faithinGod

I think this assumption that white people do not experience racism is plainly false and yet again another tactic. I don't get this whole "white people don't get it thing." I tried to go and enroll for community college classes and I asked several African American young ladies if I was in the right office quite loudly and to their faces, they looked up at me and ignored me. Is that racism? When the head of financial aid at my college got in trouble for telling me that I didn't qualify for financial aid because I was from a specific almost completely white town was that racism? Maybe yes, maybe no, but he did get fired a short time afterwards after I had the VP intervene. Is every time I drive through New Haven and people stare at me or I get out at a gas station there and everyone stares, is that racism? What about every time I've had a door slammed in my face there or been intentionally knocked into into in the hallway? Or what about the elevator in which someone asked right in front of me as though I wasn't a person, whether his girlfriend would get an abortion if she got knocked up like that?
In what world do you think this is not a two way street? That white people never are on the receiving end or that we don't know what it is like? Do you know how many times I've been ignored, treated rudely, and just plain disrespected and yet I have always treated people equally and with equality?

Ok wait a minute. Racism can happen across all races or ethnicities. I get it all the time when I'min kJamaica as a white woman with a black husband. So to say that only people of color experience this is simply not accurate.
With that being said I do not think that one rude comment by a nurse about someone's hair qualifies as racism period.

Op obviously its not as easy as just leave her. People here are really big advocates of divorce it seems. Yes cheating is next to unforgiveable and the fact that she has a child with someone else is a huge deal breaker, but once you commit yourself to a person it requires a little more effort than "deal breakers."
My opinion is that you love your wife. She seems to realize the emotional stress she has put you through when she says that she understand if you can not forgive her. Its not true that once someone is a cheater they are always a cheater. People go through situations that causes them to make stupid decisions. Not saying she couldn't hurt you again. But if you have truly looked at everything and know its going to be hard for you to forgive her, then its best for all of you to call it quits.
Wish I could answer your questions about your status but I have no idea how it will effect you, hopefully someone who knows more about that could address the issue here.
But like the previous person stated forgiveness is not for her. Its for you. If you are able to forgive and want to help her with the child ( regardless of whether or not the biological father steps in) I think that makes you that much more of a stronger person than everyone else. But of course this is not your responsibility and you should not do anything that will make you miserable.

I don't normally reply to posts on here, but I do read quite a bit of them. I have to say, I heard OP's original post as well as the question he was asking. Then I read all the replies. What I noticed most in the replies is ... leave her, get away, she cant love you, run Forest run. I did see some replies that stated that he could ROC whether he stays or leaves.
First thing I want to say is to the OP. You stated that you don't know if you can forgive her. Forgiveness is not for "her". Forgiveness is for YOU! When you forgive, and I mean truly forgive her, it releases you from carrying the pain of the situation. It releases the anger you are holding on to. You may have to forgive her multiple times. So just think about it, the forgiveness is not for her, it is for you.
Second thing I want to say is to the individuals that replied with leave, run, get out, etc. From what ya'll have said, I guess it would be safe to assume that you have perfect relationships and that you and/or your spouses have never done anything out of character that you would have to forgive for. It may not be cheating and having baby, but it could be a number of other things. For example, I know I have read many posts that people are upset that their spouse watches porn. Well, this is also a form of adultry. He/she may not have had the physical encounter but they have a mental encounter. I guess it is safe to assume that perhaps ya'll are perfect....hhhmmm...I thought that was only God and I am quite sure, none of you are him.
My point is, nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes and we all deserve second and maybe third chances. You cannot tell the OP that his wife does not love him because she cheated. Yes, she had a moment or maybe even a few moments of weakness, but that does not mean she does not love him. When we, as humans, make mistakes, we ask, or should be asking, God for forgiveness. Imagine if he didn't forgive.....we would ALL be going to hell, not to mention that if we made a mistake, we must not love God. I am here to tell you, I make mistakes and I LOVE my God. God gives second and third and fourth.......chances. Why can we not be more like him. I am not saying it is easy. Trust is huge and once lost it is very very hard to get back.
The OP and his wife need to have a calm, serious conversation, but not before thinking very hard, about what they want for the future. Now there is a child involved wether the child is biologically his or not, the wife is now a package deal. Perhaps, if they decide their love is strong enough to try to mend their marriage...kudos...try some marriage counseling, prayer and maybe some support groups. If they decide, well, this is a little to much for me right now, maybe separate and take some alone time to try and figure things out. If it is just something that cannot be mended, then end things on humble terms.
Some or most of you may not agree with what I have said, but I have spoken from my heart. I wish everyone well with their marriages/relationships and remember, God will never give you more than you can handle.
Have a blessed day.

