Adepeju

Wow... you are delusional. Where do I start? Ok, nobody said their relationships are perfect. But people don't have to be perfect to see the wrong; and to give advice. And our spouses don't screw other people and make babies.

Porn is adultery, huh? Mental adultery, is that right? Again... wow.

I am far from delusional!!! I am a woman of God and know that forgivness and second, third and fourth...chances are possible. Everything is possible with God, but from what I am reading from the majority here, ya'll need God in your lives.

Oh and yes, how old are you, and you have never heard of mental adultery?????? Just because you dont commit the physical act, the mental thought was there. You say that your spouses are not screwing other people and making babies....hhhmmmm....do you know that for an absolute fact???? Is everyone with their spouse 24/7? I think you are the one delusional. How many times have you heard one say...oh no, not my wife/husband...they know better than to cheat...i wish they might....i would leave in a heartbeat and then oh, truth comes out, the spouse has had an affair. It is not easy to swallow, but nobody would like to think our spouses are cheating, but fact remains, many do. Some get caught, some dont and some admit the affair due to feeling guilty. If there was no love, there would be no feelings of guilt!!!

I would also like to see most of you in this same situation. You sit here and say what you "would do", but quite frankly, if it happened to you, the decision is not so easy. I can almost guarantee that the majority of you would attempt to work out your marriage.

I am going to pray for each and every one of you that God touch your lives and soften your hearts. We as humans are not to judge, but seems that ya'll are doing just that.

Comparing watching porn to having an extra marital affair that results in the birth of a child is about as silly of a comparison as I can imagine.

Are you serious?

Adultry is adultry...no matter if physical or emotional...I am not sure how your long distance relationship was, but many, while apart will have "cyber sex" or "phone sex" to satisfy their physical desires for each other. You are having a romantic relationship the best way you can due to the distance....right????? Yes...so when an individual, be it male or female, is watching porn and self satisfying themselves, masturbating, I see that as having some sort of "sex" with an individual other than your spouse...just because there was no physical touching to each other, it is still an act of adultry!!! So, ok, yea she ended up with baby...it happens...she made a mistake...nobody is perfect...it does NOT mean she does not love him. I am not saying that it is right to have affair, no, but what I am saying is that it happens everyday with couples accross the world. The marriage can still be salvageable.

I would like to add one more thing...I can almost bet if it was the man that cheated and created a baby with mistress, it would not be seen as much of a problem. In society, it seems more acceptable if it were the man cheating and the woman are supposed to forgive.

I know that God forgives and gives multiple changes...he never gives up on us...so why as humans, should we?????????

I don't normally reply to posts on here, but I do read quite a bit of them. I have to say, I heard OP's original post as well as the question he was asking. Then I read all the replies. What I noticed most in the replies is ... leave her, get away, she cant love you, run Forest run. I did see some replies that stated that he could ROC whether he stays or leaves.

First thing I want to say is to the OP. You stated that you don't know if you can forgive her. Forgiveness is not for "her". Forgiveness is for YOU! When you forgive, and I mean truly forgive her, it releases you from carrying the pain of the situation. It releases the anger you are holding on to. You may have to forgive her multiple times. So just think about it, the forgiveness is not for her, it is for you.

Second thing I want to say is to the individuals that replied with leave, run, get out, etc. From what ya'll have said, I guess it would be safe to assume that you have perfect relationships and that you and/or your spouses have never done anything out of character that you would have to forgive for. It may not be cheating and having baby, but it could be a number of other things. For example, I know I have read many posts that people are upset that their spouse watches porn. Well, this is also a form of adultry. He/she may not have had the physical encounter but they have a mental encounter. I guess it is safe to assume that perhaps ya'll are perfect....hhhmmm...I thought that was only God and I am quite sure, none of you are him.

