Liz and Miguel

Estoy completamente de acuerdo en que todo depende de la actitud de la persona y fue lo primero que le dije a mi esposo antes de aplicar por la visa. Le dije que viniera con la mente y el corazón abiertos y que estuviera dispuesto a hacer este país su nuevo hogar. Lo primero que hizo fue tratar de aprender lo más que pudo sobre las cosas quere eran nuevas para él por más sencillas que fueran. Luego obtuvo su licencia de conducir para poder salir en el carro cuando quisiera, así fuera sólo para ir al súpermercado a comprar algo, parece algo muy sencillo pero eso produce una sensación de libertad. Después empezó a estudiar inglés en una escuela que ofrece cursos intensivos para no perder el tiempo estudiando algo básico que no ayuda mucho y eso lo mantuvo ocupado, a la misma vez consiguió un trabajo de medio tiempo en una tienda que también lo mantuvo ocupado. Y así poco a poco se fue adaptando.
Diana

Thanks for all the feedback. This is an important issue in terms of adjustment. We have tried all of the options -- he is studying for his driver's license, I have made him paint, sand, and finish several pieces of bum furniture we have found on the side of the road, we have gone to the gym, singed up for ESL classes at about 12 different latino advocacy centers in Boston, and he even had an opportunity to volunteer at one of the advocacy centers as a financial mentor, which fits because his background is in micro finance. My parents bought him Rosetta Stone, we have gone out to eat typical Nica food, and listen to latin music, and I have taken him to work with me several times, I work for a foster care program for children from Central America who were separated from their parents at the border. He has gone to church with other Latinos, has odd jobs here in there in construction, knows how to take public transport and has his SSN and a bank account, has a MA state ID and a general sense of permanency here.
The reason I give this long list is to reinforce the comment that no matter what you do to help someone adjust, it really has to come from inside of them. In the past weeks, nothing makes my husband happy, and I refuse to believe this is my fault, or that I am not making an effort. I know my husband is incredibly motivated, determined, is normally very positive, and has a lot of drive to be here. But sometimes, for whatever reason, he forgets that. For anyone else going through this situation, I think the best thing to do is let it pass. There is a scary moment, I think, for all our partners when it really becomes clear what they have gotten themselves into, and it can be a bit unsettling, even if you have been working toward that goal for months or years.
I refuse to feel guilty for his adjustment glitch. I am working 60 hours a week at two jobs to support us both, and beyond that I dedicate 1 day a week to driving him all over Boston to look for ESL classes (which are expensive and have waiting lists of up to 1 year, so that is not a fool proof venture) and to practice applying for jobs and building his resume. I got him involved at a Spanish speaking career center when he is getting guidance on writing a resume and how to look for any apply for jobs. We have been on job interviews and have gotten involved in a support group for bicultural couples. It has been frustrating because most of these efforts have gone without a thank you or any kind of recognition, because he continues to say there are no opportunities and there is nothing for him here. Right now he wants instant gratification, and that is not a reasonable request.
I have decided I will continue to be just as proactive, but I know I will not be able to change his attitude on my own. That will need to come from within and whenever it does I will be happy. It's like he is a different person right now, and he just needs to get through it. He has the added pressure of needing to provide for his mom and three siblings, who he cared for in Nicaragua, and feels like he has failed at that because he cannot work right now. I generally ignore a person when they are overly self deprecating and ridiculous because I do think they need to reach inside of themselves and pull it together. I have told my husband several times I know how he feels-- I lived in Nicaragua for three years, and there were days I was so depressed I didn't want to leave the house. I felt confused and alone, but I realized I had the power to change that.
I hope everyone who is going through the same thing can be patient. I am anxiously waiting for my husband's AOS and I told him to enjoy the last few months of his life where I will allow him to be unemployed.

