Lisamarie

Hi Henia,
I'm torn as to what advice to give you, as I believe deep in your heart, you have the answer. Personally speaking, there is nothing in this entire world that would have let my mother struggle through cancer alone much less die alone, should it come to that. Three years ago, my mother became very sick. I lived 8 hours away, but week after week for three months, I drove back and forth physically exhausted to take care of her until her final hours of life. I too have a daughter, had a busy life as well with her school and after school activities she was involved in. But as a daughter, I never had to think twice to be by her side. After her death, I felt a sense of peace, but never an ounce of guilt. I think the guilt is what most people live with after a death of a parent. Your always gonna ask yourself, why didn't I do this, why didn't I do that. This is why I can wake up every day and have beautiful loving memories of her.
I know your decision is based on living abroad, having four children, and leaving Algeria to move here. My suggestion would be have his family help with your children while you take a trip to visit your mother and let her know you love her and your there for her. Moving to the USA isn't probably the answer your looking for as the USA will always exist but your mother is alone and battling cancer which could take her life. Your life will be blessed for many years to come, don't miss this opportunity to visit your mother and give you that peace of mind you so deserve. After spending some mother and daughter time together, travel back home, sit with the family and have a heart to heart talk.
Take care...

Well today is a great day for our family...today is our 3 year and 2 month anniversary..and God has blessed us once again...I love my family so much but I love my God with everything....for 7 months my husband could not get a job and today we just took a chance on going to fill out another application for one more job before thinking about moving to a bigger city and by the Grace of God...Allah he gave my husband a job that starts Monday...and then tonight he took the first 2 parts of his GED test and he passed them both...I pray that everyone here as bad as it gets waiting never gives up and always pray to God...Allah...how ever you say God pray to him he does answer all your prayers maybe not when we want it but yes he does answer them all....tomorrow night he will take another part of the GED and I know my husband will pass...he has worked very hard for it and we both support and stand by each other wheather good or bad that is what love is not only the good times...but if we love each other as we do then the good will prevail eventually..by the blessing that God gives to us...and all of you...I will update as always and we pray for all of you to be safe and to be together soon....inshaallah

Well I can tell you that my hubby speaks English pretty well but it's not perfect and if you go back and read your post with a neutral mind you will see how offensive you came across to most of us. I have been with my hubby for over 5 years and married for almost 3 and just now getting ready to go to interview. You don't see me on here putting others down when they get approved I rejoice with them and hope for the best for us when we get there. Nobody here is better than the other.

I'm sorry, but don't you say you left behind a small son since last September? I think your complaining should be how devastated you are about your son and not those who got a visa before you. Maybe the embassy is looking at your neglect on behalf of your child you left for so long.

I agree totally with what you said about offending other spouses with crappy english. AP has nothing to do with that, and for all we know the AP is on the OP not her spouse. We could go further will this crappy english comment about the OP , seems hers could use some revisiting . Sorry but I'm not sympathetic at all at with her plight, her journey has been fairly speedy compared to a lot of us. No one couple deserves anything more than the rest of us. Every case is different and every couple has the right to be together. Next she'll be complaining because she's in a pickle for overstaying her visa, I guess that will be the US governments fault also? The OP made decisions to go and wait it out with her spouse, that was her decision and we all have been aware of the difficulty of the process and the chance that AP could happen. Don't think any of us are above the rest when it comes to who they decide will need additional processing. Storming into the consulate with the I'm a U.S citizen attitude won't get you very far either, and what was so offensive about being mistaken for a Moroccan citizen? Aren't you married to one???!!!
I'm sure this post is going to cause some waves, but I'm sorry I've read quite enough negativity from you ...it's time you learned to suck it up like the rest of us and quit your whining and bashing of others whom you seem to think you are above.

Well I'm going to be in the minority here....I believe that everyone has their own way of dealing with relationship breakups, abuse, etc. Some people can shrug them off and move on, others need to talk about it as in therapy to understand and get past it and forget about it, some never really forget about it.....but that doesn't mean they can't move on and into friendships or a healthy relationship at some point. Everyone is different and for some, "taking time" means more sitting around dwelling on it, trying to make sense out of it, and more feeling sorry for yourself. Meeting people and getting out socially can make that person feel good about themselves again. Having someone to talk to, laugh with, share thoughts with.... Life is too short for so much sadness. I say enjoy your new friend and find some happiness again

Well I'm going to be in the minority here....I believe that everyone has their own way of dealing with relationship breakups, abuse, etc. Some people can shrug them off and move on, others need to talk about it as in therapy to understand and get past it and forget about it, some never really forget about it.....but that doesn't mean they can't move on and into friendships or a healthy relationship at some point. Everyone is different and for some, "taking time" means more sitting around dwelling on it, trying to make sense out of it, and more feeling sorry for yourself. Meeting people and getting out socially can make that person feel good about themselves again. Having someone to talk to, laugh with, share thoughts with.... Life is too short for so much sadness. I say enjoy your new friend and find some happiness again

Yeah, it's a thing. It starts as early as grade school, females whose entire selves are defined by the male they happen to be connected to at the time, and they totally flail when there's no male in the picture. Self-worth, value, etc is intrinsically tied to male approval and all that.
Seconding the Moroccans Do It Better. They're superior beings, to which I notice the only people objecting aren't involved with Moroccans and must wish they were. Moroccans for everyone!!