My point is, nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes and we all deserve second and maybe third chances. You cannot tell the OP that his wife does not love him because she cheated. Yes, she had a moment or maybe even a few moments of weakness, but that does not mean she does not love him. When we, as humans, make mistakes, we ask, or should be asking, God for forgiveness. Imagine if he didn't forgive.....we would ALL be going to hell, not to mention that if we made a mistake, we must not love God. I am here to tell you, I make mistakes and I LOVE my God. God gives second and third and fourth.......chances. Why can we not be more like him. I am not saying it is easy. Trust is huge and once lost it is very very hard to get back.

The OP and his wife need to have a calm, serious conversation, but not before thinking very hard, about what they want for the future. Now there is a child involved wether the child is biologically his or not, the wife is now a package deal. Perhaps, if they decide their love is strong enough to try to mend their marriage...kudos...try some marriage counseling, prayer and maybe some support groups. If they decide, well, this is a little to much for me right now, maybe separate and take some alone time to try and figure things out. If it is just something that cannot be mended, then end things on humble terms.

Some or most of you may not agree with what I have said, but I have spoken from my heart. I wish everyone well with their marriages/relationships and remember, God will never give you more than you can handle.

Have a blessed day.

There was a woman about 5 years ago on here. She was 57 and her Nigerian man was 23 . She actually lived there for months , in the family compound, talking to relatives and getting to know her mother in law who was 10 years younger than her. At that time she would have shown that it was true love that his family adored her. Field investigation showed that the "cousin" that lived in the compound and served dinner most nights was the wife of her husband and the child she played with was actually his son. Once she found out that is was a family plot to get their collective feet on US soil ( son to petition mom, then real wife and child and siblings and ... ) He actually had the nerve to offer to compensate her for her troubles if she would continue to press the petition. Because there are stories like this it would be a disservice not to forewarn someone of the dangers and of what the consulate is expecting the relationship to truly be. It is the bad eggs like the one in this story that makes it hard for all Nigerian couples no matter the age difference and nearly impossible for cougar couples ( by the way I am significantly older than Joseph )

I, myself, was married to a Nigerian man. I am 7 years older than he. He is very handsome and was very successful with his business. I always asked him why he, such a handsome and successful man, was single...no girl friend/wife. He said "I just focus on my business and making money". Ok, I bought it. I asked him over and over and he gave me same response. After we were married for 8 months, I found out, by finding a picture (wedding pic) that he had another wife in his country. Really...We were married in the court and they did not catch it...visa approved and US embassy didn't catch it...wow...

I put my story out here to let people know that men (and women) will deceive you in a heart beat. I am only 7 years older than he is. He is very handsome and I am very attractive. We were not an odd couple, we looked very nice together. We were both into fashion and like to look flashy. I spent time with his family, his mom and his sister. His sister and I would speak on the phone every day. When I found out, I said "so your sister and your mom have been lying to me as well?" He said "no, I told them that you knew that I had wife." Really, wow...so I look stupid.

I pray for you OP, and all the men and women on here that your relationships with your fiance'/spouse is real. I pray that you dont experience the pain that some have endured because it really hurts. To this day, I dont hate my ex husband and I have forgiven him. I can not and will not ever be with him again, but I forgive him. I even pray for him. If I dont forgive him and hate him that is not healthy for me. I will carry a heavy weight with me and I don't want that. I know that God does not like ugly and he and only he can judge. My ex husband will pay his price come judgement day and until then I wish him happiness.

Thank you all for all of your advice.

I was thinking this may be a red flag. Also, what is your advice on this.....if our relationship does continue to progress and we wanted to be together, I was thinking of fiance visa rather than spousal visa. My personal reason being, if approved, that would give me a little bit of time to cohabitate together and I can see if he changes at all. My ex-husband changed the moment he arrived and was like I didnt even know him.

I am thinking maybe it would not matter to embassy what type of visa, they will scrutinize regardless.

We were married 2 years...living together in states for a year. I do believe there was fraud on his part and I did report him

I have a question. I am US citizen and was previously married to a Nigerien. His CR-1 was approved and he came to USA. Our marriage did not last and we divorced.

I, for a while now, have been talking/involved with another Nigerian man. I will be going to visit soon. If our relationship continues to progress and we decide we want to be married, will my previous marriage affect this one?

Thank you in advance for any help/advice you can give me.