jaycali

Hey Jay...

man, I dunno. I've followed yer stuff, made comments over a years' time, and

basically, if'n you want to have a healthy marriage, you're going to have to do some work, she's going to have to do some work, and the two of you together are going to have to do some work.

That's it, that's all there is to say about that. Sure, the work is painful, but with that stated goal, it's worth it.

It's on you, up to you, to make the decision to step in to the work or step away from the marriage.

Thank you my friend.

And I know. I vent a lot on here. And it's a lot of back and forth - but this is a great place to vent because it's a forum full of married people with long distance and immigration debacles. Few of my real world friends know much about those things.

Sounds like both of you have done enough emotional damage to each other to last a life time, go see a marriage pro, then work it out,

Yes. This is true.

What made you two fall in love in the first place? I mean really we are to different? And you had not even been married a year? #######?

I should elaborate here. I realize I made it sound like we got married on a whim.. Not really knowing each other. This girl was my college sweetheart (I went school in the US). We had known each other for a long time, and been boyfriend/girlfriend for 2 years when we did get married. After that we moved to my country and lived there for a year. Traveled Europe and saved money living at my parents'. We filed when we mutually decided the US was the best choice for us. We had been married for a year when we filed, been together for three, and known each other for four years.

What made us fall in love? I can't pinpoint one thing. The same things that make a lot of college kids fall in love I suppose.

Dude grow up be a man and heal the marriage, it is your marriage,

I've replayed the cheating over and over in my head. I want it to work! I've tried for quite a while, believe me. But like you said, I wonder if there are points at which the emotional damage done is beyond repair or not. A point of no return so to speak. It seems to me that it is..

I posted this hoping someone has had a similar experience and come back from it. Stronger, and more in love.

Most of my friends keep telling me "leave her" but none of them are married, and all are in their 20s. I'm posting on here to hopefully get another take and different inputs from outside my social circle. Which you have given me.

it sounds like you have little or no proof for bona fide marriage. Without two key things (comingled property and co mingled funds) you will more than likely not be able to ROC, even after the divorce, to tell you the truth it sounds li you both used each other, POE evidence does not enter into your claim.

I can prove beyond any doubt that we had a genuine relationship for three years before I came to the US. I have evidence spanning three years of traveling the world, sharing finances etc. I can prove the affair (emails,text messages etc.) and I can prove three - four months of living together and sharing finances after I arrived. Plus the last three weeks.

Sorry for the harsh talk OP but you and your wife both need a firm talking to, take time to rediscover each other and heal the wounds from the past, bonds of trust once broken will not fix themselves overnight, life does not work this way.

I actually appreciate the harsh talk once in a while. Makes me see things from different perspectives.

This isn't so much a trust issue for me as it is a falling out of love issue. I forgave her as soon as I knew how remorseful she was, and I'm confident she will never repeat the same mistake. The issue is not trust. The issue is that I don't forget as easily as I forgive, and that makes it difficult to look at her in the same light.. I used to worship the ground that this woman walked on - I don't anymore.

Background:

Summer 2012, wife had an affair.

December 2012, I came to the US.

January 2013, I found out about parts of the affair. Was willing to work it out, but never got a genuine apology.

Spring 2013, I found out the full extent of the affair, wife left me for co-worker, stating she wanted to remain married, but that I needed to change certain things, and that we should see other people until I've changed, and picked myself up. Meanwhile, she was helping me with bills, realizing I wasn't financially stable.

Summer 2013, I moved out of state for a new job and fresh start, began dating a new girl. Wife "randomly" was offered a job in the same city I was in. Moved in five blocks away, broke up with old co-worker. Wanted to work things out. I refused, happy with new girlfriend. Wife fluctuated between threatening to "report me for marriage fraud" on a bad day to "understanding" on a good day, to being a complete train wreck most of the time. It was horrible to see her like that.

Fall 2013, new move. Wife and I both moved (separately). I made it clear to wife I don't feel the same anymore. She accepted and we remained friends. Wife met a new guy... I got jealous. In November I suggested we try again, from scratch, thinking if I could feel jealousy, there must be something there, and if there is, it's worth trying. Broke up with my girlfriend to focus on my marriage and my wife broke up with her new boyfriend for the same reasons.