It's not the end of the world. and you can love the kid like it is your own. If you still love each other I would keep trying. Don't worry about the green card and visa stuff that will work itself out you shouldn't base your decisions on that. I personally would adopt the kid and get the other guy out of the picture ASAP. Good luck in whatever you decide.

We all make mistakes and deserve a second chance but then every situation is unique....This decision has to be taken by you depending on your situation....

I really feel bad for this lady! She is, has been and probably in the future will be mis-treated. Why not use him, come here, get your green card, and then say "bye, bye!

In my opinion, this tired ole' saying of "once a cheater, always a cheater"..,.,.,.... IS totally false!
At times in my life, I was a cheater, was then divorced, and was single many years, and married the love of my life. I married my beloved wife and I never, ever even dreamed of cheating, NEVER WILL, AND IT NEVER COMES TO MY MIND, as I have a great wife and wonderful marriage, I would never ever cheat, so help me God!
This saying, is old and false.,.,.until I would cheat.,.,.,I have proved it wrong! And, it will never ever happen to my beloved wife!

I want to believe she asked for advice and not judgment on her fiancee. Every relationship is not the same and cos you experienced same that ended badly does not mean her situation will end that way. We don't even know this guy, she is the only one who sees it all. Some of you are bitter and don't care, everyone deserve a second chance even a third, fourth, fifth etc cos we make mistakes, because it did/didn't work out doesn't mean he/she is an angel/a devil.
We don't have all the answers to the questions of life.
He is still her fiancee and stop judging him, if you have nothing better to say, move to the next topic.

To me, having been a "cheater" for many years, this guy is a dirt bag,..,.,RUN.,.., I STRONGLY DISAGREE with the "OLD SAYING" once a cheater, always a cheater.,.,.I WAS.,.,once as bad as they come, I now have a wonderful, beautiful Filipino wife, AND WOULD NEVER, EVER EVEN THINK OF OR EVER CHEAT ON MY WIFE..,..,Never! THAT SAYING, IS VERY OLD AND not VERY ACCURATE! "Once a cheater, always, how absurd" Maybe cheaters have a reason to cheat, sometimes! It was my case many years ago! BUT, never now, NEVER!

oh, there are lots of go back home comments.. I think that's not that easy. I did similarly same things you've done. left my job, left my family behind and all my social life. For the one I love..
I only can advice you to listen to your hearth. And i believe that love is not sth that we can handle by ourselves. It's something getting stronger when we are together with beloved one. Think deeply about how you felt when you were together.. i mean before you learnt about his weaknesses.
Just listen to your hearth. It won't be easy to start things over, trusting him again. But just think, can you do that for this man? can you give him another chance?
You don't need to walk in the same way as the others. Sometimes fixing problems can make life better than having no problems. I had a couple friends. Girl cheated on him and after he learnt her mistake they had some bad days. But both of them wanted to fix this and they have very good life now. They are more open to each other than any couples i've ever seen. ( She had the same excuses as your husband, she cheated him when she was feeling too weak and when she had big concerns about the relationship) .
Another point is you don't have any concerns about today, do you? You are sad about the 8months. Ask him if he really wants to fix this problem. Then think about yourself if you can help him to fix this.. This is your relationship and don't let other people decide your future. Ask your hearth.
I hope the best for you..

