devastedme

Guys,

Finally I booked their tickets. They are coming first week in June. Yehey!!!!!

I feel like a little boy waiting for his favorite gift. Never know what to expect. I'll take some pictures to share them with you.

Hi guys..did your fiance ever gave you money, or send money for your expenses? and if yes did he voluntary give or it was you who asked for it? We don't have approval yet, coz kasusubmit lang namin, but was wondering as early as now when the time comes for the medical and embassy interview, how to ask him to help me with the expenses..He doesn't send me money, and I don't ask for the money...i know the sincerity of a person can't be measured thru money, but i want to know what the others think..thanks

I am covering all expenses for my fiancee! 100%

Do not feel bad if your fiance wants to support you 100% with ll the expenses relate it to the K1-visa procedure. I am doing it and I am reading many others are doing the same.

Some of us think that is the norm.

You seem to be a good guy I can truly tell that by the way you are trying to admit your fault. Enough people including myself have given you pure hell on your situation. Being American at times we are looked upon in a different light than pinoy. Our words are often twisted or misunderstood, I know because I had issue sin the past with this same problem with a couple Phil ladies. I don't know your lady and I can't feel her heart only you how she makes you feel aside from the money issue. My question to you is how does she make you feel when money is not topic of conversation when you talk or together? I am like you sir , looks does not matter to me as you expressed she is not the most beautiful lady in Phils but its her charm and that is what makes a woman from Phils so unique, the unforgotten charm that captures your soul. I know how you feel and it was wrong of me to judge you or her in my earlier post. You are reaching out for help and all we are giving is headache. If you truly love this woman from your heart to hers then open up to her and tell her how hurt you are from the things she says, make her feel your sore heart beat because I promise you if she truly loves you for you then she will admit her wrong and re-establish her devotion to you because that is how I true lady of the Phils do...they have a love like no other and I bet you have experienced that love before from her or you would not be here trying to find asnwers to your situation. If she truly loves you friend she will come to you and show how blessed she is to have a guy like you in her life.

Thom

Thank you for your kind post. Correct, I am not in a position to judge her. She is a very very nice lady. I am not kidding, I think I am the one who screwed up by starting to treat her the way I did. We do have nice conversations and to be honest? I do not know if that lady has much time on her hands. Communication is very good. It is as if I know every step she makes. She gets alone with my family in general. And I get alone with her family. Specially her mom. We spent so so so much time web-chatting, texting or on the phone. We have many things in common and she just know how to make me laugh. I see when she is cooking, when she is riding to work, when she is work she msg me or I message her. If she is at any party she would let me know. Very open.

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Some one mentioned if I am not rich how can I afford those things. To that I say, I am in my late 40's and my job is okay plus I have been saving and things like that. So the little I have for raining day, I have been spending it on her. I don't want to think much about it. My head can easily turn into a roller coaster.

Hello,

I am taking a lunch break. I need to clarify few things. I feel I created the situation. Let me give you a bit of a background. I met her on Yahoo last year. One of my friend has friends in the Phil. and he goes there just for fun. He is married here in USA. I asked him for advice and one of the advice he gave me was to give her the money as soon as I go there. He said Phil. is a dangerous country and they always think Americans always carrying money with them. Before I went to visit her, I repeated to her many times that I am not a rich guy. I work to pay my bills. She said she has no problem with that.

When I came back, I think that is when I started the situation I am in now. I think I made her addicted to this. The first thing I told her was listen Mary I gave you a engagement ring but I don't like the way it matches with the rest of your jewelry. Can you please try to find matching jewelry so that it goes well with the engagement ring? she said sure. She quoted me $1,300(dollars) for a reckless and earrings. (white diamond). I did not argue with her because it was my fault for asking her in the first place to go and search for jewelry.

She is not the most beautiful person in the world but so hard to resist her charm. I feel like giving everything I can afford. But I think I went to far.

Now whenever she needs something and I don't give her the right amount, there she goes calling me "Cheap guy" and later moody.

I really don't have the gut to blame her for everything. I did not know how to handle her charm and maybe I lost my head. Now I am paying for it.

I believe it is a 50/50 situation. But regardless, I don't like when she calls me cheap. I don't know why. I feel she does not appreciate anything. Not only my heart but material things also.

Stop being ruled by her, you are the man put your foot down and put the money in your own personal account.

Easy to say hard to do!!

If you don't mind what city she from here in Philippines?

Cebu

STOP READ THIS:

There are some girls who dream to be some one's princess. I guess my friend you found one of those. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with that. Please don't ask me why.

