Nicoco

In the Philippines, you expect your children to support you in your old age out of a sense of obligation. In America, you expect the government to steal the money from your children and grandchildren for you.

I'm just glad Darren is back, I have a way to entertain myself at work now!
:pop: :pop:

As the OP has received the correct and best advice in the situation - and as the facts of the situation keep shifting so that it appears first to be bigamy, then an unofficial marriage and then a 'party', it is hard to ascertain the true facts. Since the OP is discussing a situation where a green card holder wishes to take advantage of a US citizen in order to gain an immigration benefit, that does constitute fraud regardless of the questionable other relationship. Since there is a legitimate legal process that can be followed and it has been recommended I am now closing this thread to further discussion re: TOS violations.

This feels very trollish.

No-one is saying an affair is fraud, but he DID marry "in the eyes of God" someone else. This doesn't matter USCIS wise honestly, but it does seem to indicate that he is only staying with his current USC wife for immigration benefits. THAT would be fraud. Mistakes happen but he married (non-legally) someone else which implies that he loves someone else, that he doesn't love his wife anymore, and so he should leave her and not stay with her just for immigration reasons.

he is worried about his green card if he expects his US wife to still continue with the adjustment of status, and thanks her for being a "nice person" why can't he just be a man and divorce her and move back to France to be with the person he REALLY loves?

why would we possibly feel sorry for him? seriously???? He married another woman..while married to an american citizen and all he is worried about is his green card. This is fraud...and I hope he gets caught...just sayin'

are you kidding? did he violate anything? He is married to 2 women at the same time. One in the US the other in France. He never divorced his wife in the US, and married another woman. Doesn't matter if it is registered or not, a marriage is a marriage. His case isn't something people in VJ can solve, he needs and experienced attorney. Once again another case that makes it difficult for the rest of us trying to get our significant others here legally.

They should return home and have their boyfriend/girlfriend petition them to come back.

Lol seems like they read the subject line and inserted an answer.

Nobody is suggesting it because a young single Nigerian male has virtually no chance of obtaining a visitor visa for the USA.

Lol my gps has voice control and sometimes... man. I have favourites set and I should just be able to say "Favourites" "walmart" but instead i have to go line by line through favourites till I get to it because "walmart" apparently sounds like "walnut" when i say it. I tried looking for Le Claire Avenue... that was just awful! So I think it would be funny to see a vid of me talking to my GPS:
Me: "walmart"
GPS: "did you say, walnut?"
Me: "No. Waaalllmart *americanish accent*"
GPS: "did you say Waldorf".
Me: "NO! OMG!! $#@%$#$ %$%$%#$^%^ $%# #$^%T #$^T#"

hi vanessa
i totally feel you i lived b4 in california and went to school there and i was always so confused and irritated when ppl where so nice and did random small talk with me. def not a german thing lol. when i moved back to germany it felt like awww yayaayya rude ppl at the check out again lol hihih and now that im back in the states i have to get used to the friendliness again. and special now living with a southern country man lol sometimes i just roll my eyes at him when he does something in my eyes soooo strange lol.
but the vibe you got its really not nice. i mean u from australia u learn a different english then american english right?? so then thats just a bit mean to put u down like that just cuz u use different wording... i hope it all got better now??
i also notice special here in the south ppl just dont understand me. in cali never a problem here they look at me like im from a different planet lol.. oh what i really love are these automatic calling machines. when you call somewhere and u have to answer questions to go thru the system and get to aactual person. these things are living nightmare for me. like simple question and you just have to answer yes and no. and then i say for example no and the machine tells me: sorry i couldnt hear that, please repeat again.after like three times it says goodbye lol....and i dont have such a strong accent.. but oh well i go nutts and my husbands laughs his butt off lol HAHAHAHAHAH

