nohappyending

15 hours ago, JFH said:

Tell him your mother is moving in too. 

I wish I could, but he wouldn't buy that. lol

5 minutes ago, Going through said:

There's an old saying that is somewhat to the effect of "no house is built big enough for two women."

 

If things are tense with your MIL now, it's not bound to be much better when she's actually living in your home and probably "taking over" or commenting on everything from how your husband is fed, how the home is decorated, your parenting skills (if you have children), your cleaning skills, whether you're a good wife in her eyes, etc.  In other words, I can see the large potential for her to want to continue mothering him as though he were still a child.  And then, there's the complete lack of privacy---which, as a still relatively newly married couple, you're going to miss greatly.

 

My first question to him would be "why didn't you even discuss this with me first?"  If his response is something along the lines of "it's my decision---it's my mother", then I'd probably (personally) respond back with "it's our house---not just yours".  Maybe ask him to put himself in your shoes---if roles were reversed, how would he feel if you planned on immigrating a relative to live in the home and didn't even deem it a necessity to discuss it beforehand?

 

I'd also have a game plan before any process begins if you do decide to go ahead---is she workable?  Is she going to be self-supporting in any way or will you both be paying all of her expenses, and causing more financial strain, going forward (cellphone, clothing, entertainment, personal effects, transportation, etc.)?  Is her living with you going to be temporary---she'll have her own apartment once earning enough of an income---or she's in your home until her dying day?  All things that will need to be discussed.

 

I also wonder...considering he didn't even tell YOU, has he even broached the subject of immigrating his mother with HER, or is this just all a pipe-dream of his right now?

Thank you!!! 🙌

3 hours ago, kiwibean said:

Why does he want to bring his mother so badly?  I wonder if figuring out what is behind his thought process will help you find some areas to negotiate.

Also, have you looked into how long this is likely to take him?  Do you have the necessary household income to sponsor her?  You might discover there's something that will make it difficult.

Honestly, I don't know. 

I haven't looked at timelines. I will look more into the household income. 

Thank you.

4 hours ago, carmel34 said:

Sounds like you have some serious relationship problems to work on, if he does not respect your opinion on these important issues.  If he chooses his Mom over you it says a lot about his true intentions in marrying you.  By the way, your name isn't Chantel is it?

Yeah, I'm realizing that there's issues where he doesn't even ask for my opinion, and I think they are important, such as this.

No, sorry, it's not. 😄

Thank you in advance! (Don't know if this is the right forum...) 

My husband and I have been married for five years now. We went through a rough patch in the beginnning, but all is good.. Or so I thought.

My husband just became a USC, and now he's determined with getting his mom a GC and bringing her here with us!

I vehemently oppose this decision as: 1) he did not ask me if I was okay with having her here with us, 2) we don't have the funds for the process, and 3) when she was here visiting some time ago, it didn't go well.

Her visit was very stressful for me, my husband and I argued constantly because she was here. Just because we're both women, doesn't mean we'll get along. For this reason I don't want her here, because I know it will open a can of worms. Again. Her visit caused me to become distant from his family in general, when we were once very close. 

Any advice on what I can do or what I should do? 

There's marriage aspects, legal dissolution of marriage, that are STATE specific.

Then there's the immigration side of things, as well. Usually folk seek to withdraw the I-864 before the green card is issued, this puts full stop to the Adjustment of Status Process with USCIS.

Thank you!

If you are fairly certain the marriage is doomed withdraw the I864 and the AOS will be denied. Once the green card is issued you are on the hook possibly for life. If you feel like working on the relationship be aware there is no termination of his status once the green card is issued.

Thank you. I'm not concerned that he is out to screw me over. I know he would not do that. We both entered this marriage in good faith. I was just wondering how things would possibly play out if we got divorced.

Well I guess since you do want to wok things out and you feel he may just need a space in time it seems to let things just play out.

Let the immigration process continue let him get his green card. He wrks all that stuff. Hopefully you can sit and talk and work things out. Hopefully this is just a adjustment thing you know.

Thank you. I am hoping that this is just a phase. It's been hard on both of us.

Hello.

I didn't have the courage to post this on my old username, and I never thought I would be posting anything like this on VJ. So here it goes…

My husband came here on a K1 earlier this year, and we got married (in CA). We started the AOS process, but he has yet to receive his GC. We have had some disagreements, and he is contemplating divorce. Although I think he is jumping the gun, I am giving him his space, if he would like to change his mind. Regardless, I want to know, what are the proper steps to take for him and myself, in the event that we do decided to get a divorce??

(I'm trying to be positive, but it's difficult.)