Mrs. Smith

MRS SMITH...U TOOK THE MAN FROM JAMAICA AND EXPECT HI MTO FORGET EVERYTHING HE KNEW ALL IS LIFE..THINKING U GAVE HIM THE GIFT OF A VISA AND MARRIAGE TO A WHITE WOMAN...WOW..

listen to you the almighty, u have the nerve to say I am out Jamiacans and you say this about him being married to a white woman.... You can not make or break mi , u silly probably old lady.... I got more than I can ask for in my life..... You must think u owwwwwwwwwwwww so cool with ur words of wisdom..........You can give big ups to his mother cause she left him in Jamiaca at 6 months old for whoever could take care for him, never supported him one bit, until she knew he was coming here, so that WE as a couple could take care of her 4 yr old daughter.... So if that is the kind of woman u wanna big up too... shows u are who u are...... Bright woman aren't u..................Don't fret my dear, I am only here to be supportive, I would have never even bothered if I wasn't asked to share my story by others, cause I am not AFRAID to speak my mind.....

wow..i guess she set YOU ALL straight...how can u talk about this woman..she has no issues..and is not in for a ride..wow....

You are obviously Jamiacan , I can tell by your nastiness towards what u think is wrong or right, YOUR OPINIION , keep it to your self...

KElly ( LUV) is not saying or putting out there what YOU ALL are interpretting...... YOU have taken what is suppose to be an outlet for woman to talk about there adjustments and suggestions, and ripped them into pieces... I can eaisly tell who you are , cause I have a MOTHER IN LAW that stays just like you... YOU think you are oh so mighty HOTLEGZ, so you don't need this sight, so gets to steppin...... AS far as anyone else with there opinions, no one's life is perfect whether you come form here , there or anywhere.... Kelly is a good wman and I have been in contact with her for 4 yrs... How dare anyone chastize her the way that you are..........

Peace OUt

Okay, so how could you'll have handle this differently if you had to do it all over agian. Now I would say for myself, every family culture have dirrences even here in the US. What was the upside of being married into a white family verus a black family?

THere was nothing that I could have done differently,I am happy with the choices I made........There is a comfortabilty issue on his part being married to a white woman, it took getting used too, when you are not surronded by white people on a daily.........JUS t my opinoin.....

Can I ask you a question how would you have acted if you had to live in a all black community, and their culture was a little different than yours. What would you have expected from him. Just flip the script for a minute. Is he adjusting to this situation any better as time has gone on?

I live in a melting pot of many different cultures.... I can adjust to any situation I am in..................That is who I am....

Screw this "White" stuff as excuse..IMO..this has nothing to do with it..IMO!!

wow, I am out of here, HOTLEGZ, I hope ur life with ur husband has no flaws and is just great..........Wish u all the best....... U have got to be the rudest person I have ever come across in all the time I have been on this website..... I hope u are proud of yourself............

no my girl..mi no ave no problem..mi just a bring u"ll foolish acts to sight...

glad ur still with ur husband..so am I

WHERE DO YOU SEE THE FOOLISHNESS.....PLEASE EXPLAIN......I WOULD SAY UR WORDS OF WISDOM ARE TO BE IGNORED, CAUSE YOU ARE DOING NOTHING BUT PICKING APART PEOPLE'S STORIES... IT IS PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT WILL CAUSE OTHERS NOT TO SHARE CUASE OF YOUR CONTINOUS SO CALLED KNOWLEDGE OF WHAT A MARRIAGE SHOULD BE..........

WHEN DID I EVER STATE THAT I WAS GIVING ADVICE ON WHAT THE HECK MARRIAGE IS SUPPOSE TO BE !!

WHY IS THIS WHITE ISSUE STILL COMING UP..DIDN'T HE KNOW HE WAS GETTING INTO A WHITE FAMILY FROM JUMP!!

Please anyone can join in, but your responses must not be of an attack mod.

