h4773r

As you'll quickly learn in America, you should probably examine that. You're white. You have a degree. You are from a first world country full of health insurance and all kinds of socialized things that freak half of America out.

You are, from the information you've shared, not Muslim.

You, again from the information you've shared, do not have an Arabic or Persian name.

You are not from a high fraud country.

You are, in all likelihood, not going to sit in AP for three years while someone you've never met makes a decision about your security risk.

'grats. You are, compared to so very many people here, privileged. And it'll just get moreso when you move here.

It's great that you want to look at all your options, but you need to look at them - this is DIY, not Have Us Do it For You. And you need to be brutally realistic about expectations; your responses to people about being oh so romantic? This, is not a romantic process. And sorry, but folks come in here every day wanting to be romantic, wait to get on one knee, do something special, whatever. Folks come in here daily thinking they're an unusual case, without being aware of the process, requirements, etc. (Hell, the number of people that show up here daily that had no idea there's more money and more fees after the first round is truly staggering.)

There's a term you might want to get familiar with (frequently used on Offbeat Bride, but also some other places, including here) called "getting legaled" or "a courthouse wedding." It's for folks who need to have the legal aspect done, but still want a cultural/social wedding at a later time - and yes, often in multiple countries.

What you want to do is erase the idea of secrecy from your language ASAP. That's not going to do you well in the process, and you should want to keep rolling with the easy path you have, rather than going out of your way to make things more difficult for you and your fiancée.

I honestly thought the point of a forum was to discuss, I came here to discuss and find out what options are available to me and declutter the shroud of options, dead ends and everything else I was running into to.

I'm being realistic, but can I not also be light hearted about it all? Is there a need to scream in my face? I never once tried to put this down to a lovey dovey romance. I said I'm here, this is what I want to do, can you help me with options. I'm aware I may not be able to take the road I want and may not be able to marry the woman of my dreams (is that the lovey dovey part? that I want to marry someone?)

I honestly don't know what you're problem is, but you're coming off like I've offended you to some degree.

As for the terms, I don't see a point in learning those terms...I'd ask you to elaborate but I really don't want to read another post which comes across to me as rude.

I'm not hiding anything either. But the details I'm after don't require me to divulge all of my personal life stories. The information I provided should be enough to get the answers I'm after, which it has been.

Again, I really don't know what your issue is. I came here for advice and perhaps a little comfort from people who have been in this situation before, not to be berated by someone who I seem to have offended by talking about what this website and forum is built for.

OP, if it helps you any, my husband and I eloped the way you are proposing, minus the part of him coming to the U.S.; I went to his country and married him, then I returned home to the States to file for a CR1.

We "secretly" married in that we did the civil/courthouse wedding needed to file the immigration papers. We plan on having the "actual" ceremony (a second wedding with everyone involved) once he gets here.

That's exactly our intentions as well Amy...probably two since I have some family that can't afford to go to the states.

Ok, some brutal practicality. It sounds like you're both young and white and relatively privileged. Congrats, you have it somewhat easy on the VISA journey. THAT SAID.

Sorry mate, but this isn't an easy prospect, and it's not a romantic one. It's about crossing i's, dotting t's, and making sure you follow the instructions to their practical, unromantic, paperwork and red tape laden end.

Can we just calm it down...I get it's a long process and I get it's about dotting i's and crossing t's and a tonne of paperwork. I'm not going into this completely blind and oblivious. If plans need to change then they need to change, that's why I'm here, to weigh up options and decide the best way to go about this. But for now we're going to try and see this through the way we would prefer.

I am white, and under 30. I'm not sure what you mean by 'relatively privileged' - I've never been privileged, unless you count the fact that I've found the woman of my dreams then by all means I am. It's taken a lot of time, hard work and years to get myself to where I am now and away from the food handouts supplied by the salvation army.

Have you talked with your families about getting married, or are you just guessing? Because I can join the chorus: families DO care when you elope. I learned that one the hard way, and my former in-laws never forgave me. (As the in-law it was, of course, my choice.) My decision also badly hurt my mother... and she didn't live to see me remarried.

