redflower7

My lawyer charged exactly 800 dollar. I had to provide photos. And my husband written and signed a letter admitting the abuse in its full extent!! It also happened to be that I had a very extensive diary where I had written every day every single incidence down what had happened in over 2 years. I did that originally for myself to help me to cope with the trauma and confusion! And never thought in my wildest dreams that I would ever need that, so she used all that information as well. I also had to go to a psychologist who was connected with my lawyer and she written a very long report on how bad things had effected my health (PTSD). Police reports and hospital reports are good as well. And photos I had from the bruises! I think if you have enough evidence you can probably file yourself although a lawyer is always easier as we are stressed enough and traumatized enough as it is!

Hello,

My husband filed the i485 in December 2012 (to register for me permanent residence based on marriage). He filed on my new last name. However he became very abusive and it turned out that he has bipolar rapid cycling, he switched between being wonderful to every 6 days being violent, sometimes getting so angry that he threatened to kill me and verbally abusive. My lawyer then filed a VAWA case in March 2013, she filed the VAWA on my birth name and it got already approved in January 2014!

But we are still waiting for the greencard!? She always said that those two cases should get connected and generate my greencard. She always said it will automatically get connected. But online when I put in the VAWA case number it said completed, but when I put in the old number to check on my i485 it was still stuck on my interview date in June 2013 when i went for an interview and told the officer that it got changed to a VAWA case and she said: ok i will wait for the VAWA approval. Now the VAWA was long approved but nothing happened!

About 3 months ago I called immigration and they told me that they cannot give me any info over the phone as a VAWA case is highly confidential and that I have to write a letter to get info on my case, however they told me that maybe because my husband filed under his last name and my lawyer under my birth last name that maybe the VAWA doesn't get connected with the old registration for permanent residence. I was shocked to hear that because it would mean I will never get my greencard. So I send a letter on 8 September to immigration to point that out and begged them to connect the cases, but never heard a response from them. Then I send an email a few weeks ago and the only reply I got was that they transferred my case to the national benefit center.

I then visited my lawyer (who very often didn't get back to my emails in the past), she said that she has already tried many times to contact immigration to tell them to connect both cases (the VAWA with the old greencard application), that both cases are for the same person (just under a different last name) but that she doesn't hear back from them either! She said that the benefits center is the wrong place for my file. Then she said I can try to continue to get through to immigration and try to speak to them or maybe its best for me to just file the i485 again, but that would mean to pay her 800 dollar and immigration 1100 again. But my husband already did that in 2012. But it seems to take too long!!! I also don't have money because I cant work.

So I made an appointment and went to immigration last week. Unfortunately the officer behind the window hardly even looked at me and didn't seem to be too concerned, she looked like she didn't like her job and chewing gum all the time. She only was very short, looked into her computer and said: NO, the forms are together in one file! I was very surprised to hear that and said: But the immigration hotline told me that because my husband filed on his last name and my lawyer later on my birth name that maybe the i485 and i360 never got connected!? But she said: I AM!! an officer and I tell you its in one file. (I couldn't believe it and Im still not sure who to believe anymore!). Then she said: your fingerprints are out of date, maybe that's the problem, and then she dialed a number and said: there is someone here, her file is RETIRED, can I send her for prints? And then she got off the phone and told me that she cannot send me for prints right now. Then I asked her what retired means and what is wrong with my case, and she only said: I don't know, its at the wrong place, I will call you in 3 weeks, I will order the file, I don't know what's wrong with it, it will take 3 weeks for me to get the file. She also said it doesn't matter if both files were filed under different last names as its under the same alien number! Is that true?

I am confused as I always had people say different things to me. Since I came to the US I had nothing but bad experiences with services, and many other things, Miami seems a very corrupted area. And since day one I had tragedies happening to me here. Its especially sad as im completely and totally alone and really need my papers. My husband tried 2 doctors but they are the same corrupt and only after money, like everyone seems to be here in south florida. People really don't seem to care much about others. I have no one, not even a friend here, I lost a lot of weight, im all day in bed and unfortunately even if I would go back to Europe it would be bad as I have no family anymore. My father even killed himself after I arrived here and my mothers new husband is very jealous and possessive, we have almost no contact anymore. I have no other relatives. I'm totally alone wherever I go. My husband wants to get better and is willing to get a thorough examination and to doctors but its for various reasons not possible here: money, insurance, corruption and other reasons. I feel completely stuck and don't know what to do. If at least I had at least my greecard. Maybe someone here has any idea what retired means? And has any suggestions?

They probably meant you'd be eligible for DV shelter

Is the mental hygiene the same as baker acting???

If i call the police like you said and i get him away like that and maybe he becomes stable like this. Is there any cash assistance of paying my rent?

You've filed VAWA but you can't stand the thought of him being ordered to stay away from you? And you count on his financial support?

There is a lot of assistance you're eligible for with Prima Facie. As a matter of fact, I just stumbled on information how DV survivor may be eligible for some assistance even without Prima Facie

I have the prima facie. I went to a domestic violencee center and they told me that the only thing i can apply for is food stamps maximum 200 dollars. That wouldnt even be enough. They said only if i call the police one time only then i get more assistance. If i never called the police, even with the evidence of my VAWA case and photos i would not get support. So i asked what supprt but they could not say what that is and if i can pay my rent then for sure. So i am scared that if i call the police or mental health authorities that noone will help me with my bills when they take him away. I have nobody in this country i can stay with and noone overseas who can give me financial support. I dont want to end up on the street. Please tell me what support i could get after i call the police. I tried to find that information all over the interent. I need to be sure first before i call the police. I know he will hit me again when he comes back tomorrow as he is totally manic since he is on the medication he doesnt get normal anymore. He refuses to go back to the psychiatrist to adjust the medication. I am so scared of tomorrow. Also because his thinking now completely changed he sees me as the root of all our problems and is mad with me.

