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Pman's Wife

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  1. Like
    Pman's Wife reacted to Popo's Lady in Easing the Transition to U.S. Life...   
    The transition has brought so many mixed emotions for my husband. He left Nigeria to go to school in London, his family was going to follow. The love of his life (at that time) and mother of his children passed away right after leaving Nigeria. That as we all know made things for him very hard. His daughters in Nigeria were now with his parents and it is a very hard to travel back and forth while on the student visa and limited money to travel on as we all know it cost so much to fly back and forth. We met through a mutal friend and started a relationship, I flew back and forth to London while we were waiting on the visa for him to come to the U.S to be completed. Once he arrived here in the U.S. things were hard at first, he could not just start driving becasue he did not have a U.S. license yet. We live in the country so public transportaition means calling a cab or being dropped off somewhere. For me working full time and him setting home all day while I worked and he did not know anyone but my family and one other friend at the time. So the first months were tough. WOW once he was able to drive I had the life he drove me back and forth to work everyday just so he could have the car during the day until we could get another car. As for his traditional food I was willing to learn how to prepare whatever it was he wanted. His sister's helped me through it and now he also enjoys all types of food. We are currently in the process of bringing the girls here to live with us, they go for their interview on September 9th. PRAISE GOD we will finally have all of our family together, all of us together at last..
    My girls + his girls=our girls, happiness and family..
    Just a note***For those that are already here in the U.S. and are bringing your loved one over it is up to us to make the journey easier and happier.
  2. Like
    Pman's Wife reacted to pushbrk in How to stop fraud in Fiance/Spouse Visas   
    This suggestion would require the foreigner to leave their life behind in their country and give complete control over to their US Citizen loved one. I can just see the arguments now. Do what I say or I'll send you home to your country. (In shame, because all their friends expect they've left for a much better life in the USA.) It's a license to abuse and would be used that way widely.
  3. Like
    Pman's Wife reacted to venusfire503 in I-751 evidence   
    I also vote for pinning this! I wish I had known before sending my packet. One thing I kept hearing about was sending utilities and other things addressed to both of us. It was time consuming to dig all that stuff up out of the basement, and it turns out it was unnecessary!
    I wonder if the papers I sent from my children to my husband (handmade birthday cards, for example - with plenty of "I love you"s) would help show their relationship with him. I half joke that if we get picked for an interview, all I need to do is take one of them with me - especially the youngest, who likes to crawl up onto his shoulders, sit there, and pick at his hair (or sit on his lap and pick at his hair - he's got long, thick, curly hair). I did send pictures of him with them, as well as ones of all five of us.
    It never occurred to me to send copies of the kids' school contact cards with him listed, but I think I sent copies of medical bills with his name (as guarantor, with them listed as the patient) on them.
    venusfire
  4. Like
    Pman's Wife reacted to Indy90 in Denied   
    No assumptions made on my part, but rather from a few posters (not the vast majority) that assume that she automatically does not qualify for anything because of the false claim. I think that it is better to provide her with a hypothetical example of how a lawyer could potentially be able to review her circumstances and hopefully find a remedy rather than assuming that there is no hope. Obviously, she faces an uphill battle and very well might not have any forms of relief available to her, but I want to provide every bit of encouragement that I can to see an attorney.
    Yep, point 9, part A makes it pretty clear. It seems pretty harsh, but there are a lot of issues that could arise with people making false claims (voter fraud, for example). http://www.uscis.gov/files/form/i-601instr.pdf
  5. Like
    Pman's Wife reacted to S_R in Sharing some red flags   
    I have read so much on this topic and i would love to say a few words as a man...
    Thousands of marriages break up every year, that's a sad fact. They start out great, but something happens along the way. It could be almost immediately that the signs begin showing that one or both mates aren't happy, or it could take years. Money, careers and egos are often behind the break up of a marriage but there are other reasons that marriages break up, but shouldn't.Every person who goes into marriage enters it in the hopes of having a joyful and lasting marriage relationship. Yet, many of them sadly end in either separation or divorce.Deciding to end a marriage is one of the most difficult decisions a person may have to make. If you had to make this decision, what factors led to your decision about whether you should stay or you should go?