I am curious about your statement.

Any resolution to this issue?

To the OP: Next time she calls you cheap, tell her that whatever qualities she thinks she has that makes you stick with her (sense of humor, being "nice"), those are dime a dozen in the Philippines - "singko sang dosena."

Those are common commodities here. Part of why Filipino nurses, caregivers and others in the service industry are such a hit abroad. We're supposed to be these warm and fuzzy people. Ever asked her if she'll be willing to change your bedpan when you're already old and invalid? With that mentality, maybe she will, but for an arm and a leg.

Grace

Still thinking. Too much thinking and maybe I am making a big deal out of this.

Reading your aotehr posts... ASK HER TO SIGN A PRENUPTIAL! Coz she is the type of girl that will leave you alone once the money runs dry.

Thanks

Thanks for all the suggestions. I have a lot of things to think about. One person said something that made me think.

Some times, I feel it is my fault. I think I am the one trying to offer her things to make her happy. It is as if I am scared not to see her happy.

Just my two cents here -She seems to be using you as her ''Sugar Daddy''. Sorry to say , but I think she is playing you and taking you for a ride . Consider your options before she gets here . I know you know you love her, but I do not think that she loves you .As many said before , many decent pinay girls are shy to ask for money . Maybe she is ''americanised '' already before hitting the shores . I literally have to beg my fiancee to accept gifts and money from me ( she is college educated and have a good job) .You have your plate full already and your work cut out for you . All is not lost -think before you leap .Good luck .

Mine works and is college educated. A very nice girl and funny. The only thing about her is that she does not want to understand that I am not a rich guy.

This is far from a healthy relationship....... run.

It is hard to say. I think it is my fault in a way. Sometimes when she tells me she is bored, I tell her things like: Hey Mary, can you go to the mall and see if you can find a dress this color or that color. Tell me the price and I buy it for you. One day, I told her I want to see her with sexy underwear. When she came back. She quote me $325 for like 10 pairs of them. I just sent her the money. But before I send money I always tell her. Listen I am buying this for you but I am not rich. It will not be like this always.

I am just afraid that she will not be happy with me and I feel like offering her things to keep her happy.

So sorry to tell you this but you are being PLAYED!!!!.....WE are living in hard times, people are not sure if they will have their jobs tomorrow or next week and she wants the latest gadgets?? Honestly i don't see love and support here! I am sorry...

Exactly what I am trying to say. We need to have saving for raining days. At this rate, I don't know what I am going to do.

But she knows I am not rich. That is what I don't understand. I keep telling her I am not rich. I am not rich.

You are dealing with a "Moral Hazard" situation. It is the same kind of thing that led to the financial collapse in 2008. She can ask and spend as much as possible with no consequences to her, while you bear all of the risk. One way or another, you have to allow her to feel the consequences of overspending, perhaps by limiting how much you send, or by postponing things.

You can read more about moral hazard here: Moral Hazard

But she gets moody or calls me cheap if I don't do as she says.

Give me her email address, and $100 a month for the next year, and I will take care of this for you. You will have saved THOUSANDS, and will be happier when I am done, I promise.

Ok, that was a joke. But SERIOUSLY... walk away. Now. Been there, seen those types. Not just in the PI, but they are everywhere. I love my gurl, but if she ever acts like that, even after she gets here, I would drop her like a hot potato. If you are not working/saving together for retirement now, then you are not a TEAM. And why be married to the "other side"?

Trouble, trouble, trouble, most likely in a small, cute package. But as TCO said, there are thousands in the PI to choose from who have good hearts, so don't waste your time on this one.

And in case I didn't say it well enough... WALK AWAY. NOW.

But she did tell me, do not worry, we are spending now a lot because of the visa and the fact that she needs to travel for her visa and her visa kid. Once she is here she said, things will be different and we will spend less.

You are being taken advantage of.

If you wouldn't "tolerate" this from a person here in the US why would you tolerate it from a person from anywhere else?

The old adage "there are plenty of fish in the sea" comes to mind.

But she is funny and she makes me forget work stress. Maybe that is why I am giving her a chance.

Hi Guys,

I know I should not be posting this personal information about my relationship with my fiancee but I am getting a bit worried. Let me give you some details about the situation so that you can understand me. Okay?

First of all I am not a rich guy. I have mortgage, car's payment, etc to pay. I am the only person generating income in my house, hint, I live alone. I always tell her, listen Mary, I am not a rich guy. I am just a regular guy who works to pay bills and save very little. She does not registered that. What part of "I am not rich she does not understand" ?

