Amiss5572

2 hours ago, RO_AH said:

I just went through a divorce and did not use a lawyer. I used a person that provides paralegal services and also divorce/probably annulment too. It was a much less expensive route to go. From what I understand annulments are fairly easy with a marriage as short as yours. Best of luck to you.

I did speak with a lawyer and he again said it's very hard for an annulment. I just get nervous that he's going to give me such a hard time with the divorce. He didn't sign anything and probably won't send me anything so I'll have to have someone serve him. The lawyer told me 1500. To me thats just not something I even want to spend. He should be obligated for half of it. 

Then I think what if he goes home and can't get a job again.. Or just remains unemployed for a time. He could try to go after me for money. It's crazy cuz it's only been 1 month of marriage and he was the one to want to constantly end it and go back home. Just feel like I've really screwed myself over with this one. 

3 minutes ago, injejo14 said:

I fully agree with NDB052714 .. Moving to a new country is difficult and some what traumatic to the psyche. We imagine psychological trauma to only be associated with things like death but changing countries is a big event. "A traumatic event involves a singular experience or enduring event or events that completely overwhelm the individual's ability to cope or integrate the ideas and emotions involved with that experience" After i got married, i decided to stay in the US with my husband for 6 months during my CR1 process and those were very difficult months ( this despite the fact that i had lived in the US under an h1B several years prior. For me this was particularly hard because i gave up a successful high paying job in johannesburg, a good life...and i would often remind him of that.  Although we made the decision together, i still turned around and made him feel bad for me not feeling good about myself. I felt trapped. I too, found comfort in wine. It didnt help that i probably also had a case of SID during the winter time. After a couple of months, i admitted to myself that i was clinically depressed and got the help i needed but it was embarrassing to admit this. I pride myself in a being a strong person. Thankfully i had friends from when i lived there before and when i started to socialize more, i started to feel better.  I am so glad and relieved that i got the help i needed because my husband is a wonderful man and he was incredibly patient with me.  I have a friend who just moved to NY, we used to work together, he is struggling to find a job.. he admitted to me to having the same resentment feelings about "giving up a good life"...A lot of people struggle.

Given how much you love your husband, i hope you at least consider this before throwing it all away. 

Thanks for your input and I really appreciate it. I can try to understand how difficult it must be for him. But he keeps it bottled up inside. Then it comes out and I have no idea he feels that way and I take it as an attack on me. Whats so frustrating for me is when I then try to discuss it with him and he just tells me I'm argumentative. Like an 8 year old child.

It is not me that is willing to throw everything away. If he was able to take accountability for what he says and does, I could really see something working out for us. But he can't. He blames everything on me. Even when he came home wasted last night. Who would go to a strangers house to get drunk then come home and just want to leave the country? Expecting me to drive him to the airport at 11 at night after he didn't communicate with me. I asked him to come home so we could talk and he just ignores me and says he's going to get drunk. He acts like he dosnt care about me and I've also got a son who looks up to him. If he called me up and said, I really want to talk about things and make it work. Then I'd do whatever it takes.. But his ego is too big for that. So I'm at the point where I have to put up defenses to not be completely heartbroken. Usually I go chasing after him, begging him to come home and how sorry I am. I just can't keep doing that because it impacts my self esteem and self worth. 

1 hour ago, LionessDeon said:

Please please contact a reputable attorney. Trying to get divorce/annulment advise from VJ when everyone's situation differs and none of us are lawyers is not the best idea.  I'm sure there are good lawyers in your area that will give you some consultation. 

I see you've changed your profile name and stated he's left. Has he left the country?  

Yeah my computer login is different then my cellular. I was a bit embarrassed because prior to this my post have been positive looking for advice on the visa. Oh well. 

I would hate to contact a lawyer because I've already spent so much money on this process. All the trips over rhe last 3 years. But I will contact one next week. Thanks 

1 hour ago, NDB052714 said:

I feel for you both! The whole immigration thing is so hard...I don't want to discount that. Leaving home, family and friends....not being able to work...feeling isolated and totally dependent. I think most beneficiaries don't truly understand how different their lives will be...there's a tendency to romanticize being with the one you love and being in America (streets paved with gold and lots of opportunities, blah blah blah). The reality is so different! 

 

I suspect your husband is clinically depressed and his drinking just makes it worse. And it sounds like the two of you have fallen into a classic passive/aggressive relationship. It seems sad to me to throw away all you have without an intense effort to salvage it in a healthy way. Is there anyway to consider joint counseling? Would he go for that? Would you? Can you think of ways to get him out of the house...volunteer work? school? civic clubs? church?