I recommend you re-read my post word for word. I was in your shoes once and did exactly as described. The only possible downside is that outpatient treatment will not change him - but hope dies last

I did re read it word for word. So you did the same with your spouse? Does that mean he has to stay away from me for 1 year and they will watch over him and force him to take medication? And the hope you mean is that he may get stable this way?

How did you pay your bills when your spouse was gone? Like i said i have no money saved up, no family, and im completely financially dependant on him.

Without calling the police, you have no proof of the abuse or your attempts to get help to escape that abuse.

You either quit and go home or you file a VAWA claim with good proof. Your words alone proves nothing. You need documents from the police detailing the abuse.

My lawyer already filed for VAWA in March this year. And i cannot leave without waiting for the VAWA to go through and my greencard.

I have no immigration advice; but I read carefully, and you seem unaware of one possibility. Mental Hygiene. He won't be put in jail, he'll be under the Jurisdiction of Mental Health court for a certain period of time, maybe one year. You'll have a protective order. He'll have to comply with all court mandates, and then he may have his case sealed. He subsequently may not have a criminal record. At no point in the process, will he enter jail or lose ability to work.

You should consult with District Attorney's office to see whether this route exists for you. Good luck

But if i talk with attorneys office i have to pay for it dont i? Also if they take him away i have no monet saved up and cannot pay my rent?

Hi,

My lawyer changed our marriage application in March to a Vawa application. She said back then it will take around 18 months for it to be approved. I am still with my husband as I have no money at all and I am dependant on him. We are broke as he was 4 months sick with a torn ligament. And i have no family, relatives or friends.

He is mentally ill, rapid cycling bipolar and since 7 days takes two medications which made him more aggressive. I lost a lot of weight and I’m also depressed and anxious. He can be very nice when normal but his moods change every 2 days and when he is manic he is emotionally and physically abusive and blaming and accusing. It’s terrible. I have a work permit but I feel unable to work with him being at home as I’m already emotionally so much down. He is so unpredictable and changing all the time!

I wanted to apply for public benefits and went to a Violence Center they told me that I cannot apply for cash assistance or benefits or even get counselling unless I had called the police on him at least once. I said I have photos and psychologist report to prove the abuse but they said I cannot get any benefits unless I call the police. I do not want to call the police on a mentally ill man and have him in jail. In Florida they take that very seriously and I don’t want him to have that forever in his records. I don’t have any family and friends and we are broke and I have nowhere to go. Sometimes I feel like calling the police but if they put him in prison how do I pay the rent, 1300 dollars, for the next month?? Like I said I have no family.

The other big problem is I have a big problem with an infected tooth which needs to be extracted and a bridge placed it would be 5000 dollar the dentist said, there are also 10 cavities which have to be done, the dentist said my teeths condition is very bad. My lawyer got me an advance parole so I can travel to Europe and get my teeth done. My husband would pay me the flight but he is very nasty in general and I’m worried that if I’m not able to get back in that I will be stuck in Germany. My lawyer told me today that advance parole is no guarantee to be allowed back in and if I would not then my VAWA (she thinks it’s a 90% chance to get approved) will still get through but as I cannot attend my interview over here anymore my greencard will be denied. She said I can then apply for a green card in Europe once my VAWA is approved. I don’t know if it’s true but she told me that even if I get stuck in Germany once the VAWA is approved I will definitely get my greencard. Is this true?

I don’t know what to do now? He will come back from his kids in 2 days and I’m terrified as he is so much worse since taking the medication, today he was screaming on the phone because I changed my mind about Germany. He called me bad names and blamed me for his sickness. He said if I don’t find a job here in 2 weeks he will not support me anymore. I am underweight, size 0, depressed, have anxiety and with him at home I do not feel I can take a full time job on top of that. But he does not understand this and said that even woman in bad circumstances must still work so he is very angry.

So in my circumstances would it be more advisable to go to Germany with the advance parole and get my teeth fixed or stay here, force myself to work with a very mentally ill husband at home, and wait for the VAWA approval and greencard? I cannot say to him I’m leaving you as I have not got a penny to rent my own place? I cannot call the police next time he hits me as they will take him away and then I cannot pay next month’s rent?

What would you advise? Is there something I don’t know about what I could do?

It was not work visa it was J1 and it had DS in there so no accruing of overstay. I am still not sure. Anyone else?

She applied for AP after she filed for VAWA. There is no reason for it!?

My lawyer says she cant tell if its small or big chance to not being able to come back. She said it happened to none of her clients so far but she cant say its a 10 or 50% chance to not being allowed back in. She said i have D/S...anyway after talking with her i am not farther.... i dont know what to do, whether i should fly or not... nowhere on the internet is a clear answer. Its a big or small risk....?

If you have at least 180 days of overstay (and it sounds as if you could have) then you have at least a three year bar from the US (or ten years, if you reached 365 days of overstay) that even approved AP will not overcome. You will be refused entry if you travel overseas then attempt to re-enter and have one of these bars.

If your I-94 was stamped "D/S", however, then you do not accrue overstay until either USCIS or an immigration judge makes that determination, so would be able to use AP in that circumstance. You should double and triple check this with an experienced immigration lawyer before you travel, though.

Hi Hypnos, Yes it was stamped DS. Does that mean that travelling now wit AP will be definitely safe to get back in here??

Hi,

I came to the US February 2012 with a J1, after 1 day at work the J1 Visa got cancelled. I stayed as me and my lawyer were considering to file for permission to the stay on humanitarian grounds (company broke visa rules very badly and then fired me). I fell in love and got married in August. Me and husband filed in December 2012. In March my lawyer changed it to a VAWA case. Now i have an appoved advance parol document. I would like to travel with it for 3 months to germany to get my teeth fixed as i have a big infection and cant pay for it here. My lawyer said something about that there is still a (small?) risk? Is that true? How much of a risk is there? I would be totally and absolutely devestated that if after all what i went through i would not be allowed back in. So i dont want to take any chances. I read somewhere on the internet that if you have been out of status that you will not be able to get back in? I did not accrue any overstay as it was a J1, i am also not criminal but...is there still a risk?

