Nicoco

I remember feeling like this when we were going through the K-1 process. I felt like everyday away from him, talking on crappy skype to his cellphone because he didn't have internet regularly, was deteriorating our relationship. We fought a lot...mostly because there was nothing else to do other than planning, waiting for the future. I'm pretty sure it has something to do also with the fact that at the time I was only 20 and he was 21 years old. But you know what? It's two years later, and while the process of K-1 was horribly long and draining, it strengthened our relationship at the end of the process. We still talk about how we overcame everything that had happened to us.... we were fighting a lot, his country was in a flood during part of the process and he didn't have clean water or food, I was working full time and in college full time during the process, and it was just chaos! I was staying up until 3 am every morning talking to him because his country is exactly 12 hours apart, and then waking up at 7 am and going to work. No wonder we fought.
I know it seems like it's bad now... and people here may mention about when you have to take care of children, or other obstacles to overcome but the reality is that it's different when you're with your SO in person. You can look into their eyes and work out problems rather than trying to talk it over phone or message or a crappy webcam. It WILL be better.

They forward it to the consulate through NVC. K visa cases generally only stay at NVC for a few days, maybe a week. There have been some rare cases where it gets stuck at NVC in administrative process for 4-6 weeks, but I haven't seen one of those in awhile. You'll be getting a letter from NVC soon with the BNK case number notifying you that the case was sent to Bangkok. Probably within the next week.
As far as being there for the interview, that's your call. They wont even let you in the embassy for the interview, so no real point in being there. As far as getting the visa by Jan. 16th, that's definitely reasonable. The only thing that could delay that is all the holidays between now and then. Just make sure you have everything ready to go on the Thai side. Go ahead and download the packet 3 and 4 instructions as well as the forms from the U.S. embassy website here:
http://bangkok.usembassy.gov/immigrant_visas/packets.html
Good luck!

honestly, i don't think he was using you for the GC. thats a common phrase when someone gets mad at their spouses. it's something to make you hurt intentionally, words said at rage. now the thing with the dollar bills was pathetic. i've been through something very similar with my husband's family, but in the end he realised they were wrong and chose to be with me and me only. you're husband is not a man enough, he's a brat who needs to grow up and realise he has a wife and a new life and not hang by his daddy's pants like a lil' kid

Okay so I spoke to his parents who have given up on there son blaming them. They want him to grow up and are embarrased hes staying with someone other than family. I don't believe them, they talk to him daily. I closed our bank joint account he had to 17 dollars. Turned off his indian line on his cell phone. Reported his phone stolen cut it temporarily. I had a job interview and start Mondays. he called me 6 times. From his work. I did not answer. Was intern yelled at by family. But I ignored it. Perhaps instead of running away I confront them head on. I cant afford moving. I submitted all of past case records to uscis and to indian embassy keep on file, of his intentions. I am waiting to gather money to file. If he stays in america wont be my issue or concern. I'm done with marriage or guys. Time to focus only on me. Be selfish.

You deserve sooooooooo much more than this guy. You have been a devoted fiancée emotionally and financially. This is not a fair relationship: do you think it will get better in time?
Life is too short. You only have one chance at this thing called life. Pursue happiness, not this guy.

You've been used in a 'traditional' Indian Scam.
Sorry.
He's been a great actor, at times, but has shown his true colors at other times.
IMO, folk bring over the entire family, over a coupla decades. You were the last peg, for the last child.

Your post you mentioned about second chance, second chance for what? to have by your side a loser,a weak man and scumbag? really? you deserve better. Divorce him and move on.

I remember feeling like this when we were going through the K-1 process. I felt like everyday away from him, talking on crappy skype to his cellphone because he didn't have internet regularly, was deteriorating our relationship. We fought a lot...mostly because there was nothing else to do other than planning, waiting for the future. I'm pretty sure it has something to do also with the fact that at the time I was only 20 and he was 21 years old. But you know what? It's two years later, and while the process of K-1 was horribly long and draining, it strengthened our relationship at the end of the process. We still talk about how we overcame everything that had happened to us.... we were fighting a lot, his country was in a flood during part of the process and he didn't have clean water or food, I was working full time and in college full time during the process, and it was just chaos! I was staying up until 3 am every morning talking to him because his country is exactly 12 hours apart, and then waking up at 7 am and going to work. No wonder we fought.
I know it seems like it's bad now... and people here may mention about when you have to take care of children, or other obstacles to overcome but the reality is that it's different when you're with your SO in person. You can look into their eyes and work out problems rather than trying to talk it over phone or message or a crappy webcam. It WILL be better.

I think it would be a great idea if people posting stopped squabbling amongst themselves.

You've missed the line about sex ad on craigslist, haven't you?

