Wedding Planning from the UK Chat

[SunDrop 59]

I thought it would be fun and helpful to get ideas from each other about how we're going about planning an event that is rather complicated due to the uncertain timing and distance!

Knowing that we'll be getting married in less than a year, I've started gathering ideas about the kind of ceremony we could have. I know what kind of dress I'm looking for, although WILL be losing about 4 stone before heading out there, so can't even begin looking yet! lol...

[brit_la 1]

I thought it would be fun and helpful to get ideas from each other about how we're going about planning an event that is rather complicated due to the uncertain timing and distance!

Knowing that we'll be getting married in less than a year, I've started gathering ideas about the kind of ceremony we could have. I know what kind of dress I'm looking for, although WILL be losing about 4 stone before heading out there, so can't even begin looking yet! lol...

Hey

Well we did the thing your not supposed to do, and booked our venue before the visa is approved. Got the interview in next month, so we will see soon if it was the wrong decision or not then! But I wanted this place because they do a 'package' wedding, which makes it so much easier for me with planning from over here. They include, ceremony, reception, food, dj, invites and so much more stuff. But all this depends on what kind of wedding you want and where you are getting married.

With the dress...I would advise starting to loose weight slowly now. My friend use to work in a wedding dress shop and she told me that they can alter a dress 2 sizes either way. So if you buy a size 12, they can go down to an 8, or up to a 16. I actually found my perfect dress in a shop here, but found it half the price from america. But, I ordered it in July and its only just arrived in the UK this week. And I forgot about all the taxes I needed to pay for it, luckily, I get to claim it back when I leave to the states though

Are you planning on waiting until you get the visa and then decide on a date for the wedding, or you want to start planning now??

[jkminney 30]

Hey

Well we did the thing your not supposed to do, and booked our venue before the visa is approved. Got the interview in next month, so we will see soon if it was the wrong decision or not then! But I wanted this place because they do a 'package' wedding, which makes it so much easier for me with planning from over here. They include, ceremony, reception, food, dj, invites and so much more stuff. But all this depends on what kind of wedding you want and where you are getting married.

With the dress...I would advise starting to loose weight slowly now. My friend use to work in a wedding dress shop and she told me that they can alter a dress 2 sizes either way. So if you buy a size 12, they can go down to an 8, or up to a 16. I actually found my perfect dress in a shop here, but found it half the price from america. But, I ordered it in July and its only just arrived in the UK this week. And I forgot about all the taxes I needed to pay for it, luckily, I get to claim it back when I leave to the states though

Are you planning on waiting until you get the visa and then decide on a date for the wedding, or you want to start planning now??

We picked June 5th. My parents have a beautiful garden with a nice pond and loads of plants and flowers so we've decided to actually get married there. I did pay for the tent/chairs/tables but made sure that if for some reason we needed to change the date that it wasn't going to be a problem. Thank goodness for small town living because they were more than happy to change it if I need them to. I found a Michael Kors dress that is perfectly informal for the wedding...not a traditional wedding dress but given the location I think it's fantastic. I haven't bought any invites yet because I really want to make sure we are good to go. I can't see it being a problem given that it's still 5 months away but you just never know!

[SunDrop 59]

Hey

Well we did the thing your not supposed to do, and booked our venue before the visa is approved. Got the interview in next month, so we will see soon if it was the wrong decision or not then! But I wanted this place because they do a 'package' wedding, which makes it so much easier for me with planning from over here. They include, ceremony, reception, food, dj, invites and so much more stuff. But all this depends on what kind of wedding you want and where you are getting married.

With the dress...I would advise starting to loose weight slowly now. My friend use to work in a wedding dress shop and she told me that they can alter a dress 2 sizes either way. So if you buy a size 12, they can go down to an 8, or up to a 16. I actually found my perfect dress in a shop here, but found it half the price from america. But, I ordered it in July and its only just arrived in the UK this week. And I forgot about all the taxes I needed to pay for it, luckily, I get to claim it back when I leave to the states though

Are you planning on waiting until you get the visa and then decide on a date for the wedding, or you want to start planning now??

Totally get the benefits of a 'package' deal but in our case, we're both rather skint and also won't be having a very big wedding numbers-wise, so will likely keep it more DIYish. I love the idea that you can use anywhere you like to actually get married, unlike the UK where it has to be licensed as a venue for civil ceremonies and also, can have anyone who is registered be the 'minister'. Ry's best mate is actually licensed although I'm not sure if he wants him to perform the ceremony or act as his best man. But as it's really easy to get licensed, we could theoretically ask anyone we like to do it and the idea of it being that personal is fab. He's not a church goer, so doesn't have a family vicar or anyone like that.

