Rizal Circle

Sorry to hear of your difficulty and I feel your pain. This may be the time for you to face up to some facts of reality.
First, you state she is confrontational. That says alot about her dispositon and lack of respect
for marriage and commitment to your family. Secondly, she stated she needed "space". Stop right there.
If a spouse has love and commitment for his or her spouse there is nothing to think about.
I could accept a position that "I made a mistake and I want to fix it for the good of our relationship and family",
but space and time to think about your love and commitment...I don't think so!
Do some soul searching but don't be blinded by your love for her. Do what is best for you and your child
in any case. I "truly" hope your marriage works out but sounds like it will be an uphill battle for life long fidelity.

I totally understand your pain and how you truly feel. Unless someone has really experienced this shock to the system, no one can truly feel you pain.
My first wife from China also cheated on me after 4 years of marriage. I was hurt, mad, angry and wanted to send her back to China, but really after
such a long time being here, there is nothing USCIS or immigration can do. I do highly recommend that you contact USCIS and figure out what you
need to do to remove the affidavit of support. From a visa or immigration point of view, this is your only course to cover yourself moving forward if you
decide to file for divorce.
On a personal note, everything you are feeling, the hurt and anger will go away sooner or later. Please focus on your child and her well being. You must
continue to be the loving father I suspect you are.
What got me through my ex-wife cheating was to find forgiveness in your heart for her. I know you love her and want to be with her, but in your mind you
will always wonder. Sometimes in life, it is better to let some things go.
I am truly sorry for your pain and heartbreak. I wish you the very best moving forward on whatever you decide to go.
Good Luck,
Ron

I first went through Visajourney about 9 years ago. Met and married the wrong woman. I caught her cheating, sending nude pictures of herself, and who knows what else. We also had a small child.
I gathered up evidence, photo's, documented everything, even talked to the guy. I put a nice file together and when I confronted her, she admitted everything. I wasn't head over hills with her, as she never seemed to want to do the right thing. She ended up joining the US Army and got stationed in Korea. To this day, she sends her child support and I have full custody.
You have to make the best out of a bad situation. Like everyone here is saying, do what's best for your child. That's who you should concentrate on now.
Good luck...

There ya go … pray and Jesus will sort it all out for you.
My ex spent more time talking to Jesus than she did her lawyer … she got the divorce she wanted, but that was about it. No support. No kids. No house. I'm betting her chat buddy didn't approve of her extramarital affairs and harsh treatment of the children.

I agree with Caryh. If the wife wanted to talk about it, she wouldn't had asked for space because it was her who cheated on the first place.. :/ smh ... I always believe that cheating is not a mistake, it is a choice. She choose to break her marriage instead of approaching her husband with whatever problems they might be encountering. No relationship is perfect, but it can always work out with communication and trust. To the op, focus on yourself and your child at the meantime. Best of luck to you.

If there are assets you need to protect, sure take care of those.
But make sure your head is on straight before you start making life changing decisions. Most things are going to take time to work out anyway.
Don't seek revenge, focus on taking care of yourself.
Most of all talk to people you trust, or talk with a counselor or your own.

I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. It must be so difficult, do you have any buddys you can go shoot some pool with or get a few beers and talk it out with?
Putting it candidly, your wife had or is having an affair, she didnt admit it to you, so was actively hiding it from you, from what you post she does not seem remorseful or want to talk it out, she just wants her space, which personally I feel she is not entitled to. It is you who should be deciding if YOU need space and time alone to your self. If I was you I would firstly talk to your buddys, they know you and your wife more than anyone here does. Also lawyer up, esp if she is not remorseful, act early, you may get full custody and a preferential settlement etc.
Best of luck, and god bless.

If she was there to talk about it, maybe. But he did talk about it with her, and her response was she'd think about counselling and left the home again, I'd guess at the bf's place. This is exactly the time he should quit worrying about the emotions of if and go forward to protect his butt. His wife has obviously checked out of the marriage emotionally or she would have been broken up about getting caught.

God be with you! I pray for peace and direction!!!

wow..sorry to hear.its crazy..i hate people who cheats..specially an affair...im loyal to my husband..thats always and forever.

I'm really sorry this happened to you.. I can't imagine how devastated you must feeling.
I know it is hard to think this way in the moment.. but everything happens for a reason...
Maybe it happened to make you two stronger when you overcome this together... or maybe
it happened becayuse there is something better out there for you..
Either way.. keep your head up. Her actions say nothing about you.. but rather of what she is lacking in character.
Best of luck to you.

Sorry to hear of your difficulty and I feel your pain. This may be the time for you to face up to some facts of reality.
First, you state she is confrontational. That says alot about her dispositon and lack of respect
for marriage and commitment to your family. Secondly, she stated she needed "space". Stop right there.
If a spouse has love and commitment for his or her spouse there is nothing to think about.
I could accept a position that "I made a mistake and I want to fix it for the good of our relationship and family",
but space and time to think about your love and commitment...I don't think so!
Do some soul searching but don't be blinded by your love for her. Do what is best for you and your child
in any case. I "truly" hope your marriage works out but sounds like it will be an uphill battle for life long fidelity.

