nohairleft

29 minutes ago, cyberfx1024 said:

So she booked a holiday with just her to the Philippines, did she even ask if you wanted to go?

Not the Philippines this time but a country in Europe to meet up with her friends - she did ask but probably because I would get lumbered with the £££.

I do want to work but all I can see is she is here for herself and her family. I have ignored some red flags with this and in hindsight should of been more aware.

1 hour ago, K1_Journey said:

my wife felt bad that I was footing all the visa expenses plus supporting her and her kids and mom, she wanted to get a job to help pay the expenses

That would be a dream come true for me . I recall my wife saying that it was me that wanted her here and I had to pay for it all. 

She actually contacted me today - said that I gave her no choice but to leave - I'm sure I sat her down and asked if she would like to talk or leave - she chose the latter. 

In her conversion to me I said we had goals before we married, careers / house / a child, that it seems is all my responsibility now as she is Filipino and she has her obligations that I can never understand. She said she is not a UK person so will never act like it, never asked her to do that - I just want the same goals in marriage - not too difficult.

Also money crept again - she was expecting me to keep supporting for plane tickets back to the Philippines - she works but doesnt know the concept of budgeting - we have been on holidays abroad quite a few times in the last 2 years but this is obviously not good enough. 

Another worry is that she has asked if I have contacted the authorities yet as she booked a holiday before this all erupted, to she her friends - I think she is worried that she will not get passed border control on the way back. If I was her I would possibly be worried about the future rather than a holiday.

I have asked her to come back to the house and talk but no sign as of yet - nothing seems to be sinking in.

3 hours ago, Eric-Pris said:

You're better off, trust me.  Change the locks and break off all contact.  Let her do what she wants.

Been down the pub having a few beers with my bro and having a good chat. He was like how come you didn't say anything earlier , but he is an agreement about the motive on why she is with me and it needs to end.

Good thing is no children or assets involved (currently rent) and that she has no access to the house. Going away for a few weeks abroad for work so if she decides to come back she will have not much luck 

Thanks K1_Journey & TBoneTX for your responses - I feel like I right idiot but hopefully it will pass.

The house she is building will be the parents with a brother who doesnt work, when they pass away it will be the brothers - I'm thinking great so we are working for your family for the foreseeable future - great stuff 

32 minutes ago, cyberfx1024 said:

We agreed on a certain amount every month, and nothing beyond that. She was at first not to happy about it but she came around to my way of thinking and now she fine with it. 

My wife was the opposite she was happy when we first discussed it - agreed around $300 per month but things started creeping in - birthdays / someone is sick (which I didnt mind as it was a kid and I paid).

I found her a housing development which I told her should could apply for and pay less for me in bills around the house. So our discussion about children and future goals I said she would need to reduce her payments to the Philippines as I think with the house and monthly allowance it would end up being $750. Her brother actually works in a western country but has debts to pay first before he can contribute. I know the obligation of Filipinos to there family thats why we discussed it at the start but there is also obligations to your better half.

As I said my patience is running thin because I'm thinking they are spending the money and then just asking for more.

Sorry it is UK - its a spouse dependant visa.

Yep it looks like money is her only interest and having a higher status being with a fairly successful guy. Tried my best but I have fundamentals in life which I cannot ignore but at the same time trying to help my wife achieve her goals. 

I actually like the Philippine nature and thought this could be my soul mate - looks like I was wrong on that one.

Thanks for the responses - I'm a bit too soft but the other night when I asked her to leave or talk to me she opted for the former I was like - keys and phone please. The sense of entitlement is strong in my wife for some reason.

Yes she has a poor family that's why I laid out money sending before we even married. Told her in the western world bills usually match the wages we get, seems to have been lost on her and also she does not want to upset her family.

My son has seen her go tampo / psycho a few times, he even stuck up for me (hes eleven) Sad to say he is more mature than my wife.

Hi

Over the past few months my marriage has become strained somewhat and now she is no longer living with me and her intention is to go back to the Philippines. Here is a bit of background info:

I have been married to my wife for 3 years and been together nearly 5 years. We met in over in the Philippines and everything seemed great, before the marriage I was sending over money to top up her wages as she was a nurse, so that she could get a little extra for the family etc.

Before the marriage it seems that she may of been hiding some of her true colours as tampo is more prevalent and she was stating that she wanted to build a house for her family before making any attempts to start anything like that in my home country. After having a chat it looked like we would have joint goals in the marriage - seems I would be disappointed.

As she was a nurse in her own country I suggested and helped her go on an English course so that she could get a nursing job easily and continue in the job she enjoys. She decided just to do the bare minimum for visa entry and not gain the level for nursing in my home country.

Once my wife was living with me I experienced various episodes of tampo and rage that she wanted to go home, mainly due to the fact she resented my son from a previously relationship and called him all sorts of names. If anything bad in the slightest was said about her family then it was more like WW3. I managed to persuade her to stay each time.

Once my wife had a job (not as a nurse but a health care assistant) we agreed on a set amount to be sent each month probably in the region of 3x that of her wage in the Philippines  (I would pay most bills in our house). We also agreed that if a house was to be built that she needs to aim for a nursing job or a higher paying salary, so she would need to complete her English course. 

What has happened recently is that she will go to work, come back and sit on Facebook with her friends (and obviously she demanded she has the latest iPhone 7). I think she has read one chapter of her English course book. She has a relative with an older guy here that pays for everything so that she can send all her wages back - my wife has recently been telling me to share my wages and that her money is her money she has worked hard for it. Again she tried to leave telling me she can find a guy in his 40's / 50's that will treat her right - I'm mid 30's and she is in her 20's.

I have tried to give her opportunities within my home country and travel around the world, but she wants me to get a house, provide solely for the child that we may have in the future whilst she will send half her wages back (to build a house and also pay all the bills there) and then spend the remaining on herself.

She has now left our residence after not talking for a week - we were discussing future goals and didnt like me saying about reducing money sent back to her family if we have a child, telling me to ***** off, that i'm selfish etc. I have told her that if she leaves then I will need to tell the authorities as the visa is invalid - seems she is OK with going back to the Philippines - even though a house build has already started and she wont have the funds to complete.

I do love her but my patience has worn thin over the last 2 years while she has been in my home country. Feels like i'm the big bad person and I guess she will convey that to all her friends and family. I have said a marriage is a partnership with the same goals going forward - she has admitted her sole purpose is to work for her family and that's about it.

If anyone has had similar experiences then I would be grateful for any advice / steps forward (if any).

Thanks

edited for bad language 

Ontarkie

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