There aint NOTHING like a good Moroccan man. Say what you will but I have been around them for years and seriously, a good moroccan man is just a gift from heaven!
yep, we have had our differences in the past beauty for ashes, but this is the one thing I strongly agree with you on. There is something special about a good loving man from Morocco, I am very blessed to have found one, not just any man, but a devoted man to his wife, family and God.

We are taking it extremely slow.
We REALLY enjoy each others company. Hes been in the US like 15 years and has 2 kids. He makes me happy. And he likes me for me. And I am ALOT more broken than he is but because hes been through something similar with someone from his OWN COUNTRY ( He was used for papers by someone who did not really love him but just wanted to adjust her status) he understands the hurt I feel. He had come here on the lottery and she was over here on a tourist visa and he married her so she could adjust and she had kids with him and literally, she would tell people.. I just married him to stay in the country. So it happens to people FROM MOROCCO too. Its not just Americans who get victimised. He is truly one of the sweetest people I have met in years. We are taking things super slow and YES I have issues from what happened to me. But its nice to be with someone who is not constantly running me down and making me feel like #######. I am very attracted to people from that part of the world ( kind of against my will frankly) but ironically he is very attracted to Americans and we just kind of fit.. in a weird way. It may go absolutely no where but its nice for someone to grab me, kiss me and mean it when they call me habiba
There aint NOTHING like a good Moroccan man. Say what you will but I have been around them for years and seriously, a good moroccan man is just a gift from heaven! I have super good friends from there and when you have a really good moroccan man, you see heaven! I love moroccan people.. and when you get a sweet one, a really good friend, they are passionate, alive and affectionate. The hell I lived with with my ex and thinking about the years I lost putting up with his greencard using #### just makes me throw up in my mouth. I am so glad that all his nonsense did not make me hate men and want to live in a house with 30 cats. I am still alive and yes, kisses still feel good. And yes, I kissed him. I kissed him and kissed him and we ate amazing food and we had fun. HOORAY!

I agree... and its not just me that is damaged !
Just being single ,I am meeting some hot mess men out here! I dont know if even having a "type" is the greatest idea LOL...
Is it ok to admit this #######? I think I feel bad about ADMITTING that I would like to have something resembling a satisfying relationship...Its like wanting to be96 pounds when you are 150 or wanting a new car when you can barely afford the car you have...
Is it ok to long for normality? For intimacy? To have faith that things will improve? Isnt there a fine line between being realistic and being a dreamer?

Well... piercing brown eyes and already-a-citizen aside, maybe you should give yourself some time to fully get over what just ended before you start something new. Rebound relationships don't have such a great success rate. Nothing wrong with being friends, I guess... but what's the rush to get your still-healing heart all tangled up again so quickly ?

If my lawyer was giving me advice based on a google search, I would wonder WTH I was paying him/her for.

I have to admit, a Zagray apology video would be pretty amazing. He'd apologize and then insult you immediately afterward.

Don't fool yourself, they care about everything. If someone appears fraudy, of course they aren't going to worry about how many times his SO visited him. Don't worry about other peoples' cases, focus on your own and gather info about the technical aspects of overcoming a denial. If you do get denied then you will know what steps you'll have to take to overcome it. I'm telling you, listening to the women in your support group is not the way to go. Everyone's case is different, everyone's relationship is different and most of the time these women are not going to be completely open and honest about why they were denied. Who wants to admit their husband looked super fraudy or didn't know jack about them? The person who got denied because they didn't know how to point out their wife's state on the map was not denied for that reason alone.

Watch out! She'll be back once she finds out that she can't get a green card except through marriage to the K1 petitioner. This has happened numerous times here on VJ. Many scammers don't do their research before coming to the US. They have their eyes focused only on the visa. They come to the US, dump the petitioner and hit the road, and then find out that they cut the cord too quickly. They can't get a green card by marrying their secret boyfriend, and they can't file a VAWA claim. This is when they start trying to patch things up with the petitioner, saying they got scared and panicked. When that doesn't work she'll probably offer you some cash if you marry her and help her get a green card.
Save any correspondence for your fraud evidence package.

