aNEWchapter

Thought for the Day-

The balance in our lives is much like the balance in nature. For every gain there is a setback. For every success there is a failure. For every moment of joy, atime of sadness. For every hope realized, one is dashed. And we can remember for every hope dashed, one will be realized.

Love and Light,

Michelle...

I will force my daughter/s to read "Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft, before I will let them marry. This book opened my eyes on so many levels to subtleties and patterns that I didn't use to recognize. It helped me see the faulty train of thought I had before in judging people. These abusers and users are clever. They are masters at manipulation. They may have even lied to themselves so much that they actually believe some of the bull that comes out of their mouths. Once you know what to look for though, its just about impossible to miss.

No one falls in love with the nasty side of a man/woman-- the abuser knows how to lay on the sweetness when being sweet gets him/her what he/she wants. I think that reading a book such as the one above can help you spot such a personality even from a distance relationship. Its not foolproof, and the newborn love can definitely make judgement cloudy.

Thank you so very much for this information. Michelle

Abuse is a terrible thing that no person should experience. But Marriage fraud is a separate issue. Its unfortunate the OP doesn't want to respond further because I feel like the original post is actually NOT helpful at all. And I believe she genuinely wanted to be. The post makes sweeping and negative generalizations about Moroccan men, but offers no insight as to the "red flags" she encountered, or the "intuition" she wishes she'd listened to in regard to the "fraud" part of the relationship. Those things would be productive and possibly helpful, as opposed to insulting to the many American women here happily married to good, sincere Moroccan men.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but I just don't like when people blame or stereotype an entire group, instead of blaming the individual people actually involved. Its like people saying Muslims have very "high instances" of terrorism because of the stories they've seen in the news about Muslim terrorists. Its ridiculous!

I am sorry for the pain the OP must be going through. Heartbreak and betrayal are some of the most painful experiences there are - its like dying a slow painful death, but being forced to keep living. Its terrible. I empathize. But I just think most people in love are so swooned, that generic "fraud warnings" and negative generalizations, born of personal hurt, will always fall on deaf ears and are counter-productive. That include the generic warnings of the US State Department. Specific personal instances of suspicious "fraud" behavior being described, and/or specific foreboding intuative thoughts a person had, might resonate and prove helpful. Maybe.

People are not prone to fraud because of their country of origin, or level of poverty - people are prone to fraud because of their lack of a moral compass...and that's really what all men and women should be "aware of" in any relationship....not the country their loved one comes from.

Thank you for your feedback. Adams/Michelle

This will be my final post about this matter and it comes straight from United States Diplomatic Missions to Morocco. This post took on a direction of its own. My only intent was to give information that I have learned from my experience and share it with others who share the same communication board I did as I moved through the K-1 process. If it does not apply to you GREAT, but if it resonates in any way then I just hope you listen to your intuition and take what your read from my post that is helpful and leave the rest.

Love and Light, Michelle

Internet Romance and Marriage Fraud

Many Americans befriend Moroccans through Internet dating and social networking sites and these relationships often lead to marriage or engagement. While many of the marriages between Americans and Moroccans are successful, the U.S. Consulate General in Casablanca warns against marriage fraud. It is not uncommon for foreign Moroccan nationals to enter into marriages with Americans solely for immigration purposes. Relationships developed via correspondence, particularly those begun on the Internet, are especially susceptible to manipulation. Often, the marriages end in divorce in the United States when the foreign national acquires legal permanent residence (“green card”) or U.S. citizenship. In some cases, the new American or permanent resident then remarries a wife he divorced before, around the same time as entering into a relationship with a sponsoring American citizen.

Some of the signs that an Internet contact may be developing a relationship with an American in order to obtain an immigrant visa through marriage are:

• Declarations of love within days or weeks of the initial contact;
• Proposals or discussions of marriage soon after initial contact;
• Requests to the American to visit the foreign national’s home country soon after the declaration of love or proposal;
• Responses to messages from the American friend are along the lines “I love you/Sorry I missed your call,” or similarly one-sided conversations;
• Once engaged, married, or an immigrant visa petition is filed, suddenly starts missing scheduled appointments to chat or call.

While chat rooms, dating and social networking sites are great ways to make friends across international borders, the U.S. government urges Americans who meet foreign nationals on the Internet to take the time necessary to get to know them well before considering marriage and to keep in mind the signs noted above. Entering into a marriage contract for the principal purpose of facilitating immigration to the United States for an alien is against U.S. law and can result in serious penalties, including fines and imprisonment for the American citizen and the foreign national involved.

I was the perfect target. Lesson learned and I hope my experience may help another.

