bvpshenvalley2

I'd move to my wife's country in a heartbeat if it was possible. I have kids from a previous marriage, one of which I still support. No way could I do that in her country, in fact the odds of I being able to work at all are slim and none.

***Yup, we have a toddler--taking care of her and giving her the best education is top on my list. I fear that we will not be able to provide that in Peru. I know we live in a not so fun area here in the US, but after a year of looking for a job, I took the first one I could get.

My wife never had a desire to move to the USA. She also had a strong work ethic and the period of time she was stuck in the house was driving her crazy. Even after starting work it hasn't been easy for her to adjust to being away from her family and home country. Its taken a lot of support from me, and a lot of acceptance of her acting out when its getting to her. It never surprises me when I see international marriages fall apart, of for a sudden swing into moving to the other's country.

***Very insightful.......I think some people may think that the USA is better than their country and they are not prepared for the change. I think that is what happened with my husband. I knew it would be a big change for him. Unlike your wife, he came from a poor family and the jobs was able to find were hardly enough to support a family. I didn't have the same reaction when I moved to Peru earlier because I expected worse than my country and I just dealt with it.

Life where you've brought your husband sounds like it was just too much for him to take. Moving to a better place may have been a better option, but that's water under the bridge now, as he's returned with your child to his home country. If he's willing, maybe you could move your location to a place where he could thrive rather than wither. But barring that, it sounds like you moving there is the best option. After the bitter taste he got from the first attempt to live here, he may not be willing to return. I know my wife never would have at a certain point in her first years in the USA. If at all possibly, a child needs two parents, don't give up on your child and being with your husband if the love between you exists. One day when the USA's economy is doing better, maybe you can move as a complete family back.

***He just told me that he wanted to move back here. He can survive in his country, but he wants what we have here for our child. I am going to make him wait. For one, I need to save up the money for the ticket. Two, he needs to be absolutely sure he wants to stay here. I left my options open but a promotion just came up for me and I got it, so I should stay here for a while to make the training worth it for my company. I didn't want to not pursue it because he was in Peru. I am hoping the workload is better and I am at least able to get my daughter back for a while. I am also studying for my TEFL so I haven't closed my mind off to living there. I think we need to weigh our options every year. We are still on good terms and still in love---but we have a lot of talking to do.

Thank you so much for your replies. I little clarity. I am the more educated one, he is not. I have lived in Peru. I lived in Lima where I barely earned enough to pay the bills (although I would not choose to live in Miraflores again where it is more expensive). I also lived in Iquitos where I could not find a job. There my husband has family who like to drink a little too much....and my husband unfortunately cannot say no. Which is why I seriously don't want to move to Peru. I am the more responsible one and in the US, I can save a little bit of money.

I cannot say why I cannot get a job in Atlanta. I don't know. It could be that I am middle age and had not had a stable work history in two years due to moving around in countries. A lot of people are having problems finding jobs.

Gosia and Tito, I agree with your comment. I lived in Peru and didn't try to make life miserable because of all the things I missed about America. I was doing what I had to do. People that are successful do what they have to do.

Right now, I do have a job that is not family friendly and I have no family in the area that I can trust. I don't want to be a frazzled mom. I know some people do it and I applaud them. My fear is that I won't be good at both jobs (job and parent) by myself and my daughter would suffer. I did let my daughter go to Peru and I am aware of the chance I am taking. I still trust him to do the right thing and let her come here if I can swing it.

I am studying for my TEFL right now. I was thinking that I can rent my house out and at least go down for a year until my daughter is old enough to attend preschool. I think it may be a little easier to work at my company with her a little older.

Thanks again for all the advice. Keep it coming.

I just found this thread and have just recently made that very hard decision myself. My daughter is only 20 months old. My husband recently took her with him to his country of Peru. I am angry that he made me choose between being a single mom with not support in the US or living without my young daughter. I made the decision because he has family there to take care of her and I don't. I work a non-family friendly stressful job in the US and I felt that she deserved better than a frazzled mother that had two hours at the end of the day if that to tend to her needs. He also had been taking care of her most of her life as a stay at home dad so separation from him would be more trauma for her than separation from me.

