luvmykids2012

No, you don't love him. You love the person you thought he was. You made a mistake, and now you're correcting it.

Take your kids home, give them the stable, healthy life they deserve. Don't subject them to another moment of that man. This isn't about you and him anymore, it's about what's right for your children. And he is NOT right for them. I don't know what you're waiting for. I'm sure you can even file for divorce from your home country.

If he shows up at your hotel room unannounced again, please call 911. Don't let him in. This is only going to get worse until you are safely out of his reach.

I have to totally agree with you. My most concern must be my kids, not my own self.

He still doesn't realize that he used to abuse them emotionally. What he wants now is how to get me back.

And you're right, it's not love. Love isn't supposed to be this way.

I'll file the divorce tomorrow. There's a court house not far from here. And then I'll take my kids back home immediately.

Thank you so much for opening up my thought. As a mother, I must not let anything nor anyone could harm my kids eventhou it's just emotionally or psychologically.

God bless your wonderful heart.

He sounds like bi-polar personality to me, I've known many! Don't think another thought about it, keep going. Leave anything there behind, and keep you and your kids safe; start new life.

Its happened to me before... :-)

The best thing is just to get out NOW!

You're so right. He's like a baby when he cries and begs me, but then he could be like a monster when he can't get what he wants.

Usually I'd fall into his game when he cried and begged me, but now I tried and tried my hardest not to follow his game anymore.

But it's still difficult

I still do love him. I care so much about him.

One side of my mind saying : I'm not gonna allow him to trap me into his unstable emotions game anymore.

But the other side saying : Give him one last chance.

What makes me feel so much relieved now that I've got the important stuffs from our apt.

I don't care about other things there. Let him have it all. I do wanna move on. Life is so beautiful.

Thank you so much for your advice and your encouragement words.

God bless you abundantly.

I am very sorry to hear what you are going through. you are doing the right thing for yourself and your children YOU deserve better! Leave him and don't look back! Don't believe his lies! keep records of his threats for the divorce. I wish you and your children the best! be safe!

I know.. I can't believe his words any longer. Everytime he begs me to come back, it does make me sad and sadder.

I told him, "I don't wanna go back for I know the same things will happen again and again. I don't want us to waste our life for those fights and arguments." But he kept bugging me with his emails and begging me to start all over again.

We're safe now. Hopefully he won't be able to find us for awhile. I really need time to meditate and pray.

I'll surely file for the divorce or go back to him this week. And after I file it, I'll take my kids go back to my country.

It's still my deep thought right now. For now, I'm still so scared to meet him. I've been having nightmares every night.

I think he's right, I'm going insane. I do need time to heal this broken mind I'm having right now.

Thank you so much for taking time to give me advices. I really appreciate it.

well now that you have a green card,

make sure you get a SSN,

then get yer own bank account

then get yer own paypal account.

then get own with the business (IMO)..

if you have online catalogs, change the paypal link or he'll just blow through the money.

Also suggest you set a filter on his incoming email so that it is auto-deleted. Failing that, can you get new email accounts, tell all but him ?

When you go to collect your stuff, hire an off-duty policeman as your armed escort. Be prepared to pay for a 4 hour block.

Good Luck ...

I do have my SSN, but I haven't opened a bank account yet.

I don't think I need it for now. I still have some money from my parents when I left them 2 wks ago.

And I don't think I'd continue my life here eventhou he still keeps begging me to come back.

These scary thoughts still haunt me and I think my kids are safer in my home country.

And yes, I do have another email to communicate with my parents and the companies, but he and I still communicate by using my old one.

I did go to our apt to get some of my stuffs out last Tuesday. I did call the police before I went there, and they were willing to escort me.

In the morning before I went there, he told me not to bring the police, and I didn't.

I trusted him. I told the taxi driver, If he goes crazy, please call 911 immediately, but everything was alright.

I could get all my documents. He even gave me our photo album. He begged me to rethink about all this for a week.

He told me that he goes to the Anger Management and also Church.

I was willing to trust him, but I'm really so scared to be near him. He's just so unstable.

So I was there for less than an hour. He hid all my expensive bags. He said that he was afraid I'd bring the Police and tried to take all of those. I didn't say a word. In my heart I was just thinking, how could I still trust him when he still has so many negative thoughts about me?

But then he showed up in my hotel's room the following day. I was shocked and couldn't believe he'd come before telling me.