Just for the record i'm not attacking..ppl are getting defensive..for what..don't know !!

i did not by far saying you were giving advice, if anything, u majke it harder or people to say what they want to say.......

DEFFFENSIVE, i think NOT..........

Okay, so how could you'll have handle this differently if you had to do it all over agian. Now I would say for myself, every family culture have dirrences even here in the US. What was the upside of being married into a white family verus a black family?

THere was nothing that I could have done differently,I am happy with the choices I made........There is a comfortabilty issue on his part being married to a white woman, it took getting used too, when you are not surronded by white people on a daily.........JUS t my opinoin.....

Mrs. Smith, my inital response is to stay out of this and I will, but if you had to name one big adjustment that you and your husband had to deal with, what would it be. Also, would you say this problem was new to you, or had you dealt with some aspects of it in any previous relationship. Please don't make it genralized, it must be something that you felt didn't just come with the terriority of being married and adjusting to each other.

Please this question is not just for Mrs. Smith anyone wjho feels they can share or add something of concert to this is welcome to respond.

The ultimate issue, getting used to being around people that did not understand him when he would speak, and being married into a white woman's family.......

no my girl..mi no ave no problem..mi just a bring u"ll foolish acts to sight...

glad ur still with ur husband..so am I

WHERE DO YOU SEE THE FOOLISHNESS.....PLEASE EXPLAIN......I WOULD SAY UR WORDS OF WISDOM ARE TO BE IGNORED, CAUSE YOU ARE DOING NOTHING BUT PICKING APART PEOPLE'S STORIES... IT IS PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT WILL CAUSE OTHERS NOT TO SHARE CUASE OF YOUR CONTINOUS SO CALLED KNOWLEDGE OF WHAT A MARRIAGE SHOULD BE..........

Abuse after 2-4yrs is not adjustment IMO!

So i guess all the so called newbies need to leave b/c we have nothing to offer if most are adjusting w/o abuse..

some ppl actually use this site for information and not entertainment..

U ladies need to be honest and acknowledge what Kelly had been going thru is ridiculous..as her friends!

And JG, like when u say things happen so subtly...u MUST realize after some time..there is no excuse !

No SWEET LADY, I am still with HUSBAND< AND LOVE HIM.........................................Nobody is raining on your parade, so how about u loose the attitude, and if you have no need to hear any of us talk about this, than don't read it........You seem to BE the ONLY ONE that has an issue with any one sharing there adjusment stories........

In defense of Luv, it's a tough topic whenever this is brought up. Her points are all valid. While all may not experience the same things throughout there relationship, what if just one person does and comes on here looking for support and all we talk about are sunshine and rainbows? It's a horrible feeling to feel so all alone. If just one person learns something from her posts, it was worthwhile for her to open herself up in public. I respect that.

There are many more you only hear about or that just disappear who some of this stuff may happen to in the adjustment process and never tell their tales out of fear of how they will get beat to ####### in the open. I wish we could talk about EVERYTHING without jumping all over one another. We truly can help each other with everything we have to share.

Kimmy.....falling out of love doesn't mean you don't love someone anymore. For the most part, it means you just can't maybe live with them or be around them. You can still love someone and care about them. I've known so many people this has happened to.

For those of you who this topic offends, then please step off the thread. It's not meant to offend. It is meant to help. And, whether you like it or not, talk like today is a big part of the adjustment process for many. Applause to those who make it through without dealing with any of it or who manage to survive....Hugs to those who don't.

JG..I'm glad u have experienced such..everyone looks at love differently IMO..and again nope i don't know anyone..

OK..everytime Kelly come on here she tells us the same story..is there ever a sunshine or a rainbow...She is as much to blame as this man, her husband who I do not know. No one said u cannot come on here and look for adjustment issues that someone can relate to..What is her point really? I don't see sunshine and rainbows here at all..but i can only speak for myself..i really don't wanna hear dull and horrible all the time either!

