terri o'neale

Belize,

Only you and your husband can decide what is right for your family. I respect and admire those on here that have waited and been separated for prolonged periods of time. But for some of us, it is better to be together wherever than to wait out a long and excruiating process to be in America.

If you do make that choice, check out the embassy info section to see what the rules are for Direct Consular Filing. Perhaps after you have been together in Belize for a while you will qualify to file the I-130 and complete the CR1/IR1 process while remaining in Belize. The DCF is a much faster and less painful process than the K3.

But that is something you want to consider before you withdraw your I-130 and K3 petitions. But if you do decide this is the right thing for your family, you should actually officially withdraw your petitions, you don't want any misunderstanding that might slow any future filing.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

Not knowing when things will be normal is what´s frustrating.

AMEN!!!

If you tracking K3...please add me as well

MSC NOA1 3/31/06 No touches

I am putting together a Press Release concerning the IMBRA fiasco. I can't make any promise, but our best hope is that the story get picked up by the media. I have the facts...such as we know them. What I need is the heart strings. Please...those of you effected send me your stories, quotes, and email me your contact info if you would be willing to come forward and be interviewed if we do get picked up.

You speak about fraud...but what really is fraud? You know until the past century or so love and marriage were not synonomous. And often times even now in some (perhaps even most) cultures they still aren't. Marriage was about a deal...a contract...a covenant with another person, another family, or another village. Given that so many cultures still function that way I have to question is it really fraud or is it simply another type of reality/relationship which we simply do not understand. Totally playing devils advocate if the deal is a better country, better housing, better clothes, better food and in exchange you get maid service, sex, and obedience...who am I to call that arrangement any less valid...if both people agreed and understood what they were buying.

I say this from hindsight. As I was going my divorce about 7 years ago, my youngest son then had a best friend whose mother was from Indonesia. They had been married over ten years. She would complain about her husband not allowing her to work. I was like...not allowing...this is America...do what you want now. But that wasn't their deal or her culture. She eventually introduced her younger sister to one of his older friends...and they were over 15 years age difference to begin with. It was their culture, their reality. They would have been sold in mariage anyway...she just got the best deal she could. And so did he...cause someone like me sure wouldn't have bought the whole allow thing. They produed two beautiful children, had a good life and last I heard are still married...20 years maybe...or darn near it.

Personally I don't understand it...and could never be a part of such an arrangement. But what is love anyway?

PS...Go ahead I know I'm gonna be flamed...pwaned (what is that anyway?) But I just wanted to logically point out that alot of this cultural. I don't think USCIS requires love for it to be a valid relationship...maybe I'm wrong?

Terri, as an Indonesian women, I can tell you this...yes there are some 'old' traditional cultures back home from many different tribes that still do this kinda of arrange marriage things. However not all Indonesian women are bound to be sold in marriage. Just FYI from another Indonesian women on board who married a westerner...I saw and heard about that kinda stories all the time and I just feel like you should know that not all Indonesian women are 'trapped' in that way.

That's just it...she never saw it as trapped. She was evidently pleased enough with the whole situation that she encouraged her baby sister to pursue the same alternative. My point was I never understood it really and I definitely could have never lived like that myself...but it worked for them.

Wear it. There were other couples at the court house when we got married that were in long white gowns. I personally wanted to do the jeans thing. Paul had thought he had a pair of dress slacks here...but he didn't. So we rushed out to Wal-Mart for some black slacks for him. My romantic hubby just wouldn't settle for jeans.

You speak about fraud...but what really is fraud? You know until the past century or so love and marriage were not synonomous. And often times even now in some (perhaps even most) cultures they still aren't. Marriage was about a deal...a contract...a covenant with another person, another family, or another village. Given that so many cultures still function that way I have to question is it really fraud or is it simply another type of reality/relationship which we simply do not understand. Totally playing devils advocate if the deal is a better country, better housing, better clothes, better food and in exchange you get maid service, sex, and obedience...who am I to call that arrangement any less valid...if both people agreed and understood what they were buying.