He tried to get in. I tried to calm down because my kids were there.

And like a police, he searched the room. I'm sure he tried to find any man's underwear or something. I really felt so disgusting of myself. I wanted to scream but I was afraid the kids would get scared.

So I let him search the room.

After he couldn't find anything, he was so sweet and calm down again.

He cried and begged me to come back, but I said NO. He still begged and begged, but I told him nicely to leave.

He then said, we still have a week to rethink about this, right? I said, YES.

My kids and I moved out the following day. He told me that he wanted to come again.

I told him that we moved out. He got soooo upset. He called me names and said that I needed to go to the psychiatric. He said that his therapists told him that I must be seeing a man. That's why I didn't tell him where I was.

I told him to have his therapists put those words in writing because I know those words came from his negative thoughts. He still kept on sending me emails, but I didn't reply it for a couple of days until he asked me again last night whether it was really over or any chance to reconcile. I told him, "It's really over. We're not meant for each other. Let just proceed this divorce peacefully. You can have everything. I must take my kids back to my country before the school starts."

Then he started begging again with all his promises and saying love love and love again.

I really feel so beat up. The main problem is : I still love him too.

I actually don't wanna hurt anyone's feeling. My main reason to live is to raise my kids. I'm not a teenager anymore. I must put aside my own feeling for the sake of myself and my kids' life.

And at this point, my mind's still struggling. I know that he'd find a way to attack my feeling again if he doesn't get his way.

I know that for sure, but sometimes HOPE and FAITH, that he'd really change, make me feel so stupid

Thank you so much for your sympathy. Please keep me in your prayers so that I'd really make my best decision.

I give myself until this week to decide whether I'll file for a divorce or not. He said that he'd never do it. He said that all his threats were just words, he didn't mean it. I really don't know what to trust from him anymore.

Don't let what he says get to you, he is trying to break you down emotionally. I am not religious but my understanding is that the only one fit to decide if you are a good Christian or not would be God, not some low-life who doesn't work and lives off his wife's and her family's money and then turns around and tries to make it look like he's doing YOU the favors.

You deserve so much better than the way this guy is treating you, just remember documents are paper and can be replaced. Get yourself and your kids out of there.

Yes, we don't live with him anymore. Eventhou he keeps asking me where I am, I don't tell him.

I got my new phone #, but I don't tell him either. So every communication between us is thru emails.

I really need to end this as soon as possible and disappear forever from him.

Thank you so much. I won't allow him to drag me down anymore. Probably if I didn't have any kid, it would be such an adventure for me. But I do have kids who really depend fully on me.

sorry who did the kids stayed with when u were gone for two weeks? just wondered?

The kids stayed with my childhood friend. She's like a sister to me.

My husband and her had a big argument before because she tried to help me escaped. After that argument, I never bothered her to help me anymore because it did make things worse for me and my kids.

He was upset as well because I trusted her more than him to take of my kids while I was gone. He even messaged her and said so many bad words, but I told her not to response, and just saved all the messages.

OF COURSE I can't trust him!! I have 2 young daughters. How could I let him take care of them?

I have relatives live in CA also, but since we were together, he didn't allow me to contact them because at the very beginning they didn't like him. And now I don't want them to know also what's actually happening to me. I feel so embarrassed that they're right all along.

Stupid would be putting yourself and your children in danger because of "stuff." Stuff is replaceable.

Your story is setting off alarm bells with me. It's too familiar (not my situation, but someone very close to me) and if your husband is anything like that man, it could get a lot worse. When someone like that doesn't get what they want, the threats escalate, and eventually they start carrying out the threats. It's not worth it, in my opinion.

I know the injustice stings. But you have to make the smartest choice.

Yes, I totally agree with you. I must make the smartest choice.

He keeps bugging and begging me to come back and also tries to test my Christianity for not forgiving him.

He said that marriage vows is for forever. But then he said the reason I really want this divorce because I must have a new man. It's always his weapon to attack me and his words really make me feel like a h**ker. His messages kept going on all night.

Deep in my heart, I don't want this divorce. Never thought I would have this divorce when I decided to use his last name as my married name. It's my 2nd marriage and I think I've done my very best to save our marriage. I kept telling him before that I didn't wanna die because of feeling so depressed here. America isn't my home. I dont feel that I belong here. The reason I overstayed my visa was him only, but he just love accusing me of cheating. He even said that the counselors, that we went to, had a sex interest on me. Isn't that insane??