We have been living together now again for three weeks in Los Angeles.. And it's not good. On paper, and from the outside, everything looks and seems dandy. It's not. The first week was great. The second week was not. This third week I can barely sleep. We don't fight but nearly all chemistry is gone completely. I love this woman to death, but I am no longer in love with her. I've come to the final conclusion that though I love her to death, she's not the woman I want raising my children, she's not the one I want to grow old with. What really sucks is she is bending over backwards to make amends for everything. She is being more understanding, patient and determined than I have ever seen her before. I just don't feel the same way. I can't sleep at night, and I spend my days wondering whether it's better to "give it a few months", or to break it to her sooner rather than later so I'm not leading her on. We do have intimate moments, and we do have loving moments and good times, but on my end, I just feel like she is a dear friend - nothing more what so ever.

I haven't done any therapy, but I've narrowed my feelings down to this: In coping with the cheating, lack of apology and then leaving me, my defense mechanism was to convince myself that it was never meant to be. That way, it hurt less, and it was easier to accept. I've accepted it, I moved on, and put it my past. I became utterly confused when she wanted me back so badly again.

What do you guys think?

As far as ROC (this is VJ after all), I do plan to stay here, and I do plan to file ROC with a waiver. Deadline isn't for another year, and frankly, I don't have much evidence. I have tons of pre POE evidence but little to show for after the first couple of months after POE. and I do feel that her or her mom might try to "report me" but I am not staying unhappily in a broken marriage for anything.

Let me get this straight..

1. You came here on a K-1.

2. You never got married.

3. You are no longer with your petitioner.

4. You have now married a new woman.

Right?

You basically screwed yourself over when you called off the wedding and didn't go back home. If you enter on a K-1, you can only adjust status based on marriage to the person who petitioned your K-1. If you don't get married and adjust status within 90 days, you are unlawfully present on day 91. Chances are by now you have either a 3 year bar, or a 10 year bar if you've been here more than a year past your 90 day period.

You do not have a green card. A K-1 does not give you a green card as soon as you're in the US! You receive a green card once you get married to the petitioner, and then file for adjustment of status. The entire point of a K-1 is for you to come to the US, get married to your fiance(e) within 90 days, or leave.

Your new wife cannot petition anything for you while you're still in the US. Your only option now is to leave the US and hope you got a 3 year bar and not a 10 year bar.

Gettysburg, PA

happilycontent, you live in LA, I haven't had better Korean food, Mexican food or Vietnamese food anywhere!!

How did the interview go?

Good luck!

How long did you attend ASU? If the 0.78 is for one semester only, I think you'll be fine. If that's the cumulative GPA for your entire time at ASU, you're facing an uphill battle, but it's up to the embassy ultimately. The fact that you received a new I-20 is a very good thing.

Please let us know what happens.

The beneficiary's G325A is the only form in this process that does not need to be signed.

I don't have a legal birth father, at all. And no one knows any info on him and no, there is no way I can find that out for legal reasons. Will it be okay if I leave it blank or should I put my step father...what should I do?

I'm the beneficiary by the way. Thanks!

My wife wrote "unknown - see attachment" and attached a brief explanation stating she had never met her biological father, had never been in contact with him and knew nothing about him. Her step father was listed as father in our marriage certificate, and she included a brief explanation of that as well.

This was never an issue, and was never brought up at the interview.

Absolutely. They're married.

Doesn't matter if they've been married for 24 years or 24 hours.

"Have you ever seen a black person before?"

"Have you ever seen a Mexican before?"

"Was it weird for you to have all these freedoms all of a sudden?"

I still have to explain there is no "automatic citizenship" all the time.

And I did have one person ask if I brought my clogs when I "left the motherland."

Yakutat, Alaska

I think this dude just use the girl to bring him over. He plans this is all out. You just cant fall out of love right away within 6 months being with your wife.

Sorry, this is how I feel about the situation.

It's possible, depending on your wife's conduct..

I totally agree. The debate in the Senate seemed to focus a lot on border security but not much on these issues you mention.

