lovetolaugh

I'm not sure if I am in the right place. I am from Canada and currently in a long distance relationship (LDR) with a Zambian man. He is currently trying to acquire a visa to Canasa. I believe that this site is mostly for people who are trying to immigrate into the USA. Does anyone know if there is a site that is similar to this one for Canadians. Or are there any Canadians on this site who are in a similar circumstance as me?

I'm sorry yaalisa, please forgive me. I was on the defensive. I understand that there are women here who are concerned about my safety. And your intentions were for my safety and self respect, along with all the other women here. It's been a very hard and confusing time for me in this relationship and sometimes I dont know what is truth and what is not anymore. I didn't mean to take it out on you. I wanted to tell you personally that today I have ended the relationship and it is over. You were right all along yaalisa, I deserve better and I am no longer settling. I am exploring my options and God willing I will find "true" love. Thank you for you concern and your advise.

Was wondering, are they any Canadians in this forum who are trying to get there spouses over from Nigeria. My understanding is that this site is designed for US citizens. Is that correct? I need some information on the process of getting my husband to Canada once we are married in Nigeria. If anyone has any information on this process orwhere to go for advise/info please let me know. I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks.

are you sure you want to marry this man? from your other posts, it sounds like he's no good. I don't know your whole situation, (except for what you posted on here), for my opinion though, there are more men out there, explore your options first, before settling for less. I wish you the best,

First of all I do not know you, so your opinion does not count for anything in my life. Secondly, you have no idea about the outcome of my situation and unles you know me personally and have walked with me as a friend for the time I have known this man, you will never know. I did not post my story for someone to make judgment calls on me, but for some friendly supportive advice. And you are right, you DO NOT KNOW my whole situation, therefore you are not allowed the privilege of making judgement calls on me , this man, or my life.

Was wondering, are they any Canadians in this forum who are trying to get there spouses over from Nigeria. My understanding is that this site is designed for US citizens. Is that correct? I need some information on the process of getting my husband to Canada once we are married in Nigeria. If anyone has any information on this process orwhere to go for advise/info please let me know. I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks.

are you sure you want to marry this man? from your other posts, it sounds like he's no good. I don't know your whole situation, (except for what you posted on here), for my opinion though, there are more men out there, explore your options first, before settling for less. I wish you the best,

Was wondering, are they any Canadians in this forum who are trying to get there spouses over from Nigeria. My understanding is that this site is designed for US citizens. Is that correct? I need some information on the process of getting my husband to Canada once we are married in Nigeria. If anyone has any information on this process orwhere to go for advise/info please let me know. I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks.

Thats a good one. And you know, I actually understand what your saying . LOL

My opinion .... when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Yep me too! Basically that was my long winded question earlier. Is lack of communication and inability to partnership with me cultural or is he simply a selfish man? Still trying to find that out. I however, at this point am frustrated and unsure about the relationship. I was making plans to travel to Nigeria to meet him in March/07 but am no longer prepared to travel thousands of miles across the world for someone who doesnt want to take on his role as my partner. Still searching but in the meantime I am not having that much fun. I was having fun at the beginning but when my expectations of him reared it's ugly head we started having problems. Maybe my expectations of him are too high because I dont understand the cultural obstacles he faces concerning money. He has to frequent the cafes to communicate with me and he has to buy cards to "flash" my phone. I am not prepared to give up my dignity for him or take a back seat while he socilizes with his friends and family and puts off my phonce calls when I call. I believe that "I" need to come first in his life and he doesnt seem to understand that or how to make that happen. How can I give him patience and understanding without compromisng my integrity? Man.... love is grande? LOL Not sure how much more I can take. Any Nigeria/African men that can offer some advice and insight would be wonderful.

Wow is all I can say. Someone else is living my life and having my thoughts.

I would love a copy of those lessons. You can email me at afroese1@mts.net. How did you get a copy to Kwabena or are you just using your copy. Thanks so much.

I have been reading all the posts from this thread. I have enjoyed it a lot. Since someone has mentioned something about premarital counseling, my pastor emailed me a couple months ago, about 22 lessons of premarital counseling for Kwabena and I. We have been doing them over the phone and after he gets here, we'll do some with the pastor. But these lessons are great, I could have never imagined talking about all these things before getting married. It has really given us the opportunity to grow and know each other better. It is better to discuss all these things before marriage, rather then after. If anyone wants the lessons, I can email them to you. Don't think they are only for before the marriage, because my pastor has been married many years and they have began to do the lessons too. Ok so anyone, if you will like to have them, send me your email, I believe you'll really enjoy.

Thank you, I believe that you are right. I have known that in my heart for some time now but just needed to hear it from someone else. I appreciate the clarity that you have given. Thankfully , God prepared my heart this weekend to finally let go. The best is out there for me and I dont believe it is Hakeem. Anna

Anna Marie.....this behaviour is NOT yoruba culture. He clearly has stepped over the line here.