    The lack of communication is one reason why marriages finally fall apart. Some couples begin their relationships just by talking, and talking. Then one day, you notice that you don't talk as much as you used to or that the conversations have little meaning. There could be many different reasons behind this. One is that the couple are tired after work and caring for children, and just don't feel like talking. After many months of this, you seem to lose the connection you once had. Another communication problem is pretending to like something you don't, in order to make the other person happy. Good intentions, but they often go sour after you realize that you don't want to pretend any more. Now the only thing left to do is hurt the person's feelings or let them know you lied and were only pretending the entire time. This often causes one mate to lose respect for the other.
    Jealousy is another reason that many marriages break up. Once married, many people expect their mate to give up friendships, particularly ones with the opposite sex. Many women don't want men to go out for a night with the boys; many men want their woman to speak to no other man. Arguments follow, and hard feelings. Distrust and finally bitterness result in not being frank with each other about this topic from the beginning. Marriage will change previous relationships somewhat, but no one should have to give up their previous friendships to suit a mate. Trust is important in a relationship and trust goes out the window when either party becomes jealous.
    Jokes have been made for many years about in-laws but the fact of the matter is, if you don't like yours, there could be years of trouble. Some in-laws butt in where they're not wanted or needed, causing one person to "choose" between the parent or the mate. For some people, it's simply impossible to choose because they don't want either person mad at them. This usually angers both the mate and the in-laws, causing further ill feelings. Arguments with, about, and over in-laws can cause irreparable damage to a marriage.
    Kids, step kids, your kids, my kids - it can be overwhelming. The birth of a new baby is a beautiful thing, but can cause the dad to feel left out. The mom is often tired and frustrated from dealing with the baby, making the tension very thick in the household. Or the problem could lie with older children, from previous relationships. If you're the new step mom or step dad, you try really hard to have the kids like you, but maybe they never will. Kids might try to intimidate the new parent, causing hard feelings. Arguments about punishments, curfews and other child issues can cause a rift in the marriage.
    Boredom is one of the number one reasons that after years of being together, people break up. Maybe your mate has fallen into the habit of sitting in front of the television, night after night, while you sit alone in the bedroom. Someone at work notices you, smiles, and it's over. You're now interested in the new person who pays attention to you. You begin an affair that will eventually end the marriage.No woman can steal another woman's man, and no woman has the power to break up a marriage. It's always a decision the husband makes, a choice to step deeper into his marriage, or to step further outside it. Women aren't omnipotent sirens who lure poor helpless men, and this is true even of women who might have predatory leaning.
    Try to avoid the pitfalls of the typical divorce by being honest with your mate from day one, remembering to do or say little special things to your partner from time to time, and pay attention to your mate, no matter how busy you are. Marriage is a wonderful thing and it doesn't have to go bad if you and your partner have made up your mind to make it work, no matter what.
    Meeting a guy online/via a mutual friend etc is not enough basis for taking the next step without meeting family/relations and friends. Once the family genuinely accepts you as a prospective "daughter" in law the relationship is already cast on solid footing. Anything else is a big gamble and may not turn out well for obvious reasons. I pray God gives you the wisdom & strength to make the right choice...
    Regards,
    Sam
  6. Like
    Pman's Wife reacted to Aya820 in Please help   
    I beg to differ it is illegal in Nigeria as well....The following is an excerpt (and a link to the website if you care to read further) from the Nigerian Marriage Act, Chapter 218, 1990:
    Nigerian Marriage Act
    Invalid Marriages
    33. (1) No marriage in Nigeria shall be valid where either of the parties thereto at the time of the celebration of such marriage is married under customary law to any person other than the person with whom such marriage is had
    Offences and Penalties
    39. Whoever, being unmarried, goes through the ceremony of marriage under this Act with a person whom he or she knows to be married to another person, shall be liable to imprisonment for five years.
    So, that being said, as Katie&Sifa stated,there are tribal marriages, but that does not make a second (or third, and so on) marriage legal as far as the Registry in Nigeria is concerned...
