sykadelic

Lying about a divorce/marriage and a child are huge issues. the reason for the lie is important as well.

Absolutely need an attorney. 

Do you believe that grandparents should be allowed to sue to visitation rights?

I selected No because a parent is a parent and a grandparent is nothing to a child. Only when the parent is PROVED to be a bad parent (DHS takes the child away for drug use or abuse or neglect or something) should the grand-parents be contacted or allowed to sue. I personally grew up with only two grandparents and I'm no worse for it. They other two passed when I was young so my younger siblings barely remember them and again, no worse off. A parent is different and should be treated as such. Parents should be able to sue for visitation but I don't think grand-parents should have any rights... it's like telling me my friends and neighbours can sue for visitation...

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First to set the reason for my opinion - I have some seriously crazy in-laws. It's entered my head that one, possibly more than one of my in-laws might attempt to gain visitation of our kids when we have them. My spouse has voiced concern that s/he's worried that one of his/her parents might try to take the kids.. not just visitation... obviously this concerns me.

There are some in-laws that my spouse and I aren't currently talking to. My spouse is of the option that this is just how his/her family is, s/he's used to it and is able to just ignore them (that means not talking to them.. currently going on 8 months of not speaking to his/her mother).

I wish it was a simple clash of personalities... there wouldn't be this fear that contact with the in-laws would be bad for the kids. If the in-laws were good people (just rude) I could handle that.. but one of them is a narcissist with BPD. There are instances of neglect when their own children were little (withholding medical treatment), theft from their children (in one case over $3K from a 14 y/o because they had joint access to an account). I've seen the way the in-laws "baby sit". They're of the "just let them do what they want" era and offer no teaching of manners, they are just lax in their duties and I don't want spoilt or injured children simply because the in-laws were too lazy to do right.

I would be okay with supervised visitation.. even if it meant my spouse or I or just a family member we trust (not an official). My spouse and I have considered a restraining order against the worst family member in question but as they're not currently bothering us we're just letting it slide.. but we WILL do it if they get bad if/when a pregnancy is an issue. I'm lucky that I have proof of some of the personal attacks that precipitated the current "no contact" issues.. but no proof of being an unfit person.. and one of the in-laws has a government job.

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So now on to the qn. Do you think that being able to sue for Grandparents rights should be allowed?

I read an interesting statement by one person who was anti-grandparents rights who said "I have the right to abort my child but I don't have the right to say who s/he spends time with?". I agree with this statement BUT there are some bad people out there who care more about keeping their children from their grandparents to be spiteful, not actually for the child's best interest. But here's my problem.. what if the grandparents APPEAR to be upstanding members of the community because they put a good front on? How do you prove that they're bad people? Some states don't allow recorded conversations without both parties consent so there goes that...

My spouse and I have already said if this is ever attempted we will move back to my home country... but this worries me too because I know with some court cases they can put a stop to that.. that I'm not allowed to move more that X miles from the other party while the case is pending, and even once the order is enacted!.. what if my in-laws put a "no move" order on us? What if we're stuck in the US because of it? Ugh! I'm a good person... can't it just be proved I'm a good parent and let that be the end of it? Then what if that opens the door to grandparents slandering the names of the parents so they can be the good one? There just doesn't seem to be a way to win...

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