hoping4happiness

Ok everyone, just stopping by to give an update.

A lady from this forum who's in Egypt had a male friend call him. He says he is fine! Phew!

So that just leaves the question of why he was MIA for a while... Very strange and unlike him. More than a bit inconsiderate, in my opinion. Usually, when one of us knows we will be gone for a while, we let the other know when, why and how long. So this was just strange. They asked him to contact me, so we will see if he does.

Part of me is very thankful that he is ok. But another part of me says "Ok, but what was going on then?" All we know is that he is "fine". But I guess only he can answer that...

As others have suggested, I might like to think good of him, yes. But still I have been worrying all along about all kinds of things, like does he just not care if I worry? What does that say about his seriousness? Is he there visiting a wife or something? Is that why he can't talk to me? Is he REALLY completely and legally divorced??

But see I wouldn't be freaking out about things like that, if he hadn't disappeared that way, lol.

I'm guess I'm just going to have to be cautious. I won't assume anything, or accuse him of anything unless I see some very solid proof, because that's just wrong. But at the very least, I have reasons to wonder...

Oh also-- Of course I know you don't have to convert to marry a muslim man, not if he is ok with it. I didn't convert because of him, lol. Just wanted to say that. When I was Christian, he really didn't care. The only thing he cared about was that he at the very least wanted to be with someone who believed in god. So as a former Christian, I guess I was covered on that, lol. I just studied Islam so much, because I always felt like my beliefs were extremely different from most other Christians I knew, and I noticed that Islam had a lot of the same beliefs I naturally had (ok, maybe a little more strict in a couple of areas, but hey, if you actually read the whole bible, it gets pretty strict too! lol). So I guess as I studied it, something just "clicked", lol.

Oh yeah, I know there are plenty of Muslims who do date, lol. But there are still also a lot who just go from single, to meeting someone, to engaged, lol. I guess I'm getting this from when I first started meeting a lot of Muslims--- I noticed that in the typical Western dating and engagement "process", most of my fellow Americans will live together for a couple years before they get married . In comparison to that, the Muslim meeting/engagement/marriage process almost seemed rushed in some cases.

And for a while, There was a short time before my man and I both agreed that we were definitely "exclusive", where I was kind of checking out the single muslim websites.... And I noticed that pretty much any single muslim guy who would talk to me was really insisting on getting married like... NOW! Even before we really knew each other. I mean they would be asking "So what's your decision on engagement/marriage?" like in the first few days! I would always have to be the one to say "WHOA! Slow down there guy..." lol. I'd tell them I want to talk to a person and find out as much as I can about who they are, and establish a friendship bond and LOVE, before I get married. I don't take forever to know and love someone,no, but I do at least want that to be in place. And they would always say, "Love grows when you're married, and 2 decent people can make it work if they are willing to try hard, no match is perfect, marriage is work." Etc., etc. And I would argue "Yes, but the more you know about a person before you marry them, the fewer big shocks there will be! And you can avoid a bad match much better that way." And they always had a reason why I was not entirely right, saying god wants us all to marry sooner rather than later, etc. lol. They each would tell me "This is the Muslim way."

And I would say, "Ok.... Well I may be Muslim, but I am still American, and I am still ME, so whoever I end up marrying will have to be ok with that."

I've never had this happen with any American guys. So I guess I was really just comparing my experiences talking to Western or Christian men, vs. Muslim men Huuuuuge difference in my experience, at least.

Ok everyone, just stopping by to give an update.

A lady from this forum who's in Egypt had a male friend call him. He says he is fine! Phew!

So that just leaves the question of why he was MIA for a while... Very strange and unlike him. More than a bit inconsiderate, in my opinion. Usually, when one of us knows we will be gone for a while, we let the other know when, why and how long. So this was just strange. They asked him to contact me, so we will see if he does.

Part of me is very thankful that he is ok. But another part of me says "Ok, but what was going on then?" All we know is that he is "fine". But I guess only he can answer that...

