russian. They told me i had to have it translated to English and certified that it was accurate and complete and that the translator was competent to translate Russian to English. News to me, i thought they would take a original certified copy in Russian. It seems to me that the USCIS should have translators either working somewhere in the department or at least have phone numbers of people that could translate for them but instead it is up to the Petioner to do all the translating.

And here we are again at that great question: so what is marriage, exactly? And a better question: what is marriage to United States Citizenship and Immigration Services.

It's a contract - as one poster pointed out. Anything beyond that comes from our personal/religious/cultural assumptions about the institution.

If you're concerned about a prenuptual contract, the best thing you can do is find a qualified family attorney to guide you through the process - better yet, one who knows immigration law as well.

Side note: "California is a community division state so if we got divorced we would split things anyway." Yeah, that's a popular misconception, I'm pretty sure. While CA and many US states are community property states, that doesn't mean you have a right to half your spouse's property upon dissolution of the union. I'm not a community property attorney - but from what I recall from school, the rough outline is what's yours before marriage and your spouse's before marriage goes with you respectively when you divorce. What you earn during marriage *may* be subject to being split down the middle. But a whole ton of exceptions, rules, and laws apply.

If anyone has substantial assets and doubts about the life span of the marriage - and a rather cooler calculation of vows - then a pre-nup is probably the way to go. Find a lawyer - or better yet - find a counselor and see if you're really ready for this kind of commitment - of the heart and of your bank account.

Hey everyone, thanks for all the opinions and advice. My first step was to email my fiancee' and ask her what she wanted to be included in the agreement and what her concerns were about assurance of our marriage. I am waiting for her reply. I do not think she is concerned about money, only that if something should happen to me or our marriage, what would she be able to do in a foreign country without a green card.

Those alarm bells were pretty loud.

It's possible that her concerns are about being stuck in a foreign country without enough money if the marriage fails. You could offer to put in a pre-nup that if the marriage fails, you'll pay the expenses for her and her son to return to Russia and maybe a bit more. If she doesn't go for that, then perhaps being with you isn't what it's about for her. When the question has come up in other threads, just about all the non-USCs have said that if it weren't for their USC fiance or spouse, they'd stay in or go back to their own country.

Vanee, thanks for the comment. I know that is her concern. I did tell her i would pay their way back and give them $1,000 if the marriage lasted less than a year and she was shocked and insulted but would never say what she expected from me. I think right now she thinks she would want to stay in USA for her son, but after being over here for a while, she might change her mind and want to go back.

Sounds to me like you two need to have a serious talk. Is she giving up a lucrative career? Bringing with her substantial wealth or assets which you might conceivably claim after divorce? She could just be concerned that she will come here, marry you, then you will divorce her and she will be left to fend for herself? Prenuptial agreements are more common when one or both parties to a marriage possess substantial pre-marital assets. You will be on the financial hook until she becomes a US citizen, married or divorced, so the best advice I can give you is to have a long heart to heart talk with her and find out what she is thinking.

I don't think you should enter the conversation with a worst case scenario in your head though.

No, she has no money, i don't have much. But i do have 2 children i would like to leave my few assets with if she doesn't at least make an attempt to have the marriage work. That is my only concern. I tried to talk to her in St. Pete about the agreement last week but i do not think she really knew anything about it. We met online thru a internet agency and she said she would talk to them to see what the agreement should say. I am thinking that is also where the idea of an agreement came from.

I am not sure what you are asking for?....Each relationship is different - the real questions regarding a marraige is that both parties really love each other and are willing to work to make the other happy. Before i agreed to get married to my other half we had been "dating" for 3 years - i have a generous leave allowance which meant i could visit my other half at least 2 times each year - there is a age gap between us and i also considered all aspect - with age comes illness and such - would i be willing to be there in his sickness without resentment ? will he be there in mine?......personally if i put a pre nuptial agreement in place it would feel a little like edging my bets ....i am only speaking for myself but in the event of a divorce then the law usually decided what is fair and what is not fair?. Perhaps others will be able to give more enlightenment but perhaps you need to find out what a agreement would actually give her - perhaps find out exactly what she thinks the agreement should mean ......the particulars because if she has mentioned it then she may even have specifics.....Good Luck

Actually, i did ask her what she wanted or expected in the agreement and she could not answer, "assurance" was as specific as she got. I do feel that i am very close to loving her but that she is not as close to loving me yet. I do feel it will come with more time. Because of my age and the length of time for visas, plus her anxiousness to get out of Russia and to America, we have rushed it a bit, no doubt.

oh boy.. the marriage itselfs is a legal agreement, to love cherish, honour, whatever.. in sickness and in health.. isn't that enough? Have you assured her that you will look after her WHILE you are married?

Having a legal agreement as to how much money you will PAY her after you get divorced is a bit shocking to read about..

I would have a serious conversation about this with her...and i would think twice about her intentions too.. Maybe its just the way your post reads but it sounds like shes after something other than living the rest of her with you..

Yes, i understand all the above from a man's point of view. But not to forget, for a 41 year old woman with a 14 year old son, moving to another country from her homeland and relatives can be a shocking & stressful experience. A woman's insecurity can lead to a lot of stress and emotional actions so i understand to some degree her wanting some security from me other than just promises. I have assured her several times that i will take care of her and her son, but we have only been together 2 times and corresponded for 4 months and no one knows what the future will bring. Thanks for your comments.

I just met with my Fiancee in St. Petersburg. Previously, she had been excited and anxious to get to America ASAP, but this trip she seemed nervous and apprehensive. She finally mentioned that she was unsure about her future and asked if i would prepare a marriage agreement. I said i would. But to me, the man, it appeared that either she did not trust our marriage to work or maybe had talked to someone who suggested a marriage agreement to be sure that if the marriage did not work, that she would get compensated for it. First, i would like to get everyone's opinion on why you think she may have asked for the marriage agreement, and, second, what should be included in the marriage agreement that would be fair for both of us. I would like her compensation in the agreement to be based on years of marriage to me. If the marriage only last one year or less, i do not think she should get much from me because it might be a reason for her to divorce me. As the marriage years are added, i believe the assets or compensation should increase. She is much younger than me and i know that she wants to leave Russia and come to America so i do not feel she needs any more reasons for a divorce once she gets over here. Please give me your opinions on everything regarding marriage agreements. Thanks

Hey to all december filers!!!

Now we have our own topic too and can share our experiences and go together through the long wait!

Share your experiences, thoughts, doubts and just ask any question, you hope, we might be able to answer...lol

Let's hope, we wont have to wait too long....i want to be in the states by may, so keep the fingers crossed and the head up!!!

Diana

Another December filer here hopeing all goes well for everyone and SOON!!! Reading the USCIS timetable, it looked like it was going to take forever, 6-7 months and that would be forever to me. But reading the responses tonight i am encouraged that it might get done in

5 months. I had heard before i filed the I-129F that it should be done in 4-5 months but the timetables had me discouraged.