I told him last week that if he gets a job and acts as a husband and a loving father for my kids (no high tone voice nor yelling) probably everything would get better because he won't have to check every little thing happening in the apt, such as a small paper on the carpet, a bit of crackers on the couch or just some small things on the dining table.

But then he laughed at me. He said he would never wanna support 3 spoiled brats (me and my 2 kids). It did hurt my feeling a lot. It's shown that he wants me to be with him so that he doesn't have to work. What kind of love is that?

I could keep going on and on. It's such a very stressful feeling, but I know I gotta be strong for the sake of my kids.

Please keep us in your prayers. I really need it. I'm going to meet the attorney today.

Probably I'd just let him have everything, but my documents. Probably I'd give him a lesson and let the attorney do it for me. I still don't know.

Thank you so much again for your time.

I really appreciate it.

God bless

He's a bully, and bullies make threats to get what they want. I don't know what he'd be reporting you to USCIS for. Fraud? I'm sure they deal with angry ex-spouses pretty frequently.

As for your stuff, when I got divorced, An attorney told me I couldn't remove anything from the house without my husband's consent. He wouldn't give it, of course, because he didn't want me to leave. So I just left with nothing. I don't think anyone can stop your husband from destroying your stuff, which is also his stuff. The best you could hope for would be a judge to award you compensation as part of the divorce judgement.

Thank you so much for your insights. I probably will do the same thing as you did.

I actually don't really care about my stuffs, but my documents. My friends and family told me to let him have it. It's for my own safety.

But my mind doesn't allow me to let him have all my stuffs when he never spends a penny on me.

We even bought our wedding rings from the money that my parents sent me. I just feel so stupid for letting this happen too long.

Divorce takes 6 months to become final, if no one contests. Once you file, he isn't supposed to do anything to your joint property without your consent, but that's difficult to enforce.

You can request to go back to your maiden name when the divorce is final. It's in the judgement paperwork.

Thank you so much.

I'll keep it in mind.

I truly hope that your story is exaggerated. I feel so bad for your kids.

I know it's hard to leave stuff that's yours to some ####**le that doesn't deserve it. But if I were in your position, I'd scoop up my kids and get on the first plane back to my mother's. Starting over sucks, but I'd get as far away from that man as possible. He sounds dangerous. What good is a greencard if you have to live in fear?

Yes, you're right.

That's what I have in mind.

I'll take the kids back to my country after I file the divorce.

There's no reason for me to live here. I thought and thought that he'd change for a better, but by the things he did (withdrew all the money, changed the ebay and paypal accounts and still threatened to report me to the immigration) I've made up my mind that I will not allow him to abuse me like this any longer.

Contact a family law attorney and begin divorce proceedings. The attorney can also advise you about obtaining your property from the home.

From what you are saying, there is no reason to delay.

I'll meet the family law attorney (divorce lawyer) tomorrow.

My husband said if I didn't come and get my stuffs, he'd discard all my stuffs. How could he do that? Did anyone have this kind of experience before?

I've been back to the for 7 days, trying to find an apt. Right now we're staying in the motel.

First I thought I'd find a place first then take care this issues. However, because he threatened me that he'd throw away all my stuffs and report me to USCIS if I don't come back to him, I surely need a lawyer to handle this. I really know nothing about the US law. It scares me.

Sorry that you are having to deal with this.

I have dealt with people like this before, Understand that it is just a form

of control what the abusive person does to the so called weaker one. It sounds like he is dealing with

BIPOLAR disorder (one minute nice and the next He blows up). I know their is two sides to a story so i try not to judge.

But if he is dealing with this, he will always have this problem to over come. I know that it is not fun having to live with one that changes mood in a mintue, it sounds like you are a strong person and i know that you will handle it the best way for you and most important for those Innocent kids. Dont let anyone tear your Down to bill themselfs up.

I only hope the best for

Take care

Thank you so much.

I just don't feel secured and safe around him. He still tries to beg me to come back, but I know the same things will happen again and again.

It's not right for my kids. He sometimes screamed and yelled at them just because the kids made a mess or because they tried to defend me.

I really dont mind the immigration takes away my GC because he was the reason why I overstayed my visa here, but does he have a right to take my everything?