As others have suggested, I might like to think good of him, yes. But still I have been worrying all along about all kinds of things, like does he just not care if I worry? What does that say about his seriousness? Is he there visiting a wife or something? Is that why he can't talk to me? Is he REALLY completely and legally divorced??

But see I wouldn't be freaking out about things like that, if he hadn't disappeared that way, lol.

I'm guess I'm just going to have to be cautious. I won't assume anything, or accuse him of anything unless I see some very solid proof, because that's just wrong. But at the very least, I have reasons to wonder...

Oh #######! I should have mentioned this in the first post, I can't believe I didn't, because its pretty significant!--

Keep in mind, although I'm worried about cultural etiquette, I did not tell these people who I was or anything (because I couldn't),so I don't think I offended anyone as "a girlfriend calling" lol.

But a couple days ago, I actually did get through to some people on his mobile.. Of course it wasn't him. They didn't speak English, so it wasn't helpful. Just some pointless exchanges of English and Arabic that neither of us understood. Then the person on the phone turned away from the phone and talked to some other people in the room, in Arabic. I heard both male and female voices. And the person who answered tried to talk to me in Arabic... But of course, that doesn't do any good.

After that, I decided he wasn't going to be answering it, so it would be best to have a man try to call, who speaks Arabic. Just in case of any cultural issues.

But yeah, that's another reason I got scared... Couldn't get through to him, and when I finally did, it wasn't him! Even though it had always been him before.

But again, I did contact the person here who offered to have a man call, so I will update if I hear anything.

hmmmm... Well, I will leave out all the details of how we met and visits, etc. because its quite personal and lengthy, lol. His family knows ABOUT me, yes, I just haven't met the family yet. I should have mentioned that. Hard to bond with them over the phone, when we speak different languages, lol. My man speaks wonderful English, but none of them do. I would rather just wait until I meet them, and I can look them all in the eyes, while he transleates. I'm a lot more comfortable with that. And I think they would like it better too.

But I think I probably should say that I am a(new) Muslim. So I would rather do things the... halal (allowed or lawful) way? lol, sorry I am still new to it, and my Arabic is nonexistent at best I hope to change that, but it will take time. I've always been horrible with other languages, so for now I do prayers, etc. in English . I'm an American convert, I did my shahada in November 2011. So naturally, I want a husband who is Muslim too, and I have a wonderful connection and friendship with this man. Most people's first thought is that HE convinced me to convert. But nooooooooooo, lol. I had a strong interest in it even before I met him.

For the sake of any non-mulsims reading this-- please understand we do things a bit differently. Many Muslims don't really support the whole "dating and courtship" idea. Usually you're either single, or engaged, lol. And there are still many Muslims who marry before being strongly "in love", its mostly just about "Is he/she a good Muslim, and decent, responsible person from a nice family?" Although he and I do consider ourselves "in love". But also wanting to do things right, means I can't be living with him before we get married, and even before converting, I agreed with that-- its how I was raised. Old fashioned, I know, lol.

To clear some things up-- He actually does NOT live around his ex wife's family (or her). He is staying in the apartment upstairs from his own parents. He is staying there now, because he is home from work for a break (works outside Egypt). Every time he comes home, he gets trouble from his ex and her family. They are about 2 hours away from him, but they do custody exchanges with their kid, so that is why they sometimes have contact. But also because for a long time, they have been fighting about the assets and property they acquired while married. He did pay the "dowry" for lack of the correct word, lol. Oh no wait, I see Mahr here, ok. But the fighting is about things they acquired during marriage. She wants everything because she doesn't work, but he thinks it should be divided. As in they each just take what they had before marriage, and anything they each personally bought with their own money. Plus he loaned her brother a lot of money years ago, and he wants that back too. They've all been fighting about it for a long time...

But yeah, still this is not normal for him. I HOPE he's not changing his mind about me, I really hate to even think that... I hope everything is fine. I hope HER family didn't bully and pressure him into forgetting me, and going back to her or something (that's been my biggest worry, to be perfectly honest, because they are extremely pushy people, and sometimes that does happen there...).

But this is just so unlike him! I'll contact the person here who offered to call him, because whether everything is ok, or something bad happened, or something suspicious is going on-- I feel I have the right to know, so I can plan my life accordingly, lol.