I say this from hindsight. As I was going my divorce about 7 years ago, my youngest son then had a best friend whose mother was from Indonesia. They had been married over ten years. She would complain about her husband not allowing her to work. I was like...not allowing...this is America...do what you want now. But that wasn't their deal or her culture. She eventually introduced her younger sister to one of his older friends...and they were over 15 years age difference to begin with. It was their culture, their reality. They would have been sold in mariage anyway...she just got the best deal she could. And so did he...cause someone like me sure wouldn't have bought the whole allow thing. They produed two beautiful children, had a good life and last I heard are still married...20 years maybe...or darn near it.

Personally I don't understand it...and could never be a part of such an arrangement. But what is love anyway?

PS...Go ahead I know I'm gonna be flamed...pwaned (what is that anyway?) But I just wanted to logically point out that alot of this cultural. I don't think USCIS requires love for it to be a valid relationship...maybe I'm wrong?

That statement is crucial I think.

ITA Jenn In most instances of fraud, I would say that it's not both parties in agreement.

As an aside, I have to say it's really irritating to me when people bring up 'well years ago it was done this way...' as if it has any bearing on today. 30 years ago I wass crapping in a diaper..doesn't mean I do it now. I'm sorry, I don't want to be negative, so I'm going to stop this train of thought

Terri you do bring up a very interesting point.....food for thought I suppose. I think marriage on the basis of 'i'll give you citizenship if you give me servitude' is intrinsically wrong tho. I think USCIS would have a problem with that...

It's cultural. And it isn't a years ago thing...it is a reality for some if not most of the world today. And marriage is and has been many things to many people/cultures. Does it make it wrong just because it isn't identical to our own views?

You speak about fraud...but what really is fraud? You know until the past century or so love and marriage were not synonomous. And often times even now in some (perhaps even most) cultures they still aren't. Marriage was about a deal...a contract...a covenant with another person, another family, or another village. Given that so many cultures still function that way I have to question is it really fraud or is it simply another type of reality/relationship which we simply do not understand. Totally playing devils advocate if the deal is a better country, better housing, better clothes, better food and in exchange you get maid service, sex, and obedience...who am I to call that arrangement any less valid...if both people agreed and understood what they were buying.

I say this from hindsight. As I was going my divorce about 7 years ago, my youngest son then had a best friend whose mother was from Indonesia. They had been married over ten years. She would complain about her husband not allowing her to work. I was like...not allowing...this is America...do what you want now. But that wasn't their deal or her culture. She eventually introduced her younger sister to one of his older friends...and they were over 15 years age difference to begin with. It was their culture, their reality. They would have been sold in mariage anyway...she just got the best deal she could. And so did he...cause someone like me sure wouldn't have bought the whole allow thing. They produed two beautiful children, had a good life and last I heard are still married...20 years maybe...or darn near it.

Personally I don't understand it...and could never be a part of such an arrangement. But what is love anyway?

PS...Go ahead I know I'm gonna be flamed...pwaned (what is that anyway?) But I just wanted to logically point out that alot of this cultural. I don't think USCIS requires love for it to be a valid relationship...maybe I'm wrong?

they can do that?

Of course they can...my government isn't letting my family live together either. I have to beg them nicely for my sick daughter to have her father...and I can't return to work because of her health. And we are married.

Hehehehe!!! Got all correct

You Passed the US Citizenship Test

Congratulations - you got 10 out of 10 correct!

Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

http://www.blogthings.com/couldyoupasstheu...enshiptestquiz/

Kudos!!!

I passed...9 out of 10. Where does it give you the correct answers? I need to know what I got wrong. Or I'll never be able to sleep. ####### Retentive.

Whch one did you get wrong and I will tell you.

I didn't see that it told me. I don't want to have to look them all up. But honestly could only be one of about 2 I wasn't absolutely sure of.

What year was the Constitution written?

Which state was NOT one of the original colonies?

Those two I could narrow down to two but it was 50/50 then.

I thought that was normal?

I passed...9 out of 10. Where does it give you the correct answers? I need to know what I got wrong. Or I'll never be able to sleep. ####### Retentive.

Despite my heavy German accent and despite my very European appearance, I have never felt like a foreigner in the South.