Thanks!

Hi,

I have only my mother and her new boyfriend and of course my sister as "family". I never had a close connection with her. My dad committed suicide last year but we were not close anymore. I do not have any other relatives but a very close friend who is a psychotherapist, she lives in England.

He took Seroquel 3 days ago 200 mg and he was in agony all night and making noises and couldnt deal with it, i almost called an ambulance. He said it felt worse then pain it was like nausea in all his limbs moving around. It was like this all night and he really suffered. Then he was also like in a coma. Slept for around 20 hours. After seing him like this i wasnt sure anymore if i want him to suffer like this! Or just leave. He waits for me in the moment to make descisions it seems, he doesnt want to worry about anything and cant go deep into things as it bothers his brain. He called the doctor and he was as always complacent and quiet and he said to the doc: maybe i can break it in quarters and the doc said yes ok. And apologized for putting him on this dose. It was ridicolous. I think we both dont trust that doc anymore. Since then he is on and off again with everything. He hasnt taken them again. If i would have said please do he would have just for me. But i am not sure as i read some horrible things in some hidden web pages.

But what else can we do?

I said please get a second opinion and he said ok. But since then we had some more upsets and he says each time he is going to leave, doesnt want to fight anymore, and that he is maybe not even sick, i make him sick, or im sicker then him etc. In between he says yes i still think i have a condition, i want to be with you forever if possible, i love you a lot etc.

It is an absolute nightmare!!!

yesterday morning he came from running and said that a jewish man had stopped him running and said: are you a jew do you want to read that. and he said he would have like to hit him because you dont do this stopping people from jogging. I told him that his reaction is not normal but he thinks its normal and that the jewish man did something really unacceptable! he said its the same as if your car gets stopped in the middle of the street. I dont understand his reasoning?

This morning i wanted to read him something on my research about vitamins he said no and i said please its very important. Then he said ok and i read it to him 5 mins long. He said nothing about the doctors idea and just got upset and went in the kitchen, i followed him and he was upset with me that his brain cant take it and why i do this and go deep and read him about the numbers of the vitamins...then he said be quiet. I was very upset and said but i only wanted to help you etc. then he said he will get violent if im not quiet but i felt it was unjustified. And said its not fair please lets make peace etc. he then hit my head at the wall behind me not bad but he did. Then we sat down and he continued to blame me saying that my psychotherapist friend told me that he cant take deep things and why i do that. I then told him that he is always different and sometimes he can do it. But he didnt really listen. Then he said you dont treat me like a sick person and i replied and he replied and then he got upset and hit me with the empty water bottle. I was crying and he said from the beginning i shouldnt have read that to him as he didnt want that. And i was devestated as just 1 hour before that he was the most wonderful loving men and we were intimate and he was so kind. And now that!

I asked for a hug as i could not cope anymore but he refused and said: you know at these moments i dont feel i did something wrong im still angry, i dont feel sorry for you, even if you cry now. Well, that went on and on like this and a bit later i cried again and he took me in his arms. I asked and he said his anger is almost gone but he has a headache again! He stroked me but then before going to work said in his normal frame of mind now: you have to move out. Its not working. I could have killed you easily. And although we agreed on trying the relationship for 4 weeks and he said he wants to fight for the relationship. he now said no after i asked him. He left like this to work a couple of hours ago and since then im in AGONY. I dont get out of bed as i miss that loving kind man who is doing everything for me. I called him at work and said i feel real bad, he said: you feel bad every day. I am sick and tired of our constant things and giving you reassurance! And then said i call you when i have time. It was horrible!

I have no idea what to do now. As always i would be really glad if someone can give me their opinion on what has just happened again as im very confused as he is blaming me often for not stoping when he says stop. But at other times he doesnt and knows he is sick.

And what should i do about the medication?

Should he take a quarter tonight?

Or should i wait for monday and make an appointment at another psychiatrist the one which is good and i talked to before? (but until then he might not want this anymore!)

I am so desperate right now!!!

Hi,

I am sorry to all, my laptop has been broken and hopefully it will be fixed tomorrow. I am now writing from his job! and have to leave soon. Just quickly for now. An old psychiatrist (which i found after endless phone calls) we were there for 1 hour and he was very hesitant but said that he thinks its bipolar rapid cycling and prescribed very strong staff which he hasn’t taken yet. He waits for me to give the go ahead as he doesn’t believe in psychiatrist and medication like that. He will take it if i want him to! I do not want to be responsible if something happens. I don’t really trust that psychiatrist myself as yes he was very hesitant in my opinion too. If it was me i would definitely go for a second and third opinion but he doesn’t want that hassle and it becomes more and more clear that he wants to keep everything as easy and simple as possible. (he doesn’t even do research or read about the medication, and doesn’t even read the leaflet!). As always he doesn’t want to go deep into anything as he can’t take it with his brain and gets tired and other things from going a bit deeper into ANY subject. On Sunday we were in a church and he again was starting to get tired and a headache after half an hour, it was 1 pm during the day! As always, no matter if film, conversation or church he has a very limited capacity! (I would also do a brain scan FIRST before taking any psychiatric medication like that). Today he said he wants to get over with it and take it but I am unsure, I know he can’t make a sound decisions himself and doesn’t even care!