We have in a general sense talked to our families about marriage, and thrown hypotheticals at them such as eloping. They've all given their blessings for if/when it happens. Like I said, we've discussed this in great length with each other as well, we're not tredding on toes here. There is no need to get hung up on this. It really is a non event in this case. I'm sorry to hear about your mother.

Beyond that, what happens if you "secretly" get married and then, in two years, for some reason, your timeline gets flagged for further review when you're going to remove conditions, and you're asked to provide affidavits, etc, from your family about supporting your marriage as it happened, or having attended your wedding? What happens if they demand that while family members are still angry?

Her sister and brother-in-law are living in Hawaii, so far they're the only ones to know about it and approve. They will be helping in the ceremony, so I don't see this as being an issue...but who knows, it could be.

Have you to your family about moving away? My husband thought his family would be fine with it; instead, they tried to have him committed as clearly insane for wanting to leave Australia. (I'm actually not kidding.)

People react weirdly around weddings. People react REALLY weirdly when it comes to weddings AND moving halfway around the world.

I have talked to them about moving away, they're all well aware that those are my intentions and I have their blessings and support. To quote my dad "you need to do what makes you happy so if that makes you happy then go for it, I'll have a place to stay when I come over for a holiday". I currently live away from them anyway.

What about finances? Will her family co-sponsor you? Are they willing to help her with residency issues if you guys go the CR1 route? Where are you planning on living? Do you have a degree? Can you even get a job in the US (do you have relevant work skills)?

Her family are wanting me there as much as I want to be there. They're already job searching for me which surprised and talking to an imigration lawyer which I just heard about the other night. I don't think that they'll have an issue with co-sponsoring me and helping in any way possible since they are a very tight family.

I have a BA in IT - I've been working in it for a number of years now with several quick succession promotions along the way. I don't want to crystal ball gaze here but I don't think computers are going anywhere anytime soon. It may take some time but I'm confident that I'll find work. If need be, I'm happy to rebuild and start from the bottom again, I'll take anything that is going. I've got numerous years of bar work and general customer service skills to call upon if need be. I'll have the finances available to get me through until I can land something.

I'm really just here looking for advice on the process which I think I've got (or can at least find out more about easily enough), not relationship advice. Again I appreciate the concern on that part and it's definitely something we've considered. But if we could please drop that it would be appreciated.

Don't worry, no vomiting going on here. There is lots of sickly sweet lovey-dovey talk on these forums. But looking at it from the outside, it sounds like you're not taking the advice of other people that told you their stories and how they regretted not including their family more than they did.

The fact that your family wouldn't be opposed to you marrying this girl, or that her family wouldn't be opposed to her marrying you, doesn't mean that they will appreciate being left out of (the first step, and arguably the most important part of) the marriage process. I guess since you're the only one that knows the whole story, you can only be the judge of that.

I'm definitely listening to all the advice and appreciate the concern, let me just say that. I'm taking everything on board. We both know our families pretty well and is something we've talked about in great length. We wouldn't do it if we weren't 100% comfortable with the idea, and we don't want to step on any toes obviously.

haha yeah I understand that. I am being quite vague which doesn't help, it's just too long to type out, and even if I did you probably still wouldn't understand. But at the end of the day I just want to call her my wife and be her husband. (you can vomit now)

it's just a weird, long, happy, fun story. We'll still go and have a wedding (or weddings) at a later date and what not though. No one is going to be left out.

Yes, the receipt you get from applying in person, I believe we went at the two week mark? My husband got a job offer the day after he got to America, and they agreed to let him start working before the SS number was available.

How'd he manage that?...that sounds like the perfect situation.

for those concerned if we're hurting anyone...it's a long story (a good one don't worry, no one hates anyone) but it's seriously all 100% above board and cool with everyone (or would be). Marriage is not something I take lightly, infact I pretty much threw out the idea of it ages ago until I met her.

For me, it's not something I feel we're rushing into (despite the timing of it all) it's just taking our relationship to a point that we both feel it's at.

Also I'm here to gather options and figure out the best way to be together. If it works out best for us that we can't, then we'll wait.

