Gingerpants

Personally I would never marry or stay in a relationship with a BPD person, just because BPD is almost impossible to treat. If you do wish to stay & marry your fiancee, you might want to google & read up on "Drama Triangle" by Steve Karpman. I have never read "I hate you - Don't leave me" but I heard that it is a great book.
Good Luck OP.

By the time you start trying to figure out exactly what kind of disorder your fiance' has, you have already lost.
If it was an american girl it would be easy to walk away.
Youve already made a commitment, You've already found out it was a mistake.
there is an emergency exit but it seems that short of being chased around the house with a butcher knife, you are not willing to use the exit.
I'm being blunt because "I been there, done that"
You can "save" her from poverty but you are not going to "cure" her.
What you see now is what you are going to get.

Hope you had the good sense to wear a condom on those few Occasions you got "lucky". Without trying to lay blame, the two of you are incompatible, unless you forgot to mention that you are a masochist. Assuming, since you've got grown kids, that you already went through one divorce. Get out the calculator and figure out how much this one will cost you. I suppose since you
filled out the I-134 affadvit of support you would be good for a few years of child support for her daughter.
Her even mentioning her rights at this stage is like a terrorist boarding a 747 and asking if anyone has a match.
Don't ever marry someone hoping they will change
Don't ever marry someone hoping they will change

Are you taking an opportunity to brag how great is your wife and life, or really trying to help the OP?

Honestly, I am a woman and as a woman I would say that "your girl" sounds rather manipulative. What I've learned about relationships is this: when two people are really and truly in love, it will come easy. It just shouldn't be that hard. I'm not saying relationships don't take work....of course they do, but there is a certain level of "easiness" in relationships that are "right".
Here are a few things you might want to consider: I think I would slow things down a bit and see if she can "normalize" a little bit. I'm sure that coming to a new country requires much adjustment, but she should try to adjust WITH you....afterall, the plan was to get married and spend her life with you, right??? If she's "pushing" you to marry her right away, I think I would have to question what her hurry is. On a K-1 visa, you have 90 days to get married....so...maybe you should take a month or two and see if things work out. You should know in that amount of time if this is someone you would want to spend the rest of your life with.
Bottom line....you need to decide what your "gut" is telling you...your gut instinct is never wrong...so figure out what it's telling you and go with it.
Good luck.

A number of years ago my boss had fraudulent activity on one of his credit cards. The credit card company cancelled the card and re-issued him new a card with a different number. As he was traveling out of the country when the new card arrived he didn't try to activate it until his return. When he went to activate it a few weeks later(the card was in an unopened sealed envelope delivered to his home and inside the home) he discovered it had already been 'activated' and had charges. He called the credit company, was able to prove that the card sent to him still had not been activated by him and had not been used. The credit card company cancelled that card then did an investigation. It turned out that one of their own employees was actually involved and had been using recently issued card numbers expecting that the owner would immediately authorize the card and start to use it and his activity would go unnoticed.
Without knowing the source of the activity it is premature to state that it was someone at USCIS who used your credit card information. The fact that it was these cards used could be circumstantial and there may be other factors at work. Your credit card company is the best able to investigate the fraudulent activity and if it turns out to be someone at USCIS, you can rest assured that the individual involved will be discovered - and will live to regret their 'choices'.
Considering the immense volume of private information released to USCIS as part of the immigration process, I am sure they take all sorts of precautions to prevent something like this happening. The need for this type of 'trust' is crucial to the successful operation of this department. That doesn't mean that some sort of internal fraud doesn't happen but it is definitely is a very rare occurrence

I have worked with Nigerian Police before and Feds. Most likely numbers were gotten via our mailing. Don't know how you mailed this. Contact the CC and banks involved request a complaint form, advise them you will prosecute. Get more informaiton fom your banks and they will give you new cards. Take his name off all the cards except one. Put your husbands name on one card only, that will be sufficient for their purposes, use a low limit card. I would send a similar letter to USCIS in an advisory capacity only. They might have seen this before. Be careful.