There was an incident last Sunday when he changed and beaten me again and i called the psychiatrist, he said i should move out as the medication might never work or take a year. I said but i am sure it will do at least something about the extremes but he said no may not. My husband already said that he won’t go back or adjust medication or never take anything else either this works or that’s it. We have agreed to try our relationship for 1 more month. (we had some crazy days were he flushed it down the toilet when we came back from the psychiatrist, yes he got upset about something and then locked himself into the bathroom, then broke some other promises as well and stayed like this for 24 hours, it was hell, I could not get through to him). The following day he agreed again to everything. Really the worst is that every time there is a problem he says: i want out of this relationship. Its not working. And other horrible things, if he is angry: I hate you, now I don’t love you anymore, yes I have a girlfriend… And doesn’t even want to do the 1 month anymore. But then as soon as 1 hour later if things are well he would say he would like to be with me forever if possible and he loves me.

He goes back and forward about taking that staff too, but to be honest me to! I read a lot about it myself and i wouldn’t take it. There are thousands of lawsuits from individuals against the company about this one medication and even million dollars law suits against the company for falls marketing AND hiding side effects from the public. I talked with one person in my church who has bipolar and she said she would never take this type of medication but has tried all the others.

It’s called Seroquel:

http://www.rotlaw.com/seroquel/

http://whyy.org/cms/news/health-science/2010/08/10/200-million-to-settle-seroquel-lawsuits/43365

http://www.avvo.com/legal-guides/ugc/dangerous-drugs-seroquel-lawsuit-information

http://www.genengnews.com/gen-news-highlights/astrazeneca-to-pay-520m-settlement-in-seroquel-lawsuit/78565333/

http://seroquellawsuitblog.blogspot.com/

"In 2008, it was reported that more than 8,700 lawsuits had been filed against AstraZeneca in federal and state courts, alleging the drug led to pancreatitis, diabetes and other personal injuries. Seroquel is AstraZeneca’s second best-selling pharmaceutical and made sales of $4.87 billion in 2009, up 12% on 2008.

It seems as if it’s an unlucky draw for AstraZeneca. As of February 2011, this drug company has reportedly agreed to pay another $150 million to settle its lawsuits as a result of diabetes occurring while taking the drug Seroquel. This brings the total amount for Seroquel settlements to $350 million.

It is reported that sources at AstraZeneca have told Bloomberg News that they’ve settled about 6,000 more lawsuits that implicate them of inadequate warnings about the risk of diabetes and other side effects of the drug Seroquel. It is estimated that the average payout per plaintiff will be about $25,000, according to Bloomberg News sources.

In August of 2010, it had been reported that AstraZeneca has agreed to pay $200 million to settle 17,500 lawsuits.

A growing alarm

Quetiapine has the strongest somnolent effect of all atypical antipsychotics, and is commonly prescribed troops for relieving nightmares.

But as its popularity has grown, evidence has mounted pointing to links between atypical antipsychotics and irregular heartbeat and even death — prompting critics and physicians, including Woodson, to sound the alarm on frequent prescriptions.

“Providers should use caution when these agents are used as sleep aids in service members struggling with substance use disorders, especially given the risk of such side effects as glucose dysregulation and cardiac effects,” Woodson wrote Feb. 22.

A study in the January 2009 New England Journal of Medicine found the rate of sudden cardiac death doubled for those taking atypical antipsychotic drugs, and there were three such deaths per year for every 1,000 patients taking the medication.

The risk of a fatal heart event also increased with dosage, and study author and Vanderbilt University researcher Wayne Ray said mixing these medications with others that cause irregular heartbeat, known medically as QT prolongation, could worsen the issue and possibly cause death.

“We saw this strong relationship between the antipsychotics and sudden death … and all the information we had pointed to the drugs as the cause,” Ray said after the study was published. “Our findings … would suggest avoiding other medications that prolong QT whenever possible because when you give two together, you’re … increasing the patient’s risk.”

Risk of diabetes is increased by 60%. There is also something about heart problems and a condition called Seroquel Anger and i don’t want to be killed if he gets worse from it.

I dont know at all what to do now as he is waiting on me now.

Of course do what you need to, but try to get him help, too. If it's something reasonably curable and you could live with things during the process, would you stay with him?

Definitely yes! I just don’t want to get killed and he still thinks he could do it as he is blind in those moments. I am even now still thinking of staying although he thinks its better I leave. I don’t know but many medical people I talked to said: MOVE OUT. It’s dangerous.

I called many hospitals and talked to nurses. A nurse friend I told all his symptoms and she says it’s either schizophrenia or a tumor in his brain. Another nurse says it might be a tumor. Each way: it is dangerous as he already threatened me many times and with the pillow had the intention of killing me.

My biggest hope is that we find out what it is and then we will be forever together.

Do you know if I could file VAWA and stay married?

Hi,

I talked to my lawyer which i havent talked to for a long time. I met her when i first arrived here. She is very good. She told me that i have a very good case for VAWA and it would get 99% through as I also have a diary where i written down each day what has happened. I think she said VAWA takes 1,5 years to get it through and then i would have the greencard? She said it would not cause any consequences for my husband? I just told him very calmly and he wants to support me.

Thanks for the thoroughly detailed update -- and good for you for so carefully collecting and noting his symptoms!

I'm not a doctor, but could this be a severe inner-ear problem? Or, from the stress of his previous wife's illness/death, might he have experienced a trauma that has physically affected his brain? "Death of a spouse" is one of the highest-stress life events that anyone could experience.

Get to a psychiatrist when you can, of course, but I suspect that the psychiatrist will immediately refer him for a physical examination. I still think that you should strive for an appointment with a GOOD general practitioner who will take a COMPLETE medical history and perform some in-office tests to determine whether the inner ear should be examined further. Please consider doing this first.

Hi TBoneTX,

I don’t think he would go to a general doctor as well. We still don’t have insurance and he just about, at least at his very moment, still is willing to go to a psychiatrist, as he feels a bit better with his head today (just the cloud still a bit there and the tightness). I just hope that tomorrow when I call the 3 of them that one of them will help me and give us a quick appointment. The last 2 days he behaved normal was very loving, nice and able to listen.