JG u can't tell anyone to get out of a thread..this is public and what u write here is left to interpretation..why Kelly can't come on here and talk w/o generalizing..is it so hard?

What is this thread really helping, than having a place to vent and an audience to say hurray or i'm sorry? this may just bring about preconceievd notions of how one MIGHT act when he/she gets here..

I would like to see the 1st person to agree that what Kelly is going thru is ADJUSTMENT..come on that is abuse..whether u want to see it or not..like i have said before he was the same man when u married and he's the same man when he got here..either u didn't wanna see it or u thought he would change..since u gave him the GIFT of America

Again..what are we, she, he or the next man/woman is to learn from her horror story..cause really that's what it is..sorry..call it like I see it..

Why doesn't there come a point when the adjustment starts..why is he still such lag in ADJUSTING after..it has to improve at some point...what 2-4yrs sorry not sure..

these are not adjustment issues they are personality issues..

I guess I deserve an applause !!

Well a little update on my situation. Mike and I are divorced. He signed the papers in January and became official on the 5th. Of course he won't go away. Still calls and texts me blah blah blah....gave me another special gift that will be with me forver. I tested positive for HPV have to get biopsy's done end of this month. He came clean and told me that he cheated on me 2 weeks after out interview in JA and 2 weeks before he came to the states with ZERO protection. Has not been to see his daughter, he talks a good game but that is about it. I thought we could be friends but that is NOT happening at all, he started to go back to the same abusive ways, telling me everything is my fault and other not so nice things. Needless to say this is NOT the way I expected it to be ever, but like Kelly said (luvstravlin) he changed right after he got here. Thought things would get better after I found out I was preggo but it got worse, to the point where I had to call the police because he went after our dog with a screwdriver.

He says he wantst to stay in the states and I say that is fine but he needs to do ROC by himself and I am not helping with that anymore.

Dang. These adjustment stories are frightening. As a person going through the K1 process, I'm struggling to know what to do after reading some of these posts. I guess for now, I'll share and discuss them with my SO.

This is my point..why is adjustment all "bad" in this thread? taking someone into a whole new world is hard..but i do not pass off igorance and abuse as adjustment..

Wow, are u serious, Everyone of us come from a different background, and for Kelly's sake, she is nor a dummy or weak.....She is just sharing her story......................I believed that everything was going to be peaches and creams when my SO came here.............................sure it was for a while......................THIS IS NOT GENERALIZIZING JAMAICANS>CAuse best believe I LOVE MY HUSBAND .........................THIS is an educated, sophisticated woman that you are downsizing............................For the longest time, all i have seen on this thread is the sunshine and rainbow and feared sharing my story to be critized by people that don't know me from ADAM..... What use is this thread if you are going to pick apart everything...... She told her story as well as I did, just to share the darker side of things.....DO you think for one minute that we knew that it could get to a level of such disrespect...WE did marry a man from a country that is suppose to be all about the respect............Really no wonder why the VETRANS of the thread don't come on here as much.....

Hey you guys,

I've been gone for awhile, but another Vjr told me to get on and share my "adjustment" story.

As most of you know, my relationship has been a constant battle. Going back to the yardie thread part 1 or 2 ?

I met Craig on my 20th time to Jamaica, so I knew the island, the culture, the people, the food, etc etc. way before I met him. I've stayed at both hotels and then at his (moms house). I know how both sides live there, that was never an issue.

It took a couple of trips for our relationship to blossom, because I had seen it all. Craig was different than any of the Jamaican man that I knew (and known) and met over the years. He was kind, considerate, affectionate, smoked but never in front of my son. I only found out later (after he moved here and was honest about it) just *how much* he smoked. We talked everyday, sometimes a couple of times a day. I went there every other month for a year, with and without my son (whom he met 1st and my son introduced us). I extended our petition 4x because I wasn't ready and I felt he wasn't ready either. We even took a 6 month break in between. Something was just different about him than any other man I had met, ever.