    OP, I suggest your friend look into this pronto before entering into a marriage where she isn't sure if he is married still or not. As previous posters have stated, if he answered "married" on any form to enter into the USA, then he will have to produce a divorce cert before they can marry here (or produce one even if they married in Nigeria).
  7. Like
    Pman's Wife reacted to Zee Bee in Husband is over it   
    I think both of you need to take a step back and breathe! This process is hard enough for those that have an "easy" time let alone the stress when there are unforeseen obstacles.
    Both of you (from what you have wrote) have reacted from anger. I know that its stressful and you both need to vent, but don't take it out on each other. You have a lawyer, so let the lawyer, so let him deal with that. The 2 of you need to focus on how you can encourage and support each other through this process.
    Ask your husband what it is that made him change his mind. Is it because he really sees no future or is it the stress? Sometimes its hard to put emotions into words and sometimes people take the easy way out to stop the hurt. Its hard when its something that you cannot control.
    You both have been through so much up to this point. Figure out what it is that is making him change his mind before you throw it all away.
    Good luck.
  8. Like
    Pman's Wife reacted to Ban Hammer in Drowning looks different than you think   
    Think drowning involves screaming, gasping, and flailing? Think it’s easy to notice someone drowning? Well, you’re wrong. Drowning is a silent killer. There’s no splashing, waving, or calling for help of any kind. It's not like what you see on TV. Many people would not even notice another person drowning at just 30 yards away. Read on for tips on how to keep yourself and those you love safe from this silent killer whether at the beach or in your backyard pool.
    The Facts About this Silent Killer
    The Instinctive Drowning Response, a term coined by Francesco A. Pia, Ph.D., is what people instinctively do to avoid suffocation when drowning. The responses to drowning are undramatic and surprisingly quiet. Drownings are the leading cause of injury death for young children ages 1 to 4. Even scarier is that in a small but significant percentage of kids' drownings, an adult will have watched the whole process, not having a clue what was happening (Source:CDC).
    Drowning Doesn't Look Like What You'd Expect
    Dr. Pia, in an article entitled "It Doesn't Look Like They're Drowning" featured in the Coast Guard’s On Scene Magazine (Fall 06), describes the typical drowning response as follows: "Except in rare circumstances, drowning people are physiologically unable to call out for help. The respiratory system was designed for breathing. Speech is the secondary or overlaid function. Breathing must be fulfilled before speech occurs. Drowning people’s mouths alternately sink below and reappear above the surface of the water. The mouth of a drowning person is not above the surface of the water long enough to exhale, inhale, and call out for help. When the drowning person’s mouth is above the surface, she exhales and inhales quickly as her mouth starts to sink below the surface of the water. Drowning people cannot wave for help. Nature instinctively forces them to extend their arms laterally and press down on the water’s surface. Pressing down on the surface of the water permits drowning people to leverage their bodies so they can lift their mouths out of the water to breathe. Throughout the Instinctive Drowning Response drowning people cannot voluntarily control their arm movements. Physiologically, drowning people who are struggling on the surface of the water cannot stop drowning and perform voluntary movements such as waving for help, moving toward a rescuer, or reaching out for a piece of rescue equipment. From beginning to end of the Instinctive Drowning Response people’s bodies remain upright in the water, with no evidence of a supporting kick. Unless rescued by a trained lifeguard, these drowning people can only struggle on the surface of the water from 20 to 60 seconds before submersion occurs."
    Signs of Drowning
    Watch for these signs the next time you’re swimming with your kids or others:
    * Head low in the water, mouth at water level
    * Head tilted back with open mouth
    * Hair over forehead or eyes
    * Eyes glassy, empty and unable to focus
    * Eyes closed
    * Hyperventilating or gasping
    * Not using legs
    * Body is vertical and upright
    * Trying to swim in a certain direction but not making progress
    * Trying to roll over on the back
    Stay Aware to Save a Life
    Keep your eyes open for any oddities because even when things seem ok, they may not be. A good way to be sure is to ask your kid or the person you’re swimming with if he or she is all right. If they are rather still, do not answer or have a blank stare, then you may have less than 30 seconds to get to them! As any parent knows, kids make noise in the water. If they are not making noise, find out why and get them out of the water ASAP.