He is not interested in communicating with you, that is very obvious in what you are decribing.

Move on and do not allow this man to use you. I don't believe he is focused on you at all.

Forget him. Today. Now.

Hello ladies, I am just slightly confused about this African man and his behavior towards me. Is it cultural or is he simply not interested in holding the relationship together???? He is from the Yoruba culture and it probably would be wise for me to search that on the internet. That is my next step. We have been on line together for over a year now and we have been talking marriage.

So here is where I get confused. For about 8 months this man pursued me relentllessly, online three times as much as he is now. For 8 months he was attentive and available all the time. Then..... finally I make a committment to work towards more than friendship after eight months of pursuit and everything changes. He is now emailing me once a week and yahoo on Saturdays are cut down to 1 1/2 hour chats. He no longer comes on line Sundays to chat either. The man continues to tell me that he loves me and that he wants to marry me, yet he does not prove to me that he wants this relationship to move forward. I have confirmed that he is not a scammer, so I wonder what is going on with him.

It almost seems that he is available to me only when it is convenient for him and not for me. I have asked him if he could email me more than once a week. I explained the communication has dwindled down to almost nothing and we are just going to drift apart if we don't increase the communication. You see I phone him all the time and he has NEVER, not once asked me to phone him. In the last couple days he made these comments "Well I knew you would call". So...have I made it too easy for him???.

From what I see his friends and his social life come first before me. For example, this Saturday he got off work early but said "I don't think I will be on line" he was going to a festival with his friends for the evening. He sent me one email this week and he can't even take "one hour" or geesh "1/2 hour" of his time to talk to me on IM before he gooes. It's like 3 pm in the afternoon, make the time for me. HIS arrangements for me to phone were to call him at 11pm or 12 midnight so that he was home and everything was quiet and that he could concentrate on our conversation. So get this! Everytime I called he's alseep and I have to wake him up. He's tired and not into talking so I have to make all the conversation. He sounds like a little boy. I have called him spontaneoulsy mid afternnoon when he is full of energy and he sounds like a man. That is who I want to talk to when I phone. But NO, I get the left overs at the end of the day when he is finished with his social life.

I asked him a couple of times to change his time for me and he was not prepared to. I asked him why he couldn't just be home at 9pm to received my call before he went to sleep and his reply is "I dont know".. HUH??? What kind of stupid answer is that? Sounds like he is just a selfish man who is only going to put into the relationship what is easy for him. I need more and what I am asking of him is not impossible.

Oh and by the way, two days ago I decided to take my dignity back. I will no longer be calling unless he lets me know he wants my phone call. And oh yah... if he wants me to phone it better be at least and one to two before bedtime .. otherwise we just try again some other nite. And i will no longer be emailing him unless he emails me. I have expressed already what I need from him and if I dont see some changes. I'm movin on ladies. Actually I have already. I am back on a dating site and no longer exclusive to him. I deserve the best and I am not settling.

Anyways ladies, thanks for letting me vent. LOL Not sure if this is the African Yoruba man or just simply a selfish man concerned about his own needs. If you have any advise I would be sure glad to hear it.

Anna

Hello everyone.

Me and my SO having been living together for almost 6 months now. He's from Ethiopia and I'm American. Our relationships isn't what I expected at all. He's a loving and gentle guy. I'm fairly laid back person but we are constantly arguing over things that later turn out to be misunderstandings or cultural differences. I am really having a hard time. We try to discuss things but I end up feeling REALLY frustrated. I'm just curious. Are there some cultural issues that I am missing?

Money. He likes having nice things. When he wasn't working I took care of both of us and he just didn't understand why the finances caused me stress. Now that he's been working, he's all about saving his money and thinking about the future. And he doesn't want me to know exactly how much money he has. he says that in his culture women don't ask men how much money they have. We are figuring out a compromise and a financial plan. But I was shocked that he just has a hard time understanding living expenses and bills. He seems reluctant to spend a lot of money on bills. He says that when he was home he always had money to spend and that he expected to have alot of money once he started working. My response was, "welcome to America. we're all broke" I say this slightly jokingly. We live in DC, which is one of the most expensive cities to live in.

Listening. He doesn't like to listen to me sometimes. When he first got here in June we were going to a get together. He wanted to wear his leather jacket. I was like, its too hot for leather. He just wouldn't listen to me. Finally I was insistent that he could not wear it he gave in. Its very hot in July even at night. I just couldn't understand why he didn't believe me. That's the perfect example of what I don't get. I love him and want to help him understand how things work here but i swear to God, he's quick to disagree with me. I can't force him to listen but sometimes its a drain.

Communication. This is getting a little bit better. But my husband just doesn't like explaining things. And no matter how many times we agree to communicate, it just doesn't work out that way.

Anyway, I want to make our relationship work. I'd welcome some insights.

Sonya