False. From Oz, it's 6 months to use the K-1 after the medical, which is generally about 2 weeks before the VISA is issued. And Sydney Consulate is quite fine with waiting, if necessary, for an additional four months, for scheduling the interview. The petitioner merely needs to submit an additional statement of intent to marry (preferably notarized). Experience talking on this one. (So on basic maths, it's completely possible to get yourself almost an additional 10 months if you really wanted to.)

AFAIK, after you have entered the United States. (Your green card is not granted til you enter the country.) If you go the K-1 route, after you have received your EAD, which right now is running about 80 days after filing to adjust status.

Couple of things you should also be aware of: there are not a lot of doctors who'll do the exams floating around Oz, and they're expensive. You will also need to budget going to Sydney for your interview, if you're not already there.

Does your fiancé make enough money to support you through the application process? Does she still have established residence here, etc? (Have you read through all the guides at the top, including the "which should we do" flowchart o'options?)

I'm living in Sydney at the moment, so getting here shouldn't be an issue. You've definitely given me some things to consider and look into more. I haven't read through the guides (I wasn't really aware to be honest) I pointed in this direction from a subreddit after trying to figure out which visa would be our best option....Probably should have started there in hindsight.

I do it easier to talk to people about these things though, or you know, a forum of people. it's definitely simplified it all for me.

As for the "secretly married" well the easiest way to explain is that...none of our family know we're planning on doing this, the old elope trick.

But again, thank you everyone for your input. We're taking all suggestions on board.

Say hypothetically we went with the CR1 (completely off topic btw)

I would be applying for work basically the entire time, at what point would I be able to choose the option (which I've noticed on a lot of job application sites) "Able to work in the US" - Would I have to submit a different form before I start looking? is that possible?

Sorry for so many questions, I just prefer to get advice from people who have/are going through this process. You've all been a huge help so far!

This all seems very doable except maybe the contract end date coinciding with the you immigrating date. The process might take a while, but hey, it is all worth it in the end, isn't it?

Have you also considered doing a K1 fiancé visa which you could file now? This way you would get married in the US when she returns from her contract. It seems it would be more likely for you to meet that deadline rather than a spouse visa with current processing times.

Definitely worth the wait that's for sure, we're both just impatient in that regard I guess haha

The K1 has also been considered (much to the dismay of us both) - Would it be best to wait until I return from the states in October before filing the I-129F?

My husband flew here to North Carolina for a long weekend, we married and he immediately left to go back to the Netherlands the next day. Once he was gone I filed for the CR-1 spouse visa. This was per the advice of my lawyer. If you intend to stay in the US after the wedding it's immigration fraud, if you leave and then file it's not. The key though is when you are going through customs, be careful what you say as you don't want to lie to them, but you also don't want to say you are getting married.

well no I don't intend to stay after the wedding, except for the 3 week holiday I had planned...would that still be classed as fraud?

Did he come over on a holiday VISA?...that's one of the things that is worrying me atm, what eactly is classed as unintentional.

How long until he was able to come back?

So I have absolutely no idea where to start. I guess a summary...

- Met on a VERY random happenstance in Australia

- Been with my gf since the 2nd of June (not long I know, but when you know you know)

- Me: 29 in Australia

- Her: 25 Currently in Afghanistan working with the USO (Lives in the states outside of this obviously)

- We'll both be travelling to Hawaii in September for a few weeks

- We both know we want to be with each other. no doubt about that.

Basically what we'd like to do (since she's still in Afghanistan until April next year)

- Get secretly married in September in Hawaii

- Vacation, be awesome

- Hate life while we head home

- Begin the process of getting me to the states, ideally around the time she finishes up her contract and heads over.

I realise this is a pipe dream and not probable due to the time it takes to process applications. I've read a bunch of different visas but I just don't know what the quickest way to accomplish this is. Currently I'm travelling to the states on a holiday visa which I hear is a terrible no no since the marriage wouldn't be spur of the moment...would it?!.

What are my options...?? I'm getting a little overwhelmed by all the information.