I had little red flags, but what relationship doesn't. Now since I was going through this back with some of the "veterans", we really didn't have much experience to bounce things off of each other like we can today. When he basically got denied for failing his medical (although didn't make it to the embassy, hence paying off someone at the lab), that was huge for me! "I" was the one that got interviewed, not Craig.

I've said it a million times, Craig has changed since coming here. He's not the same person that I met and he says that to me all of the time. He knows that he's become "ugly", but never does anything about it to improve himself and make a better life. He's miserable and wants to make everyone around him miserable.

I have a client that works for immigration in Baltimore, so Craig has been working since the 3rd week of him stepping into the US. Craig NEVER ever puts towards anything in bills. I've taken money out of his account, without him knowing it because asking (or demanding) it never gets us anywhere.

I've sat down with him time and time again and gone over the bills, bank accounts, money, groceries, school, work, pets, etc etc etc a million times, but he STILL doesn't get it !!! He's overdrawn his bank account about 20-30x now!!

I found out about another farrin women (he failed to mention about before he came here) about the 3rd week he got here....and he tried to hide the relationship. We've been through the other womens phone numbers, smoking, emotional affair, physical ####### (lead to his arrest, 22 weeks of anger management, I kicked him out), I mean everything you can imagine .....we've been through.

I stupidly allowed him to come back the middle of October because I truly saw a little bit of a better change in him. I had a trip already planned to Jamaica with my son, he whined so much that he ended up going too. He was out of control there, smoked and drank to embarrass himself and me in front of Managers and staff at the hotel, my friends and his cousin.........we are now SOOOO DONE !!! We haven't slept in the same bed since the week before that trip, we are not affectionate with each other, we talk...but it's on a "friendship" level.

He just WILL NOT LEAVE THIS HOUSE ! I've been nice, I've been a bee-atch, I've been patient, understanding, compassionate, helpful and compromised the heck out of everything, but it's just not working!!! I do NOT love him anymore, I do care about what happens to him, but there's no love between us. He says he loves me all the time, but he truly doesn't know what it means to be in a marriage or faithful and honest relationship and I'm done trying to teach him.

We've been together for 4 years, married for 2. I told him that I will not file the ROC come November. I want a divorce...but...that just all leads to another battle, threats of suing me, etc etc. My son and I BOTH want him gone, but .....like I said, he will not leave !!

I'm very close to Craig's mom, she knows everything that's been going on (so do some relatives now), but the way I feel about Craig will never ever change the way I feel about Jamaica and the island, vibe, etc etc etc !!!

Craig has sucked the life out of me, it's affecting my relationship with my son. I just got back from the Dominican Republic Friday night for a travel agent trip and I had THE BEST time of my life. I truly needed it. I danced, laughed, sang, just everything to enjoy being me and to not have that feeling of someone of making me feel guilty for being ME, was really and truly nice !!

As everyone that knows me knows that I'm never ever ever afraid to discuss my relationship on here or behind closed doors, ever. I've made some wonderful relationships with women on here that I treasure everyday because they've been my rock and you know who you are !!!

He's now in Philly, I think .....didn't really tell me where he was actually heading to or when he'll get back, but DA&N is it NICE to be in my home QUIET AGAIN !!! and have me and my son laughing and enjoying each others company without feeling guilty for being his mother !

Take care everyone, I'm never on here anymore, but I'm here .... if anyone needs to vent, talk to...'kay?!

Love,

Kelly

KElly.

Thank you sooooooooooooo much for sharing your story............................

Like I stated yesterday, Damien is very good with money. I've never had issues with him carrying his own weight in our household. Of course, we had many money discussions before his arrival but I don't think he believed me until he got here. Damien came to the US when I wasn't financially stable and super stressed out about money. When the bills would come, he wanted to see them and thinking to myself…why?? Is he going to pay them?? Well, with his first job not even paying $8/hour he did just that. We agreed what bills he wanted to pay…I loved the fact that he took control and not giving me half of his paycheck. Somehow he even managed to save money, gives my daughter an allowance and buys us both things. Small gift but gifts like Bath and Body Works, etc. Once he started making more money…the gifts got bigger...for our second Anniversary, he gave him a diamond ring he replaced with my wedding band. It was a total surprise.