Ok, this may seem kind of bizarre... But there are no Arabic-speaking people in my area, so I couldn't think of anything else...

Can someone help me find out if my man is ok? I am worried about him. Right now he is in Egypt visiting his parents. But I am in the USA.

Suddenly, I have not been able to contact him! He is never online, never answers my IM's or emails. And that is extremely unusual for him! Normally he always does. I called his cell phone (I've spoken to him on it lots of times before, so I know I have the right one). Last time, some people answered in Arabic, but it wasn't him. I don't speak Arabic, so I don't know what they are saying. Usually he answers, and he always has his phone with him.

The last I heard from him, he said he was going to have a big confrontation with his ex wife's uncle and father, he said they were coming to his house. It was over property/money matters, because they are still fighting about all that, and they are being very nasty with him, like threats and all.

He has very severe asthma, and when he is in situations that upset him, sometimes he has an attack. One time he nearly died on the way to a hospital. So I am just very worried. I'm thinking a confrontation could have upset him too much, or things could have gotten physical with those men (because a week ago they tried to hit his brother!).

I'm worried since I haven't been hearing from him. So is there any possible way I could get someone to call the number and just say they are a friend, and ask how he is doing, if he is ok? Preferably a man? Culturally I don't know if his family would think much of a woman calling, and we haven't officially announced our engagement yet. We were gonna wait until I visited there, to announce it. I can't understand what the people on the phone are saying, so it doesn't help for me to call. I need someone who speaks Arabic to tell me what they say.

I need to know, did something happen? Or is his internet out? He lost his phone? Something? I guess what worries me, is that if it were just bad internet or a lost phone (and strange it would be both at the same time!), he would have found another way to contact me and let me know. So that scares me...

Help? I don't know any other way.

Do you make $10k and are saying you need another $9k to reach the 125% of poverty level income requirement? Or did you already multiply the amount of assets you need by 3? If you are actually short $9k in income, you would need $27k in assets because assets have to be 3x the amount you are short with your income. If you were short $3k and need the $9k assets, it still puts you in a tough spot. You can contact the consulate your fiance will interview at and ask if he can partially self-sponsor by adding his $10k cash in the bank with your income. For most consulates, this will most likely not be an option though. Your best bet is to find a co-sponsor. It can be anyone, USC or LPR, that resides anywhere in the US.

I already did the math and multiplying. To make their requirement for the year (roughly $18,000 per year, give or take), if you don't have assets, you would basically need a full time job at almost $10 per hour.

I have full time at only $8 per hour. So that's only $15,360 per year. Leaving roughly $3,000 difference between my income and the requirement. Multiply that by 3 like they say, and you get around $9,000.

We will have to figure out a way to do this ourselves, because its pretty much impossible to find anybody willing to co-sponsor. I hear that suggestion A LOT, but its really not a doable solution for most people. As nice a person as I like to think I am-- if I had lots of money, I probably wouldn't co-sponsor for someone else, lol. People just freak out with the whole "immigration" subject, because people don't really know much about it, and anytime you ask someone to "co-sign" anything, a bunch of red flags go up! lol. Because people think "Something must be wrong, if they're not approving you...." They don't really get that its just an income thing.

Ok, I have a job. But I still need like $9,000 in assets to meet the income requirements to sponsor my fiance and bring him over.

Well, My fiance has like over $28,000 in assets, plus about $10,000 in the bank.

I know you can combine your assets with a husband's. But will they let you combine your assets with your fiance's?

togetherforever13--- Oh wow, they changed it back? You can get the visa at the Cairo airport again? I will be going to the Cairo airport, so its good I will be able to get the visa there. The closest Egyptian embassy to me here in the USA is way down in San Francisco, and that's a 6 1/2 hour drive away. So not very convenient, as you can imagine, lol.

Thanks for the tips, everyone. Any others are very much welcome

Ok, so I'm gonna be traveling to Egypt, to visit a female friend of mine. But in preparation, I have some basic questions on getting started:

1. They have changed the procedure for traveling to Egypt. It used to be that an American could get their Egyptian Visa at the Cairo airport when they landed there. But now you have to get it at the Egyptian embassy before you go there.