That's really helpful to know about the dress alterations. This is my second marriage, and I did the traditional dress with train first time around. Definately going white and weddingy but thinking more for a knee length, empire bodice type, chiffony skirt type affair. Definately don't want to spend a fortune so will actually be looking at bridesmaid dresses too. Having said that, I get the impression (possibly wrongly, it has been 11 years since I last looked!) that we Brits tend to not have the same variety of styles for bridesmaids that they do in the States.

I don't want to shoot myself in the foot and say that I'm pretty confident that we'll get the visas for certain by x date, but by having it as a less formal event, we can get more flexibility. I like September 12th as a date, because it's shown up twice in our relationship history now but I'm unsure about having an anniversary so close to 9/11. It would also mean that some of my friends would want to fly in the day before and I just don't know how people feel about flying on that date. I know I'm a little wierd about it and I don't blink at the thought of flying usually.

How are you managing invites and is anyone from the UK traveling over for it?

I found a Michael Kors dress that is perfectly informal for the wedding...not a traditional wedding dress but given the location I think it's fantastic.

Oooh, can you link us to a pic of it? Sounds like the sort of thing I'm looking for!

[jkminney 30]

Totally get the benefits of a 'package' deal but in our case, we're both rather skint and also won't be having a very big wedding numbers-wise, so will likely keep it more DIYish. I love the idea that you can use anywhere you like to actually get married, unlike the UK where it has to be licensed as a venue for civil ceremonies and also, can have anyone who is registered be the 'minister'. Ry's best mate is actually licensed although I'm not sure if he wants him to perform the ceremony or act as his best man. But as it's really easy to get licensed, we could theoretically ask anyone we like to do it and the idea of it being that personal is fab. He's not a church goer, so doesn't have a family vicar or anyone like that.

That's really helpful to know about the dress alterations. This is my second marriage, and I did the traditional dress with train first time around. Definately going white and weddingy but thinking more for a knee length, empire bodice type, chiffony skirt type affair. Definately don't want to spend a fortune so will actually be looking at bridesmaid dresses too. Having said that, I get the impression (possibly wrongly, it has been 11 years since I last looked!) that we Brits tend to not have the same variety of styles for bridesmaids that they do in the States.

I don't want to shoot myself in the foot and say that I'm pretty confident that we'll get the visas for certain by x date, but by having it as a less formal event, we can get more flexibility. I like September 12th as a date, because it's shown up twice in our relationship history now but I'm unsure about having an anniversary so close to 9/11. It would also mean that some of my friends would want to fly in the day before and I just don't know how people feel about flying on that date. I know I'm a little wierd about it and I don't blink at the thought of flying usually.

How are you managing invites and is anyone from the UK traveling over for it?

Oooh, can you link us to a pic of it? Sounds like the sort of thing I'm looking for!

Here's the link to my dress and there is a store here called David's Bridal and they are having a $99 sale till Monday. You may want to have a look and see if you like anything because for 99 bucks I would sure try! If you found something online just have it mailed to your groom and you could get it fitted when you get here

http://www.kaboodle.com/reviews/michael-mi...-textured-dress

http://www.davidsbridal.com/webapp/wcs/sto...catalogId=10051

[Jewel-8 21]

I thought it would be fun and helpful to get ideas from each other about how we're going about planning an event that is rather complicated due to the uncertain timing and distance!

Knowing that we'll be getting married in less than a year, I've started gathering ideas about the kind of ceremony we could have. I know what kind of dress I'm looking for, although WILL be losing about 4 stone before heading out there, so can't even begin looking yet! lol...

I need that special someone to agree to a wedding date. Difficult to do! He says we will plan when he gets here in Feb. As of right now I have two spreadsheets on Google Docs that I wish he would help with. One is the wedding budget with a column for priorities and the other a guestlist with different sheets for us to add people to based on if we will invite them to our UK bash next year or our US reception this year.

I am liking the idea of a civil ceremony and a party a couple of months later because I was raised religious and don't want to live together before marriage.

Since I do not have a date I have been printing off ads and websites and putting them in a binder. There are 2 wedding venues I like. One is an indoor pavillion in a park that has a fireplace, kitchen area, tables and chairs for about $400 for the afternoon. The other is a community arts center in the next city. That goes for $110 an hour since I am not a resident of that city. Both would be perfect as I want to have more control over my wedding and keep the entire budget under $2k.

