what2donow

Good luck to you, I am dealing with a similar situation - my husband moved out 6 months ago, a year and a half after getting his 10 yr GC. We had not had any major fight beforehand, he just completely blindsided me, moved all his stuff out while I was at work, changed his phone # - I have no idea where he is. He has not filed divorce papers neither has he contacted me at all. It turned out to be a scam, 5 years of my life gone, wasted, not to mention how much money I spent to help him and his family. I am contemplating filing divorce papers (by publication since I cannot locate him) but it really burns me how I have to spend more money when he is the one who ended the marriage. I guess he thought he was being clever by sticking around over a year after the 10yr GC but he showed all the signs of being a scammer - fake FB account with a different first name, separate bank account(which the idiot had the first statement sent to our apartment, and I always got the mail), and the biggest red flag, always calling 'friends' from his country who he never called in my presence and whom I never met - scammers are pros at networking. 6 months in I am dealing a little better but it still really hurts sometimes - hang in there...

I came back from Thailand on Wednesday. I called my husband and he said he hadn't changed his mind, it was over. He even said he had bought a microwave and a bed for the new place - that really hurt. He also took a lot more things from the apartment, not just his things but things that I would use, even the toaster. He has not called me or sent any messages. Like a fool I have been IMing him almost daily. I do not think it is immigration fraud and I am not sure if there is another woman involved. One of our major disagreements is he wanted to stay out late with friends and I am a homebody - he would come home late and not answer his phone - I said I wouldn't bother him about that anymore, he could even spend some nights there and some nights here and he said no. He chatted with me twice in Thailand and was very curt and cold but just focused on things I did which bothered him. He said he hated when I would ask if he was with another girl when he was out late(I didnt really believe it, just said out of anger) and I am wondering if he would bring that up if there really was another girl. On Wednesday I said I trusted him, I knew he didn't have another girl and he said 'how do you know?'. I have read a lot of stories of runaway husbands coming back and I pray he will be one of them. I think he has an immature view of marriage - 'feelings' come and go but marriage is a commitment. He and I do have a big age gap. If there is any way to turn his heart I wish I knew. I have read to stop contact completely but wonder if that will work. He never replied to any of my IMs so can't work any less than what I have tried. I am praying he will not file papers. I am a child of divorce and do not take it lightly. Personally I have always said the only reasons I would divorce would be abuse, alcohol/drugs or infidelity. I guess despite coming from a very traditional culture he doesn't feel the same - though he has not mentioned divorce. He had not told his father or sister that he had left me - wonder if he felt ashamed.

You should feel lucky you got rid of him

If that person had no feelings for u then it is better he left

You deserve to be happy and you need to learn to love urself first .

You are beautiful no matter what and every person is diferent in their own ways .

Be strong change the door locks and go file for divorce .He wont get anything from you cause you only been married for like 3 years so you should be fine there .

The other concern is to see what did u filled in his affidavit of support for the AOS as if he becomes a problem and ask for government help you are responsable of that .

B positive and remember you are not the only person to whom this happen , you will b fine (L)

He said he started a new job yesterday - I have no idea where or how much he is making or even if it is legit - his last job was cash only working at a grocery store. I make more than he does and am worried he might try to get money from me - also have a small retirement account but we do not own a home or any other major assets. I think as a single man all he can really get in terms of benefits(if he is still in a cash job) is EBT - $125/month?

I just cant believe he is putting me through this - he seemed so sweet and his family was so kind to me.

I wish I could meet another man from his country because I love it - painful to think about going back there and the memories of the places we went etc. but I love the culture there - feel like he is taking all of that away from me too.

I have been on VJ since '08 when I applied for my husband's CR-1 visa. He came in '09 and I thought we had a good but not perfect marriage. I did have some suspicions that he only married me for the GC but was hoping that was not true. Unfortunately we live in an area with a large population of people from his country and as soon as he came he found a job working with them, networking with them, sometimes getting together with them outside of work and even after he found another job keeping in contact with them. I wonder if he had no community in the area if we might have had a chance to work things out. He got his 10yr GC in July '11. This past year his mom died from lung cancer, 5 months from diagnosis. She never smoked so it was a huge shock. This last month(Dec. '12) he seemed to really change and I wonder if he met someone else. He stayed out late several times('with friends') and wouldn't answer his phone. I got very angry that he didn't answer and I wonder if this might have set him off. The last couple of weeks he has been more distant, rarely wanting to have sex, reluctant to kiss me, etc. We booked a trip to Thailand back in late Sept. and he seemed excited about it then but lately did not want to do any planning and showed no enthusiasm. We are supposed to leave tomorrow but I guess it will just be me going away - I am feeling very depressed. I came home yesterday from work and he had taken all his possessions, clothing, laptop, etc. He left a note saying he had no feelings for me, no idea of a future. I called him and he said we were finished. I am simply numb. I think he must have met someone else otherwise why didn't he try to milk me through the citizenship process - might as well go all the way, no? I am just feeling numb, have no idea what to do next, could not sleep last night and haven't eaten since I came home yesterday. I am 45, not very attractive and feel like he might have been my only chance at love - feeling so much despair right now. :crying: