I'm an American-born 29-year-old woman that has been the victim of marriage fraud. I met my foreign national husband in August 2011. He seemed really shy and polite and I almost instantly fell in love with him. I met him during a period of my life when things were not going well for me - I was having trouble finding employment in the economy and all my friends had gotten married or moved away from the city in which I lived. As a result, I was really lonely and suffered from really low self esteem, although I did not realize it at the time.
I believe that my husband and his friends, when they had met me, sensed this about me. I think they were aware that I had no remaining friends in the city I lived in and invited me into their group. I then grew close to my husband from being in this social circle. I myself am of Indian descent and my parents are foreign born and had immigrated to this country so I understood how difficult it must have been to be out of status. He had explained to me that he just wanted to make something of himself in America and would really like the stability of having a green card so that he may attend graduate school in computers. Because I was in love with him, I wanted nothing more than for him to better his life.
We eloped 6 months after first meeting and the minute we exchanged vows at the local courthouse, his behavior dramatically changed. The weekend after we got married, he spent partying with the friends without inviting me. He would come and go from our shared apartment as he pleased. He also slept in the front living room instead of sharing a bed with me. His friends, who I thought were my friends as well, stopped replying to my texts and stopped inviting me to join them on their various outings.
When I confronted him about his sudden change in behavior, he accused me of having done something that turned all his friends off from wanting to continue to spend time with them. I would ask him what it was that I did so that I could apologize to all of them and he would just get angry and storm off. It terrified me. I genuinely thought I had done something wrong and I didn't realize what it was, and I was desperate to find out but none of his friends would say anything to me. He would also emotionally manipulate me by telling me how difficult it was for him to financially support us as well as raise funds to hire a lawyer and pay for his green card application fees and that he needed some space. I thought I was trying to be a caring wife by letting him do whatever he pleased so that he would be emotionally stable. This meant that he spent all his free time being away from me.
Because of his sudden change in behavior, I never informed any of my friends and family that I was married. I was hoping over time that our situation would improve. I honestly thought that his behavior towards me was temporary. I was unemployed for the first 4 months of my marriage and he would complain how irritated he was to come home after working all day to see that I had spent my days doing nothing. I'm the type of person that won't go out and spend money that I didn't have so I'd stay home. He accused me of being lazy and not wanting to work even though I'd spend most of my free time applying for jobs.
I finally got a full-time job and I thought that once I started working, that our relationship would improve. I thought that he was getting irritated with having a "vegetable for a wife," as he'd call it, that did nothing but pester him out of boredom. So I thought he'd be proud that I started working. However, it didn't change the situation one bit. His behavior stayed the same. He continued to go out with the same friends and leave me at home alone. I was so embarrassed by his behavior towards me that I never let any of my co-workers know that I was married. I told them all that I was living with a male roommate.
I then convinced myself that perhaps he was just still stressed out by the whole process of obtaining his green card. I was so hopeful that once we got his conditional green card that he'd go back to being the guy that I had dated a year before because the uncertainty and stress would finally be over. But, as before, things stayed the same.
3 months after obtaining his green card, I finally left and moved to another country to study. This was during the holidays as well and we didn't spend any of those holidays together. He spent them with his friends, including New Years and Christmas. I wanted to file for divorce before I left, but he would get into a violent fit again whenever I brought it up. So I just moved away without doing anything.
The problem is that I was desperately in love with him this whole time and he had emotionally and mentally manipulated me into believing that I was inadequate. He would tell me that he wished that I was better at something or that I wasn't good enough or that I had lied about who I was while we were dating. He would say his friends agreed with his point of view. I started to believe that there was something fundamentally wrong with me socially and mentally as a result, which made me undesirable.
After seeing a therapist, I realized that he was what they call "gaslighting" me into complying with him and sticking around to sponsor him for green card. The marriage was never consummated. He had always slept in the front room. Looking back, I can't believe I allowed myself to be strung along for almost 2 years this way so that he could stay in the US.
I would really like to report this to USCIS, but we have been married for 2 years now, but only 10 months of those 2 years were spent living together as basically "roommates." My family and friends are not aware of the marriage because I was embarrassed of his public treatment of me. He had scared me into not feeling comfortable divorcing him. We are currently in the middle of the 90-day window and I don't know what to do. I'm currently in medical school and I really do not want to complicate my life further if reporting the fraudulant marriage at this time would bring legal action against me as well.