Sorry this has happened in your life, but please stop insisting that Morocco has a higher fraud rate than any other country. My husband is not from Morocco, but generalizing about nationalities and cultures is SO wrong on so many levels.

Also please fill in your information, otherwise you can be viewed as a troll.

best wishes...

In my recent research I find that Morocco is known to be a counrty of high risk for marriage fraud, that is why it is so difficult to get through the consulate. I am not generalizing, just stating what I have learned through this process.

Also, I am not a troll just haven't had time to complete a new profile. I am known as Adams. Michelle, a long time vj member, My husband hacked this account (as well as others) and now I can not get in to my adams.michelle account.

Some how I am surprised that in my attempt to give information in hopes of helping others has turned in to a "Generalization Topic".

Destiny64

Thank you for your feedback. I want to explain that I thought it an attribute that he was so committed to his family as to send money home. I supported him in helping his family. The problem is he contributed very little to our household. I make good money a do not need his financial support. He would lie about sending funds home even after I explained I had no problem with him doing that. He opened a private checking account, he would lie about his money. I would find receipts from western union. when I asked him about it he would get very angry.

I am accountable for my part in this as I tried to look beyond his actions and see the fear and feeling of scarcity that was driving him. I constantly made excuses for his unacceptable behaviors He isolated us. We had no friends. He was disrespectful to complete strangers and never stood accountable for his inappropriate conduct. I thought it was a period of adjustment and it would get better. It only got worse. He had relationship with other women on the internet. He worked as much as he could so when he was home it was spend on the computer. He never really engaged in our relationship. He would pray 5 times a day, yet he would verbally abuse me calling me terrible things. Ultimately he became physically abusive, yet continued to pray and justified his actions or completely forgot an event had happened. One of the things I do not understand is the incongurent behaviors Claiming his faith and a being a good Muslim yet disrespecting people and leaving a wake of hurt in his path of misconduct. If you are going to go to all the trouble to get here you should definitely not bite the hand that feeds you.

The reason I post here is that I started to look into marriage fraud and found so many similar storiesof moroccan marriage fraud that I felt it warranted an effort to bring awareness to others who might be susceptible or potential targets to this type of crime.

My Moroccan husband of almost 2 years was recently arrested for Assult on a femle. He was released on a $3,000 bond and a Pretrial Programe that is much like probation. He violated the NO CONTACT order and was arrested again10 days later for Pretrial Violation. When police went to arrest him he ran from the police. He was put in jail a second time this time with the charge of Pretrial Violation and a $40,000 dollar bond. I do not believe he has beens to post this bond even if he uses a bonds man. He will stay in jail until his court date on 1/9/2012 unless he is able to post bond.

My question is this....

Will Immigration be notified of his arrests? ( I have filed a complaint to ICE, but I have not heard anything)

If he is convicted (He will be, too much evidence) Will he be allowed release after he serves his sentence or will Immigration get involved and have him deported?

Is there a possibility he will go straight from jail to immigration detainment?

Any advise/feedback is GREATLY appreciated!

Please know that it is not my intention to "generalize" the Moroccan men. I know this happens in all cultures. However, what I have discovered is there is a very high incidence of marriage fraud among the moroccan population compared to other cultures.

Ways to avoid being a Target:

Learn the language

Learn about the Moroccan economy and how it affects families there.

Pay close attention to these red flags- Do not let them go without resolution....

Claiming an Undying love for you shortly after you meet.

Proposing marriage shortly after they meet you.

Inconsistencies in their life story.

Family being overly generous with gifts and entertainment (beyond there obvious means to pay for such things)

Quick to show frustration when things do not go as they want in regarding to planing your future life together.

It is with great sadness that I post today. I want to warn american women of the high rate of marriage fraud from Morocan men. We met on FB in 2010. I traveled to Morocco and stayed about a month. We went through this long hard process of K1 Visa. We married in May 2011 and now...... He is in jail for domestic abuse and pretrial violation. In hindsight, I see there were things I should have been more mindful of. However, I allowed my love and attraction overcome my intuition. PLEASE listen to your intuition if something doesn't feel right. I wil share my experience here in hopes that I can help prevent other women in USA to endure the heart ache, stress that comes with a marriage that is not based on love, respect honor, etc but instead is a way for a moroccan to come to the usa to work and send money back to his family. I now understand that such impoverished people do desperate things to have a better life and help improve the lives of the family living back in morocco. I will post my story shortly in hopes you bring awareness to american women who plan to marry a Moroccan man. Until I can get back here to post my story I want to leave you with this...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION AND DO WHAT EVER IT TAKES TO REALLY GET TO KNOW THE MAN WITH WHOM YOU ARE INVOLVED.