  9. Like
    Pman's Wife reacted to Captain Oates in Mexicans seething over Border Patrol killing of teen   
    I was a Police Officer for 6 years and I once faced a mob of 300 in the dark on my own (with only a little stick for protection) so I know what being 'somewhat concerned' is like. Most Police Officers have a sense of balance and decency, but some abuse their position and we must always be on the look out for them. In the early days in an early posting, the whole of my shift except me, ended up in prison for theft. I know what bad Police Officers are like first hand. I saw what they did to my car with human poop coz I wouldnt join them in their activities.
    What I can't abide is people tapping into their politics where the police are always right and the colored illegals are always wrong.
    If that's a sanctimonious then I will own that.
    This officer may be a fine officer who did the right thing, but deciding in advance of the investigation based on our politics, and denying ANY rights to the dead boy, is simply wrong.
  10. Like
    Pman's Wife reacted to Captain Oates in Mexicans seething over Border Patrol killing of teen   
    This is a common mis-perception
    All humans have rights in the U.S.A and these are recognized by the 14th amendment. I was told that as an Alien, I had no right to own a firearm in Washington State but the NRA took it to court and the court said that an Alien like me has equal rights under the 14th - and so now I have 7 firearms.
    For instance it would be illegal to kneel an illegal immigrant and shoot them in the back of the head - that is because they DO have rights and it isn't just police regulations.
    I have noticed that the most nationalistic of Americans are also those who don't know their own constitution
    If I was being pelted with big stones by a large crowd then I would feel justified in firing a warning round followed by an aimed round if necessary.
    If some kid was throwing pebbles at me, I would not feel justified in firing
    The investigation will have to determine which one of these was the case
    In addition to this, I would have thought that common decency and the highly probable professed religion of people in this country would not lead to people saying that a fellow human had no rights and could be killed
    No rights indeed - that phrase makes my blood boil !
    Let's wait for the enquiry and some facts...
  11. Like
    Pman's Wife reacted to IndigoSkies in So angry!!   
    Maybe the operator was having a bad day. You can get good service from phone operator if you follow few simple tips. Don't be overly courteous. Don't be a rude ####### either. Acknowledge the person by name several time through the conversation. Like it or not, our names are dear to us. When someone calls us by our name, we are subconsciously more aware of what we need to do. I have been using this trick for years now. I never get bad service from phone operator except in rare occasion. If an operator starts being bitchy, you firmly say “Audrey, are you having a bad day? How can I make it better?”
    As for taking long, IDK. Good luck.
  12. Like
    Pman's Wife reacted to ScottThuy in AP TRACKER   
    please dont expect a str8 answer from an email from the consulate... it is very common for them to send copy and paste emails and they are not intimidated by anything... CYA and get hem that proof of ongoing ASAP
  13. Like
    Pman's Wife reacted to JimVaPhuong in Divorce or Stay Separated   
    As long as you were still married at the end of the year then you can file a joint tax return. It's not necessary that you live together for any specific period of time. His friends are confusing the requirements for a dependent with the requirements for filing a joint return. You are supposed to have his cooperation and permission to do this, which means using his PIN if you used eFile or obtaining his signature if you filed a paper return.
    If he is working "under the table", then technically you both did not claim his income since you filed a joint tax return.
    Removal of conditions to get a permanent green card does require that you jointly file an I-751 with USCIS. Except under a few specific circumstances, this must be done in the 90 day window before the conditional green card expires. However, he can file the form on his own, or "self petition", if the marriage has ended in divorce. In that event, he would not have to wait until the 90 day window to file. In fact, USCIS is compelled take steps to terminate his conditional legal residency if they discover the divorce, so he should file as soon after the divorce as possible. In order to successfully remove conditions on his own he will need a final divorce decree, and he'll need to prove he entered the marriage in good faith. This usually involves evidence that you lived together as a married couple, such as co-mingling of finances. If he doesn't already have this evidence, then he'll probably try to get you to provide it for him.
