Dutchess1985

anybody?

Hi everyone,

I was a die hard fan in 2010/2011, received great support, tips, opinions, etc. This website is awesome!!

But here is the deal:

Me and my soon to be ex-husband were almost married for 2 years, it's breaking my heart that he is convinced that we are better of as friends.

I must say the first 1,5 year was very hard on us, like most of us, I moved to a new country, moved in with the love of my life and I thought I was in heaven!!

For the most part, I was. Unfortunately, my soon to be ex-husband is a workaholic. His work always came first, before me, before our marriage, before us. He is a good provider, just missed out on emotional support during my time of adjustment. We talked about it, whenever his phone wasn't ringing, and I always had hope things would get better. It did for some short periods, but then after a year trying and hoping for a more emotional connection, romance, etc, I found myself drifting away. Please, let me tell you that we really did have our great moments, laughter and all that, just wished it was way more often.

I became very unhappy, knowing that this was just the person as he was. I should have known because before I moved to the US I spent 2 full summers here and he was always working. Even his mom told me he was always like that. I love him dearly, but during our marriage I noticed that me and him are way too different, different thoughts and opinions on marriage. I started to wonder if this was the life I pictured as a married woman. Not really. Because of the lack of personal and emotional attention, I started to ask for negative attention. I became very OCD because of the stress and yelled at him for whenever he took some grass inside the house for exemple, I started to yell every time his phone rang (even during our- you know what- time) I yelled at him for no reason, this all just because for attention. The wrong kind of attention, but hey, it was something.. I thought.

He really is an amazing person, very family oriented, great contact with his family, great provider, very loyal and very honest, but unfortunately, like I said before. I drifted away from shore (mr. Wilson).

We used to live in Pittsburgh, for his job, he is from Texas. Because it was time for him to move back to Texas (he was dying to go back, yet had to wait for this high position to open), I decided to get based in Houston, so I was already there. I am a flight attendant for United. I was in Texas, flew back to PIT on my days off and it was our intention for me to be here already and wait for him to move back. But in our time apart, we both drifted off shore, both in a different direction....

To make this story a little shorter, sorry, we both decided that our marriage wasn't meant to be. I hate to say it, to admit it, but an other reason our marriage ended was that I came clean with him that I can't have children- emotionally. Never wanted, never could. I always told myself, one day.... someday, my biological clock will start ticking and we start a happy family. I had to be honest to myself in order to come clean to him. It all sounds harsh, but trust me, it was a hard battle I had with myself.

He couldn't stay married with a woman that couldn't provide him a child. Now, he was the one that wanted a divorce and he filled... This happened in last January.

As the months passed by, it's July now, we will be signing the divorce papers in front of a notary public next week, since we had to wait 90 days, attorney, law, etc.

I am really upset, knowing that at the age of 28 I'll be a divorced young lady, divorcing the man I truly loved and still do. Doubts, regret and guilt is what I have to live with for the rest of my life, asking myself, knowing, that I and maybe we didn't give it our all. Yet, knowing that we want different things in life. During our waiting period for our divorce papers, we talked every day, we even get along better than while we were married. We still talk almost every day.. He moved back to Houston with our dogs (they are my all) and I really want to be on good terms with him for the rest of our lives.

But now the stress, sleepless nights are rolling in my life. Like I mentioned before, we will be signing the papers next week and then we will receive our divorce decree within 2 weeks. I'm stressed because of the divorce, it's not a fun thing to go through at all, no matter what. But I am really getting stressed about the ROC process...

I really would like to stay in the US for uncertain time. I moved to the US 2 years ago, started a whole new life and now again, during and after my divorce. I barely have any family in the Netherlands, just mom, grandma, 2 sisters and nephew. I fly for free and they do as well, so I can see them whenever I can and want.

I have my own apartment, own car, an AMAZING job which I always wanted to do, made good friends and have the best and cutest cat (moved over from Netherlands as well) and puppy dogs <3

My worst nightmare would be deported or removed from this country, as I noticed before is being deported involuntarily is something I don't want to think of as I have nothing to go back to.

I have to file for I-175, get familiar with the papers/process and all that, very very very soon as I'll receive our divorce decree in 3 weeks and I do know that I have to file as soon as I receive the divorce decree. (Green card ends feb 2014).

I'm going to gather the following and please, let me know what else I need to include that will help my case. (I'm seriously typing with shaking hands!)

* joined bank account papers

* joined health care

* joined dental insurance

* joined tax returns

* joined phone contract

* joined car insurance

* pictures

* letters from mutual friends

* a letter from my soon-to-be-ex-husband stating that we did get married for the right reasons, yet it just didn't work out

Is there anything that I am missing? Is there anybody out there that is willing to help, give advice, calm my thoughts or anything else?

Please, let me know what to add to my package that I have to send in next month. Ugh, I am about to throw up. I hate that this is controlling my life, obviously, since I am fighting for my life here since I don't have a life back at "home".

Thank you so much in advance and I do apologize for the long topic but I do appreciate the time you took to read all of this.



Channah, yes, I said my name.