There are many excellent replies here. I'm struck most by the "he is a pig" in the OP, and that the petitioner chose not to be forthcoming with his (assumedly) pending wife-for-life during a whole 8 months -- instead choosing to look elsewhere while (assumedly) pretending that all was well during his communications with her all that time.
If I knew all this as a CO who was deciding on whether to grant a visa, I know exactly what I'd do. If I were a kindly older relative of the OP, I'd say "All the available men on Earth who would figuratively kill for a relationship with you, and this is the level of your standards?" If I were the OP's best male friend, I'd say "He's saving you a lot of time. Count yourself lucky that you found out now, instead of later when it would be far more difficult to extricate yourself."
A rock-solid marriage relies on transparent communication, and there was none until the beneficiary actually arrived and found out the truth of what was going on. It was far different from her truth.
For a marriage that "has" to happen in a few weeks, a lot of fundamental counseling (individual for him, but better for the couple) needs to cover a lot of ground. My male perspective is that the OP should return home now, let the fiance pursue his counseling and personal growth, and -- in time -- pursue another I-129F/K-1, if they mutually wish. Right now, doubts exist on her part, and growth is needed on his part. Personal changes can be made but not endure, and the legal pressure of having to marry now should not compel a marriage at this time.

Thank you for your kind words and for standing up for me against this insensitive person that posted on here earlier.

I also believe if the CO would have known about his play dates with other women online and offline the OP would have never received
the visa for which we all go through hell for to cross all t's and dot all i's.
What if it was the beneficiary seeking other men online in ads ?
Then everyone would have screamed scam.
But some comments are watered down because it's the USC acting selfish with his sex seeking ads.
It is not genuine love on his part and what is bona fide about his behavior ? Nothing.
What's done is done and only the OP can decide her future destiny.
The OP deserves better after leaving everything behind and giving up her life in her home country...... for what ?!
Put yourself in her shoes instead of trying to stand in his.
This should be the happiest time of her life not the nightmare that it is.
And no, Fafoo I don't know the guy but we all respond to what we read in the written post, including you.
What I read....sex ads on craigslist, online women etc. was enough for me to form my opinion, I don't have to know more.

Something similar happened to a friend of mine. Her man moved to a new province, and she decided to move there too. He kept telling her to wait, he hadn't found a good job, a good place, etc. It was dragging on and on. 6 months later, she finally moved to be with him--but right away, he confessed that he had been meeting women on dating sites. She was devastated, but decided to move in anyway. He secretly kept meeting women for months even after she moved there. When she found out, she really went nuts. But for some reason, instead of dumping him and moving on, she took the insanely insecure route and forced him to marry her (he's really lame and will do anything if she yells at him).
So anyway now they are married.. and their entire marriage is about fighting. All the time they fight about the stupidest things.. because she doesn't trust him, and never has.
She used to be such a wonderful person, but by forcing herself to be in a relationship of mistrust and deceit, she has turned into a bitter, mean person.
If I were you, I would break it off and move back home. There is someone out there for you who will remain faithful to you, even during times where you aren't together.
Good luck!

I vote (Is voting allowed?) -
--do not marry
--go back to your home country
--use your apartment sale proceeds to start over.

Just realize if you stay with him you'll have what he did haunting you in the back of your mind for a longgg time. It will be hard to rebuild that trust. You will always be feeling like he is doing something behind your back, even if he isn't. It would be a very rocky relationship if you chose to stay in it.

I agree. I suppose it would be ok as long as you will accept the fact that any time he has a low point of weakness you will accept the fact again. And then again.
Life brings highs and lows. My husband doesn't fill the low points with bedmates and I wouldn't be here if he did.

~Moved from K-1 Process to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits Forum~
~Inquiring about K-1 visa options~
(organizer hat off)
Agree, once a cheater always a cheater. You would do well to move back home and move on.
So sorry to hear your tale of woe.
Good luck.

WOW So so sorry you discovered this after you're already there... Once a cheater always a cheater in my opinion. Even if he never had sex with anyone (which I doubt), he was still thinking about it and actively trying to get it by posting ads on craigslist. Don't make excuses for him and don't let him make excuses for himself. Are you willing to forget about all of this, put it in the past, and get married??? It would be hard.