He totalled my Carmry when he first started driving but has replaced it not once but twice. The first replacement car was a Chevy Malibu which someone totalled after that, I got a new Camry which he pays the note on. Meanwhile he paid cash for the car he drives around…it's a hoopie to get him back and forth to work. He rarely drives the new car.

The downfall is that Damien is extremely stubborn and makes everything into a competition. He doesn't want me to do anything for him. He worked so hard to make our paychecks to match…I still make more annually but he's killing himself working loads of OT. Since then, his attitude has changed…it just stinks…kinda like he's feeling himself a little too much and king of the jungle all of the sudden. I'm like….these are the things we should be doing TOGETHER. I also realized that Damien is young and just becoming into his "manhood". We also moved into "our" first place instead of everything being mine...another issue.

It's become a struggle for us cuz it's two strong minded people fighting to be on top...giving up some inpendence is harder than I thought. It probably sounds crazy to same but it's an issue for us.

I purcchased my home 2 yrs prir to marrying Karl, and the fact that I have tenats and all that I tried to get him involved, but he refuses tooo.... Everything in it I worked for and purchased up til recently, cause he was spending what he had on him self, the boy has more clothes and shoes than I don't know what.... I told him that we can't just up and move and start our own together.. We have improvements to make, the market is not great right now, and we are not made of money.... It takes time... the apt we stay in is a studio, cause when I bought it it , i was by myself.... We need space bad , but I can't do it by myself..... Well I could but why should I ahve tooo............WE want a family too., but I want to be smart about it, and get established in a home big enough to grow in.... I have told him time and time again, watch what I can do if you just worked with me..............I think he is coming around finally... I am crossing my fingers..................

thought based of the fact that my husband had constant struggles all while he was growing up , that me showing him the way of a better life would sink in..... BOY was I mistaken.....

Exactly my thinking.

JG; you have a message

That is my biigest fear, is getting brought down, I have struggled so hard to keep us a float, and feel I don't get the apprecitatin for it, cause he doesn't see how hard it is to keep the ball going....

I agree, that was one of my biggest fears too. He felt like I should co-sign for things for him if needed becuase he was my "HUSBAND"

I tried to explain to him about getting too far ahead of ourselves credit wise, and how it's not good to be stretched out like that.. Besides it took me a really really long time to get to where I have A-1 credit and I'm not trying to lose it..

Did you stand your ground or give in?

I let him screw up enough, to where i could show him his mistakes.............LEsson learned.................Other than that never give in... If i gave in , I would be in the loony bin, I have gotten close to admitting my self.....lmao

JG; you have a message

That is my biigest fear, is getting brought down, I have struggled so hard to keep us a float, and feel I don't get the apprecitatin for it, cause he doesn't see how hard it is to keep the ball going....

Mrs. Smith that is a struggle and I thank God everyday and continue to pray that his frame of mind will never change. When he told me he did whatever he could and took whatever job was available to him in Jamaica to survive I didn't believe him. When his mother told me he would sell breadfruit, mangoes and sugarcane on the side of the road to make sure his rent was paid and food was in his belly I believed him. With my husband, he understood the struggles before he got to the states.

i thought based of the fact that my husband had constant struggles all while he was growing up , that me showing him the way of a better life would sink in..... BOY was I mistaken..... I have a cc with both our mnames on it, but I control it, cause if I let him, he would go buck wild......

