OJSub

repeat - bring monies.

This is her first marriage, their only child, and you are intending to take her away from them.

What just happened?

Well, you took away their retirement program (Parents live with the child, when retired) and

they've doted on her for 20+ years (as she's an only child, a product of the China One Child Policy) and

any hope of minding the grandchild is being yanked from them (child minding is a big dealio for grandparents)

so

bring monies.

You can think of it as a dowry, if that helps you get over the culture shock aspect.

You might want to offer up that any children born will be raised bi-lingual, and will be sent to the grandparents each summer vacation after the 2nd grade in school, combined with 2 yearly trips each year on HER, with one of them including you.

Whew !

Seriously - this is going to be the biggest negotiation you're gonna make in yer lifetime - you really should plan ahead. Bring 20,000 usd and place half in their hands - put the other half in yer lass's hands and tell her to use it for the engagement party. That engagement party will be the biggest 'blind faith' investment that you put out - she'll get 1 to 2 times back in red envelopes when planned properly (and trust me - for 10K USD? She can plan it properly) and if'n yer a nice fella, she'll share that with you .

But don't listen to me, aye?

Get some other opinions from China Folk who married a lass (as her first marriage in her 20's) and see what they say, aye?

Go Get Em !

Thanks for continuing to follow up with me. Just a brief sit-rep, currently my fiancee tells me that her parents are unwilling to meet with me. Also, coming up with $20,000 is out reach for me currently. That comes up to more than half of my yearly salary. Money is just money, and she is absolutely worth it, but an unsecured loan is my only chance of coming up with that much any time this year. The subject of children is a point of contention between her and her parents. She has never wanted children, and neither do I. Both of us would only ever consider adoption, which is one of the many reasons we are a good match. Previously her parents were fine with her choice, but have switched on that view as well.

In the mean time I have been trying to communicate with the consulate in Guangzhou about our case regarding the expiration date of my petition, as well as the possibility of using alternate documents. When I talked with the state department domestically they said that if no action had been taken by my fiancee by the May 4th expiration date of my petition then the case would be considered abandoned and we would have to start over. However, when I sent my email to the consulate explaining the situation and asking about the possibility of an extension, they replied saying that applicants generally have one year from the date their "packet 3" is sent to them to return it. In our case, they said that my fiancee would need to return her packet 3 forms by January 23, 2014. Does this make sense. I read another post on this forum saying that automatic extensions are especially common with applications in China. The same post also mentioned a form letter that could be sent to request an extension. I just don't know if I should advise her to send in her packet 3 forms now and then ask that her interview date be pushed back, or if it is better to wait to send in those forms until after we have settled things with her parents. I can send transcripts of my email correspondence with the consulate if I am being unclear.

I also wanted to ask a few questions about the hukou book you mentioned. Does that document need to be taken to the interview, or is it only needed in order to obtain other documents needed for the interview? Or both? If it is needed to obtain other documents, are there any alternate ways to obtain these documents? I asked the consulate if there were any alternate documents that could be used in its place, but they ignored that part of my question both times. I read on the consulates FAQ that if the applicant was unable to provide a particular document that they could bring a letter explaining the circumstances that made that document unavailable, and that this would be taken into consideration. It did not specify which documents were potentially excusable though.

Thanks again for all your efforts to give me advice and direction. I can understand that they would have concerns, but the whole thing really seems to have come out of left field considering they are the ones who wanted their daughter to be introduced to an American in the first place. Anyway, if you have any advice to address these questions, I would be much obliged.

Hi,I totally understand your situation. As my parents almost acted the similar. At first they was agree to help me obtain the birth certificate, but then they said they would perfer I stay in China with my fiance instead of moving to America. I understand it just beacuse they care about me and they don't want a daugther marry so far away. If in China, we could watch out each other and see each other oftenly. But as I kept trying to pursuade them, let them know how much I want to be together with my fiance and slo more oppitunities for me than in china for my career, and told them more about their future grandson or granddaughter.My family finally accepted it. And My papa is helping me to obtain the birth certificate now, as My fiance and I are still waiting for our NOA2, it's taking forever.