Today I noticed that he was singing under the shower. In bed again and a bit over the top. I think his level is changing again! Slowly! It might be something like hypomania I don’t know but he does have an elevated mood today. And he got irritated 3 times already, in the four hours before he went to work earlier. The thing is that he didn’t get irritated in the last 2 days and I think he is starting to change as he starts to moan about little things and saying I shouldn’t do this or that otherwise things go bad.... I have to be really careful now as I think if something would now happen and we have an argument now he would blame me, change his opinion again about what he said in the last days (he said: he realized he was wrong im just a normal woman but he HAS a problem with his brain and needs help as he cant handle conversations) and might then ultimately take the whole doctor thing away again, as he changes his views again.

That is exactly how it always was. He was fine with me for some time then suddenly not anymore, got upset and irritated and said at some point unfair things and when I said its not right he explained and what he says got more and more blaming me and seeing things wrong, not taking my point on, then at some point says stop now, but I didn’t want to leave these things falsely like this, then he usually got mad and if I didn’t leave hit me.

Im really worried and hope I can get an appointment for him quickly! Somewhere!

Hi

I just wanted to give you all an update. Thanks for your help! It’s really appreciated!

He is now (you guess) since that incident happened on Thursday morning, real nice. He was really devastated about what he did. Looked real bad Thursday and kept saying he loves me. Since we got together last June the only thing which he had was he hated long conversations, and changed his personality or moods, which I now think had to do with his brain. Sometimes he had tightness, and every now and then the cloud but nothing else!

Then there were days when he didn’t want to talk longer then 2 minutes, if I did he got into his bad stages. Since Friday morning however his full head problem from the past returned!!!

We had a visitor in the morning (for 45 mins) and he couldn’t concentrate on anything he said. After that he slept for 2 hours. He said on the bed that he hears water inside his head. And that it used to be like this in the past when he had it very acute. He said 3 years ago he went to a normal doctor and then he thinks to a neurologist who only did a CAT scan but didn’t find anything. Then they just said he works too much. Every year these problems came back. Now it’s back again!

When he came back from work last night he told me that the cloud is really fully back now like in the past, he was not well all day at work and at one point almost fell. That whatever people were saying he was getting angry but didn’t show it. Was very irritable.

Then we had a talk (were I very carefully asked him all his symptoms and written them down). He lay on the bed and said that everything on the ceiling is moving in high speed and opposite directions and he can’t focus. During the talk it got on an off.

Then he told me that the problem first started in 2008 a few months after his wife died of cancer: (it lasted 2 months!!!) It was real bad.

In the beginning there was also insomnia, he was always tired, went to family doctor, got meds, then his daughter said stop and he took only melatonin, after 1 month the insomnia stopped, but all the other things continued for another month and were very bad:

-cloud in his head

-tightness and discomfort, like pain

-difficulty to concentrate, wasn’t interested in peoples talking, not happy, better when they don’t talk. (My brain didn’t want to answer. Wanted to sleep and relax.)

-heard noise (electronic magnet noise inside the head)

-when getting up things were going around in a very fast pace (dizziness), couldn’t walk had to sit back down

-tried to stay focused, but couldn’t

-if people talked long, like my customers, I wanted to get out there, I didn’t want to start conversation as much as possible

The second time the same happened again except the insomnia, 1 year later in 2009 and lasted 1 month!

The third time was in June 2011 just before we got together. It lasted for 2 weeks

The fourth time is now since yesterday.

2 weeks ago I been talking with him, he got mad when talking, said it’s like a hammer in his brain. But he didn’t have these things in his head and always blamed me for talking too much. But in my opinion he never really talked with me, just a couple of sentences.

Now I wonder that maybe his brain problem never really disappeared and this is why he always got mad and angry with me???

I always wondered why there were those few days when he was real nice, understanding, loving and fine. And then on other days he was totally different.

When he had those bad days he was angry quickly and then talked differently and took things back like promises and broke agreements, and was rude and nasty.

Just in those days when I said something he didn’t like or talked a bit too long he got angry and said bad things and things which don’t make sense. Then ran away quickly, but I got after him as I was very hurt, and nicely tried to reason with him. But he then always asked me to shut up, then threatened me and later became violent. Even though I stayed calm and nice, just talking little to calm him even kissing him, he got worse and worse very quickly. To calm him never worked, also to change his mind in those moments or to talk sense never worked he just said crazy and horrible things. Sometimes he was talking to me, giving me a speech but it all was wrong and he then didn't take anything of what I said. His love completely went away; he had no compassion, was very cruel, always said he is going to court house, and saw me in a totally different way. (next morning when calm he thought totally different again).

Since around 5 weeks he also sometimes threatened to kill me if I say a word more.

Now, if I think about it, the only problem we ever had in our relationship was always about talking. Even the violence always started with him getting upset about talking.

He said to me from the beginning of our courtship that he doesn’t like talking long. Just short and sweet. Often got angry when I didn’t get a point quickly, or when a conversation went a little deeper, or longer. He also told me he is impatient when people don’t get things right away.

He always fell asleep during every movie. Afterwards didn’t want to talk about the movie. Had no interest, like other boyfriends, about inquiring about my past. He said in the beginning: we will never ever have 1,5 hours conversation, like you had with your boyfriend! No way! Half an hour he said would be fine occasionally. But he said there is no need really as everything can be done in 5 to 10 mins.

One day before we married he was shocked that I talked with my school friend Sandra from Germany for 2 hours on the phone and told me im not normal that no one is doing this and people just have short conversations on the phone. But I didn’t speak to her for 2 months.