Ladies, I went to counseling for 8 months with my SO, the counselor was West Indian herself, which was a blessing in disguise cause, it made it easier for me to understand where his side of things come from, great i understand... that still eaves him not understanding.... She told me something very wise , unfortunatley for my case his mindset is at like when I was 16 years old.... She said Suzy how would you handle this with your 18 yr old sister..... It took me a moment to get where she was coming from... This part of life and how things work is a transition.... He unfortunately was just taught to survive, u have to have patience with him like a child.... Tough love, that is what I would give my sister.... I will show you the way, but if you choose a different way and there are consequences you will have to face them.... that right ther has helped me progress in our relationship....

Good night ya'll hubby is outside to pick me up... Did I tell ya'll he got his DL??!! Well he is straight marching proud. He will start work on Monday!

Glory to God!!

CONGRATS!!!!

Ditto

Good Morning!!

HAPPY FRIDAY

Yeah...it's friday - morning ALL!

i am back rolling. i just need to buy a new tire Awakening, tell your husband watch out b/c i am back on the road!

visa is in his hand it only took forever! i just bought a ticket to JA, so i feel the same way.

allow me to dance go visa go to JA go Shaunsgal get a ticket

i hate that i missed the great debate - Sus & MrsSmith, i think it is time to put together our experiences and write that book "Dating&Loving JA'mon 101"

i also would like to say how proud i am of Sonshyne, girl -let it Do what it Do.

it is almost Valentine's Day here at the flower shop and i must go sell some flowers

that chic with all the flowers on her desk just offered me a rose heart. it's looks like something for the cemetery

We ahve started the discussion already this morning, come join us in Adjustment to the states........... let our voices be heard, and share the experiences...............

JG; you have a message

That is my biigest fear, is getting brought down, I have struggled so hard to keep us a float, and feel I don't get the apprecitatin for it, cause he doesn't see how hard it is to keep the ball going....

Since someone brought up the puff puff.....I will go there. That is my biggest issue with my husband to this point. I know he did it in JA and he functioned well on JA pace. Here, it's much more expensive. When we could afford it less, he was fine with little. As we dug out of debt and he started making more, he increased. Somewhere along the line it got to every day. Recently, I've found him lighting up before work, after work, taking it to work, before driving the car, in the car, around the kids, etc. The tom foolery that has occured with the car has made me see red. We were in tremendous debt....just now dug our way out....that car is the biggest thing we own at this point. He treats it like it's disposable and we can snap our fingers and go out to buy another. Anyhow, it's all taken a toll lately. All he says is he knows how to handle himself. Can't get it through to him that this is not JA. That drug laws are strict and he's risking everything, including losing his job.

The concept of monthly bills.....he's been here nearly 3 years, been working over 2. Still thinks when he gets paid, we get to spend freely. No concept of monthly bills at all. I've tried so hard. Funniest thing lately was talking about him saving for a car for himself. Can't get the idea of insurance, personal property taxes, and actually putting gas into it into his head.

Family and friends calling asking for money........Continues on a very regular basis. Not only are they not doing a damn thing to help themselves, they are continually adding to the household with stupid lapses of judgement.

I don't have the issue wit hte puff puff, but I understand your frustration with the concept of how it can affect more than just himself.... The laws hre are alot more strict then in Jamiaca, where it is more or less tolerated....

The resposibility of money , is a big issue.....I wish there was a way that we could get them to just understand that we are not playing the MOM role, when we try to explain a budget or how certain actions could cause a big hiccup in your everyday life....... My SO has been bouncing from job to job for the last 3yrs, and has finally found one that is workong for him... there were soooooooooooo many months that I was left to hold the bills down myself... You want to be the MAN of the house, and for me to play the WIFEY role.... Then understand that bills come first..... I expressed from the very beginning that I pride myself on being able to pay bills on time and have excellent credit.... I have assisted in building his credit for him to just write it off like money spent, no need to pay ti back... Example, he had gotten a plan thru a celluar company ran the bill up to $700 in one month's time( yes, calling Jamaica straight), the bill has now fallin in to deliquency and he feels no need to pay them.... I have tried to explain time and time again, that it sgoing to just follow u around until it is paid.....