Hey Everyone, wow, I never thought that this thread would get this much of a response. It's kind of crazy. I just want to clear some things up that I think people kind of started going along with that I never stated before. People just need to read a little more clearly.
A) I never mentioned masturbation whatsoever or my views of if I thought it was wrong or not and that I was asking my Hubby to give it up, wasn't even brought up on here.
B) I wasn't snooping. I really don't have to explain myself, thats not the issue. When you have highspeed internet and you both use the same computer daily and leave it on daily and he hops off to work and you get on, if he was searching how couldn't I get pop ups? *Shrug* I had no reason to snoop whatsoever.
C) The bikini models were not your everyday "Victoria Secret" model who are essentially modeling off the bathing suite. This was porn, they were 98% naked thats the thing. Also the issue wasn't really the bikini models in itself, it was the fact that he was "looking" to "look". Big difference if you happen to be in a real life circumstance like a beach setting and its there.
D) I have never ever demanded that he listen to my way of thinking and rules and beliefs and that he should give it up entirely. I have never come across that way and he admits that. He isn't good about talking in general about alot of things. He's quite, i guess he chooses his words carefully.
E) When we met we talked about these things and he is the one that would address them and he was the one that first told me that he believed in the particular things that I stood for which is one thing that attracted me to him.
F) He's not a bad guy. He's never been a bad guy. I have given him a big break. I am actually pretty care free on a lot of things.
G) I'm not religously brainwashed. I can't change your oppions and your all entitled to your oppinions. I'm glad you shared them with me. But I believe and have faith that my relationship with the Lord and what he commands of me and requires of me is not to "Limit" me from fun and to strap me down but to set me free. Only truth can set you free and I believe those boundaries are there so that I can live freely. Thats the very essence of God. He loves me, he loves us all, he only wants the best for me.
H) I love my husband very much, and yes this is an issue that bothers me on a higher level. Nothing has ever happened to me in the past to warp my view on this thats just how I feel about the issue. I can't essentially in essence control everything he does but I can hopefully influence him and just stand up for what I believe is right and stand true to that. I have the right to make the decision in allowing it into my marriage or not. I choose not too

And I dont believe sex is wrong, its a GREAT thing really. Its a wonderful thing, i just believe it should be kept within the privacy of two people in marriage. I took a vow in forsaking in all others not just physically but on all levels. Nothing wrong with fantasizing when it's your other your fantasizing about. Why would I want to fantasize about being with anyone else but him, I married him so I could be with him and freely live in that.

There are two betrayals here: using other women for sexual stimuli, and then continuing to do it after you've told him how you feel. This is not simply a harmless guy thing, in my opinion, but a sexual addiction you may not have known about before you married.
The immigration process is a red herring. Don't let it confuse the issue. If you feel he's not going to be the long-term partner you signed on for, then dump him before he hurts you even more. If that seems too drastic, then suggest you both go for counselling. In the end, he has to make a choice about the female he wants in his life: his wife or the porn girl on the monitor.
You are not powerless. You've always been in control of your destiny.

Absolutely.

Yeah, just like the urge to lift a huge rock and crush someone's skull is still very strong. Thank God for punching bags and Saturday night poker with the guys.

If my partner wanted to have sex with him to the extent that she fantasized and masturbated about it?
I think there's a sort of infidelity to that. I think finding other people attractive and sexy is perfectly normal, but imagining yourself having sex with them is another issue. Honestly I don't think I'd value monogamy as a lifestyle practice if faithfulness were something a couple were forcing themselves to abide by, rather than something they actually wanted.

Does anyone other than me find it strange and a bit sad that topics such as this get 100 times more responses than those topics in which someone is looking for immigration help???
Is VJ turning into the Facebook of immigration websites??...God I hope not....
Just saying, you know.

The first year of any marriage is always a tough one. The first year of a marriage where the couple has been focused on dealing with long distance and immigration issues can be even tougher as you no longer have that unifying focus and have to start developing the closer relationship based upon other issues. All relationships evolve - some bringing the couple closer together and some, unfortunately, moving them apart, whether they are from a long distance relationship or with the boy/girl next door.
Homesickness is a big issue. There is a finality about knowing you no longer have a home back 'home' and you are suddenly faced with a transition to a new life. Even if you have been in the US for a while as a visitor, there is still that unexpected sense of loss which creates a huge wave of homesickness. For some people it happens fairly early on; for others it may even take a year or two to sink in.
I honestly think the best thing the two of you can do at this stage is to find a marriage counselor with whom you can meet and discuss some of the issues that are coming between the two of you. You both need to find a way to discuss your differing expectations of each other, the relationship and even of ourselves in the relationship. A good marriage can be hard work - it doesn't just happen - and sometimes a knowledgeable marriage counselor is the best way to learn what works best for your unique relationship.
Good luck. While there are immigration implications with your situation, t think the real focus should be on the relationship itself, and not on immigration at this point of time..

