WalkonWildSide

I think honeymoon anywhere outside the USA is possible before 2 years -

The US Virgin Islands are part of the United States, therefore she isn't leaving the USA.

You know, i'm all about the honesty thing too - however, as you mentioned in the first line - you don't know her (or him), that is why perhaps it would have been wiser to temper your thoughts a bit.

Agreed it was typed without being able to convene the subtleties of emotion and nuance of phrasing. The difficulties of posting in a forum.

Now i'm not saying that you shouldn't be able to say what you think - i'm just saying HOW do you know, in this particular case, that your analysis of her Husband is correct? Sure maybe there are signs pointing to him perhaps feeling this way - but you state their marriage is over, i'm just saying that, in my opinion, it is a pretty big jump to make.

Absolutely, positively, do not know.

At the advice of his mom, he has agreed to come back to Houston on Saturday. I suggested that we go to marriage counseling to try to work things out. He agreed that counseling is a good idea, but said that he’d be going to “end things right” between us rather than to try to improve our marriage.

Although reading that statement, it looks pretty fatalistic at that point. It does sound like he has made a decision. Of course I am reading between the lines, didn't hear the conversation, don't know all the facts, etc...

A few weeks ago you posted about your own relationship, you got kind and helpful answers. Anyone could have said, at any time - you know - she is just not that in to you.

And if they had, I would have read it, decided the merit of the comment and moved on.

Initially when I read your story I thought hmm, she doesn't sound too interested

Thanks for your opinion.

The fact is we didn't and don't know your personal relationship - you two talked and you worked it out.

Perhaps Ruby and her Husband will as well.

Hopefully they will work things out.

Hi! Alright so, almost 2 yrs ago (2yrs i Sept. '09) I was misguided and moved here from Toronto to be with a guy I was seeing.

Oh yes - I lost my passport in Miami and have yet to replace it, I never renewed my expired Canadian passport as I had the license and currently the only ID I have is my British passport (I have dual brit/can citizenship and I was born in London, UK).

Anybody have any ideas?

You have read the ideas and I am sure you don't like the answers. You are currently in possession of a valid UK passport. You should leave the USA as soon as possible and enter Canada on your UK passport. Do not pass Go! Do not collect $200.

So there are NO questions in your mind.

You are in the United States illegally. You are breaking the law. You are subject to deportation.

Harsh sounding...yes!!! You broke the rules now you have one chance to fix it. The one chance is to pack up and leave the USA as soon as possible. And pray, and pray that you didn't piss someone off and that person doesn't call ICE on you. They will show up at your house and drive you over the border!

What were the foods your Russian SO had you try and what did you think of them?

Tea! I don't normally drink caffeinated products. She insisted, I drank some.

When did this thread turn from relationship advice to discussion about feminism?

About Russia's 75 cents to a mans dollar, this will never change. We can't get this working in the US, how would we in countries where women are less valued.

This is a huge pet peeve of mine. Canada a few years back did a huge study about the pay discrepancy between men and women as part of the Canadian Human Rights Act (Pay equity and Pay equality). They really wanted to enforce that men and women get paid the same. You know what they found out, the difference in pay was neglible.

The reason the myth - and yes it is a myth of pay disparity exists for a few reasons.

- Year of birth. There was a time when women were paid less. Women entering the job market today are more likely to receive an equal wage compared to a woman entering the job market in 1950's.

- The more important reason that the $0.80 on the dollar became a calling cry was it was based on total salaries. The stats were not broken down by job code. Men in whole take jobs that have higher average pay. The average pay is higher because the jobs have higher danger elements or higher engineering skills required.

Don't misread those last statements. I am not saying men are better or women can't do certain jobs.

However women gravitate to certain jobs and men gravitate to certain jobs. There are more male computer programmers and there are more female nurses. Either gender can do either job. Generally in the long term computer programmers tend to earn a higher salary. Again don't mis-read the statement, not saying a computer programmer is more important than a nurse, the current marketplace just pays the computer programmer more money.

[/off the soapbox]

Yes we COULD wait until the K-1 is approved, but could there really be harm done if she tries to come visit as long as we're honest?

Thanks for the replies!

If you have the money to spend for the visa and airline tickets. No harm no foul. If she does get a tourist visa denied, I am thinking that it won't hurt your K1 chances.

The annectodal evidence has been that the USA has become less stringent about the approval process for tourist visas. YMMV

Best of luck to you.

It may also help you find unexpected areas where you can recoup money. To give you a simple example:- When I moved to the island the food bill went down hugely, as hubby had a fast food addiction to match his lack of cooking skill.

I know this is one expense that will be reduced even thought it will be 2 people, instead of 1. The rationale is that I buy pre-made items from the deli at the local Foodland. I am truly uneducated in the food preparation arena.

CptRuby;

I don't know you, you don't know me...but reading the other comments, I think I will share a guys opinion.

It frustrates me to no end that some jerk broke into my house and took my ability to be independent away from me. I don't think it's easy for most people to understand what that feels like.

