britannia13

my sister-in-law contacting me today - she's LPN (think that's what the designation is called).......anyway, she said she went to my husband place and checked all his current prescriptions. She sad there at least 2 meds he is taking that affect moods, and she thinks some meds are conflicting, and that he's been seeing a quack. She assured me she is taking him to her GP for a 2nd opinion.

I'm so sad..........I love my husband very much......I felt like I was in someone elses life.

He's been crying and saying he'll change and find out what is causing the mood disorder.

My sister-in-law told me to take some time my family on the east and take it one step at a time.

I'm going to enter next week and pray for guidance.

That's called "Removal of Conditions". You need to file as soon as you're divorced and prove that the marriage was in good faith.

A problem you're going to face is if you immigrate and then divorce really quickly, or don't live together and do any of the normal co-mingling stuff (joint bank accounts, filing taxes together etc etc). They will assume the marriage was for immigration purposes and deny your ROC.

I think you need to decide what you want and take immigration out of the picture.

It's obvious you want a divorce but do you want to move to the US? A sea-change? Do you want to re-establish your life in Canada?

Moving to the US on the back of a CR-1 when you know the marriage will not survive, is fraud. If you said to CBP "well I'm coming in on a CR-1 then filing divorce" they'd tell you that a marriage visa is for a valid marriage, and your marriage is no longer valid if you're seeking divorce.

That said, I understand all that is involved with preparing for the move and I'm sure you're concerned that you will look foolish by stopping the process now. Needing to find another job (or getting your old one back) or basically starting from where you left off - but the people who love you will prefer that you do what makes you happy, than doing something because you're afraid of how not doing it makes you look.

Figure out what you REALLY want and then move from there.

Thank you! I do get what you are saying. We had to thoughts initially and one was to see if the west coast would work and the other was to check out options for the east coast, which was always my hope and intention as it's not a long trip to go to Canada. I feel I need to go to the US as planned and take the time to sort through all the steps. As someone said as a Canadian I am allowed to stay with or without a visa for six months. This would give me time to think about what I want to do.

Can I not reapply while I am there for a removal of conditions and show a family member who will sponsor me to stay permanently?

I guess the thing is I am allowed to immigrate not based on my husband supporting me but because I have my own means. At my stage in life I wouldn't have wanted to immigrate unless my marriage was in good faith I just had no real idea of how deceitful and mentally confused he was. I just tried to explain a little so I could get some advice..........I am so broken hearted.

Can anyone tell me about the adjustment of status .........hmmm I751?

I've just investing so much time and money into this immigration, and yes my family in the US can help me refocus and acquire a place and job

please suggest options.

thanks

Very sorry to read your post, but glad you are sharing your experience and obviously pain. One of the great things about this site is there are intelligent and logical people to help all of us through our journey.

Absolutely he should be reported for the safety of the girls.

Also noticed you have family in the US. As a Canadian you are entitled to be out of country for 6mths without it impacting your healthcare here. As you cross you will still provide your passport and pkg. I'm thinking that sometimes being with family helps one to as you said regroup.

Perhaps someone more experienced can comment on if you do immigrate and stay with your family until you ground.......what steps can you take.

(a) obviously file for divorce

(b) adjustment of status

© because you sponsored yourself financially...........do you require another family member to help you stay?

(d) stay until cr-1 expires and gain confidence and a life experience.

anyone senior comment on the steps?

Hold you head high and be proud of the wonderful woman you are! (((hugs)))

We've been married for just over a year, date for 3 years before that and new each other casually for 10 years. We met through a social network and had a lot in common. (married in US.....husband no passports and afraid to fly)

I'm a mother of 2 grown children. He's a dad of 2 teenage daughters. I've had half a dz visits to the US and is first visit was for Christmas prior to me immigrating. He came with only 1 daughter as the other had no passport. My eyes were wide open and terribly disappointed...... since filing for the I130 we haven't seen each other in person for over a year. So much had changed for the worse.

For starters he did not truthfully disclose his financial and physical health issues. I wondered as things were close for their arrival when he started talking about being short of money. He didn't want to live in his ghetto area, nor truthfully did I. Where I currently lived is normal and people don't come over drunk,wearing no underwear (and yes one would be blind no to notice) .......I could go one......but that's not an issue for here. Anyway I get people fall on hard times etc. I get being a single parent is tough. He went from working off and on, to not working. He has a permanent disability apparently that I just found out about as we started to fill out the forms. Hence I sponsored myself......he did fill in the I864 but it only passed with me showing I had assets to cover myself.

The first day and half he appeared normal. The same fun guy I knew and the one my family saw on skype . The next 4 days he said his back was hurting him and had to be catered to……. His daughter bringing him drinks and food to the bedroom. ( I actually was furious over that……..sure a coffee or tea, but 3 meals, snacks and drinks…………..I hate food being eaten in a bedroom) My family kept asking what was wrong………..I would try to talk to him he’d be nice for a bit and then get moody and start swearing ……. I just kept away as this was a week before I’d be moving from my own family and I wanted to enjoy my moments with them, as I was unsure when I see them next.

He has a bizarre relationship with his eldest daughter, who came (she’s sweet and naïve in many ways) but he treats her a submissive person, then as his confidant, then as a child, then almost as a lover ..that’s hard to describe). She gets confused by it and both his daughters dress pretty provocatively around their dad. He as them get his clothes out in the morning etc. He really does nothing around that house.

Seeing him again and how demanding he is………..how if he doesn’t like what is planned for dinner he expects to be made something else or someone to go buy him something.

My stomach became more knotted as the days went on…….. My adult daughter was crying every night worrying what has my mom got into……..my son was quiet and observing. On New Year’s they both kept hugging me so much, like they were trying to tell me …….mom don’t go……he’s not right for you……..you deserve so much better.

Yes, there was tension during our paperwork but I thought that is what it was driven from but NO that is how he is super moody…….if he doesn’t get his way he hangs up, or doesn’t speak…….. he does something wrong but it’s your fault.

I felt it was infringing on mental abuse……… when they don’t like something they threaten to do this ……or tell you know one liked you…….or they said this………

He still made time to call his neighbour, and sister.

His other daughter got in trouble at home, she’s been running away. So I booked them a flight and sent them back to the US. I told him I am going to visit my brother and think this over……..it’s 3000 miles to come to be treated like a slave, to be the only person who is able to work, and with someone who sits back thinking their a king and someone will pay his bills or help him. I found out his money is from SSI where I thought he was working part-time and getting child support, and that not filing taxes was because of low income.

I gave up my job, and I will cross the border shortly and will visit my brother on the other coast ……..I don’t think I want to be married to him. It felt like a prison sentence. I’ve just spend 10 months caring for my elderly parents and that stress was affecting my health………….I just can’t do it. He’d make me bankrupt and dead.

What can I do? I can’t go back I need to move forward.

NIGHTMARES………that is what my life has become………

The visit showed me this: He treated his daughter like a dog whistling for her. (noticed a bit bossy b4 but not to this extent)