Interesting. Probably others have looked at this closer and you seem to know but I sure wish there was a way to use a process like the I864 to hold a citizen accountable as a sponsor for the visitor. That seems like it could be helpful. I regard to: "...there is green card holder attached, whose actions to take public benefits can be tracked" -- as already mentioned, if we had a better system to track their exit then maybe the citizen sponsor could be in some kind of big trouble (liable for deportation expenses, etc.) if the visitor's exit is not confirmed. I proposed requiring a refundable deposit and presenting a return ticket. I'm afraid that some might say that would just be considered "a cost of doing business" for those with intentions to come here and stay but at least if we had enough biographic information on them which allows them to immediately become "wanted" once they go beyond their expected exit date and allow information to be shared everywhere to prevent them from working or doing anything legally - put out an "APB" on them -- maybe that would be a sufficient deterrent.

To be able to hold a USC accountable for a tourist becoming a public charge, there would have to be a petition-based family visit visa system in place. Not a bad idea really.

Non-immigrant visas work much like a credit history/score. For people with no credit, or low credit, a co-signer is usually used.

The embassy won't rush the visa. AP cannot be expedited. However, I doubt that they will cancel the visa because this conference has already passed.

You friend may have a better case if the divorce is mutually agreed upon and not entirely his fault.

They got married in Abu Dhabi and the alien spouse is in the US with a tourist visa right now. My questions are:

1. What kind of petition that the USC spouse will file?

- File I-130 and I-485 concurrently. I-130 is petition for alien relative, I-485 is for adjustment of status from tourist to permanent resident.

2. What form or forms to submit?

- See above. In addition, they can file I-765 for work authorization while case pending, and I-131 for advance parole while case pending. Those two are optional.

3. What are the requirements?

- They must be legally married by US federal law, the marriage must be bona fide, and they must not have intended to file for adjustment of status when the spouse arrived on the tourist visa.

I'll appreciate any input. Thank you.

Kiruna, Sweden

So everyone seems to agree that we should file I-485 ASAP.

If it is true that it is okay to file concurrent given our situation, I think this is what we will choose to do )

I guess I have one last question, so originally we have a lawyer helping us on our case (not immigration lawyer). He sent and signed our i-130, is it fine if we choose to finish the process ourselves without him?

With VJs help i feel we can get through this better with more accurate informations than we've been given.

Thank you everyone on VJ again.

This has been a great experience on this forum so far )

Yep, file I-485 now and attach a copy of your NOA1.

Unless your husband really does plan on going back to Japan, you can do this yourselves without a lawyer. It's a straightforward DIY process, and aside from extraordinary circumstances, nearly all answers can be found here on the forum.

Good luck!

I can understand and appreciate why AOS is possible for F1 and H1b visa holders, and similar long term visas. How someone can come to the US on vacation, fall in love and get married, without having to at least re-enter the US is beyond me, and really does a lot to make this process a lot harder for legitimate tourists and visitors.

Well written. I agree that many families are treated unfairly in this process, but it is, in part due to the complete lack of enforcement, as well as the relative ease of adjusting status for overstayers - which you do cite.

I'd be for a "no AOS" tourist visa, with limited waivers for extraordinary circumstances.

I am a citizen dating someone that is not a citizen. TOTALLY in love and want to know what we will be facing in future if we decide to get married. Im one of those that (as long as you are good to me and not cheating) dont get too much into personal business in the start of a relationship at least. I do have a few questions. Can you enter as a student and be here over two years legally? If a person is not here legally can you still marry them without issues and they remain in the US with you? I hope im wording this correctly. I just want to be prepared for anything which could come in the way of what I feel is really the happiest time of my life.

A student attending college/university in the US can stay legally in the country for the entire duration of his studies. If his studies exceed 2 years, no problem as long as he attends classes and does not work unauthorized.

As far as illegal presence, this gets tricky and technical. If he entered legally as a student, but stayed beyond his welcome, this is not a large obstacle if he ends up getting married to a USC.

Simply put, if he is currently in the US, and entered legally, and you end up getting married, you should not have any problems. He will not have to leave the US during the process of him getting permanent residency.

Interview -> Visa in hand

The longest wait.

Oregon City, OR

Almost chocked on my coffee when I erroneously read 31 days from NOA1 receipt.

Congrats!!