My dress has been in the closet since about 6 weeks after he proposed. It is a Maggie Sottero I bought off of alocal online classified site like craigslist. I got it for an insane price. I love that I bought it used and don't feel bad because I know I won't use more than once.

The dress has beading that is slightly lavender and is a unique one strap cut. I was originally going to go very modest, but when I saw this online I decided to go meet the seller and try it on. First one I looked at and I bought it on the spot. My sister said that if I dont get my weight back down and need to buy another dress she would GLADLY take this one.

What is everyone thinking about for invitations?? I haven't found anything I really love yet. Also, are you planning to serve any foods that are traditionally UK? I have been joking around with Dave that we should serve Irn Bru.

[Nik+Heather 121]

I also did the no-no thing and put deposits down -- before NOA2 even. Every single vendor I spoke to said that changing the date (if they were available) wouldn't loose me a dime. I also left lots (too much) buffer time, which resulted in Nik having but not using the visa for 4 months! But at least there was lots of time for people to look for good prices on flights.....But, everything's a trade off, so no different than the rest of our decisions, really.

I was looking for this shorter dress which I really admired at David's...

Oooh, here's one that seems to fit your description:

http://www.davidsbridal.com/webapp/wcs/sto...23324&sort=

(still looking for other one - if it's 99$, I'm soooo buying it - just for fun wearing. ) GASP, I can't find it! Nooo!

Maybe this is it, but it isn't as nice as I remembered, or looked different from across the shop....still looking.

http://www.davidsbridal.com/webapp/wcs/sto...nectionQueryCmd

Well, given up. I guess it was that second dress after all and looks better in person, or discontinued entirely. My favorite one at David's doesn't meet the "not too expensive" nor the shorter part. I spent waaaay too much for a one-time dress. My only hope now is that my sister will wear it. I don't regret it at all though, no matter how hard I try.

[Andrew + Bethany 4]

I'll be the first groom to post in here

We've also arranged things before getting the visa. It's just over a week away until the interview though so hopefully after that I won't feel like we've wasted any money! I'm having the groom party's suits made in England, while Bethany has got her dress in the USA. We're trying to have some tradition from both sides of the Atlantic in the wedding. I am quite surprised at the differences between a Mid West American wedding and an English wedding, but I generally bow to her demands. The only thing I've insisted on is an invitation only reception dinner which didn't go down amazingly well with the future in-laws, but they're coming around

I sent off my invitations to the folks from the UK about a month ago to give them time to save for the tickets if they want to come. I wasn't expecting any of them to make it in this difficult time, but both best men, my brother, sister and parents are coming. Six others have confirmed they're gonna make the journey so I'm real glad I gave sent out the invitations when I did. They all have had time to plan now. There are a few other maybes.

I know that Bethany is stressed about having to deal with a bunch of planning and organising without me over there to help her which is pretty frustrating for me. But then, what do I know about colours, flower arrangements and all that anyway? I can help with the cake - I'll eat all the samples they give me!

Edited January 17, 2010 by Andrew + Bethany

[Jewel-8 21]

I'll be the first groom to post in here

I know that Bethany is stressed about having to deal with a bunch of planning and organising without me over there to help her which is pretty frustrating for me. But then, what do I know about colours, flower arrangements and all that anyway? I can help with the cake - I'll eat all the samples they give me!

That is wonderful! You truly are more involved then most men. I've decided to let Dave pick one or two aspects that he likes and go from there. He told me that he could go Martha Stewart and make the centerpieces out of our beer cans. Maybe I will direct him attention to finding a good deal on the flowers.

[Nich-Nick 3,353]

Nice thread ladies (and gent)!

I wanted to tell you about a wedding software I found invaluable in doing two large weddings (200+ guests) for my daughters. It's called Wedding Magic by Frogware Software. http://www.frogwaresoftware.com/

I don't even remember how I discovered it back when the company was very new and Wedding Magic was their only product. They are based right here in Houston, TX. I got very personal help from the head lady who dreamed up the idea. They continued to help me when I wanted to create a second database for the second wedding. They have gotten quite popular and are often reccommended on TheKnot.com, but they still gave me tech support last year when I was helping a friend organize her daughter's wedding...even on my old original version.

If you are having alot of guests and a big wedding, it is extremely helpful managing guests, wedding invites, showers, gifts, thank yous. Basically you enter all the people and addresses in the database. I imported from an Excel spreadsheet. You can put both formal names like Sharon Elizabeth Jones as well as casual names like Shaz Jones, as well as any children and their ages. (More on that later)

So you've got the names in. Now you create events. Like Wedding and Reception. It lets you go through and tick the boxes by whose invited to that. If you're having a bridal shower, that's another event and you would only tick certain people. Then you can print a list of whose coming to what and best of all you can print your envelopes with your choice of envelope size and font. Now the formal / casual names bit. When setting up the envelope printing, you can choose formal name for the wedding like Miss Sharon Elizabeth Jones and the informal name for a party with your mates like Shaz Jones.