The driving issue, that scares me ohhhh soooo much.. He has been using the bus to get around, and now wants to get his license..............Of course, studying is done in me anwser the questions, and him not wanting to study the book.... I explained to him that you have to take the time out and understand the laws and regulations.....The test itself is timed, and u can only take it twice, so why not do it right the first time around.. Then we got only one vehicle that is my vehicle that I have paid for all by myself.... U have to save to get ur own car, then pay car insurance , which is going to be costly cause u are a new driver, and maintence on the vehicle , and gas.... You know where that conversation went.... Why are you trying to prevent me from getting my license? Stubborn, I say yes...........

I have a question about money: when you SO got here but didn't yet have a job, how did you work the money? Did you just pay for everything or give him an "allowance" (for lack of a better word) until he started making his own money.

This is the one constant thing we have problems about since the beginning of our relationship - and in a heated discussion on Monday he said money is what is going to break us and sometimes I agree. I'm the conversative one - I work with a budget every week. He gets paid on Friday and it's gone before the weekend is out.

In my case , in the beginning, with getting married and have that extra cash, it wasn't a problem, plus he was able to get some side work, to contribute for the most part, but that didn't last tooo long............Money is an issue, and I think it is definetly a hard one to deal with... My concept vs. my SO is so very different.........

So ladies, let 's start sharing how OUR adjustment has played apart in the relationship....................

I completly agree in how we should discuss the adjusments for ourselves....I myself am a go getter, I don't waste not ime, I know what I want and I go get it....No time for exuses...............I worked hard for everything I have accomplished in my life, and no one helped me along the way, self taught , ya know.... I knew when I decided to marry my husband of his background and the stepping stones he was going to have to overcome when he got here, but not realzing that a man is going to be a man and figure it out for his own..... I expected to much from him, and he was not ready to take my advice, he just had to learn it his way......I am sure a percentage of u understand where I am going with this...I have felt every kind of emotion that ranged from on cloud 9 to oh my god what else could possible happen?

I am totally down for discussion, anything but eveything, I am like an open book...... Also I am not trying by any means at all to discourage anyone in this thread, but it is dog e dog wworld out there, and we all need a sounding board, and for all the talking that is done... I would like for more people to open there selves up , and ask the questions that they have hesitated to ask before..... I know I wished I had asked a few things, and had some experiences to reflect on before my journey began

we talked about everything over the moon..but let me tell u..when he got here everything had to go over again...si mi and know mi a 2 dif times..oonuh ever hear dat? hearing about an experience and actually experiencing it are dif worlds

Yep. And, even when you think you talked about EVERYTHING, something pops up and surprises you all the time.

Who are you telling???? I always tell people we are still adjusting.

That is with ANY marriage. I was married just shy of 10 years to my ex - constant adjustments. We went to school together so there was no culture issues but we still couldn't make it.

I think what Mrs Smith was saying (if I may Suzy) is that she is warning all of us to not walk into this thing with our eyes closed. We appreciate that advice as well as all others from the "experienced" gals like Shemmy and JG and Sonny. I say the eruption that happened 2 weeks ago when someone popped in here with their eyes clouded over this.

I'm like a sponge when you guys post any experiences. I try to learn as much as I can (like what Lawny uses so much vaseoline for.. ) in order to save my head from getting one more gray hair and having one more day of happiness.

Thank you!

Sus- I am apologize if you took it the wrong way or it is just your version of how I look at things..... "FANTASY WORLD", I can admit , back when I met my SO i was blinded by love , and all I knew is that I wanted him here, and no one or nobody was stopping me from that happening.... Everything in my life was where I wanted it to be when I met him..... I thought I knew it all.. I think alot of the vetrans may agree , some may not..............When they get it here it is different bottom line. If it was all peaches and cream for you that is great, but that is not the same for everyone...... You can know someone 10 yrs and they can switch on you............But dealing with someone from anothe CULTURE that has no real grip on OUR culture, you are in for an experience of a lifetime.... I would like to see all of us ladies start bringing up things that you have mabye been scarce to bring up before, so maybe I have stirred it up in here... GOOD...... Let the issues be brought up.......