 

Best of luck you to you. 

Yes I think we were both depressed making it difficult for either of us to be there for each other. And although he was from England I still think he thought that his life would be all roses and flowers once he got here. I just graduated school. I'm also 10 years younger then him. I'm just starting my life out so it's not like I live in some castle and our life's are all figured out. We both had to work for happiness and security. But he just wanted to go to the bars and have fun. Consumed with short term pleasure over long term. 

I am all for counseling. He sees it as unnecessary but still told me he would go. That's not possible anymore. When someone makes you feel like they don't care and just want to go home, there's nothing I can really do. 

5 hours ago, MeAlone said:

Sorry for your troubles, it was very similar for me, let him go back, usually immigrants later regret leaving and ask to come back to US again. If you feel unsafe, and as I see you do, you have a good job, longer you stay married, more you could be responsible for alimony or his bills even if no AOS the judge can see he needs a financial support during and after divorce. If you are worrying about the financial part, file the annulment, see all paperwork online, I did it myself. The annulment is more expensive than a divorce but there is the part, if the judge doesn't believe you can have the annulment, he/she gives you the divorce anyway.

 

If your husband doesn't sign, you will need to do the legal publication in his country or in your state and let him know, I showed him the legal publication in chat online, it's enough prove you told him as in the legal publication he will have the court place, case # and he can appeal or contest it, usually he is given 20 days after publication.

 

Don't wait 1 year to divorce if you believe you will do it anyway, do it ASAP, he can make debts or more troubles for you if you stay longer. It's a very hard time for you and it will be long healing. Good Luck! My prayers for you

Also did you use a lawyer for your case? 

5 hours ago, MeAlone said:

Sorry for your troubles, it was very similar for me, let him go back, usually immigrants later regret leaving and ask to come back to US again. If you feel unsafe, and as I see you do, you have a good job, longer you stay married, more you could be responsible for alimony or his bills even if no AOS the judge can see he needs a financial support during and after divorce. If you are worrying about the financial part, file the annulment, see all paperwork online, I did it myself. The annulment is more expensive than a divorce but there is the part, if the judge doesn't believe you can have the annulment, he/she gives you the divorce anyway.

 

If your husband doesn't sign, you will need to do the legal publication in his country or in your state and let him know, I showed him the legal publication in chat online, it's enough prove you told him as in the legal publication he will have the court place, case # and he can appeal or contest it, usually he is given 20 days after publication.

 

Don't wait 1 year to divorce if you believe you will do it anyway, do it ASAP, he can make debts or more troubles for you if you stay longer. It's a very hard time for you and it will be long healing. Good Luck! My prayers for you

I wouldn't think he would try to screw me over of anythjng but he's surprised me a great deal so I should probably be as safe as possible. If it were up to me I'd just move on with my life and not do anything. But he left here feeling pretty sorry for himself and maybe he will think that I have a financial obligation. 

Do they have the annulment papers on the group? Couldn't find anything. And how long was the process for you? Would the drinking problem and not being honest with me be a valid reason? 

Thanks for your help

12 minutes ago, databit said:

One State's laws may be different than another's, but my relative got an annulment months after they were married, and I can guarantee they had sexual relations, lived together, traveled together. She got it for "Concealment" because he concealed the fact that he used illegal drugs (cocaine). Maybe that would work with the alcoholism for you. 

 

http://family.findlaw.com/divorce/how-marriage-annulments-differ-from-divorces-and-the-grounds-for.html

Thanks this is good to know. When he came for visits we would go out and drink but it was always pretty responsible. Once he moved here it was like every night. I would go with him but it got to be too much for me and I havnt drank for a month now. He did slow down because I think he even realized he had a problem.. So he would drink on the weekends but I think he just became really bored. He's someone who would use alcohol to have fun and without it things just weren't fun... So in reality was he really missing home or just feeling like his life was boring without alcohol and then blaming me for it. A bit mental

He does have a huge bill from a bar fight so I guess that's kind of evidence. I just want to make sure I protect myself. I have seen different sides of him sense he has moved here and it's not someone who cares for others. He only cares for himself. 

16 minutes ago, mallafri76 said:

Let me start by saying that I immigrated to the US 17 months ago, so I know how it feels like to move away from home, family and friends. With that said, your husband sounds like a big cry baby. Also sounds like you didn't do your research properly, as a spousal visa probably would have been the best route for you, as then he could have worked and travelled the second he set foot in America.