So most of the time it was like this: he came home; we talked a bit or let’s say I tried to make mutual conversation, her never felt a need, just very quick. Then he got up, ran away, in the middle of the talk and that was just up to 5 minutes, or became unkind and said its garbage. Of course I didn’t like that and inquired about it. He then asked me to not say a word anymore. I was always hurt and that was hard for me as I thought he was just mean and rude again. He often said be quiet for 10 mins and told me how difficult it is to live with me and other mean things. Sometimes he went to bed and slept again. Later we continued, and I was able to say something for a couple of more minutes...sometimes 2 or 5 he then got angry... and ran away and got more and more mad. If I then said don’t treat me like this please, he would be extremely sensitive to one more things I said. While he was mad he always blamed me for messing up his head. Then the violence started. Up to a couple of days ago when he pushed the pillow on my face.

I now wonder if the whole thing is connected and that’s why he became violent? I said to him this morning that this whole thing has nothing to do with me but that his brain problem never went away. Although it always looked like it went away for a year. But still the tightness was occasionally there and the cloud. But there were other times when he was ok with me talking for a bit longer and stayed very nice and kind and did everything for me. These changes I never really understood. And then there was a time when I just said 1 thing to him, for example at night and he got angry about me approaching him when he gets up at night. But that varied greatly as just a few nights before he talked back for 2 mins.

So his level seems to fluctuate by itself, that is why I could never pinpoint when he gets angry and nasty. And never what I could do to make it better, as there were always those times when he seemed fine.

Does anyone here have any more ideas? (I hope I still make sense as I am a bit confused today from all the stress)

I will call the 3 psychiatrist Monday and hope one of them is giving us an appointment next week! He didn’t want the emergency room as it is extremely expensive on the weekend but said he will go to a doctor anyway. I hope the woman from the FL psychiatric society was right that I get an appointment with a local psychiatrist quicker then with the hospital psychiatrists. I am very worried that they may tell me they are full. Maybe then i can tell them that its an emergency? Maybe I should tell them right on the phone it’s an emergency so they see us quick, I just hope they wont say then if he tried to kill you have to call the police and have him admitted.

Hi Capri and all others,

Last night was real bad, the worst so far. He came home and said that he wants to sign up for the program of going to Mars which he read in a newspaper and leave me in 10 years, with an 8 months training. It’s like dying he says and no return home. He went on and on about this although I was getting more and more upset and reasoned with him that he would never see his kids and family. He said that is alright with him. First I thought it was a joke but it was not and he talked about sacrificing his life and having his name in a book. I couldn’t get through. He said he would do something for mankind and he expected I support him. It was a very weird conversation. He sticked with his point and I almost cried as he didn’t mind to leave me forever.

Then he suddenly said: you are sick, you are sick for being upset about this. There is nothing wrong about this. Before he said he is signing up and if I say yes he would do it right away.

He said he will anyway die at some point so what’s the problem as then we have to be separate as well. I told him there is a big difference about having no choice to leave and leaving voluntarily. Then much later in bed he said he understands me and now after I explained he said he should never have mentioned it. And apologized then lovingly took me in his arms as I was very stressed earlier, almost to the point of crying. We slept. In the middle of the night he pulled his arm away. I woke up and asked and he took my hand. I asked him: do you love me and he got mad. Your f... woman....what is wrong with you....I said that it was very hard for me to have the conversation earlier. He got very angry and strangled me for a moment and said he did nothing wrong at all. I said he apologized and he said I only did that because I hurt your feelings but I did nothing wrong. He was very mad with me. Then he moved on the other side. After turning the air conditioning on. I asked if he will leave it on. He got extremely mad again and said shut up now. Shoved me away and said that he got hot and only moved his arm away and you f... ###### must wake up and complain... My face hurt after he strangled and I said that his treatment is really unfair. He got more mad and hit his hand against the wood at the bed. Then he got up and left for sleeping in the living room and said he will come back soon.

I waited and later went there and asked if he comes back (I was really upset) ...he said no and how I mess things up and he came home only to be nice to his wife. I said no you apologized, do you remember. And he was mad at me talking and said if I take your face and twist your neck it will click and you will die, you know how close I am to killing you right now? and how much I want it? Do you know that!? I asked him to please calm down and he freaked out and looked for the knife (which I hide now). Then he took a pillow and hit it against my head. Then he took a water bottle and threw it after me. Also pushing me to the floor. And asking me to leave.

I was devastated. After a while I looked around the corner and said he can’t treat me that way anymore. I asked if I could ask him one question. He said yes. And seemed calmer. I tried to make sense and very quickly said something to him. When I just started he got extremely angry again. I said: Why are you mad? I asked if it’s ok! And he said I still shouldn’t even talk to him when he is like this. If someone has a gun people don’t go there but leave. I left and he came after me throwing me by force on the bed. I got up cried and said: stop this PLEASE! He turned around. Do you want to be killed???

Then he threw me on bed and put a pillow on my face again, and again and again. I tried talking but couldn’t. Then I turned on my belly and said I stop now. He moved away and I said that I am very hurt but you probably don’t care. He said no I don’t right now. (in this state his love always completely leaves and he has no feelings left, which comes fully back later) He also said in my face: stay here now. Do you want to be killed? I said no. So stay here!

Next morning I didn’t come out of the bedroom. He came in at 11am and lied down at my back and hugged me. I didn’t do anything. He left and did the same again at 12am. At 2pm I got up and turned the light on, he came inside and took me in his arms and said: im sorry. I said what for? and he said for hurting you. I didn’t hug him back then he left very quickly.

30 mins later he came back in, ignored me, got dressed for work and went out. I went in the living room and asked him if he is going to work already (2 hrs earlier). He said yes. I said but you know im in a very bad state, emotionally. He said yes. So you leave me like this? I don’t know what to do anyway. Well going away certainly wouldn’t help, don’t you think? You almost killed me last night! And I should have killed you, then it would be over now. What??? How can you say that??? Yes I should have killed you!

