Fiancee may have a different purpose! - Pls. advise

[LiamG 0]

hello. it's my first time here to post but i've been visiting here for tips since 2007. my fiancee came here in sept. 2007 and we got married in oct. we have a 4-month old baby girl now and we're currently waiting for her "removal of condition" decision.

ok, i need your advice folks. it's actually for my friend. i helped him guide thru the K1 process. here's a quick backgrounder: my friend is a Filipino-American US citizen & his fiancee is from the Philippines and she's a nurse over there. I think they met & became together in Jan. 2009. My friend had a chance to visit her in the Philippines again in June 2009. In October last year, he filed for a Fiancee Petition. His fiancee finally arrived last month (July 2010) and she's been here for over 3 weeks now. But she actually stays at her aunt & uncle's residence about 10 mins. away from my friend's house. (During the K1 process, it's been agreed & filed on the application that she'd be staying with him in his house, but she changed her mind after getting her visa. She's supposed to be conservative and can't stay with him under one roof until they get married. My friend understands & he's ok with that)

now here's the main problem. they were scheduled to get married at the LA County Registrars Office last August 11th. When my friend went to deliver her dress for the wedding, she said "she's keeping her last name". she said it's her right not to use my friend's last name. Her main reason being it might affect her papers/documents, etc regarding her NLEX/nursing license (Apparently, she took an online NLEX exam when she was still in the Philippines and all she needed to do is to come to the US before she could pursue a nursing career here). Now my friend doesnt like that idea that she keeps her last name after marriage. I mean in most cultures, usually the woman takes her husband's last name. The fiancee is standing by her decision & my friend said that unless she takes his last name, he will not marry her. My friend said that she even told him that "she doesnt love him that much anyway". She said that if they don't get married, that she's just gonna return to the Philippines. But my friend does not believe that. He's starting to doubt that she was really intending to marry him. He thinks that maybe she was just being brainwashed by her aunt & uncle. By the way, the uncle works as an "immigration officer".

Last night, my friend & the fiancee with each other's folks had a talk to resolve the issue. No resolution. The immigration officer uncle even threatened my friend that he's gonna do a background check on my him. for now my friend said they're just gonna cool off & not rush on things. they still have like 2 months before that 90-day thingy expires.

Anyway, i was thinking..what if the fiancee is indeed being brainwashed by her folks & decide not to leave the US despite not getting married, what are the consequences? Can my friend force her to leave the US? Can he report her to the UCIS for not leaving? Will my friend get in trouble for not marrying her cuz of that "last name" issue?

here are some "weird" stuffs:

1. the fiancee stays with her folks..& everytime my friend would pick her up, she has to take her home at a certain time. She has a curfew and she's already 25 years old..but my friend understand that since she's living with her folks

2. accdg to my friend, his fiancee a supposedly very private. Her coming to the US is known to her family only & NOT to others like friends, etc. He said that no one really knows that she came to the US. And that she has a Facebook account but keeps it to herself. She doesnt tell him nor add him to her friends list. It's just so weird to be that so private. Maybe she's hiding something. Maybe she really have a real boyfriend or something somewhere. What do you think?

Anyway, please advice. I'm really sad and concerned about my friend. He's really nice and doesnt deserve this. I hope im wrong but i think the fiancee and her uncle & aunt may have planned this all along; come to the US & find a way to fix things for her to stay legally, etc.

that's it for now. Thanks so much in advance for your suggestions.

LiamG

[LiamG 0]

hello. it's my first time here to post but i've been visiting here for tips since 2007. my fiancee came here in sept. 2007 and we got married in oct. we have a 4-month old baby girl now and we're currently waiting for her "removal of condition" decision.

ok, i need your advice folks. it's actually for my friend. i helped him guide thru the K1 process. here's a quick backgrounder: my friend is a Filipino-American US citizen & his fiancee is from the Philippines and she's a nurse over there. I think they met & became together in Jan. 2009. My friend had a chance to visit her in the Philippines again in June 2009. In October last year, he filed for a Fiancee Petition. His fiancee finally arrived last month (July 2010) and she's been here for over 3 weeks now. But she actually stays at her aunt & uncle's residence about 10 mins. away from my friend's house. (During the K1 process, it's been agreed & filed on the application that she'd be staying with him in his house, but she changed her mind after getting her visa. She's supposed to be conservative and can't stay with him under one roof until they get married. My friend understands & he's ok with that)

now here's the main problem. they were scheduled to get married at the LA County Registrars Office last August 11th. When my friend went to deliver her dress for the wedding, she said "she's keeping her last name". she said it's her right not to use my friend's last name. Her main reason being it might affect her papers/documents, etc regarding her NLEX/nursing license (Apparently, she took an online NLEX exam when she was still in the Philippines and all she needed to do is to come to the US before she could pursue a nursing career here). Now my friend doesnt like that idea that she keeps her last name after marriage. I mean in most cultures, usually the woman takes her husband's last name. The fiancee is standing by her decision & my friend said that unless she takes his last name, he will not marry her. My friend said that she even told him that "she doesnt love him that much anyway". She said that if they don't get married, that she's just gonna return to the Philippines. But my friend does not believe that. He's starting to doubt that she was really intending to marry him. He thinks that maybe she was just being brainwashed by her aunt & uncle. By the way, the uncle works as an "immigration officer".