She probably already had another buyer lined up well before coming here. All you did is pay to unite them in the US. She will probably just stay here illegally like th emillions of others who walk the streets among us every day.
This is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Like others said, forget her and move on. And don't let her sweet talk you into giving her another chance. It's possible that she planned to marry somebody else but doesn't know that she can't get a greencard marrying somebody else. And like another member said, she may try to beg to take her back. DON'T DO IT!!! Once she gets her greencard, you can bet she'll leave again.
Look at it this way... At least you didn't marry the bittch!

I can kind of understand the fear of leaving when the abuser lives in the same country. I cannot for the life of me understand being an ocean and thousands of miles apart from an abuser and bringing them here. That boggles the mind.

Not only difficulties for you, possible difficulties for others as well. Willingly importing an abuser is basically bringing a criminal into the country. Someone who will not only abuse you but perhaps your children, your parents, other women...you get the idea.
Maybe we should discuss some of the warning signs to look for in case actual physical abuse hasn't taken place in the home country. Of course, if actual hitting, beating, slapping, pushing, etc. has taken place in the home country, it WILL continue in the US. It's not the country making the person abusive, it's the actual person that is abusive. If anyone thinks culture makes one abusive, what makes them think that will be left behind in the home country?
Also, I can't even begin to count how many abuse cases we've had in this forum in the past 6.5 yrs I've been a member here. Almost all of them stay with their abuser or go back at least one more time after leaving. It's so frustrating to become emotionally invested just to see the victim return to their abuser.

Recent posts have reminded me that some people view abuse as a cultural phenomenon, or something that will be resolved under the right circumstances (like living in America).
So, this is something of a plea to anyone who has been hit or treated poorly by your spouse/fiance still living in their country - LEAVE HIM THERE! Do not fool yourself into thinking that he won't beat or mistreat you in America, or it's just the stress of living in his homeland that leads him to beat you. If he's beaten you in his home country and you are safely in America- PLEASE LEAVE HIM IN HIS COUNTRY! It will not go away here.
I'm sure none of us want to judge anyone going through a difficult and/or abusive situation, even when it's hard to understand how anyone would petition for someone who's physically fought/abused/mistreated them in the home country. But, please if any of the VJ members are in this situation and the guy isn't here in America, please don't bring him here; it will only lead to more difficulties for you.

I understand exactly what you are saying, but in a moment of panic I reached out to a group of people for advice that I knew would understand.
Yes, it may not be a life threatening emergency, but when the person you love is scared and in pain, it's difficult to keep a clear head.
And me being there would help.
No matter what you think. Because he trusts me. Because he needs the love and support that only I can give him.
Can you imagine hearing the doctor tell you that you may have permanent damage to your leg, and not be able to have your fiancee hold you while you cry?
Jake is active. He is independent. The thought of being unable to do things for himself was frightening for him.
A doctor can't hold his hand and tell him he's going to be fine and that she'll be there no matter what.
They can't play scrabble with him or read to him to take his mind off the pain. So yes, me being there might not heal him, but it would sure as hell make it easier to get through.
In my opinion, saying ;I want to marry you", means I want to be there for you, no matter what happens and when you need me I'll do whatever I can to come running.
I have decided I am not going to apply because we are far along enough in our case to expect to go home soon, at the time i was unsure of our progress, but after talking to another south african member, I was reassured of the Joburg consulate's efficiency. However, if we were still far behind, and asking for an expedite for me to get to him faster was my best option, I have the right to take it.
We all do.
It's not an over reaction to do whatever you can to be next to a person who needs you.
I do have a thick skin regarding the process. I don't have a thick skin regarding my fiance's well being. And that's what works for us.
Some responses did come off as callous, but it's hard to gauge someone's tone over the internet.
I didn't take anything personally, because you don't know me and I don't know you. Everyone has different ways of dealing with things, and this was mine.
I'm not at home having a meltdown because a stranger came across as insensitive, trust me. 90% of everyone here has been compassionate, and I that's what I'm holding onto.

The emergency is that she loves her husband and he is injured. You sound like a very callous person. Perhaps next time you should resist the urge to respond to a post if you don't have anything worthwhile to contribute.

SIR, WE ARE HIS BROTHERS AND SISTERS, IF YOU CAN NOT TURN TO FAMILY,,THEN WHO CAN YOU TURN TO. my answer is i do not know, good luck brother.

If it were me I don't think I would even want to move forward at this point. Someone who ignores me, doesn't respect my feelings by not answering me for I don't know how long, (surely he knows she's worried about him) is not someone I would want to build a life with, and ESPECIALLY not to go through this long, frustrating, expensive, and stressful process with. IMO

Ok, I read it again. Still don't see that it's true. Maybe I'm misreading, but I don't think so. It's not an issue though for me. This isn't an argument I'm hoping to win. To each his own opinion/belief.