That's awesome to hear. I have avoided even visiting because of bad memories. Who knows maybe we will visit this Christmas after all.

I'm not surprised it would happen in a Waffle House, nor am I surprised it would happen in North Carolina. No matter where you go in this area, Mexicans are not well liked. Legal or illegal it doesn't matter. Most folks I've run across just don't want foreigners around here, least of all "dirty Mexicans" (not my term, but several of my neighbour's)

I'm not really foreign tho, or so I've been told, cuz I'm Canadian

The South has come a far way. Cause when I grew up there foreigners (4-ner is the correct pronunciation) was anyone north of the Mason-Dickson line.

I just have to say this and apologize for the stupid remark in advance....but Faith..if anyone were to take a leap of FAITH, you're the one to do it.... heh heh.

And I soooo agree...(this is a GREAT topic Lisa! ) about the not being together in person, not being THAT big of a deal. I mean, if a couple were to want to abstain from sex before marriage(and I know some) then how is it so different, speaking in person or via webcam, telephone,etc. Granted, you don't even get the cuddles, etc etc that comes with dating with abstinence, but it's not that much different either...except for that longing to DO those things...cuddling,etc. M.

edited: spelling

You did have to mention cuddles...I think I miss that most.

I just have to say this and apologize for the stupid remark in advance....but Faith..if anyone were to take a leap of FAITH, you're the one to do it.... heh heh.

And I soooo agree...(this is a GREAT topic Lisa! ) about the not being together in person, not being THAT big of a deal. I mean, if a couple were to want to abstain from sex before marriage(and I know some) then how is it so different, speaking in person or via webcam, telephone,etc. Granted, you don't even get the cuddles, etc etc that comes with dating with abstinence, but it's not that much different either...except for that longing to DO those things...cuddling,etc. M.

edited: spelling

hehehe I knew someone would eventually have to make that pun in this thread

ok your little sex paragraph made me think... "well some people in long distance internet relationships have sex in some shape or form" sorry i'm a little dirty minded lately

Pregnancy does that...BAD!

Look Terri, I know you prolly think I have summat against you, and if I was being totally honest, I'd have to say that we prolly got off on the wrong foot. that's also partly down to me cos I took umbrage with some of what I saw as drama early on in some of what you said. So I'm sorry for that much!

But at the same time, don't expect to come here and keep sayin how ####### this place is, how it's not as supportive as others, etc...and not expect to be called on it, that's all. I don't understand that logic at all.

I'm sorry if you think that I'm being bitchy or anything, but I'm just being honest. It really annoys me when somoene wants to slag off this place, but yet stay. Either like it and stay, or if it's that bad...then don't let the door hit you in the azz on the way out!

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming....

Many people here are quite nice...others aren't. Apology accepted. I have apologized before but let me say it once again. I am sorry if anyone was offended by anything I have said.

As the Hispanic group drove off, someone in the vehicle fired at least once into a large window near the front door, he said.

Not a surprise. Stuff like this supports stereotypes.

How is that? It sounds to me like the reporter was conveying facts.

It's about how the couple keep 're-meeting' and 're-molding' whenever one of lifes 'unfortunate circumstances' unveils itself.

I love the way to put that. Never heard it said better.

LisaD,

Trust me I have thought about it. But I stay for others. Enough said. And as you were told by Laura...you don't know my personal story...only parts of it. I have never belittled yours or anyone else's pain of separation and for you to do so to others is just flat out mean.

No, but you belittled others & this place as a whole!

...but I get more emotional support from my parents of bi-racial children group. They know nothing about this process, but are more compassionate about the pain of separation.....I have been a member of many online communities and I have never seen one as disfunctional.

so here we go about how other places are better and more supportive.....and how we're dysfunctional here!

I do so wish that this site was restricted to adults only and that the principal would come grab the junior highers by the ears and drag them from the room.

If this is the way you truly feel, why do you spend your time here?

I answered this question already. Read the first part of my response.