Last night, my friend & the fiancee with each other's folks had a talk to resolve the issue. No resolution. The immigration officer uncle even threatened my friend that he's gonna do a background check on my him. for now my friend said they're just gonna cool off & not rush on things. they still have like 2 months before that 90-day thingy expires.

Anyway, i was thinking..what if the fiancee is indeed being brainwashed by her folks & decide not to leave the US despite not getting married, what are the consequences? Can my friend force her to leave the US? Can he report her to the UCIS for not leaving? Will my friend get in trouble for not marrying her cuz of that "last name" issue?

here are some "weird" stuffs:

1. the fiancee stays with her folks..& everytime my friend would pick her up, she has to take her home at a certain time. She has a curfew and she's already 25 years old..but my friend understand that since she's living with her folks

2. accdg to my friend, his fiancee a supposedly very private. Her coming to the US is known to her family only & NOT to others like friends, etc. He said that no one really knows that she came to the US. And that she has a Facebook account but keeps it to herself. She doesnt tell him nor add him to her friends list. It's just so weird to be that so private. Maybe she's hiding something. Maybe she really have a real boyfriend or something somewhere. What do you think?

Anyway, please advice. I'm really sad and concerned about my friend. He's really nice and doesnt deserve this. I hope im wrong but i think the fiancee and her uncle & aunt may have planned this all along; come to the US & find a way to fix things for her to stay legally, etc.

that's it for now. Thanks so much in advance for your suggestions.

LiamG

[William33 110]

Is the name change the only real issue here? Many people keep their given name for professional reasons.

If it stems beyond that, he should cease contact and report her to ICE.

[Penny Lane 8,159]

If your friend was my friend, I'd tell him to get away from that woman as quickly as possible. Don't let him get caught up in this drama. If she "doesn't like him much anyway", then obviously marriage is a bad idea. Your friend won't get in trouble for not marrying her. She's the one who will get in trouble if she doesn't leave the US after her time is up. As for "reporting" her, I'm not sure, maybe someone else can answer that question for you.

This whole situation seems fishy and and I think your friend's better off backing away from it all.

[LarrynElena 0]

I am sorry to hear about things for your buddy. I have heard other similar stories. Yes, she is there on a visa that is pending her marriage to him. Unless her Uncle knows of a way to keep her there, She must return to the phillippines at the end of the visa or she can be deported. You friend shouldn't marry her from the looks of things because it is a long road ahead and he could be dragging just the chain in the end, but it doesn't sound like she is worried.

Edited August 14, 2010 by LarrynElena

[William33 110]

Identical topics merged.

[DouglasFiel 53]

If it walks like a duck... Enough, said...

Regards,

[jrmejia 31]

I would go for another fish. Sorry about your friend. He should open an account and tells us about it.

[SuperDuper! 230]

[lyf's a beach 1]

LiamG,tell your friend not to marry that girl. and he will not get into trouble, in fact, the girl will be deported back or shall I say, your friend should ask the proper gov't agency in case, the 90 days is up. There's no way she can stay in the US, because her visa is fiancee visa and not a working visa. It is clearly stated on the guidelines that if not married within 90 days, the girl has no other option but to go back to the Philippines. It is very clear that they have a plan, with her being a nurse and changing her mind when she already had a visa. Tell your friend to be ready, to think ahead of these folks, it is best to ask now than later for advice. No offense meant to other fiancee nurses here that has good intentions.

it is really suspicious that her friends doesnt know about her fiancee visa. and not adding him as her friend in facebook smells trouble. She is hiding something from him. The NLEX exam excuse is lame. Some nurses here maybe can give their advice too..

Not marrying about last name is not an issue..there are some issues that your friend can use, like the woman claiming not loving him that much, the coldness and his suspicions of her having other plans. The uncle threatening your friend is not right. Your friend should be careful, coz the woman's folks will do everything so she can stay in the US.

[Princess_Maricar 0]

Tell your friend to stop contacting her totally. He should report to the Department of Homeland Security that the wedding is off.All her secrets mean she is scamming him. And I guess he can tell that her uncle is working in immigration office threat him so that the DHS will be aware. Her uncle might know a trick to keep her in the state.

It is scam!!! Good luck.

[Tahoma 2,291]

...she said "she's keeping her last name". she said it's her right not to use my friend's last name. Her main reason being it might affect her papers/documents, etc regarding her NLEX/nursing license (Apparently, she took an online NLEX exam when she was still in the Philippines and all she needed to do is to come to the US before she could pursue a nursing career here). Now my friend doesnt like that idea that she keeps her last name after marriage. I mean in most cultures, usually the woman takes her husband's last name. The fiancee is standing by her decision & my friend said that unless she takes his last name, he will not marry her.