I need some advice on what you all would do in this situation.

My husband and I met 4 years ago and married six months later in his home country of Peru. I was just able to get him here on a visa as I just got a job last year in the US and was able to sponsor him myself. Before I brought him here, I had been living in Peru with him to establish residency so I can file DCR and not be separated from my husband or be a single mom (we have a toddler).

It didn't take long for him to start complaining. Within months we were arguing on how he wanted to go home and how he wanted to work, and how he didn't want to be stuck in the house watching my daughter. In my spare time, I tried looking for jobs for him, but we were always rejected. The problem was that we live in a town that is run-down and does not have many jobs. I spoke with a recruiter in Atlanta ( a big Latino community) who told me that they could get him job, but I wasn't able to obtain a job there. He wanted to move there anyway but I barely made enough money to pay the bills and I couldn't imagine taking care of two households. Also, there would be nobody to care for our daughter as I work crazy hours at a non-family friendly business and he would not have enough money to pay for his own apartment in Atlanta.

Another problem we had is that we live in the country and he does not have a license. The driver's manual in GA is in English only with the test in Spanish. I tried to direct him to other states driver's manuals, but he told me they did not match the test. I tried to go over the driver's manual with him, but he just fell asleep.

Well, he finally found a job in Peru. We had argued enough before and I was tired of the begging, pleading and crying for him not to give me the two worst options of my life: be a single mom here (with no family and a crazy family unfriendly job) or send my daughter down to Peru with him where he has family. I let her go down with him as I didn't feel I could give her what she needed with my work schedule.

I would like to try to find a more family friendly job here in the US and bring my daughter back, but with my luck, that can take a while. He thinks I should move down there, but it scares me to put my future in his hands as I am the more educated and responsible one.

My questions to you all? Have any of you been put in a situation when you decided to move to the foreign person's home country for a more than temp basis. It wasn't the plan to move to his country until I retired, I thought everyone wanted to come to the US?

Also, what could I have done different to get him a job here? Please don't take this the wrong way, but I see many Latinos here (and I don't care their legal status) that are living here with their families. I always want to ask them where do they work? I also want to know how they are living as I said, I have to watch what I spend.

My husband just entered the US in August 2012. We did not receive a social security card in the mailand my husband received no instructions as such when he left his interview in Lima. We received the green card in the mail about a month after he arrived We then had to wait about three weeks after receiving the green card (for the information to transfer over) to go to the Social Security office in person and apply for the social security card. That then came in the mail a month later.

Ok, I just got a new job and I am perusing over all of my benefit forms. My spouse is still in his home country (although he should be here in a few months) and I have a child.

I want to designate my spouse as the beneficiary on my life insurance. The problem is that they need a valid SS#. When he arrives here, he will have one, but until that he doesn't.

I don't want to designate another relative as I feel that my spouse is the best one to receive the benefits and I don't exactly get along with most of my family. I also don't want to designate my daughter as I am afraid it may be locked until my daughter turns 18 (correct me if I am wrong).

I know it is only a few months, but if something should happen during that time, I want to make sure my spouse has the money to take care of my child.

Has anybody encountered a similar situation and what did you do?

It never hurts to contact the appropriate office, explain your situation, and see if they will give it to you. I was able to file DCF in Lima even though I didn't have residency. All I did was email the USCIS office and they responded positively.

I am getting ready to fill out the I-864. I want to know what I have to submit as proof of assets.

1. I just started a job last week. It pays more than 125% of federal poverty guidelines for a family of 3. The problem being is that I have not earned any income from the job. Could I submit a letter from my employer? Would the income suffice even though I haven't earned any yet this year (My last year's tax return was only 5000. The two before that meet the poverty guidelines for a family of three)

2. I just bought a house (two weeks ago). Can I just submit the HUD statement (or whatever shows the sales price of the house), the addendum showing the lien on the house, the deed, and the appraisal.

The appraisal is 26 pages, do I have to submit them all or just the summary.

Thanks for your help.