BTW My fanice met my parents last year. He didn't speak Chinese, but he always wore a nice smiling on his face , it helped that kinda give a good impress for the family.

Good luck to you

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I am glad you were able to work things out with your family. Hopefully my fiancee will be able to do the same with her family. I just wish they had voiced their concerns before our NOA2 came through. Good luck on yours coming through quickly. The Vermont center got ours out about 1 month past the expected turn around time, but Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years Day probably slowed them down a little. I hope you two will be able to start your life together soon.

April 4th is the Qingming holiday and maybe not a bad time to shoot for to go and meet the parents. As Darnell says showing up with a hongbao is a must. Check with our your fiancée as to how much. Assure them that you are very capable (and willing) to take care of their daughter and also that you know how important she is to her family. Expect tears and be respectful.

Raleigh/Durham has over 20,000 Chinese residents and isn't that far from Wilmington. My wife writes for China Star which is one of the largest Chinese language newspapers in the southeast and it's located in Cary. Cary also has a Buddhist temple and there are several great Chinese markets. There were several large CNY events in Raleigh this year.

Good luck!

Thanks for the information. We have discussed moving to the Triangle some time after she arrives, since I know her job prospects would be better there. She was really looking forward to a summer by the beach her first year here though. I did read about a "Chinatown" mall conversion with a cultural center across from RDU airport, but last I heard the plans had kind of stalled. I'll ask her about the Qingming holiday the next time we talk. We'll have to plan to visit some of those Chinese markets. It would be nice if I could greet her with a pouch of those hellfire spicy chicken feet that she likes.

I have the utmost confidence that you will succeed in this endeavor just based upon your sincerity when writing. As you have suggested, I believe your best bet is to travel over there and meet her parents. From the fact you will meet them face-to-face, and for your future USCIS perspectives, it’s a win, win, situation. Who knows what their mind set will be or how savvy and informed they are regarding the situation of the US versus China. However, giving you food for thought, they might be addressing the long term stability between the two countries. For example, possibility, they are debating the strong viable economy growth potential for China. Yes, less freedom, but let’s view the US’s future with 17 Trillion dollars in debt, and still growing. Again, who knows how knowledgeable they are or what they are actually considering overall. Needless to say, be prepared to discuss any level of advantages as far as her future is concerned in the US. Additionally, read the WEB and any other resources to discover details about their culture. Even with all of our problems in the US, I still would take our country over any other today. I’m a strong patriot! (Smile) May God’s speed be with you and keep us informed of your progress when you have the time.

Thanks for the encouragement. I talked with my fiancee last night about the possibility of the visit. She was worried that the language barrier between her parents and myself would only frustrate them and make things worse. She could translate most things for us, but she is not completely fluent in English. There would be some complex ideas and as well as some things that she doesn't really have a context for, never having been here, that would be difficult to convey. I have asked the mutual friend that introduced us to try to pass along some of these subjects. I have not given up on the idea of visiting, but I have to take her concerns into consideration, as she knows her parents' disposition better than I do. In the mean time I am attempting to get an extension on the expiration date of our I-129f petition.

Have you ever met the parents?

Something else to consider, they might be worried about who will take care of them as they age. Also, are you planning on petitioning for them?

How is your knowledge of Chinese culture? Maybe its worth looking through the China forum subsection?

It is reasonable for them to worry about her quality of life, is there a Chinatown near you? (Does anyone in it publish a newspaper you could take?) Perhaps you could take information about Chinese events in your area, and that would make them feel better? Give them a picture of what her new life would look like in terms of activities/etc. Meanwhile, you can work on getting the paperwork.