How long usually does the divorce process take in California? I must change my name to my maiden name also because I used my marriage name (his last name) for all my documents here.

First because I was scared to have my own bank account. I had one before, but then I closed it because he told me that the immigration could find me for I overstayed my visa. So for 2 yrs, my parents transferred the money to his account. I opened the Ebay/paypal accounts also by using his name. I also sell authentic expensive handbags overseas. We even opened a company for this handbag business, but everything was under his name. He did help me a lot because I could use his credit cards for purchasing items and he drove me here and there also. But I thought he did it because he loved me, because I couldn't drive and because he didn't spend a penny for me and my kids.

After we got married last year, my parents sometimes transferred to his account and sometimes to our joint bank acct. He said because the IRS wouldn't be suspicious if the transferred would be split.

I have all the proofs (transfer slips that my parents did).

I still receive salary from my parents' companies. Eventhou I'm jobless here, I work for them, help them and the companies thru emails or calls.

Yes, I have saved all the emails. I told him to stop contacting or I'd call the police, but he just laughed at me and said I was stupid for doing it.

Hi VJers,

I hope you guys can help me how to solve my problems.

We were married last year after 1.5 yrs been together. It's not a happily ever after marriage, but we both tried to save our marriage by going to counselors eventhou it always ended up him having a hot argument with them because he didn't wanna accept what they said.

He's a US citizen and has a very bad temper. He controls everything. Even a small trash on the floor could make him so upset. My kids and I are afraid of him, but he can be so sweet sometimes.

I finally overstayed my visa because of him. He was afraid I wouldn't be able to return to the US because he put me in jail. He called a police on me for slapping his face once. I know it's really my fault, but I really couldn't stand it. He screamed, yelled at me and called me a h**ker in front of my kids. I was about to leave him at that time.

I actually tried many times to runaway, but he kept all my stuffs and didn't give me any money. Even the police couldn't help me to get my stuffs because the apt was under his name and he claimed everything was his.

Afraid my kids would starve to death and felt embarrassed my family would know about it, I tried my best to make him happy. He likes threatening me that he'd report me to the immigration so they'd deport me. I asked him to buy me the airlines tickets but he never wanted to do it.

He said that by keeping my stuffs and money is to show me that he truly loves me. These ups and downs situations happens almost every week. After he blows out his anger on me, he'll be calm for a few days then it happens again.

In short, I finally got my conditional GC last April. We started the process in Jan. In those 3 months process, I think I told our immigration lawyer a few times to cancel it because I couldn't stand living with him, but with his fake charm he told them that I was just angry and everything should be continued.

For family matters I flew to my country in the beginning of this month planning to be there for 2 wks only. Just a couple of days I got there he accused me of cheating with men in my country, sent me so many angry emails saying h**ker, sl*t, b**ch and other bad names.

I tried not to reply to his emails because I was busy with my family there. I didn't let him ruin my days.

Then he threatened me that he'd report me to the immigration so I couldn't return back to the US. Fyi, I left my kids here because their AOS still pending. He withdrew all the money from our joint accts and told me that he'd sell/throw all my stuffs.

I felt so fed up. I told him that I'd file for a divorce because he can't scare me like this everytime he wants. He then said sorry. He admitted that he was drunk, but I didn't buy it anymore.

While I was in my country, I contacted as many immigration lawyers as possible whether I'd be able to return back to the US or not. I felt so much relieved that they all said it'd be okay.

I also found out that he used the money my parents sent to his acct for personal expenses (student loans, stock investments, etc) without telling me.

And now I'm back in LA, trying to find a place.

Yesterday he said that he gave me 2 days to get my stuffs out from our apt. And I'm only allowed to get my personal items, nothing more. I have many expensive items in our apt and he's selling those on Ebay.

He said if I don't do it, he'll discard them all by Monday.

I told him that I'd be able to do it before this month ends, but he said No.

Does he have a right to do it?

He also said that he'd tell the USCIS that our marriage was a fraud so they'd take my GC away.

Is it possible?

Does it have a right to take all the money out of our joint bank acct?

What should I do to get what I actually own?

He sends me emails at least 20 messages a day, from a sweet loving words to the angry harassing statements. I'm ignoring them all and trying to focus on how to solve these issues.

I'm planning to meet a divorce lawyer tomorrow, but this problems really haunt me.

Your advices are really needed.

Thank you so much.