Good luck if you decided to stay with her, because you will need that for sure,once a cheater always a cheater.I would file for custody of the child as well.I have zero respect for cheaters.It seems she confessed because someone called you,otherwise she would keep cheating on you who knows for how long.

Sorry to hear about your situation...
I agree with just about every post here...
You're on a precarious and parallel path...
on the one path, you have to protect yourself and your child
on the other, you're hopeful that your wife will come to her senses...and you're willing to work it out with her. That takes a lot of guts.
First, as others have suggested, do some soul-searching. People don't jump into on-going affairs at the drop of a dime...I suspect that something has been brewing for a while...Foremost - take action to protect yourself and your daughter, your assets and livelihood.
I'm going to guess that your wife is quite a bit younger than you...if so, she may be feeling cooped up and wants to spread her wings. Naturally, she should have done that before getting married. From what you say, she's behaving like a teenager wanting to get away from home...she wants to be "free."
Either way - while divorce/annulment is a difficult decision - at this point, it should be considered, along with any other measures/steps that can be taken to put your marriage back on track. But, if, as another has already said, she has emotionally detached from the relationship...you will have an uphill battle.
Whatever you do - DO NOT get into a confrontational situation with her - you might unwittingly find yourself holed up in a jail cell - no matter how bogus the charges. Then, you will lose EVERYTHING. So far, it sounds like you have your head it the right place. But, things can escalate - beware.
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
I certainly hope that things do work out. If either of you are practicing Catholics...you can find some help at your parish.
I wish you the very best of luck - God Bless.

Hey Mr. Fellow Oregonian here (based in NE Portland). Sorry about your plight man. It's really messed up when you're in live with someone and they play you like that. From what you have stated though, it looks like your wife either doesn't care about the whole situation as she's rather being confrontational and asking you to give her space (as though you are the one who cheated) and that is a big hurdle. It's difficult working things out with someone who doesn't even think what they did was wrong and rather gets mad at you for figuring it out. At this point, this might sound harsh, but I would say file a divorce and move on. She might take half your property, keep custody of your baby etc..but trust me, being with her will break your heart and will kill you early and you deserve more than that. You are handsome and there are so many fine women out here in Oregon who will swarm over you. Unless she's really remorseful about this situation, it will be difficult for you guys to go past this because you will never trust her and trust is one of the very essential things in relationships. I know you still love her, but don't just follow your heart..follow your head too. Wish you the very best.

I agree.
Also focus on retaining 1/2 or more custody of your child and keep a timeline of events. Since she still has access to your home keep financial records and anything of importance in a safe place.
Get a lawyer and go see a counselor to talk out your issues.
Good luck!

Sorry to hear of your difficulty and I feel your pain. This may be the time for you to face up to some facts of reality.
First, you state she is confrontational. That says alot about her dispositon and lack of respect
for marriage and commitment to your family. Secondly, she stated she needed "space". Stop right there.
If a spouse has love and commitment for his or her spouse there is nothing to think about.
I could accept a position that "I made a mistake and I want to fix it for the good of our relationship and family",
but space and time to think about your love and commitment...I don't think so!
Do some soul searching but don't be blinded by your love for her. Do what is best for you and your child
in any case. I "truly" hope your marriage works out but sounds like it will be an uphill battle for life long fidelity.

Sorry to hear of your difficulty and I feel your pain. This may be the time for you to face up to some facts of reality.
First, you state she is confrontational. That says alot about her dispositon and lack of respect
for marriage and commitment to your family. Secondly, she stated she needed "space". Stop right there.
If a spouse has love and commitment for his or her spouse there is nothing to think about.
I could accept a position that "I made a mistake and I want to fix it for the good of our relationship and family",
but space and time to think about your love and commitment...I don't think so!
Do some soul searching but don't be blinded by your love for her. Do what is best for you and your child
in any case. I "truly" hope your marriage works out but sounds like it will be an uphill battle for life long fidelity.

Sorry to hear of your difficulty and I feel your pain. This may be the time for you to face up to some facts of reality.
First, you state she is confrontational. That says alot about her dispositon and lack of respect
for marriage and commitment to your family. Secondly, she stated she needed "space". Stop right there.
If a spouse has love and commitment for his or her spouse there is nothing to think about.
I could accept a position that "I made a mistake and I want to fix it for the good of our relationship and family",
but space and time to think about your love and commitment...I don't think so!
Do some soul searching but don't be blinded by your love for her. Do what is best for you and your child
in any case. I "truly" hope your marriage works out but sounds like it will be an uphill battle for life long fidelity.