* ***

You mentioned consequences and shame if you went back to your home country--isn't that the same for her. I think you can stay in the US if you separate/divorce her (I think it is Removal of Conditions--correct me if I am wrong). You may be able to find an American woman here also. Maybe you should call your parents and discuss the option of divorcing your wife, staying in the US and remarrying. Then calmly (like you are the winner and she is the loser) have a conversation with your wife regarding the consequences for her if you two were to be divorced. Hopefully she comes around.

Marriage is a difficult dance. Sometimes it works, but only if two people love each other and two people work on the marriage. From what you describe, only one person is working on it. If she is like this now, imagine what kind of mother she will be.

BTW your SSN is your Tax ID. There is no need to get anything else. You only need a Tax ID if you don't have a SSN.

Oh, I am sorry that you were treated like that. Hopefully they don't treat my husband like that when he gets here.

Chicago takes 8 months or more--check the visa processing timelines on this site. If you have residency in the country that you are trying to file DCF you should be eligible. To my best knowledge DCF is always faster.

My guess is that you can have a wedding without making it official (no license, no official that can pronounce you married). When you get the visa, have a small court house wedding (with witnesses). I don't think UCSIS will question if nothing is official. They will question if you do something official as I have read of a couple that married before their fiance visa came through. The last I read, the wife was not allowed in the US for 10 years.

I seriously applaud the OP. A long distance relationship between two countries is difficult. It is very difficult to get to know someone that way. My husband and I spoke for 6 months before meeting and getting married in his country (to get him a visa to accompany me to Costa Rica). I didn't realize what kinda of person he was until I lived with him a couple of months in the city where he grew up. I advise everyone considering this to live very close to the family and friends for a good while. It opened my eyes up alot. After two years of marriage and 8 months of living together (and one child) I am now just filing the I-130.

Yes, that does help. The handout states that I need an original marriage certificate. It does not say whether the divorce decree can be a copy or an original (I only have copies)/ Now I know that I do not have to run around looking for an apostille. Our marriage certificate is from the Iquitos RENIEC. Where do I get the extra legalization from?

I just got the handout stating what I need to bring to file DCF. I have a few questions for those who have done this recently.

1. They want an original marriage certificate. Mine is from Peru. We do have the one from RENEIC. Must I bring one with an apostille when I first go to file the I-130.

2. Does the divorce certificate have to be original (I only have a copy of the original certified copy).

I actually had the packet ready to send to Chicago so I only have copies as the instructions for the I-130 state only to send copies. I did not know that I would be able to file DCF until recently.

Thanks.

Ok--why I will not open a joint account with him--he mishandles money. There are plenty of couples in the US with separate accounts.

Do you think adding him as the beneficiary on my IRA will do? I believe that I added him as beneficiary on this Accidental Death and Dismemberment Ins that I received as a freebie of my bank account. I won't have anything else until I start work in May (I haven't worked for over a year). He also does not have a SSN so I don't know if that would be a problem. I want to get this I 130 out soon as it takes 8 months + to process and I need him to help me take care of our child.

I have pictures of us together, but nobody from my side has met him. I basically eloped, but we had a wedding with his family in his country. Only his friends and family have met us together(and they do not speak nor write in English).

Thanks all.

Ok, this whole process is making me nervous.

I am trying to put together a packet for an I-130. I was wondering if the following evidence is sufficient for evidence of a bona fide relationship since I cannot access call logs right now.

--a copy of the birth certificate for our child born within the marriage

--a copy of all of the pages of my passport (used to prove US citizenship) but it also contains all of the stamps of the many times I have visited my husband's country

-- a wire transfer of funds to my husband and along with it the deed to the house that he purchased with the money at the same general time the money was sent

What else would suffice? I am never going to put his name on any financial account of mine. The only property that we have is either in only my name or only his name (as I was not there to purchase it). I can get a copy of his passport showing his passport stamps and the visa that I had to sponsor for him to come to Costa Rica.

I noticed that the guide states birth certificate OR......OR......OR--to me that means only the birth certificate of the child would suffice. I have perused the forums and many people are stating that the birth certificate is not enough. Would the passport and the birth certificate be enough?

Has anyone only used the birth certificate and not gotten an RFE?