easyday83

Thank you for the replies. Yes, I got her involved with some other indonesian people in the area when she first arrived. She has a fairly large group of people that she can talk with. She doesnt spend much time with them though, because she says they arent the friends she had back home.

Yes, I agree that it would have been nice to bring her with me to see my father, and I definetely considered it. She has a history of making a scene though because she cant control her emotions. During christmas when my father was sick, she got in a serious verbal argument with my mother. She and I had a small fight and my wife wouldnt move from the couch, my mother tried to console her and tried to get her to go out with all the women. She explained to her that my father was sick and that we should make the most of the christmas because he might not have another christmas. My wife went into a rant about her mother could probably die at any time and that nobody thought about her. (Her mother is healthy and fine) She then decided she wanted to leave the family and get on a greyhound bus back to our home 4 states away. So I am leery about bringing her into a situation as delicate as my father laying in his deathbed, she has a tendancy to make everything about her if she isnt getting enough attention.

So a little backstory. My wife and I dated for about a year before deciding to get married. At first everything was great (I know we didnt live together and a lot of things can change when you are married and see the person 24/7) we filed for a K-1 Visa because she is an indonesian citizen. She arrived in america and we got married within our 90 days. Then problems started, she had alot of adjustment stress at first, I am in the military so me having to be gone during the day and sometimes having to leave for a week at a time bothered her, she was very dependent on having me around and I was fine with that, I did my best to make her comfy. I brought her to a phsyciatrist when she was having issues with missing family and friends, and the doctor put her on medication for stress/depression.

She would have fights with me and then pack her bags at 1 in the morning and demand I drive 4 hours to the embassy so they could bring her home. I told her I would bring her if that is what she wanted, but it would have to be when I was done with work for the day. When I got home she decided that she was just depressed and didnt really want to leave, that she loved me. She did this multiple times, and I asked her if she would like to go to a mental health clinic to get her moods under control and she did. She spent a week there before deciding she was ready to come home, I supported her decision. She stopped taking her medication about a week later, and again, I didnt push the issue because she was adament about not wanting to talk with doctors any more. A short time later she took an entire bottle of pills and I had to rush her to the hospital to get her stomache pumped. They said she needed to go back to in-patient but she said she was just going to divorce me and go back to indonesia so she didnt need to go back to therapy. When I brought her home the next day she decided she did not want to quit the marriage and wanted to stay with me. Things went well for about 2 more months, she was having lots of issues with being bored sitting around the house, and I tried to get her involved with the community, church hobbies or anything. She always said she was interested but I could only bring her when I was not at work, because she didnt have a license. So when the time came to actually do anything she didnt want to.. she preferred to just lay around the house and mope. At that time I started pushing her to get a liscense so even if I was at work she could get around and go to church or meet friends, or basically have the options of getting out of the house. She fought with me about getting a license for 5 months, I tried everything to get her to get a liscense to alleviate some of her issues with just being at the house, I even bought her a second car as motivation. She got her work visa, and then suddenly she was mad at me for not being able to drive her to work every day.. eventually she got a liscense and things got better again. Her issues of dependance have effected my work greatly.. she would always make me feel bad about going to work, saying things like "You dont love me, thats why you arent here with me and your at work." Or when I had duty she would say "You dont want to come home and see me thats why you are on duty." At this point I started to resent her more and more, and just plain get stressed out.

I missed deployment because of depression issues at all the problems I have had this past year. The straw that broke the camels back was when my father was diagnosed with Stage 4 aggressive pancreatic cancer and I went home to visit him. The entire week and a half I was there she would offer me no support, saying that I didnt need her that I should just get support from my family. She never asked how I was or my father, she would accuse me of cheating and tell me that while I was gone she really just wanted to cheat on me because I didnt pay her enough attention. She would call and lie about things at home to add more stress or get more attention from me, like saying the dog destroyed our computer (which didnt happen.) 9 days ago, she asked to spend 200 dollars and I told her we didnt have it in the bank at the time, that she could spend the 120 that was there. She spent 200. After she told me that I was angry and told her that she couldnt do things like that and instead of taking responsibility she told me she wanted out of the car at 11 at night in the middle of nowhere. (She has done this 3 or 4 times) She has stayed with someone since then and I dont know who, and is now threating to call my job and tell them I cant support her financially, and basically just wants to ruin my job with the military.

Sorry for the wall of text, but here is my real question. We filed for adjustment of status, but have not been through our interview yet. What can I do? Its starting to become obvious that she is not interested in making the marriage work. (She changed her apartment in indonesia she got from her first husband to her name instead of her mothers last week before this started, by using my money and then paying me back later) My job is in ruins almost, my heart is broken and my life is in shambles and her life is fine back in indonesia.. and she doesnt want to leave. She says she wants to divorce me, so the navy stops paying me marital funds for housing, and I am assuming to try to get spousal support. (But we cant be divorced before being married a year in my state) What do I do?!