danile

Thanks everyone for your responses! It is just so hard, as he is just not happy here and how do you help someone who has no intention on changing. I have tried through these years so many things and to always end back in the same cycle. I just feel broken hearted. Im going to take some time and just see how things go.

If our marriage ends I feel like a failure and an idiot, I hate that some not all the people in my real world will be "told you so" or "what did you expect". I hate letting down my husband and seeing him in pain too and yet to stay together in such an atmosphere where I know he is seriously not happy and I too am struggling is really hard to.

I find wording the posting so difficult because its such a small piece of the story and so much has gone on in all this time Good and not so Good. I truly thank you all for being there when I reached out I know I have to find the answer within - and i'm scared and sad

Hi,

My husband is just coming here in few days so I'm sure it will be a culture shock for him as well. (so i'm prepared mentally to be patient as much as I can)...You're story sounds very normal when it comes to marriage of foreginer to a middle eastern. Acually my mother's friend married a men from Iran and beginings of their marriage were excattly how u discribe yours. Do you have any children? They have two daughters and one son. I think children make a huge difference for them, especially a son. Their oldest daughter is my age and just got married (to an american) but they make it, somehow they made it work and she did not convert, actually he was the one that accepted the wifes faith. (this is rare) The middle eastern culture is very difficult to "break in", especially if they were raised and lived there for years. I pray that we will manage and make it.

In Egypt, the man is "the man", a woman is for making babies and cooking, basically...and in the usa "the man of the house" sometimes is a woman. A lot of desicions here are done by women. It also depends on his upbrining. My husband has lived alone for over many years, he has been doing his own loundry and cooking. Also, when i went there he was doing my loundry and wanted to cook:) ...so it would be great if he wants to do it here lol.

But thats not really a concern for me. The cultural beliefs are different in some way. Are you the same religious belief? I'm also worried about him adjusting here and making friends; he is coming with automatic belife that people here do not like arabs. These thoughts are not good way to start a new life in foregn country. But I really feel that my husband will adjust. I'm also an immigrant from another europe, but i came when i was 12 years old so the transition was a child is easier than an adult. It did take me around 2 years to begining to like it and "fit it".

Also, him saying that marrying you has ruined his life...I would say do not take it personally. My husband and I fight over the phone and sometimes when you're upset things are said out of anger (or depression) that you do not necessarily mean to say and later on everything is good again. You mentioned he might be depressed,which could be possible, so as a depressed person he is not happy with himself and will say things to you because of it. If he really felt he made a mistake he would already divorced you and went back to egypt or started to look for someone else. so i really think he doesn't mean it he is just unhappy with himself. Have you tried maybe traveling with him within usa or out? or do some sort of activities...joining the gym, some classes....???? Whatever he liked to do in Egypt maybe he can try doing it here? Good luck.

A lot of what you are saying rings true. Thanks for responding. We don't have kids and as for religion I am spiritual but of no denomination. The travel thing would be great , the best time we ever had was the one time we were on vacation it was amazingly peaceful and fun.

The thing is I understand he loves me a I truly love him I just am not sure I continue especially if he feels marrying me has ruined his life. He married an amerian as I married a egyptian I believe it takes compromise not for me to do everything. About the religion /politics I learned long ago never to have an opinion with him about Islam or Egypt . Somtimes it just comes up through casual dialouge or the news and bam were in a battle and as everyone knows it takes two to tango. In his online life he is constantly in dialogue about these topics so it makes it hard as its a main interest pretty much only interest in his life.

Thanks TraciB

, I used to post here many years ago as we went through the torture of getting a visa through cairo. I am posting under an anonymous name as it would cause additional strife if I were voicing these problems in a forum. My husband is here now with me - we have built a nice life together - both have cars, bought a house, he got a decent job. But since day one it has been a struggle of views and culture. I am expected to do everything although he is not critical if things don't get done. His only responsibility he has excepted is to take out the garbage once a week and work 40 plus hours. I too work full time and take on additional work.

The main problem is communication if anything is discussed about politics or religion all hell breaks loose. We end up in huge fights/arguments. Its stupid @# %$^^$% #### o but I am to the point i don't want to talk about anything for fear it will start a battle. I feel he has depression since he came and have spoken to him about this. If he is not at work he is in bed on the computer - he has a hard time making friends and is critical of everyone as being not up to his moral standards. Its so hard to express this in a post as it comes off sounding so simplistic and there are two sides to every story.

I also am tired of carring all the weight of the household form cookin,laundry car care and the house repairs! I have to do everything he is unwilling and by this many years I dont see it changing.

The latest overcast on our relationship is he's a "faliure" compared to his friends in egypt and he ruined his life by marrying me - but it doesn't matter now cause its to late to go home as its to late to rebuild his career to where he left. Im sad I can't take it anymore there have been great times and horrible times but to me it feels like the final straw that I am the default result. I don't know what I am wanting by posting this perhaps others have had similar situations in there mena relationships and found away to improve the situation or how do you know when to part ways

Hi, old user new name