Did you inform the CC issuer that the secondary cards where going to a person in Nigeria ? Any mention of that country will get your card flagged for fraud and closed. I had to have 3 long phone calls with my bank to ensure them that I was indeed having a card that would be used in Nigeria and even establish a daily limit and a password for emergency authorizations above that limit. Before you jump all over USCIS people make sure you are barking up the right tree. They have enough personal identifying info that they could open 20 cards in anyones name and no one has ever reported this happening before. I think you have a Nigeria paranoid banking institution.

Unless I am going to travel abroad my Green Card is in the sate box to stay, not even USCIS itself will change that. If it was free of charge to replace then I would carry it with me at all times.

Well, I lost my whole wallet once, at a restaurant in Vegas. (I found it again a couple of hours later, amazingly, by retracing my steps.) People lose their wallets all the time, either accidentally or through theft. I could replace everything in my wallet, including my driver license and cash, plus the wallet itself, for far less than it costs to replace a green card.

I would venture to say a lot of people, states have driver services facility for 'duplicate license' just for that very reason.!

Agreed 100%. It's bad enough they break the laws of the US and come into this country illegally, but it's even worse when they b*tch about our laws after they broke them. Stick em all on C-130's and take them on a trip over the ocean and then let's check out their swimming skills.

The sense of entitlement these illegal aliens have is nauseating. The only thing worst than that is the illegal alien cheerleaders that enable, aid, and abet this sh*t.

Five Moral Arguments Against the DREAM Act
Ira Mehlman
It’s back. Sen. ####### Durbin (D-Ill.) is once again pushing the DREAM Act amnesty. Before a packed room (mostly of illegal aliens), the Senate Judiciary Committee held a hearing earlier this week stacked with witnesses who favor granting amnesty to millions of illegal aliens.
Leaving aside all of the deceitful provisions that have been built into the bill that makes it a much broader amnesty than proponents let on, it is important to address the fundamental premise that passing the bill is a moral imperative because the people who would benefit are blameless for being here illegally.
The DREAM Act fulfills the parents’ principle reason for breaking the law in the first place. Ask the typical illegal alien why he or she came to United States illegally, and invariably the answer is, “I wanted to do better for my family.” This is a perfectly rational and understandable response, but not a justification for violating the law. In essence, what the DREAM Act does is provide the parents precisely what they sought when they brought their kids illegally to the United States: a green card and all of the benefits that America has to offer. Even if the bill were to include a provision that DREAM Act beneficiaries could never sponsor the parents who brought them to the country illegally, it would still fulfill the parents’ primary objective for bringing them here.
The DREAM Act would touch-off an even greater wave of illegal immigration. Because the DREAM Act is being marketed as a moral imperative – as opposed to a more general amnesty, which is sold as bowing to reality – it comes with an absolute assurance that it will be repeated. If we have a moral imperative to provide amnesty to the current population of people who were brought here as kids, won’t we have the same moral imperative for the next generation of people who arrive under similar circumstances? The unmistakable message to people all around the world is: Get over here and bring your kids. America will feel morally obligated to give them green cards too.
The DREAM Act absolves illegal aliens of their fundamental responsibilities as parents. There is a fundamental principle that parents are responsible for the consequences that their actions and choices have on their kids. Unfortunately, children inevitably pay a price when parents make bad decisions or break laws. The DREAM Act carves out a single exception to this universal tenet of the social contract. The message it sends is that if you violate U.S. immigration law, American society is responsible for fixing the mess you created for your kids.
The absence of a reward or benefit is not the same as a punishment. DREAM Act proponents repeatedly argue that by not granting legal status to targeted beneficiaries we are, essentially, punishing children for the sins of their parents. This is an absolutely specious claim. By no stretch of the imagination are the children of illegal aliens being punished. Not rewarding them with legal residence and expensive college tuition subsidies is simply withholding benefits to which they never had any entitlement in the first place.
Adults have the obligation to do the right thing, even if their parents have done the wrong thing. Society glorifies people who do what is right, especially when doing what is right comes at some significant cost. Yes, many would-be DREAM Act beneficiaries have been dealt a bad hand (by their parents). As difficult (even unfair) as it may be, upon reaching adulthood they have the responsibility to obey the law. When, for example, Jose Antonio Vargas proclaims on the pages of The New York Times Magazine, that he knowingly engaged in illegal activities in order to remain and work in the United States illegally, he became culpable in his own right. While he, and others like him, may be more sympathetic than the people who committed the predicate offense, their situation does not excuse their own illegal acts.
Ira Mehlman is the Media Director of the Federation for American Immigration Reform.
http://townhall.com/columnists/iramehlman/2011/07/01/five_moral_arguments_against_the_dream_act