When you get a gift at any event, the database allows you to enter the gift and date received by names in the database. If you have a wedding registry, you can pre-enter every thing you have registered for by store, then tick off what you got from whom as you receive gifts. When you write a thank you note to the person, you enter the date you sent that out. You can print a list of who you haven't thanked. Oh and if you have RSVP, you tick those off as you get them so you have a running total of how many are coming (because you'll have to give the caterer a final count). Or you can print a list of who has/hasn't responded in case you want to ring them up and find out.

There's more features like budgeting which I didn't use so I can't elaborate on that. I kept up with spending in Excel. You can enter travel plans (by guest) so you know whose flying in on what day/time. I'm sure they've added even more features which you can read about on the website. Scroll down to find Wedding Magic on the second row of offerings. The Wedding Magic Deluxe isn't much more than a binder with some printed page dividers that might not suit your needs, so doing you own binder thing is cheaper.

Good luck on your plans. I love weddings. And the best motherly advice I can give you is plan carefully and be organized. But on the day of the wedding, give it up and enjoy yourself. If the caterer puts out centerpieces you didn't want or a flower isn't quite the right pink, just blow it off because it's too late to change it and stewing over it will just ruin your fun. Your guests will think it's lovely and won't know you picked out different candlesticks or whatever. Just say, "I did the best I could, now I'm going to enjoy the day." And try to remember it's a celebration (or religious ceremony) with your loved ones as your guests and not a theatrical production with you as the star.

[Nik+Heather 121]

Good luck on your plans. I love weddings. And the best motherly advice I can give you is plan carefully and be organized. But on the day of the wedding, give it up and enjoy yourself. If the caterer puts out centerpieces you didn't want or a flower isn't quite the right pink, just blow it off because it's too late to change it and stewing over it will just ruin your fun. Your guests will think it's lovely and won't know you picked out different candlesticks or whatever. Just say, "I did the best I could, now I'm going to enjoy the day." And try to remember it's a celebration (or religious ceremony) with your loved ones as your guests and not a theatrical production with you as the star.

Either nothing went wrong on our day or our coordinator was the bestest ever, or I was actually able to practice this advice (not usually something I do well).

I found that hiring a day of coordinator was some of the best money we spent. Probably not necessary for a casual affair, but when dealing with caterer, music, photographers, venue, having someone who is *working* at making sure they all come together when I've spent all the time planning it was a huuuge relief. Also, it meant that my mother could relax and enjoy herself too instead of doing all that.

[Justine+David 218]

We started planning out the wedding very early and got a venue and photographer booked before we filed, although we got their agreement to push the date forward if need be and we set the date more than a year in advance of when we decided to file. Now it's lookin' real good

I've read a lot of wedding books in the library and we've discussed a lot about pretty much everything. I'm one of the lucky (unlucky?) ones that has a groom who is super involved to the point where I have to stop my internal girl being from going, "It's MY wedding!! I want to do it this way!" haha.

Here's a question for you guys:

One of our big tussles was about the bridesmaids dresses. Apparently it's not the custom in the UK for the wedding party to purchase it themselves but the burden is put on the bride and groom. That's a lot of money, even if the dresses are only like $50 each and I didn't want to do it, but have gone along with it.

Have you guys come across anything like that or any other customs that the UKC really wants that you think is odd? Or vice-versa, the UKC thinking some our American customs are weird?

Edited January 18, 2010 by Justine+David

[SunDrop 59]

One of our big tussles was about the bridesmaids dresses. Apparently it's not the custom in the UK for the wedding party to purchase it themselves but the burden is put on the bride and groom. That's a lot of money, even if the dresses are only like $50 each and I didn't want to do it, but have gone along with it.

Have you guys come across anything like that or any other customs that the UKC really wants that you think is odd? Or vice-versa, the UKC thinking some our American customs are weird?

REALLY??? They pay for their own in the US? FAB! lol My wedding just went from no attendants except Bestie and Maid to 6 each. Just kidding..

