WhatSpoon

File for the divorce in the U.S., and mail a certified copy of the papers to her.

If she asks, you can put it through the documentation certification procedure for U.S. legal documents to be used in China. Your state's Secretary of State will certify the document's authenticity, then the Chinese consulate with jurisdiction over that state will provide a Chinese-language seal.

http://houston.china-consulate.org/eng/vp/gzrz/t53297.htm

Thanks so much for the help. I think filing in the U.S. I might apply for an annulment. On her side is this a long drawn out litigious proceeding or what does she have to do to make sure her status is ok as well?

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/452896-cold-feet-married-a-girl-from-china/

So I decided to listen to my gut and go ahead and stop the process. I sent a notification to the embassy and withdrew my application.

I just signed an engagement agreement with a divorce attorney and am planning on filing for the divorce here in the U.S.

We talked tonight and it seems pretty mutual - she's ok with the divorce. However, she says that there are two ways to get a divorce because of the rules of the province that her home town is in. She says that I have to fly to China and go to her home town, we can get it taken care of in a day. Otherwise, doing it remotely using a form will take a year or more.

From what I read, I could file for divorce in the U.S., and China would recognize the divorce.

1. What are the chinese regulations on a divorce and split of marital assets? In short, there is nothing owned in common. I own a house in the U.S., but it's more true to say I own the mortgage on a house. We've never lived together, never had a shared bank account, no kids, basically - separate lives.

2. If I go ahead with filing for the divorce in the U.S., is this ok for her as well? Will China recognize that and allow her to marry again if she desires? She's concerned about the status of her ID card and things like that (stuff lost in translation).

I'm hesitant to fly back - the process sounds simple but flying to china, signing forms I don't understand, I worry they will be like ok - well you need to pay XX amount to her now, or something heh.

Giving you the advise I would give my own sons

cancel the process now, One does not go into a

marriage with uncertainty,trust issues and it

seem there's no undying love going on here.

There was a bit of nostalgia and pressure that got

you into this marriage, financially its all on U

send a certified letter to uscis to stop the process

and sign nothing more.

You have to choose someone you are certain of so there

can be happiness , trust & genuine affection

Thanks so much for the replies. Many of your comments struck chords with me.

Jihana really hit the mark. Loneliness (my part), nostalgia, and feeling a high level of pressure once actually in China led to being married. Honestly, it felt like a self-arranged arranged marriage. Like... we don't necessarily have feelings right now, but we both have a good idea of what to expect in the future. I didn't even have a ring, or kneel, or really even ask her. I basically said something, and she responded something like, "It seems you already know the answer". A week later, we fly to her home town and sign papers. A week later, I go home.

The I-130 is approved and yes I've signed the affidavit of support. The case is currently in the 3 month waiting time on the China side before being delivered to the embassy.

Honestly, she might love me. The problem is probably just me. Yes, I do think a candid chat is in order. Thank you for your comments.

So I got married last year - basically a very rushed marriage. We dated for about 4 months years back and suddenly decided to renew things. Next thing I know, I'm in China, my parents meet her parents and suddenly we're married.

We're pretty far along in the visa process and suddenly I have cold feet.

I don't think I trust her. Every time I've asked if she'd like me to come visit her, or to at least plan to attend her interview, the answer is basically no... let's not waste the money. She doesn't seem to have any interest in having me come to see her. We also only skype during her work hours. Never on the weekend. She doesn't seem to think of me at all on the weekend. If we talk, it's because I initiated. Makes me feel like I'm associated with work.

When we first met years ago, she was definitely in love with me. Very affectionate, and I knew that her whole heart was in it. This time around, well, we just haven't had time together.

She's got a friend, a male friend, that she hangs out with sometimes. She actually took a vacation, saying that her friend is there and can show her around. One day train ride, two days there, one day train ride back. Pretty clearly she's there to see him. I think she made a mistake telling me he was going to be there, because after dropping that on me she didn't mention it at all. She's fully capable of lying to do what she wants, hiding secrets.

I don't think anything is actually going on, more than likely it's just a last visit with a friend before finishing the visa and leaving China. She also has planned a similar last visit to a female best friend. I guess it's my own uncertainty, or my lack of trust in her that is steering me towards putting a stop to this. I didn't tell her my feelings because she hates being controlled, she doesn't need a second mother (her words). Her mother doesn't know about this trip.

Whether or not I put a stop to it, this is only one side of the story, so ultimately any advice anyone gives is going to be negative. No need to ask for advice on that, I'll just have to make up my mind.

My questions:

1. I assume pre-interview I can easily put a stop to the whole immigration process. Correct?

2. What are the divorce ramifications? We have no property in common, never lived together. We only had a few weeks together last year when we got married (in China). I'm a U.S. citizen.