I do totally understand the home invasion scenario, been there.

However nobody can take something from you, unless you give it to them. Don't allow the guy to take away your independence. Fight for it. Everything else you have said about yourself is contrary to how you currently dealing with the situation. It would be great if Sean was able to support you, but the evidence you are supplying shows that he is unwilling or incapable of doing so. You are on your own!

Whoever it was who said that we can't really judge got it right. Heck, I can't judge and I'm in the situation. I have been very polite and pleasant toward Sean--I made it a point to be after he told me he wants to leave me. I don't think it's productive to be a big jerk when he was so upfront and shared his feelings with me, hurtful as they are. It's too soon to know what I really think of this or to know what to do.

Your right about it being too soon to know what to think. However the thoughts about counseling, and some last minute saving of the marriage are pipe dreams. He was too afraid to admit he didn't want to be in the relationship and couldn't figure out to stop it.

I really don't mean to be cruel, but the marriage is over. Sean has made his decision.

I commented earlier that there were other issues...and finally he is telling you what those issues are. He feels trapped, cornered, isn't in love with you, and isn't ready for a long term relationship. Be thankful that you found out now instead of 4 years from now.

Best of luck to you this weekend. I am sure there will be plenty of tears, anger, and resentment. But in the end you can handle it all.

I think I'm going to hurl!! My supervisor just walked in here and seen these tickets to a comedy show sitting on my desk. He asked me who they were for, so I told him...next thing I know he picks up the tickets, rubs them on his nipples and crotch, then puts them back on my desk and leaves.

I had to move my pop over to the other side of my desk so that it's nowhere in the vacinity of these now contaminated tickets. I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to pass these tickets to the winner without touching them.

Who the heck even does something like that anyways?!

That has to be one of the most strangest comments I have ever read. Ya, don't shake his hands and don't eat any food he offers you.

The circus? Really? I don't know what kind of circuses they've been going to.

Flea circus? Fleas carry the plague.

i clean the house all day, so no time for hobbies really. everyone goes to work and i start cleaning. we live w/ 2 other ppl and their schedules are late nights so they dont have time to clean or cook but have time to make a mess.lol. so i have been cleaning like crazy b/c i cant live in a messy house. maybe im ocd.

I was just going to suggest you stop by my house and give it a good cleaning. Hell I would even pay ya. Not a chance in hell that my apartment will be clean enough for the GF.

Don & Tania: Condolences on your lost. I don't the particulars of her relationship with her dad, However if you can afford for her to travel, I would suggest she does it. Like Gigii commented, she will have remorse about not being able to travel. Especially since the death was unexpected and very sudden. The infopass appointment is your best bet.

One of the major differences you will see in USA vs Russia is the holding doors. What I mean is that in the USA it is pretty common for a stranger to hold the door for you, or vice-versa. In Russia, NOT a chance. Sure the guy will hold the door for his GF, mom, etc..but a stranger. No way. And as a foreigner you decide to hold the door for someone in Russia, 50 people will walk through. Crazy.

See, the thing is, every single politician knows they can't disarm us.

Unless a radical change to the bill of rights is enacted.

However, it's a lot easier to enslave us in front of American Idol and Dancing with the Stars than to fight us at Merriam's Corner.

Are you saying you DON'T VOTE for the American Idol or Dancing with no-names every week????

You unpatriotic #######!

Well Grasshopper, there is your mission. Go to the store with a pen and paper and start doing some research.

Don't waste your time doing that. She'll just find different/more expensive stuff anyway.

The problem with finding out the cost of items, I have no idea which brand and which items she needs. Good example when I was staying with her and the brand of shampoo that was in the bottle was not the brand on the label. Ya, makes it difficult.

One of my personal victories is I have my wife convinced generic brands are just as good as name brand stuff. Victory is mine!

Do tell, do tell! I want to learn the secret on how you convinced her. Personally I am not hung up on brand names, generics are just fine.

No, she just constantly complains how we have no money and so her mom has worried to the point where she doesn't know if we have food or not.

So how much money does she want or need? Seriously? Is she expecting you to be in the Billionaires club? Then would she complain that your private jet only has 8 seats instead of 12?

Question #1 -

Does anyone know how much a taxi costs from the airport to the downtown area where the consulate and medical building are?

Question #2 -

Can I go with my hubby and wait for him at the medical exam appt. in Vancouver? Or will they only let him in the building? What has everyone else done?

Thanks!

Q1. In Mar 2009 a taxi from downtown to airport cost me $30.00 CAD.

Are you sure you can afford her? Looks like unless she gets a job there'll be no pineapples.

Can any man - with a normal job - really afford a woman?

I am hoping she will get a job as soon as possible, I love pineapples.

Why not raid the pineapple fields at night for a second income?

Damn morality. I can't do anything illegal or what I consider immoral.