A tough one
Amos 3 verse 3
I want to apply my point of view to this situation from both sides. For every story that has been 'lived happily ever after' there have been some real tough and rough situations in between , it only took two people who agreed to work it out through it all. I am not justifying this man here but I want to believe living together just revealed to you the things you weren't able to see from a distance, now that you have found out, is it a trust broken or you just found out your man's weakness, what do you want to do about it?
This seem to be your real first storm, you want to steer your ship to safety?
You have given so much, and you are truly committed, which is impressive , maybe this relationship needs to draw its stent from you.
You two really have to talk about this, the devil you know is far better than the angel you don't know.
I also want to believe you see it all better than everyone here and like Gowon said everything can be worked out.
There are things that are not lovable about our partners but we love them unconditionally anyway.

Can we please stop posting positive stories on ACA.
It's depressing all the Republican's.

Oops. The facts on the ground don't support the fearmongering the GOP and it's propaganda organs have been engaged in over the last 4 years? Who would have thought that they're capable of lying to their own constituents?

Call me strange, but personally, I think adults should act like adults.
I had a neighbor every bit as bad as this one. I never stooped to retaliation. When I needed to, I called the police. Eventually I moved. Life is great now.

Are you now talking to yourself, Danno?
But okay, let's do that test you propose. I cannot name any country with free healthcare because I don't know of any. People in other developed nations do pay for their healthcare in various different ways - taxes, insurance premiums, co-pays, etc. Nothing is free there. It's just that they pay less per capita to get health care services that reach their entire populations and produce outcomes similar to ours.

See, Danno, this is where you fall off the cliff. There are plenty of nations out there that have perfectly well functioning free market economies and yet, they manage to offer quality health care to their entire populations at a fraction of the cost that we shell out to take care of most but not all. They've got it figured out and we don't.

I'm wondering if he's even going to bother coming back to this thread. I doubt it; usually when he's challenged he magically disappears.

She's absolutely right.
I was on that same path to get my license as a US physician just a few months ago. I have since then decided not to pursue it due to my decision to apply for a masters degree instead.
Guess what... Just passing the exams is not enough to be licensed.
You have to apply to 3-5 year residency training programs that will take you, the foreign graduate, over the American graduates from US med schools. This means paying for flights or train rides to different states and staying in hotels. Then, when you get accepted, you put yourself through the rigorous demands of the 3-5 year training program. After that program, you take another expensive exam (think 1,000+ dollars for exam fee) and only become licensed after you pass that fourth exam.
A grant (if that even exists for foreign medical graduates) is not the key to being a US licensed physician. If it was so, this article won't even exist. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/12/business/economy/long-slog-for-foreign-doctors-to-practice-in-us.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0
The US has this huge source of medical skill and expertise present in foreign graduates living in the US, yet nothing is being done to utilize this advantage.

Quoting "come here and they aren't licensed, and then they see how hard the process is and they have to get an odd job to support themselves." Well this is not a Latino-only problem, it's a universal problem.

The last time we have a government shut down we faced the same scenario: capricious republicans and their contempt for the American people.
Obama ran on the affordable care act. He was elected on that platform. Obama ran for a 2nd term on the affordable care act. He was re-elected. You would think the GnOP and the TB's would have caught on that, and yet, they have done absolutely nothing other than vote on the repeal of the ACA since they were elected.

Naturally its Obama's fault.
It wouldn't be a certified Gary post without that part of the rant.

I like pork ribs, pork chops, ham and pork tenderloin. There ain't no woman out there worth giving all of that up.

Gary? Please to comment ? Sounds like this fella is happy !!

This is for Danno and other southerners that complain about so called reverse racism and affirmative action.
http://www.rochester.edu/news/show.php?id=7202
Click the link to see an interesting map and graphics.

How does the number of guns in circulation matter? If those extra guns are owned by fewer people - which is what we're looking at - then it means nothing in the context of this discussion. If fewer people consume more processed and fast food, would society overall become fatter? No, it wouldn't. Despite the fact that more processed and fast food is consumed.