It's a tough subject. No one who is going through the process wants to think that those who went through it had problems even doing everything they thought they could possibly do to avoid them.

In the end, it's all about how well he adjusts, you adjust, and you adjust together. There is no clear cut solution to anything you can prepare for. You have to believe and try and see where it takes you.

If you love him and you are doing everything you feel is necessary to try and ensure a healthy relationship, I say don't let anyone dissuade you. Any one of us could be hit by a bus tomorrow. Live your life and enjoy being in love. Life is to short not too.

That being said, be very careful along the way.

The experiences of others can be very helpful, especially in this process. Listen carefully.

I am in totally agreance with you, very well said.... Certain people just are not open to hear the harder side of things, it seems like I have offened or have been misunderstood.....

Did I ever say I hadn't dealt with someone from another country? Trust, I am not just talk, I am speaking from experience as well - So, speaking on your actions - ever time you visited you were on vacation - Did you stay at his house, or always in hotels? Did you eat out in restaurants 3 meals a day, go to the club every night, have money that you freely spent? Too many women do that and add to the perception that money grows on trees and stuff is free

SUS- I am not reading out of context, or maybe you should be a bit clearier in what you are stating.... From what you stated above, I was speaking on my actions.....

I am far from oblivious to other people's opinion, but I thought sharing my experience and or knowledge would open up doors for you ladies, and all you can do is this,, what kind of support is this for people if you can't be honest and voice where you are coming from

I know this was directed to Mrs. Smith but I always stayed in hotel, ate out and clubbed every night in JA. I still made it clear to Damien what his financial obligations will be once he arrived....didn't have any problems in that area. I'm sure the women who stayed with their SOs have issues one way or another...

Now I see why people don't share their experiences...

You just made the point that I have been trying to make - You did all that, but you still made it clear what it would be

But that's ONE point....it could been either way. Damien is just ####### with money. Trust me, nothing else turned out the way I thought it would.

You can talk talk talk talk talk talk , all you want , but if you are old enough to know better( not saying that your not)ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.............

i have dated my different share of man, thinking that it would be lessons learned for the future, but if you have never dealt with someone from another country before it is different, bottom line................You can discuss with your man all you want before he gets here.... that is just talk................ACTIONS that is what it comes down too.... I was on vacation when I met my spouse, and everytime I visited I was on vacation.... Him coming here I was not on vacation, I am here making a living , paying bills, sacrificing .... Until they arrive here and see America is not throwing free stuff at u and money does not grow on trees... well u know where I am going with this.....

Did I ever say I hadn't dealt with someone from another country? Trust, I am not just talk, I am speaking from experience as well - So, speaking on your actions - ever time you visited you were on vacation - Did you stay at his house, or always in hotels? Did you eat out in restaurants 3 meals a day, go to the club every night, have money that you freely spent? Too many women do that and add to the perception that money grows on trees and stuff is free -

And Sus..i TOTALLY get you..and I agree

Look at me and Kashi our initial plan was for him to chill home for a little ..we talked for months about it..he came and couldn't stay in the house...he was going MAD!

Thanks, Kimmy

I stayed 8 days in the mountains of Jamiaca, 2 hrs form the tourist area, and seen a lifestyle that I have only seen on the discovery channel. I went there with $$300 US in my pocket, and contributed what i could for food and transportation, and we did not enjoy and beaches or anyhing of the sorts.... I had no idea what I was getting into before I arrived.. So I seen his struggle and where he came from, so try that on someone that is lying to themselves about there experience.... Not trying to be harsh, but it is almost like u are stuck in a fanatsy world.........