---Has anyone traveled to Egypt since this security measure began?

---What’s the procedure for getting the visa at an Egyptian embassy here in the U.S.?

---What’s the cost?

---The waiting time?

2. Money! Say you have nothing but American money. Like a bank/debit card, or cash.

---Once you get to Egypt, how do you spend it? I mean can you just use your same American bank/debit card there?

---Do you have to get all your American cash switched over to Egyptian currency? If so, where / how do you do this?

I wonder if those stories are fake... Because it seems like that's the first thing they would check when they are trying to determine if a relationship is real or not.

But then again... What about eastern countries? Some of them legally allow more than one wife. And if he were married to someone else, his other marriage would not be recognized by the USA, because his first wife is not American, and the marriage didn't happen here. Of course the USA does not legally allow polygamy... But since the USA doesn't recognize the first marriage, how could it be illegal? And since his country allows it, then technically, he is "free to marry" by his own country's standards.

So... Does that mean he is within the law?

I was browsing around online, and I kept finding all these stories in other forums about how an American woman brought her man to the USA under a fiance/marriage visa... And then later found out that he had another wife back home.

What?? How is that possible? Doesn't immigration check him out before he comes here?

Well, more like "should she tell him YET"

Ok.... If a foreign woman is in Egypt, and pregnant with an Egyptian man's child, can he stop her from leaving the country? Should she tell him about it before or after she comes home?

Story:

My friend Alicia married an Egyptian man here in the USA about 3 years ago. Then she went over to Egypt with him for a "visit" to see his family. I've been getting emails from her regularly.

Well, now her husband is saying he misses his family, and he wants to stay there. But she doesn't want to live there. They've been there for like a month, and they are constantly fighting now. He is not changing his mind on this, and she told him she wants a divorce. But he does not want a divorce.

But the thing is, she recently discovered that she is pregnant with his baby... She hasn't told him yet. Its about 2 months along. She found out a little late because she didn't get any symptoms, other than skipped periods.

Anyway, she is coming back to the USA without him (going back to work), so they can both think about everything. But she is wondering if she should tell him about the pregnancy before or after she leaves? And if he could stop her, since she's his wife, and she's carrying his child. She's thinking if she tells him before, it might make him want to come home with her. But she also doesn't know what the law would say about it, if they would say anything.

Ok, so I have 2 questions:

1. For a fiancé visa-- do you have to have your U.S. home and affidavit of support (income requirements), and co-sponsors already established BEFORE your fiancé enters the USA? Like before you are married? Or is that just for Green Cards?

2. If your Fiancé has full custody of his VERY young child-- can he bring his child? I mean like if he doesn’t have anyone back home who can take care of the child while he is away?

I'm a U.S. citizen. Born and raised in California. I just wanted to ask-- if you are going to file for an over-seas spouse, while you yourself are living here in the USA-- does immigration really obsess over YOUR past? I guess I'm just being overly paranoid, maybe (which is my nature, haha). See, I just tend to like Indian guys, they are simply "my type" you could say. I'm not sure why, that's just how I am. I've dated some Indian guys-- like one in high school, and one in college.

Then several years ago, I got married to an Indian guy. But sadly, there was an issue where he cheated on me! So I quickly got the marriage was annulled, it was very short.

So anyway, right now, there is another Indian guy I have started a relationship with. I put the story down below. I plan to stay in his country for a few months before we get married. Then come back to the USA and file for him.

But... I guess I'm just paranoid it might look bad, or strange, that I was already married to another Indian guy a few years ago... Does immigration even look at the U.S. citizen's past marriages, or ask about them? Do I even have to tell them? Will they find out, and question me about it? I guess what I'm really asking is... How deep can I expect them to dig on ME? lol.

I'm clean of course, I've never been in trouble with the law or anything like that. I just don't want them jumping to conclusions about me, that's all. Like thinking I'm just marrying foreigners for green cards, or something! lol.