 

If the two of you are ready to give up on your marriage, then divorce and move on. Forget annulment, it's extremely hard to get. You're an adult, you made a wrong decision and now you have to pay the consequences by having a divorce "in your baggage". That's life. 

Yes he is a huge baby. Feels very sorry for himself and takes no accountability. Just an update he refused to communicate with me. Did message me that has getting drunk though. Came home around 10 hardly able to stand. Anyways he grabbed his bags and left. 

My only concern is he racked up a huge bill at the hospital. The first week he was here he got in a bar fight (ugh I can't believe I married him even) and he hasn't had insurance yet. Isn't this something I will be responsible for? I won't be able to file for divorce for a year? 

And yes a spousal visa should have been done. But then again in the end he has a drinking problem so it dosnt matter. 

Everyone on here says the medical is good for one year. My husband had his medical in London and on the sheet from him it says 6 months. I emailed them and they said 6 months. I just don't want to get an rfe for it 

On 8/4/2017 at 4:50 AM, Scandi said:

I second this. I haven't yet understood why people want to make this process even harder than it already is by not reading up on and preparing for the next step. 

OP; Your fiancé doesn't need to go to a civil surgeon, he just needs the DS-3025 he received at his medical, I assume he saved it? 

It's not that I havnt  read up on things. Things got a little Rocky, like I've said and we put the visa on the back burner, putting our relationship first. Obviously no relationship, no visa. My fiance is pretty against immunizations. To be honest I've taken this process way more serious and expressed to him to get them before he came. Of course he didn't and said hed get them here. Now it's a huge pain. 

6 hours ago, geowrian said:

It's all in the guide: http://www.visajourney.com/content/k1k3aos

NOTE: The G-325As are no longer needed.

 

He cannot work until he has his EAD. If he doesn't have an SSN yet, he will need to wait until the EAD arrives as well. You can get an SSN on a K-1, but you need to have at least 14 days of legal stay still, so you missed that opportunity.

 

Most embassies, and I think UK is included here, provide the vaccinations info in the packet handed to CBP at POE if you had the vaccinations during your K-1 medical. You should have requested a copy of the vaccinations sheet just in case, but that's in the past too. I would say file for AOS without it....if they need it, you'll need to seek out a civil surgeon to complete the worksheet at that time (and hopefully you can find one who will do so without requiring a new medical...).

 

You can add somebody to your insurance without an SSN...albeit you may have to go back and forth with the insurer or HR a couple times to get it through (many don't know that you can get it without an SSN). Most plans permit adding somebody after a qualifying life-changing event like marriage.

So file the aos without the immunizations??? I was going to take him to Walgreens tomorrow to at least get them done and over with. So let's say I do file and we get an rfe. Won't that prolong the process? Or could the ead get approved even with the rfe? Cuz that would be nice to get that done with so he could work. 

I know it might seem to everyone that I don't know enough about the process. I spent probably an entire month's of time reading up on this stuff. But that was almost a year ago when we started. Then when he came I just focused on us and making things work. So it just kind of was put on the back burner. Thanks for all the input and help. 

4 hours ago, mmmp said:

First, be proud that you worked things trough. Moving to another country, living together with someone for the first time, being engaged and getting married is all very stressful and can lead to many misunderstandings, but have patience, talk things through and keep working on your relationship.

 

Second, like people already said, take some time and read all the guides for adjustment of status (AOS) and removal of conditions (ROC). Everything you need is on this website. But also check the uscis website to make sure you have the most up to date forms.

 

Is this the list of civil surgeons you tried calling? https://my.uscis.gov/findadoctor Strange they don't know what you are talking about. Perhaps try in a bigger city nearby.

 

Good luck! You'll be fine. Keep working on your relationship and take it one step at a time.

Yes I called four doctors offices form this list and they all had no idea what I was talking about. I even would say the doctors name and that they are listed as a civil surgeon. They said, no they don't do that here. Just strange I thought. 

I always thought this would be easy because I'm an OR nurse. But it's not because none of the doctors I work with are listed as one. 

So my fiance moved here 3 months ago and we first had a lot of issues. Living together is very hard and we both have made many mistakes. But in all we love each other. So it took us a while to finally get married. Like 5 days before the 90 days was up. Now I am finally looking at the aos stuff and my mind is just blown. There is so much stuff and I wish we would have taken care of things sooner, but the visa stuff took the back burner while we worked things out. 

So now that we are  ready to get things in order.. He has to wait for his aed to get his social security card? We were planning on doing this several times but it never worked out because I work during the day. Now that I have a few days off ivr read that it's pointless because they won't give it. Correct? 