So why would your attorney believe if you miss the Stokes interview that if you refile sometime in the future it will be easier? I would think this would send up giant red flags that the marriage is fake and you were scared to attend the Stokes interview because they would find out you were fake.
If you miss the interview normally you will be sent a denial letter giving you 30 days to voluntarily depart the country. If you fail to leave you will be out of status and subject to deportation.
So what would be the benefit of missing the interview?

I would leave it as they sorted it.

Why does a couple need to develop their relationship in the US? Is it not possible to develop a relationship in any country of the world? What about all those couples who file for CR1 and IR1 visa in countries that aren't VWP countries? How did they manage to develop a relationship and ultimately get married? What's the difference between making only one trip and then filing a K1 petition and making only one trip, getting married on that same trip, and then filing for a CR1 petition? Isn't the idea supposed to be that you've developed a solid relationship before sending the petition, regardless of what country the relationship was developed in? Isn't it the CO's job to make sure this is the case?
There's a valid reason why some people will never set foot in the USA without first getting either a K1 or CR1/IR1 visa - it's called visa fraud.

I don't understand how someone can be engaged to when "barely knowing someone". Being engaged is not the initial phase of a relationship.

The K1 is not designed for people to "get to know" each other. If you dont know if you are ready to spend the rest of your life with this person, please do us all a favor and don't do the K1. It would definitely shorten the number of applications and would speed up the process for those of us who are. There is a tourist Visa for those that arent sure. You can learn alot about someone in 90 days and it could save time and money by bringing out potential problems before jumping into the K1 visa process. My best advice, for this or anyone considering getting married, if you arent 100% sure, DONT Do it! Just my 2 cents.

I think that if you made a bit of time to study JR's posts these past few months, you'd understand that most of what he says is nonsensical - do please disregard what he says, something amiss (IMO).

Thank you all again. I reported him to ICE...and also his sister who is a permanent resident in another state, the emails have revealed that she was in on it too. I am taking tomorrow off from work to do all the paper work to send to cancel the aff of support and anything else I can. I have never been in this situation before and I thank the VJ community for all the support. I am trying my best to keep my eyes wide open and do everything I can to make sure he cannot hurt me anymore.

If you have a legitimate marriage, you don't "need a good defense." That's the beauty of AOSing with a real marriage ... you just tell the truth.

Listen Rhenajones...
Lotsa things don't add up..
15 miles/15 minutes apart, doesnt provide a good enough reason to live apart.. unless the marriage in on the rocks.. Stuff like that happens.. It seems additionally troubling whe you add up that he arrived in the USA and moved in with his parents.. And you guys continue to live apart.. This just seems odd to us, and will certainly seem odd to the USCIS..
It's understandable that You're Status is at stake, but it seems more important that you're relationhip is strugling.. YOu need to work on that. 27 days is not much time to fix all the things that are outta whack here..
My suggestion is you stop looking at how to convince the USCIS that things are normal, when it's obvious that it isn't to many reading this tread much less the USCIS interviewer. You should be honest with yourself about the reasons you brought your partner to the USA and if it's genuine, then you should be considering how to fix your relationship, or simply decide the problems are not fixable, and consider having you spouse AOS on his own and show proof that he entered in the USA and into the relationship in good faith..
If this seems suspicious to us, imagine how it's going to seem to the person at the interview.. The whole process is designed to weed out scams and that's why we have to continuously show that our relationships are genuine.. If the relationship is not genuine, it will be dificult to prove it is.. That's the reason for the AOS Process...
Good Luck
Kenny

I'm confused here. You say you left cause of his parents, as a couple have been the same for the past 5 years and he's sweeter than before.....Your asking should he change his address...Why isn't he living with you at your house full stop?
There's things missing here and you have to be upfront with the facts.
You have less than a month to sort out things properly and that isn't a long time. You need to talk to your husband now to get this sorted out or your interview may very well go t!ts up.