There are many risks involved in loving someone. And physical distance is just one. For me there was this crazy statistic about single mothers of 40. Before Paul I had been married for 14 years to a depressed man, involved for 3 years in another relationship...and then just before we met seriously hurt by another online relationship. I had come to realize that love and committment were two different things. As much as my heart cried out for committment and permenance...I had resigned myself to being alone at 50 with cats. It was at this point that my Paul accepted me. Even as our friendship grew...I was determined not to be hurt again. And even after we met it took him months of loving...and me month of therapy...to accept that sometimes men do stay. And it wouldn't have mattered if he were right next door...I would have still faced those doubts.

LisaD,

Trust me I have thought about it. But I stay for others. Enough said. And as you were told by Laura...you don't know my personal story...only parts of it. I have never belittled yours or anyone else's pain of separation and for you to do so to others is just flat out mean.

I know we don't see eye-to-eye on many things. But I am truly sorry for these difficulties. I know how hard it is...but trust me..with all we have been going through ourselves lately...there are moments I ask myself that same question. It is hard knowing what is the right thing to do sometimes. Just follow your heart.

Great topic. Paul and I actually had a discussion yesterday that was similar...after what I had read happened to others. We were talking about the new UK Domestic Partner visa. I said that the paper didn't mean much to me. Having been married and living in the same house for 14 years with one man, I felt more of a partnership with Paul who is 6,000 miles away. Sweetie on the other said even if we had had that option he would have wanted the permenance of marriage. Which I thoght was sooooooooooo sweet considering he's always getting the short end of the stick in this marriage.

But yes, our first meeting was hard. We had held back those 3 little words for like 4 months. It was always a wait and see thing. Now just to be honest...I'm not a perfet size 6. I had been honest with him. Shown him pics...recent ones and everything. And my hubby is super hot in th bod btw. What is so funny is that I had gotten really comfortable with my body and basically always had the more fish in the sea attitude with men. Paul had talked up the whole 1st kiss at LAX thing. But to me...well that British stiff upper lip thing can be deceptive. And he made some off-handed comment about thinking I was taller. So I felt that despite our friendship and hours of chatting he just wasn't into me physically. And this time with this fish it bothered me. When we went to bed that night...I turned off the lights...hugged the edge of my side....and was crying as quietly as I could. Thanks goodness my hubby doesn't get rejection...he just slide over to my side and snuggled up to me...and the rest as they say is history.

As for the living together thing, we are luckier than most. In the past eighteen months we have gotten to spend about six months together. Thanks to the VWP and Paul's job that he an afford to take long periods of time off. Our roughest time was that first trip...five weeks...sometimes I wished he would just disappear...now I'm thankful he didn't. But it wasn't until I met his faily that I truly came to understand him. His dad has this vicious sense of humor. He always picks on everyone. Paul is like that too. Now I don't let it get to me anymore.

But yes...long or relatively quickly...simple or complicated...this whole process puts unnatural expectations and strains on relationships. I always say I had to look the whole world over to find the perfect man. I just wish being together was a simple as most people think it is. In the new cyber world our governments are going to have to negotiate new methods to accommodate the 100's of thousands of new couples each year.

I didn't realize he wasn't for amnesty to begin with, so it helped me. Goes to show how much I pay attention..honestly, I could barely care less anymore,except for thinking of those still going through these processes legally. Goes to show how much I pay attention to anything that comes of out W's mouth. M.

edited to add: ya know..I realize that sounds bad..to be so uneducated about politics..but then I think too..aside from watching the debates, papers,etc..at voting time..what the heck can I do about it anyway...??? dunno.

He doesn't call it amnesty...but he still wants to allow them to become legal...WITHOUT returning home...and in front of hundreds of thousands of relatives of USC and permanent residents that have patiently been waiting through the legal process.

A rose by any other name is still a rose...

And bull s#!t by any other name is still bull s#!t.

Gosh...it has been years since I saw that. But looking back I think it is kind of deceptive. I mean they never went through the separation that most of us go through. I mean I know they applied for AOS because he was here already. But most of us that isn't an option...or in our case the risks were just too high. Economically and my husband was afraid of what would happen if something were to happen to his elderly parents. So I wish it had been that easy for us.