Thanks for the reply. I have not met her parents, but I am considering making an emergency trip to do so. Unfortunately there is no Chinatown anywhere in North Carolina that I have ever heard of. There is a small Chinese population in my area, but not big enough to organize any real cultural events. I can really only assure them that I love her and will make sure that she is safe and comfortable in her life here.

I heard a teacher state the following cliché I heard years ago, “Go in like a lion, come out like a lamb.” Well, in your case I would recommend the opposite. Both you and your fiancée should first go in like a “lamb.” However, fist you need to find the “sweet” spot with her parents first. In other words, address their concerns with solutions. Outside of the culture difference you have not elaborated much on specifics her parents are concerned about. If it is culture alone, then I would first explain and be as creative as possible to state that their daughter will be surrounded with the Chinese culture in your area. If it is about religion, I would fly over there and join whatever religion they are affiliated with. Please understand I’m not one for deception, but sounds like her parents are not being fair. Least, but not last, go in like a lion if the first method does not work. Meaning, the reality is the daughter is in love, and she will eventually make the move. When she does, and there are ill feelings with the parents, you guys may not visit too much. Additionally, there may be a relationship with grandchildren that they might reconsider not missing. On a sad note, if it is about you being an American alone, then you most likely have a hard rode to tow. In short, first discover her parent’s line items of concerns and go full swing to assure them that you will meet their demands. God’s speed my friend!

Thanks for the reply. From what I have gathered her parents are worried about her job prospects and her language skill here. Her family is not very religious, so I think that wouldn't be the problem. As far as me being American, it was her mother's idea to have her friend here in the US introduce her to an American. I am doing my best to address any concerns they have, but I can't speak with them directly because of the language barrier. I am having to convey everything through my fiancee and the family friend that introduced us to each other. They seem to be plugging their ears though. But the problem is not that my fiancee is bowing to their will, it is that they have her residency record, or "hukuo book," and are basically holding it hostage. From what little I know about it, that document can nearly impossible to obtain except through a parent, even as an adult. I will take your advice into consideration when dealing with them. I may make an emergency trip to China to meet with them in person. We are just running out of time as far as paperwork deadlines go though.

Have you thought about flying over there and meeting with her parents? I spent a week with my fiance's parents and at the end of the week they gave us their blessing - just a thought.

Thanks for the reply. I actually just cleared that idea with my boss today and got the OK to take off for a week if I need to. My tourist visa just expired this past weekend though, so I would have to get another one quickly. I am going to talk with her again tonight and see what she thinks about this idea. From what I have been able to get from her, and a friend of her mother who lives in the states, is that they are concerned that she will not be able to find a good job here and will end up living poorly. I'm not rich, but I do make a comfortable salary, so they need to understand that she will be safe and secure with me. Unfortunately, they don't speak any english, and I don't speak any chinese, so communicating with them will be hard. I am ready to make the effort though.

That's rough. Sorry that they are trying to stop you guys from being together. It's a different culture there…

But anyway, isn't there a way for her to get an official copy of her birth certificate from some type of government office in the town she was born?

Thanks for the reply. I know that she has contacted a registry bureau in her home town, but from what I gathered from our conversation, that office wanted to see her residence registry book before they would give her anything. I think this registry book is one of the documents her parents are withholding from her. I'll ask again and make a phone call to the consulate later tonight after the sun rises there. Maybe they can make it more clear to both of us exactly what documents she needs to go forward with the application.

If anything necessary, you can ask your fiance to go to the local registry police station to ask the officers there to provide the birth certificate. Note one thing that it's just a statement about her name, birth date, ID number, where born, parents name and their ID, her registry address. Be sure to make clear about the date and stamp of the birth certificate statement. As to the English translation version of b/c, you can tell your fiance to get it translated in a notary office in her registry province. It's not that hard to do all these things. As to if she needs to provide her registry book or not, I am not so sure. But I didn't use registry book anyway.