Reporting Marriage Fraud
in Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits
Posted
Hi Everyone,
I'm an American-born 29-year-old woman that has been the victim of marriage fraud. I met my foreign national husband in August 2011. He seemed really shy and polite and I almost instantly fell in love with him. I met him during a period of my life when things were not going well for me - I was having trouble finding employment in the economy and all my friends had gotten married or moved away from the city in which I lived. As a result, I was really lonely and suffered from really low self esteem, although I did not realize it at the time.
I believe that my husband and his friends, when they had met me, sensed this about me. I think they were aware that I had no remaining friends in the city I lived in and invited me into their group. I then grew close to my husband from being in this social circle. I myself am of Indian descent and my parents are foreign born and had immigrated to this country so I understood how difficult it must have been to be out of status. He had explained to me that he just wanted to make something of himself in America and would really like the stability of having a green card so that he may attend graduate school in computers. Because I was in love with him, I wanted nothing more than for him to better his life.
We eloped 6 months after first meeting and the minute we exchanged vows at the local courthouse, his behavior dramatically changed. The weekend after we got married, he spent partying with the friends without inviting me. He would come and go from our shared apartment as he pleased. He also slept in the front living room instead of sharing a bed with me. His friends, who I thought were my friends as well, stopped replying to my texts and stopped inviting me to join them on their various outings.
When I confronted him about his sudden change in behavior, he accused me of having done something that turned all his friends off from wanting to continue to spend time with them. I would ask him what it was that I did so that I could apologize to all of them and he would just get angry and storm off. It terrified me. I genuinely thought I had done something wrong and I didn't realize what it was, and I was desperate to find out but none of his friends would say anything to me. He would also emotionally manipulate me by telling me how difficult it was for him to financially support us as well as raise funds to hire a lawyer and pay for his green card application fees and that he needed some space. I thought I was trying to be a caring wife by letting him do whatever he pleased so that he would be emotionally stable. This meant that he spent all his free time being away from me.
Because of his sudden change in behavior, I never informed any of my friends and family that I was married. I was hoping over time that our situation would improve. I honestly thought that his behavior towards me was temporary. I was unemployed for the first 4 months of my marriage and he would complain how irritated he was to come home after working all day to see that I had spent my days doing nothing. I'm the type of person that won't go out and spend money that I didn't have so I'd stay home. He accused me of being lazy and not wanting to work even though I'd spend most of my free time applying for jobs.
I finally got a full-time job and I thought that once I started working, that our relationship would improve. I thought that he was getting irritated with having a "vegetable for a wife," as he'd call it, that did nothing but pester him out of boredom. So I thought he'd be proud that I started working. However, it didn't change the situation one bit. His behavior stayed the same. He continued to go out with the same friends and leave me at home alone. I was so embarrassed by his behavior towards me that I never let any of my co-workers know that I was married. I told them all that I was living with a male roommate.
I then convinced myself that perhaps he was just still stressed out by the whole process of obtaining his green card. I was so hopeful that once we got his conditional green card that he'd go back to being the guy that I had dated a year before because the uncertainty and stress would finally be over. But, as before, things stayed the same.
3 months after obtaining his green card, I finally left and moved to another country to study. This was during the holidays as well and we didn't spend any of those holidays together. He spent them with his friends, including New Years and Christmas. I wanted to file for divorce before I left, but he would get into a violent fit again whenever I brought it up. So I just moved away without doing anything.
The problem is that I was desperately in love with him this whole time and he had emotionally and mentally manipulated me into believing that I was inadequate. He would tell me that he wished that I was better at something or that I wasn't good enough or that I had lied about who I was while we were dating. He would say his friends agreed with his point of view. I started to believe that there was something fundamentally wrong with me socially and mentally as a result, which made me undesirable.
After seeing a therapist, I realized that he was what they call "gaslighting" me into complying with him and sticking around to sponsor him for green card. The marriage was never consummated. He had always slept in the front room. Looking back, I can't believe I allowed myself to be strung along for almost 2 years this way so that he could stay in the US.
I would really like to report this to USCIS, but we have been married for 2 years now, but only 10 months of those 2 years were spent living together as basically "roommates." My family and friends are not aware of the marriage because I was embarrassed of his public treatment of me. He had scared me into not feeling comfortable divorcing him. We are currently in the middle of the 90-day window and I don't know what to do. I'm currently in medical school and I really do not want to complicate my life further if reporting the fraudulant marriage at this time would bring legal action against me as well.