Then I sat down and he sat down too and said about breaking up and me living separately because he almost killed me and doesn’t want to make up because it will happen again and that he doesnt trust himself! I said can you not see that something is wrong with you to get like that? He said you shouldn’t come to me then it wouldn’t happen. Normal people get angry that’s why people kill each other in marriage. I tell him it happens very rarely and it’s not normal and usually happens because of big problems like adultery and that I don’t do anything like that. He says that he can’t give me the love I need and fails to meet my needs and that i deserve a better man. And that when I say something he doesn’t like he gets like this. Then I cried and then he cried also. Then he got nicer and nicer and took me into his arms. And he cries on and off all the time. Then cries very much and says he loves me so very much and is so worried about my safety. And when he is like this he would never hurt me. But when he gets angry his love is gone and he is out of control. He would have killed me and only stopped with the pillow because I said I stop. Then I asked: So you don’t wish you would have killed me. Of course not. I don’t know which part of my brain said that.

He also said he has a headache, pain and a cloud in his brain with a tight feeling right now.

I say that I want to make an appointment now before we get health insurance. First he said yes then no and then he said do whatever you want now I’m not going to argue about this. And I said again that it is vital we go as soon as possible at least to have the initial consultation already. He left and said he goes to doctor first and then if he says it’s serious/dangerous then we have to live separately. He later send a message saying: "My apology will not be enough for my behaviour, I just want you to know I love you very much."

I then called the Mount Sinai and University hospital. Both said that it will take 4 weeks to see a psychiatrist. And then gave me the number of the FL Psychiatric Society Association. I called there and explained everything. The woman gave me the number of three good local psychiatrists. It was already past 5 so I couldn’t reach them. Now I hope that I will be able to call there tomorrow and get him a quick appointment on Monday! I really, really hope that!

What worries me is that he might be tonight different again saying he doesn’t need a doctor we just don’t understand each others needs etc.... He always changes when his thinking changes...

In Florida Domestic Violence is handled extremely seriously. Strangling is now a 3 grad felony and would cost him up to 5 years in prison. http://belainejoneslaw.com/florida-felony-domestic-violence-battery/

And look at this!!! (unbelievable):

http://montronelaw.wordpress.com/2010/01/29/domestic-battery-in-florida-its-not-like-every-other-crime/

I don’t want this for sure. The woman from the Mount Sinai said if I call the police and tell them that I believe he is mentally ill, they will not put him in prison but admit him into the mental ward for up to 72 hours. I hope that is true but I’m sure he would still loose his job and I have no one else here and we have no money then and a huge medical bill! The only thing he is willing to do in the moment is seeing a doctor. Although 2 days ago he said again that his brain is alright and that it’s all me and I would make anyone crazy. But I had 5 boyfriends in my life and this never happened to me! The doctor I want to go to with him has on Fridays emergency appointments only, so I hope he will pick the phone up tomorrow morning, so that I can at least make an appointment!

Regarding the VAWA our paralegal who submitted my forms to immigration written to me:

“In connection to your question, these type of cases are not so easy to get approved. By this, I am not stating that it is impossible, yet you need to have compelling evidence should you want you case to be approved. The type of documentation is usually in the form of photographs of abuse, affidavits, police reports, witness affidavits and so on. All these elements must be part of your story, and the documentation must be thorough. Yes, it may be done, but you must prove your case, and if the documentation of events is extensive - even better.” That sounds very difficult to get this all together and would mean I have to call police and have photos. And then he will be 5 years in prison as he out the pillow on my face.

My reading of it is yes. Call around to general practitioners and explain to the nurse that you need a doctor who is a very good diagnostician. If you can find a clinic with doctors of many medical specialties all together (family practice, neurologist, endocrinologist), it may ease the referral appointments and the laboratory or imaging tests that are called for.

Again, I'm not a doctor, but it could be that a simple prescription for a medication (perhaps a tranquilizer) could take the edge off the situation until more thorough investigation into the medical/mental causes of the behavior can be performed.

You might call your county health department, ask to speak to the supervisor or the director, explain your situation, and get some good insights regarding how best to proceed.

Perhaps I speak for many here when I say how impressed I am with your poise, your thinking, and your resolve.

Hello TBoneTX

Thank you very much

Actually he came home now. 1 hour before he called me and I told him I am not feeling well and he said: of course my darling we can talk please don’t worry and be calm. But then when he was here we sat down and I only asked him if he could change that at every time he gets mad after 4 nice days that he wants to finish again as I cant handle the ups and downs anymore and find them very difficult. He was trying to explain this away and said if I would understand him better he would never get like this. And that I am an ignorant person and many other things. Then I said but you know its something with you as well (like I explained to him at 4pm before he went to work about his mental health) and then he said: My brain is fine. What type of woman are you to tell this your husband! There is nothing wrong with me. (but I said the same thing to him at 4pm)

If you wouldn’t be in my life I would be alright. And then he took everything back again. And I reminded him that he said himself he believes he is mentally ill 1 week ago and said that to me and he said: I only say that because I care for you, that’s what you want to hear.

But I know that each day when I asked him he really said he is thinking that and confirmed that he is honest. And what about a couple of days ago when he wanted to get life insurance he even said to me: I am getting this just in case they find something serious. I confronted him with that and he said: Yes this is why I want to get colon check up with the health insurance etc. but a couple of days ago I am sure he meant that in connection with his brain and going to a psychiatrist that he wants life insurance!

Now he seems to be blaming me again that I make him crazy. When I said about my ex boyfriend that I never had damaged trust with him and didn’t need to ask him questions he said I am sure he is now having an (after) effect as well.

I can’t believe it, the whole conversation was horrible instead of building me up he said all these bad things. And when I said something he said: I am coming home and you come with all this garbage talking again! And I said to him: but you said on the phone of course my darling you can talk when I come tonight. And he just didn’t listen!

Now I don’t know what to believe at all anymore. Now he is saying those 4 nice days we only have because he keeps quiet at those moments. And then he can’t handle me and gets like this. But there is no way I can make him like this, his moods always change, his promises he doesn’t keep, and what he says always changes. When he gets mad he turns blind and violent. And what about the pain in his head? That’s not all because of me. Now he is talking like this but at other times he talks as if he understands me like: if you would have done to me what I did to you I would have left a long time ago. You would have been much better marrying someone from your religion they would not have abused you. Or: I am not a good guy.