It's not the time to reason with her parents. She may be born to a family with a very strict family education. She is an adult and she needs to know what is best for her. If she yields to her parents, only to prove that she is not in love with you that strongly enough. And if she really values the relationship with you, tell her to hurry to finish the rest documents work. It's not time to beg or reason whatever. And time is a good problem solver. One day her parents will agree with her choice and realize that she deserves her challenges.

Thank you for the advice. I think it is both her birth certificate and her registry book that are being withheld from her. She has been living and working in Beijing since she graduated college 4 years ago, but never registered her residency there. She was able to obtain a passport a couple of years ago, but I don't know what the government there requires for that application. I will tell her what you said about contacting the registry police station, but I think she may have already tried that. Is there no other way to get her registry book other than obtaining it from her parents? I don't really know what sort of document that is. It seems that as an adult, she should have free access to all of her official records. And I know she is worried about destroying her relationship with her family, but as you say, they love her and in time should come to accept the choices she has made for her own life. Thanks again, and please share any further knowledge you have about what documents are absolutely necessary during her K-1 application.

Can she reason with them ? This is one of my greatest frustrations to witness in life, parents (or anyone for that matter) feeling like they have some ownership of their children. I would persuade her to reason with them as an adult, not in a begging or desperate manner, but with the stature of grown and independent woman who knows her right for independence. Freedom from oppression is something humans have fought throughout history, and it is each individuals right to have, don't give up, sometimes freedom is something you must demand rather than ask for. I have said it before on these forums, forgive me if I seem harsh, but anyone who tries to stand between me and my will is not dealt with lightly.

Thank you for your reply. We have been talking about this quite a bit tonight. She has been trying since her visit home during the Chinese New Year holiday, talking with them on a daily basis. Apparently they even tried to set her up with a new boyfriend. I gave her advice similar to what you describe. I even suggested her consulting a lawyer as a final resort. I don't know if that would help, but I wanted to put all options I could think of on the table. I share your opinion about trying to seize control of my, or anyone else's, life. I love and respect my parents, but it would not be pretty if they tried to do the same thing to me. If her parents are stubborn, is there any way to extend expiration date on the petition?

does she have a hukuo book from the prior city, in her hands?

does she have a hukuo book from her current city, in her hands?

Thank you for your reply. I asked, and she doesn't have either one in hand. She is still registered at her parents residence, and I think this is one of the documents her parents are withholding. She does have a passport and a drivers license though.

Hi everyone. My fiancee, a Chinese citizen, and I are in a tight spot. I got the NOA2 for our petition back in January. The expiration date is May 4th. My fiancee has not begun the visa application because her parents have suddenly changed their minds about her coming to the US and will not give her a copy of her birth certificate. She says that she needs to provide "proof of permanent residency" in Beijing, where she has been living and working for the past 4 years. Needless to say this has become a very stressful situation and I we are very concerned about running out of time to get the visa application in. She tried calling here hometown's "public security bureau" but apparently they weren't much help. If anyone at all has any advice at all please help.

Hi, sorry to be such a noob, but I just stumbled across this very helpful site a couple of days ago. I will be visiting my fiancee in China in about a week and a half, flying out May 26th. Short notice for a forum question, I know, but we would like to get the K-1 visa process started and I was wondering if I should take any of the forms with me to be filled out during our time together. I was thinking that any of the forms that required her signature would be easier to do in person and bring back when I return, rather than waiting for international mail. I know the G-325A and the letter of intent both require her signature. I thought I'd get the passport photo of her as well. Are there any other forms that would be good to fill out during the trip? Also, is the wording in the example letter of intent provided on this site enough, or should it be personalized a bit more? I was considering consulting a visa service, such as RapidVisa, but many members of this site recommend the help of fellow forum members instead. Any advice would be much appreciated as I am just getting into all of the paperwork and am feeling a little overwhelmed.

many thanks,

Jesse