No matter where she took the NCLEX-RN exam, she had to have been authorized to take the exam through the Board of Nursing in one of the states of the United States. She can contact that Board of Nursing in that state in order to change her name and/or to change her address.

Even if she already passed the NCLEX-RN and received a license, she can not work as a registered nurse anywhere in the U.S. because she is here on a K-1 fiancée visa. As a matter of fact, she can't work in the U.S. at all until she marries, receives a Social Security card, files for adjustment of status, files for an EAD, and receives an EAD, or receives a conditional green card.

He won't marry her unless she takes his last name? Is this his idea of true love?

My friend said that she even told him that "she doesnt love him that much anyway".

Well then, there you have it. Why would he marry someone who doesn't love him?

The immigration officer uncle even threatened my friend that he's gonna do a background check on my him.

The uncle must have a reason for threatening him. However, it's an empty threat.

Anyway, i was thinking..what if the fiancee is indeed being brainwashed by her folks & decide not to leave the US despite not getting married, what are the consequences?

If she doesn't marry him, she will be out of status after her I-94 expires. If she is out of status and she gets caught, she will go through the deportation process and eventually be deported. Also, she won't be able to legally work. She certainly won't be able to work as a registered nurse.

Can my friend force her to leave the US?

Nope.

Can he report her to the UCIS for not leaving?

He can, and should, report her to USCIS and ICE if she overstays her I-94. He should also withdraw his K-1 petition with USCIS so that he can file another one in the future if need be.

Will my friend get in trouble for not marrying her cuz of that "last name" issue?

Nope.

1. the fiancee stays with her folks..& everytime my friend would pick her up, she has to take her home at a certain time. She has a curfew and she's already 25 years old..but my friend understand that since she's living with her folks

You said above that she is staying with her aunt and uncle. Why are you now saying that she stays with her folks?

2. accdg to my friend, his fiancee a supposedly very private. Her coming to the US is known to her family only & NOT to others like friends, etc. He said that no one really knows that she came to the US. And that she has a Facebook account but keeps it to herself. She doesnt tell him nor add him to her friends list. It's just so weird to be that so private. Maybe she's hiding something. Maybe she really have a real boyfriend or something somewhere. What do you think?

If there is no trust, there is no love. It's really as simple as that.

Anyway, please advice. I'm really sad and concerned about my friend. He's really nice and doesnt deserve this. I hope im wrong but i think the fiancee and her uncle & aunt may have planned this all along; come to the US & find a way to fix things for her to stay legally, etc.

If she doesn't marry her petitioner, there is no legal way for her to stay. If she goes TNT, she will never work as a nurse in the U.S., and she will always have deportation hanging over her head.

[Laser1 63]

From your first post, the current conflict originates from her deciding to keep her last name. The events that followed simply look like a blown-up misunderstanding to me. It does appear that she lied in her application that she would stay with him, so I think he needs to fully understand why before proceeding.

[LiamG 0]

Is the name change the only real issue here? Many people keep their given name for professional reasons.

If it stems beyond that, he should cease contact and report her to ICE.

well the name issue started it but i think there are other issue that he's not telling me. I believe most guys would prefer their last names be used by their wives. He even suggested a "maiden name-last name" format & still the fiancee insisted on her last name only. thanks!

[LiamG 0]

@ Coconuts

yeah i told him that too but he said he'll give her time to think things over. we'll see. thanks!

@ LarrynElena

"but it doesn't sound like she is worried" ...yup i think so. my friend said that his fiancee is more concerned about working instead of the wedding. he's the only one who would always bring up about the wedding whenever they talk. it just sucks cuz he spent a lot already (K1 processing; airfare, wedding rings, etc)...thanks!

@ jrmejia

i know huh. i'll tell him. he only confided to me and my wife regarding his problem. he doesn't want my other friends to know yet. i guess he'd feel embarrassed if no wedding happens. we were just at his "meet my fiancee" party 2 weeks ago. =( thanks!

@ hopp

red flags? thanks!

@ mikeandrein

yup. he said he'll be cautious and more aware. thanks for the advise

@ tim and marie

thanks!

@ Tahoma

"He won't marry her unless she takes his last name? Is this his idea of true love?" > I guess. Having his last name after marriage would mean that she's a "Mrs" already...otherwise, people might still think that she is still single

"You said above that she is staying with her aunt and uncle. Why are you now saying that she stays with her folks?" > "folks" as pertaining to her aunt and uncle & anyone that stays with her in that house. her parents are in the philippines. i guess "folks" is not the appropriate term

@ Laser Lou

thanks

>>>>

To everyone, you people have been really helpful. thanks so much. i'll keep you posted maybe in a few days. thanks for all replies! =)

LiamG