Thanks for all the feedback. This is an important issue in terms of adjustment. We have tried all of the options -- he is studying for his driver's license, I have made him paint, sand, and finish several pieces of bum furniture we have found on the side of the road, we have gone to the gym, singed up for ESL classes at about 12 different latino advocacy centers in Boston, and he even had an opportunity to volunteer at one of the advocacy centers as a financial mentor, which fits because his background is in micro finance. My parents bought him Rosetta Stone, we have gone out to eat typical Nica food, and listen to latin music, and I have taken him to work with me several times, I work for a foster care program for children from Central America who were separated from their parents at the border. He has gone to church with other Latinos, has odd jobs here in there in construction, knows how to take public transport and has his SSN and a bank account, has a MA state ID and a general sense of permanency here.
The reason I give this long list is to reinforce the comment that no matter what you do to help someone adjust, it really has to come from inside of them. In the past weeks, nothing makes my husband happy, and I refuse to believe this is my fault, or that I am not making an effort. I know my husband is incredibly motivated, determined, is normally very positive, and has a lot of drive to be here. But sometimes, for whatever reason, he forgets that. For anyone else going through this situation, I think the best thing to do is let it pass. There is a scary moment, I think, for all our partners when it really becomes clear what they have gotten themselves into, and it can be a bit unsettling, even if you have been working toward that goal for months or years.
I refuse to feel guilty for his adjustment glitch. I am working 60 hours a week at two jobs to support us both, and beyond that I dedicate 1 day a week to driving him all over Boston to look for ESL classes (which are expensive and have waiting lists of up to 1 year, so that is not a fool proof venture) and to practice applying for jobs and building his resume. I got him involved at a Spanish speaking career center when he is getting guidance on writing a resume and how to look for any apply for jobs. We have been on job interviews and have gotten involved in a support group for bicultural couples. It has been frustrating because most of these efforts have gone without a thank you or any kind of recognition, because he continues to say there are no opportunities and there is nothing for him here. Right now he wants instant gratification, and that is not a reasonable request.
I have decided I will continue to be just as proactive, but I know I will not be able to change his attitude on my own. That will need to come from within and whenever it does I will be happy. It's like he is a different person right now, and he just needs to get through it. He has the added pressure of needing to provide for his mom and three siblings, who he cared for in Nicaragua, and feels like he has failed at that because he cannot work right now. I generally ignore a person when they are overly self deprecating and ridiculous because I do think they need to reach inside of themselves and pull it together. I have told my husband several times I know how he feels-- I lived in Nicaragua for three years, and there were days I was so depressed I didn't want to leave the house. I felt confused and alone, but I realized I had the power to change that.
I hope everyone who is going through the same thing can be patient. I am anxiously waiting for my husband's AOS and I told him to enjoy the last few months of his life where I will allow him to be unemployed.

Thanks for all the feedback. This is an important issue in terms of adjustment. We have tried all of the options -- he is studying for his driver's license, I have made him paint, sand, and finish several pieces of bum furniture we have found on the side of the road, we have gone to the gym, singed up for ESL classes at about 12 different latino advocacy centers in Boston, and he even had an opportunity to volunteer at one of the advocacy centers as a financial mentor, which fits because his background is in micro finance. My parents bought him Rosetta Stone, we have gone out to eat typical Nica food, and listen to latin music, and I have taken him to work with me several times, I work for a foster care program for children from Central America who were separated from their parents at the border. He has gone to church with other Latinos, has odd jobs here in there in construction, knows how to take public transport and has his SSN and a bank account, has a MA state ID and a general sense of permanency here.
The reason I give this long list is to reinforce the comment that no matter what you do to help someone adjust, it really has to come from inside of them. In the past weeks, nothing makes my husband happy, and I refuse to believe this is my fault, or that I am not making an effort. I know my husband is incredibly motivated, determined, is normally very positive, and has a lot of drive to be here. But sometimes, for whatever reason, he forgets that. For anyone else going through this situation, I think the best thing to do is let it pass. There is a scary moment, I think, for all our partners when it really becomes clear what they have gotten themselves into, and it can be a bit unsettling, even if you have been working toward that goal for months or years.
I refuse to feel guilty for his adjustment glitch. I am working 60 hours a week at two jobs to support us both, and beyond that I dedicate 1 day a week to driving him all over Boston to look for ESL classes (which are expensive and have waiting lists of up to 1 year, so that is not a fool proof venture) and to practice applying for jobs and building his resume. I got him involved at a Spanish speaking career center when he is getting guidance on writing a resume and how to look for any apply for jobs. We have been on job interviews and have gotten involved in a support group for bicultural couples. It has been frustrating because most of these efforts have gone without a thank you or any kind of recognition, because he continues to say there are no opportunities and there is nothing for him here. Right now he wants instant gratification, and that is not a reasonable request.
I have decided I will continue to be just as proactive, but I know I will not be able to change his attitude on my own. That will need to come from within and whenever it does I will be happy. It's like he is a different person right now, and he just needs to get through it. He has the added pressure of needing to provide for his mom and three siblings, who he cared for in Nicaragua, and feels like he has failed at that because he cannot work right now. I generally ignore a person when they are overly self deprecating and ridiculous because I do think they need to reach inside of themselves and pull it together. I have told my husband several times I know how he feels-- I lived in Nicaragua for three years, and there were days I was so depressed I didn't want to leave the house. I felt confused and alone, but I realized I had the power to change that.
I hope everyone who is going through the same thing can be patient. I am anxiously waiting for my husband's AOS and I told him to enjoy the last few months of his life where I will allow him to be unemployed.