Back to the topic:

"SHE ALWAYS CALL ME CHEAP. ALWAYS."

Break down:

trip #1.

I bought a package that included hotel and plane tickets. So my package was paid before going to the phi. I took in cash to the Phil.($3,500 dollars for a week) just to spend. And we spent it all. I don't carry money there. I let her carry it.

Total cost for 1 week: about $5,600 including the package.

Trip two:

Same thing....same amount spent in cash in 1 week. We spent it all.

Total cost for 1 week: about $5,300 including the package.

In between:

She wanted latest Blackberry, dslr camera, new laptop, money to pay her rent, money to shop, money to eat out,, etc. We spent $600 dollars for her kid birthday in the phil about $1,200 dollars for her birthday,. I know it is not a lot for some of you but for me it is. If the kid needs to go to Jolibee, I send $100 or so for her kid to go to jolibee not often though. But every now and then.

Sometimes when I need to send budget for her niece, who is going to college, and by mistake by sending 500 to 900 extra, (because of conversation mis-calculations error) I tell her give that extra to your kid for an ice cream or so, she accepts it as if I am sending the kid a penny.

She went back to the Phil. and I am supposed to budget for it. The total amount came to be roughly 154,000 PHP. I sent 152,000 pesos. Guess what? she called me cheap. I know we agreed that I am supposed to send 154,000 but 2,000 less that is like 50 dollars. Guys the problem is when I use the conversation rate, I always screw up with that. Either extra or less.

*Do not forget all the visa fees, medical, and so forth for Mary and her kid"

If I add up the total amount it is about: $25,0000 - $30,000 dollars in less than a year.

Conclusion:

Each time she asks me to send her something, If I don't send the right amount she calls me cheap and that she thinks our relationship will not work because we already have budget problem.

I already told her I can not spend money at this rate. I really can not afford this any more . Jobs are so hard these days. I am working today but we don't know what tomorrow will bring. At this rate my saving will be gone soon . I left out many many more details about.

Am I cheap from what I explained? am I doing correct thing by letting her know I am not a rich guy? I think it was the right thing to do. Well, sometimes I do give her a hard time before I send but it is not because I am cheap. It is because I can hardly continue spending like this I am not shy to say it and I told her just like that.

She has her visa on her hands to come to USA. I am so nerveouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!

Comments are welcome.

Hello guys,

What I meant is if something went bad. Maybe after she comes we have issues like some couples do. Maybe everything she does irritate me. Maybe everything I do irritate her and things like that. Maybe she will miss her friends and family too much. Maybe she will be home sick and like to return back home. Etc. I don't think she is a scam or anything like that. She has no need for that because right now she has a very nice job.

I learned so much. To sum it up, what is mine now is mine. It will just be the difference between what I have now and what I have after she comes.

I guess buying her the house and depositing some cash is up to me. I really don't understand how some guys can send those girls back home with nothing.

Thanks for the help.

Hello gals and guys:

I have a question about prenuptial. I love my fiancee but I also read many stories not so good. I know things can go either way.

But at the same time, I am considering many things. She is coming from PI, leaving her friends, family, job, and everything she owns.

She told me she has a lot in PI and like.

My propose is this: write a prenuptial with the following conditions:

If our marriage goes wrong and she will fight me in court for the little I have, I can propose to build a small house for her in her lot (value between 1 to 1.5m php and deposit 1m php in the bank so that she can get by or a build business). Of course I will be happy if we divorce and all she wants is her ticket back to PI.

I am know this might sound rude but I feel I need some kind of protection. I hear people losing their house and things like that. I really can not afford to lose my house or my retirement. I will be screwed for life.

I like to hear your reaction.

Hello,

I hear people talking about service request after 5 months waiting for NOA2 for the K1 visa. Can some one please explains it to me? I tried searching here but did not find an answer. I do not know what is the meaning of service request.

Thank you very much

When you call them, just say it has been more than 5 months and I would like to speak with Tier2 level officer. You could also say my call just got disconnected with a tier2 officer so could you please escalate my call.

Thanks guys for all your help and I wish good luck to all VJ members.

As for July and Aug filers, it's coming so keep your fingers crossed. But do keep calling them because they may not have updated online and your case might be already approved.

My situation:

I called back 1/7/2011 1 day after my 5th month. They told me that I should hear from them within 30-60 days with an answer if I was approved or denied. They then said that I could call back within 45 days. It is not 45 days yet. Can I still call and ask for some one in Tier 2 to open a service request?

TIA