He has no records of his vaccines so now we have to see a civil surgeon? Only problem is I can't find one. They have a website listed of them but when I call none of them know what I'm walking about. I even live near Chicago so this is frustrating. 

I am also starting at a new job next week. Will I not be aloud to put him on my insurance without a social security card? 

Thanks for any info 

Okay thanks. I always thought he could drive with his license, but then there's the insurance issue. Will read all the links. Appreciate it

23 minutes ago, Becci391 said:

Call the DMV in your closest city. 

They can tell you what documents you need in order to get an Illinois driver's license.

Okay thank you. It's difficult to make phone calls though because I work during the day and sometimes hardly get a break. 

Live in Illinois and I can't find any answers searching online. I know every state is different so it makes it complicated. Does anymore know where I can find regulations and rules for k1 visa holders in Illinois? Or even who I talk to? Called my insurance hoping to at least put him on my insurance but they said he needs an Illinois license. I always read prior that you coild drive for a year without getting it..just confused about it all 

Okay thank you. I was confused and thought he was only able to get the vaccines through the civil surgeon. Also, who is the civil surgeon you all speak of? 

So my fiance was not able to get his vaccines in the UK. We tried and it just didn't work out. Anybody else wait till they got to the US and how did you go about it all? The cost worries me because he won't have insurance rigbt away. 

44 minutes ago, Absolutely said:

Thomas Cook cash passport travel card short term and then when I opened a bank account, used Transferwise to move my savings over. They give you the best currency conversion rates and really reliable. Definitely wouldn't bring cash, that'd be an expensive misplaced bag!

Did they send you the card in the mail? 

My fiance just had his interview two months ago. I was also freaking out because he did not have a letter from his GP. Absolutely zero issues though. I think that if you have an illness or some medical condition then you would need it. I was so worried but it was FINE. 

Also I remember my fiance telling me that he did not have a letter as well. They told him to wait a few minutes while they printed it off. They didn't seem happy about it, but they did it. So all was fine. I honestly wouldn't stress about it. If you have everything that's stated on the website you will be okay. If they do require something you don't have then they will request it and you send it in then approved. I was really suprised how smoothly it all went because I'm a perfectionist and my fiance just wanders through life with no problems or worrys. 

Is it that simple.. Just withdrawing it from a bank in America? He's taken out a few hundred at a time while on visits. It's just so far away that worries me. 

A few days before my fiance arrives and we don't have it figured out how he will be bringing his money over. His idea?? To go to his bank, close the account and bring it over in his pocket/bag. It's not just a few thousand though. 

I am fairly certain that every time he's come over when he uses chase they don't charge him to remove money. Is this a good idea? I'm not really sure what the best options are and he's just kind of set in bringing the cash over. Worrys the heck out of me if something were to happen to it. 

UK is very easy and usually no issues. Can't wait to see what your anxiety will be like at the interview or the days before you move! Ha 😉

So my fiance is having some major doubts and it's starting to really worry me. He had a ticket to move here in 3 weeks. I love this man and there is no doubt about that. But the way he had been acting the last several weeks is mind boggling. I just think this should be a very happy time for us but he is constantly going back and forth to the point where I'm not sure if he's coming. He is all over the place.. He has told me he is excited to be with me and wants to start a life, that he can't wait to leave his mom because she drives him crazy, he dosnt belong in his country, all of his things he is leaving dosnt matter because he can buy more, etc. Then he does a complete 180 and will say the exact opposite to all those things. I'm very confused and not sure how I can help him. He then pushes me away and dosnt communicate well and then we have an even harder time. I reassure him and tell him he will be happy here. I have already found a job for him even. Apart of me thinks I just can't keep doing this for the next 3 weeks. So then I also thought that maybe I should visit his country. We can then actually talk and work things through. Does all of this sound insane and like I should just stop trying? Has anyone else gone through similar during the coming weeks to move? I really have no idea what he's going through but at the same time we have always been very close and I feel that things have become distant with his pushing me away. 

Thanks for all the help! 

Wondering what the cheapest way to fly in is. Does anyone have secrets they want to share? I've found that booking one way is cheaper, but then you have to have a stop and he hates that. 

Also I am so glad it's all over. It was such an easy process and I was freaking out the entire time. So worried and scared about little details. London seems to be fairly easy. They asked him maybe 4 questions at the interview and it took only an hour. Just seems crazy to me because I was so worried. Well, glad it's over anyways and thanks to everyone that has helped.