I don’t get this!

I believe that depends on what kind of attitude towards health care the OP and her husband has. The mindset that psychiatric diseases is a much more cause for alarm than neurologic diseases is very very wrong. Disease is disease. Disorder is a disorder. It needs treatment ASAP. While his symptoms may be manifestations of a hundred different neurologic, psychiatric, hormonal etc. diseases, this does not mean it can never be diagnosed. A patient's positive attitude towards his health and even seeking out treatment for his condition is just as important as the diagnosis and treatment of the disease itself.

Redflower7, i know that aside from issues re: immigration, VAWA, AOS... You are also desperately in need of answers as to what your husband's condition is. You and your husband need to do something about his health NOW. If he does not want to actively seek medical help (cause it seems like you're the one doing the legwork on this, not him) and does not get appropriate treatment soon, please do NOT risk your safety. You do not deserve to be at the receiving end of his outbursts of anger AND violence. Nobody does. Please do not disregard your safety. I agree with Capri that you should file for VaWA. I agree with TBoneTX that you should seek professional help (not even a psychiatrist yet) for your husband.

Yes im doing the legwork but its also because he is working All the time. Especially monday and tuesday he is doing 14 hours double shift. I never seen someone working that much in my life. Yes i desperatly want to know what his condition is. He just about and for me would see a doctor he still tries to talk things away like if i would be quiet then it wouldnt happen. Or now he thinks he is ok for 4 days but then he cannot take me with his brain anymore and then gets like this. So blames me. But then there are other little moments when i say you do still think you may have something wrong with you and he says yes. When he is upset he says: there is nothing wrong with my brain. 4 days ago he said to me: I take life insurance as well maybe if i die in 2 years you are safe and covered. And i asked him because they might find something serious? And he said: yes.

I used to think he might be lying somtimes as he always says things differently but the friend i have in England (who says she is not a doctor but a very good psychotherapist) she says that he means it always when he says it.

So he would go now. But then there will be ongoing treatment. I will call the 2 insurance companies capri talked about tomorrow and see if they can offer a plan including mental health. I cannot talk too much to my husband about this as he may change again if it becomes too much info or gets too depressed.

Filing for VAWA would include calling the police having him arrested, him loosing probably his job, getting the restraining order etc right? And then i even have to get an evaluation from a therapist like someone said here to proof i suffer severe anxiety? With no money, no husband anymore, and no chance for a future together (the only reason why i am with him is bec he is sick and i want to see if this is treatable and he gets stable or we have no chance but i want to try this). Then i dont have a work permit yet which according to the paralegal i would get in 5 weeks so i cannot support myself when he sits in prison and i feel a bit bad of turning a mentally sick person into prison. His life would be messed up. His kids and boss would know he is in prison.

What do you mean by that "I agree with TBoneTX that you should seek professional help (not even a psychiatrist yet) for your husband.

" Do you mean a normal doctor for a medical check up?

Anyway there are so many problems here! I hope first of all that i find tomorrow quickly an insurance who covers things. He would pay one time 450 but not other things on top of that. As he is still in doubt. If i get out of here, a hotel is too expensive. An apartment would be nice but not possible. Bad situation.

I dont really know too much about J1 visas.

But if you were married and applied for AOS (your conditional GC) in Dec or as the paralegal called it the 'temporary one', it could take anywhere from 4 months to 1 year to receive it depending on how fast your case get processed. Once your conditional GC is issued it is valid for 2 years. Like I mentioned before if you divorce prior to the 2 year expiration you can file to remove the conditions on your own, if you dont, then 90 days prior to the expiration, you and your spouse file jointly to remove the conditions and you receive what your paralegal called the 'permanent card' the 10 year GC.

Technically both cards are valid Greencards. I dont know why the paralegal would use words like temporary and permanent when explaining it.

And as I posted waaay back in the thread, your only option for living separately during the AOS process with out damaging your petition would be to temporarily and discretely stay at a hotel. If you move from the home and obtain a new residence apart from your husband in the eyes of USCIS you no longer have a bonafide marriage and no basis for AOS.

Yes he told me it takes between 4 to 6 months. I think he called it conditional or temporary. So if i divorce before even getting this one then there is nothing i can do? Or if i live seperately. He cannot pay the hotel but he can pay me a studio apartment and is willing and even suggested it for my safety. If he tells USCIS that he has been violent 5 times and has a mental problem and is worried about my safety and i was very loyal and always sticking to him despite the danger and we still dont divorce but live in seperate places until he gets help and then move back together will they not understand that??? (this is what he said to me as he is sure i will still get my papers if he says all that!)

If you live in FL you can try

Cigna Health

http://www.cigna.com/individualsandfamilies/health-insurance-plans-florida

Or

Celtic

http://www.celtic-net.com/

They both offer mental health as part of their ins plan.

The higher your monthtly premium is the less your co-pay/deductible is.

If you go to a free clinic they base their rates on a sliding scale. They take into account your family size and expenses to determine how much to charge.

Also you keep obsessing on how much the initial office visit will be. You need to get over that and look at the big picture. His condition is not something that is going to be fixed in one visit. He may get a diagnosis in the first visit but you can anticipate him having to go back for weekly sessions with a therapist along with one if not several prescriptions.

You need to find an ins plan that is going to be affordable long term. Look for something that you can afford to pay the drs visit co-pay on a weekly basis and the premium monthly. Check the prescriptions co-pays and deductibles as well.

I checked both the websites and couldnt see their plans and which one is offering mental health. I dont understand about finding a long term affordable plan. I dont understand what copay and premium monthly and deductible all is. You are right about long term help but i have no idea how to do it.