Ry is pretty wedding ignorant/ non-plussed. Which is fine by me, coz I'll get to narrow down choices and go, "which one do you prefer?" lol

If money wasn't an issue, we'd probably get married in NH, where my bestie lives. It's gorgeous in the Autumn, less far for my European guests to travel, and I trust her judgment implicitly when it comes to helping organise it. But I can't ask his folks and friends to travel that far, because it would probably wipe out his entire wedding party due to work/ school commitments and affordability. His other family would have to travel anyway... I'm just not used to having to take such hefty travel costs into consideration when people are scattered around the country. Here, if my friend is getting married in Manchester, it's a couple hours drive or train and is a sneeze costwise. There, it's a whole day's travel for most...

My only other thing is that we would prefer an outdoor wedding. Tucson in September is still hot and my mother has Lupus, so can't tolerate heat and sunshine. She said the other day, when I announced our engagement and my daughter said something about coming to visit us, "I can't imagine a place I'd less like to go!" Thanks, mum.

Heather: Thanks for looking for me. I wish I'd had a sneaky peek in David's before I left since we don't have them here and I like that I could try dresses in my size on. Remembering back 11 years to my first wedding, even at a very normal UK 12/14 street size, I couldn't close most of the sample dresses. I remember being outraged at the time and I still don't understand why wedding dresses have to be labelled 2-3 sizes larger than street sizes. I mean, aren't we supposed to be feeling fabulous as brides? Maybe things have changed over the past decade, but still. I think Alfred Angelo has a store in London somewhere, so I might call them and see what sort of sample sizes they carry. Other than that, I'll just have to wait to shed some weight!

We're still toying with the idea of just doing a quickie city hall certificate and then waiting a year or so to plan something bigger. I used to be totally into that idea, but I know that it would end up being years until we did it for something like our 10th anniversary. Which is still nice, but I don't want this marriage to feel that clinical.

I guess what it will boil down to is how much we manage to earn/ save over the next 8 months. Obviously immigration costs come first, so we might well just have to suit and summer dress it at city hall and have a casual BBQ for geographically close friends and family. Which means they're all his peeps.

*sigh* lol

[thatbritishlass 2]

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to non-visa related discussion (still stuck at NOA1 and bored of no movement already )

We also did the thing you're not supposed to and booked before the visa. We actually booked before we'd even applied - we like to live dangerously!! But as with Nik & Heather, everywhere we spoke to allows us to move it at no charge. The place we have chosen is lovely and is also a package deal - ceremony, reception, etc all included. Absolute steal as well. They also throw in a wedding planner which for Miss Control Freak over here is great news...I met her for the first time last Tuesday and she seems to really have her head screwed on which is making me relax...a little bit!

Photographer is a family friend of Jason's dad who is doing it gratis - cake from Publix and may make our own invitations to save on moolah.

For my bridesmaids, I have 4 plus Jason has a 'Best Chick', but we can't afford to buy the dresses for them all - so I took a tip out of a wedding mag I found and am having them wear LBDs (then they can decide if they want to buy a new one or not) then having them wear a sash in my colours which I'll buy for them.

My REALLY exciting wedding news is that I bought my dress last Friday!!!! Ladies I would definitely recommend a visit to a Davids Bridal store - I went to the Orlando branch, they were really great, I got to try on loads of different styles, and the one I chose is 75% cheaper than what I'd been looking at in the UK!! Bargain!!

J

[Amanda and Tony 0]

Originally we were going to see the judge followed by a blessing the following year. Then we found an amazing venue where we could get married and have the reception. We didn't want to put a deposit down and risk losing it so they said they would work with us if we could be flexible on the date. Then we decided that it was more important to us to have Tony come to my interview and we used the wedding budget for it. Tony got to meet my family and friends which was lovely as they couldn't come to the wedding.

So for the wedding we were married at our local court house. It wasn't clinical in the least. It's what you make it. I was lucky that my sister was on vacation at Disney so we flew her in for the ceremony and we had 8 of our closest friends with us. I still wore my dress ($300 from David's Bridal), I didn't look out of place and if I did, I didn't care. I also wore my best friends necklace who couldn't make it and it was like she was there with me.

After the ceremony we went to the park for photos and then we went to Maggiano's (great itallian restaurant) for a family style spaghetti dinner. After this we went back to our house where more friends came to join us for cake and champagne, this was my favourite part of the day (apart from saying I do!).

It was a fantastic day, laid back and relaxed. All of our friends took pictures and emailed them to us so we have plenty to choose from now. I bought 3 bunches of white roses, I made my bouquet and everyone's button holes. The cake was a single layer from publix.

My family and friends called and texted throughout the day and it seemed that they were there with me.

Tony still promised me a blessing this year but now it really doesn't seem that important. So we've come up with a compromise, next year we'll have a blessing/christening!!!!