There are members that have given good responses to this difficult situation and how to approach it correctly. I too have some info and suggestions.
Thailand is well known for its " tourism" industry. Many never see the inside of our Temples ect. Most seem to gravitate to the beach areas or simply stay in BKK. BKK is one on the worlds largest cities so it contains everything any city would have of that size including the infamous Patpong road. Pattaya has all the same elements so is also known for the part of life that people may not see anywhere else in their life. There is a reason this tourism of Thailand generates so much money. People enjoy it. Until someone that worked in those areas needs a visa.
Sometime back there were two case here on V J that involved questions about the females work. One told the officer she worked in a BKK bar. What she failed to mention at the time was her actual duties as the dishwasher and janitor. She was denied.
The other involved someone that said she taught exercise classes. She was investigated for about 90 days and finally got her visa.
My suggestion is to simply tell the truth. She was one of hundreds or thousands of people involved in the food service industry. What her job description was many years back isnt relevant anyway. The O P has been with her for close to 3 years now it seems. Even if he files the DCF, which he should do, he will have been with her for a long time by the time of the interview. If he doesn't have a problem with her by this time it is clear the relationship is sound. The only question someone may have in their mind is why he didn't marry her yet.
I suggest the O P gets married which he will have to do to file the CR 1. Obtaining a K 1 for a person involved in the tourism industry can be difficult as we know. Married is married so that ends the questions about the future. Compassion? No. But they wont question the O P about his choice of a life partner either.
I wonder if the OP knows exactly what will be required to obtain the visa for the child? This needs to be understood right now and the work undertaken soon. That child is also a benefit in the case. The unity of the family is critical. The indication that we are a family is paramount.
Let us know about the child please. The age ect. Is the child with her mother now? Does she see her father at times?

That's exactly what I told my wife. Dress like you work in an office. Black pants, white shirt, no heels. Pretend like it's a job interview at AIS, or True, or some other business.

I asked Jin about this. She interviewed twice, Both times she was surprised how many girls dressed like they worked at a bar. Many left in tears. She just thought that was the dumbest thing they could have done going to the interview.

As a woman the "no talking on weekends" is strange and it would be a definite deal breaker for me. There is no excuse or valid reason
not to skype on weekends, at the very least on some sporadic weekends.
Does she accepts calls on weekends ? At any time day or night ? If not, big red flag.
Perhaps a "surprise visit" would give you clarification before the interview. Spending face to face time will help and getting that reassurance
is not a waste of money.
If my man would be galavalenting around the country with a female friend on vacation I would be gone in a split second.
Oh hell no ! Does that not cost as much money as you spending money on the trip over to be at her interview ?
People have different levels of tolerance and you need to get the clarification on what to do so do it, it is not controlling like a second
mother as she claims, it is what you must do for yourself. It is about both of you, not just her. Make your needs known and do not settle for less
or else you are setting a precedent of what she may pull here.

Face to face time will reveal more than an online candid talk and her body language and warmth or icy cold behavior will give you the answers
you need. It can be faked but if you know her well you can see subtle clues of a pattern change.
Having said that I would not cancel the petition unless I was absolutely sure she is not the one for you.
People have done it and then later regret it and have to start over.
If her interview is soon then perhaps you can tell her to postpone it for a couple of months to give you more time and see how she reacts.
If you are fed up then tell her. Point blank and do not sugar coat it.

I pretty much lived on Skype with my husband. We slept with it on. If we were home, it was on. If we weren't at home, we were in communication.

Sorry this happened to you...and sorry that some people on here throw their two cents in without an ounce of compassion...I hate online gangsters, especially the ones that wont dare to show their picture! I don't blame them though because VJ allows them to bully people that are already feeling down and they reward them with 'platinum status' which they accept proudly as if it's getting them a free room upgrade somewhere. ANYHOW...I went thru something so similar as you, in fact as I was reading it...I had to ask myself if you were somehow married to my ex. lol. I know you are feeling like you wasted so much time and money..I know you are emotionally spent, angry, hurt and confused. I felt all those things when my ex did it to me. I was embarrassed and ashamed! As for you staying and continuing on with the relationship even though you knew something was wrong from the start, don't beat yourself up over that. People do it everyday...for the kids, for finances, etc. My ex came here on a fiancé visa and before he even got here, I felt something was not right but I still went ahead with everything because I felt like if I didn't I'd be letting him and his whole family down. So I convinced myself that everything was fine instead of listening to my gut instinct. You feel like you invest so much to give in, so you just keep going praying for something to turn around. Well, it didn't...in both our cases. But I can tell you, it's not worth dealing with him anymore. Whatever is going to happen with his immigration situation is going to happen with or without you. My ex got to stay cuz he had the nerve to say I put him out and filed that VAWA or whatever it's called. I was so mad at first and all I wanted to do was fight fight fight for my name not to be dragged thru the mud. But at the end of the day, I realized he wasn't worth it. My best advice to you is just let it all go. You moved out of the house and that is a good start. You reported to the right people already that you are no longer with him and that is all you can do. The system does not work in our favor at times and I had to learn to accept that. The best thing I did for myself was to move on and close that chapter in my life. You say you are single with no child...but it's actually better you didn't have a child with him right? You will find someone one day that is worth all the things you do for him....who will appreciate all the things you do for him. Anything that a man sows, he reaps. He'll get his one day! Its been 5 years since my ex formed up his argument and walked out the door. To this day he is single, still trolling dating sites online and working in a factory just to have everyone back home stretching their hand out to be fed. I, on the other hand, am prosperous, happy and married! Every dog has his day, and he will surely have his!