Another example of starting by denying the thing you are about to do: The speaker professes themselves to be the "sad bleeding-heart type". Boundless compassion for others - look at the happy face. We are taught to see if the next sentence will demonstrate the opposite: in this case to deny the OP any compassion at all. So right on cue:
BUT. (Translation: I'm going to do the opposite of what I just said). "Devil's Advocate" means to blame the victim: to take up the side against him. The OP has a cheating green card scammer beneficiary and we'll show him no heart at all, let alone a bleeding one. No happy face here!
After you provoke someone, make sure to minimize what you've done, and blame them for answering your question:
The word "only" is the minimizer. All I did was ask this little bitty question and here you went and over-reacted with an answer. How could you be so unreasonable when I am showing you zero compassion and all?
Then finish off by casting even more aspersions on the OP. Such a Bleeding heart happy-face thing to do, you know. Look again how the words mean the opposite of what they say. I don't know much of this person, but we are taught that this is an important signal we should pay attention to.
Look for this in your beneficiary. The OP had a beneficiary that was doing the opposite of what she was saying and there will have been signals just like this that he discounted because love is blind. Look back over your history with her verysadguy - where your gut was telling you something but you explained it away. They'll profusely declare their love for you in words, sure. But the actions - gee, it's almost like they love someone else or something!

I apologize in advance "ralphlaw" but are you for real? She lied everyday for 2 years. I didn't marry her so she could learn to love me. She was supposed to love me all along. Love relationships are forged on trust and communication and sincerity. She came here fraudulently. Obviously you don't understand con artists. They act so nice and sweet and wonderful, but they will cheat you blind. My ex-wife will continue to attempt to get a green card by lying, filing false affidavits, and rallying innocent people to her aid. If she succeeds you can believe she will come after our child and for money. You leave poverty by hard work and education and faith and following the rules, not by scamming.
Incidentally, one of our court dates was postponed. A court date for her to try to get some money from me. So, she didn't even bother to come see the baby. How messed up is that? That is a mother? So, Mr. Devil's Advocate should I just let her walk all over me. Should I just let her abuse the US Immigration and Legal system? What is the danger in giving her a green card? What is the danger in her coming from poverty and suing people? What is the danger in a sociopathic liar raising my child?
So, she has to be deported. She came to the USA with false premises. I applaud USCIS when it needs to get tough for those who take advantage of the system, but I grimace when I see abuse and ignorance.

Yes, they know and they've got the information in her file. Unfortunately, it's highly unlikely they'll act against her unless she commits a crime. They simply have far too many bigger fish to fry than green card scammers. They can't touch her now anyway because she's in a period of authorized stay while her VAWA self-petition is being adjudicated.
You are correct. Although ICE and USCIS are part of the same department of the federal government, they often keep their investigations confidential within their own agency. This is intended to prevent agents in one agency from inadvertently compromising an investigation in another agency. The results of a completed investigation usually become part of the shared DHS database.
Well, she's got to present some sort of evidence that the claimed abuse occurred. They won't simply take her word for it.
Yes, well, that's the nature of child custody. It is, inherently, always temporary. Either parent can return to court at any time and challenge the current court order. I got sole physical and legal custody of my daughter, but it was always my worst nightmare that my ex-wife would drag me back to court to try to regain custody (my ex-wife wasn't an immigrant, btw). Fortunately, it never happened. My daughter is now over 18, and my ex-wife's drug problems eventually ended her life.
For females, those three countries rate at or near the top of the list. Filipinas and Vietnamese women are looking to escape poverty. Russian women are looking to strike it rich.
I don't want to beat up on my wife's culture, but the Vietnamese have a different sense for what's ethical than most Americans do. There's a general sense that it's ok to lie and cheat as long as it helps them, their family, or their friends. Part of this certainly comes from the fact that they routinely have to deal with one of the most corrupt governments on the planet, but part of it is endemic in Asian culture. If you've ever dealt with a Chinese businessman then you know what I'm talking about. My wife's niece sums it up by saying that Vietnamese people are sneaky. She, and other Vietnamese, have cautioned me about getting involved in any business relationship with other Vietnamese where any trust is required. This isn't to say that Vietnamese are inherently bad people. It's largely based on cultural conditioning. They view life as a competition. If you can get what you want by cheating someone else, as long as you're not harming your family or friends, then you've won and the other guy has lost. To them, this is "fair and square".
It usually becomes clear pretty early in a relationship whether you're considered a family member to be protected, or one of the many "others" who they can take advantage of. Your wife apparently viewed you as one of the latter.
Not until her VAWA self-petition has been adjudicated, and she's exhausted the appeals process. Depending on how aggressive her attorney is, it could be years.

Why are you hesitating? If your brother-in-law knew that a killer was after you, would you want him to sit there and 'hope' the killer will have a change of heart and go buy an ice-cream instead? It's better to hurt his feelings now than have 2 years down the road him hating you because you had information that could have saved him from heart ache, reporting the wife to ICE, save him from a VAWA accusation, alimony and child support.

Laugh. In about 20 years.