Im all for it. And we both love eachother very much. However...im worried. Iv always dreamt of getting engaged with the traditional - the man surprises you with a ring one day and your all omg omg. (lol). But im worried it's not going to be like that for us..im worried we are just going to go through with this Visa, im going to move, and thats it. No surprise ring, no walking down the isle in a pretty white dress one day down the road. I think it sounds kind of selfish, and it kind of sounds like I want to have my cake and eat it to. But it's every little girls dream to have that one special day. I currently work in a jewelry store - specializing in engagement rings. And everyday the thought crosses my mind as I see all these happy young couples ring shopping for one another.

Have any of you ever felt like this? How did you get through it? Did you mention it to him?

Lollee: Read Carla's post, there is a lot of sage advice behind those years. Carla I mean that with the up most respect.

You asked for the women's opinion but here is the guys opinion.

Be happy that you find someone you want to marry. Your there, he is there - everything, and I mean everything else dress, rings, cake, flowers, is a bonus.

Of course because of the logistical situation you need to talk about many things in advance. However it sounds like you thinking about step 28, when you need to be concentrating on step 1. But just because you have talked about many things in advance, doesn't mean the ole boy doesn't have a few surprises up his sleeve. AND, AND what if he doesn't surprise you with a ring? Will you love him any less? Will your marriage suffer because of it? NO!!!!

All I can do is relate how I did things....

We talked about marriage, K1, paperwork, all real technical things, unromantic to say the least. I was able to visit her in January. We went to the top of Whistler mountain and we were taking the normal tourist photos. I then asked her to take the map out of my pocket....

Was she surprised? Sure!!! She didn't know the where, when, and how, so it was special.

In the end concentrate on the more important issue, do you love him, does he love you, and do both of you wish to be married?

Best of luck to you.

^Where are those from? Englishrussia.com?

I've had them on my computer forever. They crack me up!

Slim: So are you saying we are "Subjects of the Briti...American Empire" ?

Russian doctors are so much better than Canadian doctors (inferring that American doctors are terrible) why do you have to pay so much?

Well Canadian doctors are free, so you get what you pay for.

Maybe you need to move to Canada because you don't understand.

I just thought this was funny since you wrote that your fiancee doesn't 'get' Hawaii.

Actually I do understand it 100%. Her particular situation is that she is an immigrant to Canada. Her employer pays for her insurance and her employer is a doctor. So to her, yes her medical care is 100% free. She doesn't pay for any of it.

She one experience with one Canadian doctor and judged all Canadian doctors equally. Personally I think Canadian doctors are well educated and well trained. Ya sure there are a few quacks in the bunch, but all professions have as much.

MIL asked the wife, recently, if we had enough money for food. Now I know she's been telling her I'm poor, but come on. I didn't get the name slim by skipping meals!

Ya what's up with that? I have a feeling it is related to the fact that the prices for food and staple items have gone way up in the FSU. The exchange rate has taken a beating lately. Maybe her mum is having problems buying food.

I did tell her that its ok if I can't afford food. I can miss a few meals, it won't affect me.

I know the stories get a little far-fetched through the phone because when sis-in-law arrived here last year and we pulled into the driveway she thought our detached garage/shack was our house. "ahhhh... gdye dom?" Seems when wifey was telling her about our small, old, poor, apartment she laid it on pretty thick.

Nice!!!

Someone was telling me when he brought his wife over, it was a long drive from the airport to his house. He decided to stop at a hunting blind / shack. Got out of his truck and said, here we are! At least she thought it was funny.

I am thinking of going to the poorest part of Honolulu and saying, here we are. At least it will reset her expectations, so when she sees my real apartment building she won't think it is too terrible.

Until we're smart enough to vote all of these "common sense" politicians out of office, we'll keep eating more of this nonsense.

One of the constants in the universe is that stupid politicians will always get re-elected and the voters will keep asking, who voted for this guy?

Wow, interesting. So you pay to import a product that is grown locally because all of the local product is exported. You guys must have been infected by stupidity from the mainland.

We have the same situation with milk. We have plenty of cows on the islands. The milk that is produced is flown to LA to be processed and sold on the mainland. The milk at the local supermarket is flown in from the mainland. Hence we have $8 a gallon milk. Lovely!!!

I'm originally from Colorado, where they import most of their cantaloupe, even though most of the cantaloupe grown in the US from Rocky Ford, CO. But it's almost all exported now. You go to a grocery store within a half mile of a cantaloupe farm in CO, and you're buying Mexican cantaloupe. Go figure.

I have always wondered, who buys the Colorado cantaloupe?

Don't sweat the financial stuff. It's stability that's going to be the most important to her. Once she understands that you have a steady job and that you won't be sleeping out on the streets or wondering where your next meal is coming from, she won't be terribly bothered about the rest. Unless she's related so Slim's wife, and then all bets are off.

Hopefully things will be stabilize. I like most people in Hawaii work in a tourist dependent industry and things are not too rosy in the tourist industry lately.

Glad she isn't related to Slim's wife. Although from the pictures on Slim's myspace page, wouldn't mind having Slim as a relative-in-law?

2 weeks to the day until the interview! I am getting so nervous!

Best of luck to you.

It's not just manners; it's also how everyone else on the street will perceive you.