    Most LPR's are not generally eligible for taxpayer funded public benefits until they've been an LPR for 5 years. It's unlikely you'll be required to pay any spousal support after a relatively short marriage, but it depends on the state laws where the divorce is filed. It's possible he could use the I-864 as a basis to get support. Again, it depends on the state laws. Many family courts won't consider it because there is no basis under state law to consider it. He could still file a separate civil case, but those fail more often than they succeed. The biggest problem lies in the fact that he's not a party to the contract, so many courts will tell him he needs to get the federal government to sue on his behalf. They won't do that.
    Only a good divorce lawyer could tell you what the chances are that he'll get any money from you, since state laws play a big role here. There are some things to consider here, though.
    He can't remove conditions on his own until you are divorced. He could file without the divorce decree, but he'll end up getting an RFE for the divorce decree later. If he can't provide it then he'll end up in removal proceedings. He could ask the immigration judge to postpone the proceedings until the divorce has been granted. They'll usually grant this request. If you don't file for the divorce, and don't cooperate in filing a joint petition to remove the conditions on his legal permanent residence, then he will be forced to file the divorce himself. This will put you in the unenviable position of being the respondent in a divorce case filed in another state. Unless you want all motions he submits to be granted by default, you'll need to hire an attorney in that state to represent you. This could get expensive, and you may not get the outcome you desire. You'd probably be much better off filing for the divorce yourself. As soon as the divorce is final, send a copy of the divorce decree along with a cover letter to USCIS explaining that you will not support his removal of conditions. This may force him to self petition immediately in order to avoid removal.
  14. Like
    Pman's Wife reacted to Fandango in Fake marriage   
    You bring it on the net and invite opinions, don't be shocked when you hear things you don't like. You're not being a good friend to this woman. That's my opinion.
    We all were on a vj at one point or another...I more than understand how awful the waiting is. But judging your 'friend', talking about her behind her back, reveling in her misfortune, etc...is not gonna change your wait time.
  15. Like
    Pman's Wife reacted to maya62 in Visa Denied   
    I can't claim familiarity with the US Consulate in Kenya, but I have read about previous immigrant marriages, and the prospective immigrant having family (especially close family members) that have already gone through marriage-based immigration, both listed as possible red flags. Add that to a mis-step in the interview and the overall picture may have looked suspicious to the CO. I am not in any way saying it is justified, just that that looks plausible given what I've read thus far on the thread.
    What I am not seeing is an urgent sense being communicated to you that you must RUN, do not walk, do not pass go, do not collect $200, to do whatever you can to keep your case at the Consulate. If it were me, here is what I would do first thing tomorrow morning (I'm writing this at 7:30 pm EDT, so too late to do this today I think):
    Get a hold of the immigration liaisons for both US Senators and US Rep and request in no uncertain terms that their help is desperately and immediately needed to get the case re-reviewed at the Consulate. Find out from them any other suggestions they may have to facilitate this. It is my understanding that a LOT of time, effort, and heartache can be avoided if the decision is reversed before the package is returned stateside, rather than having to either appeal or get married and re-apply.
    Call, email, and/or fax the Consulate until you get an answer and ask: why was the visa denied? What can I send you that will help to clarify things for you? Will you schedule another interview (and if they will, invest in a trip to be with your fiancee if at all possible)?
    I wish you best of luck...
    Maya
  16. Like
    Pman's Wife reacted to justashooter in new format   
    perhaps i am alone in noting this, but it seems to me that participation has been significantly reduced in all areas of this forum since the format was changed.
    what say you (or not)?
  17. Like
    Pman's Wife reacted to Fandango in 15 year old girl accused of selling 7 year old sister for sex   
    Whoa Nelly, come back from that tangent....
    I don't argue that the people are probably lower income. But assuming lower income always = black or hispanic, well that's just wrong.
  18. Downvote
    Pman's Wife reacted to spookyturtle in 15 year old girl accused of selling 7 year old sister for sex   
    And undoubtedly she was black or Hispanic.
  19. Like
    Pman's Wife reacted to Whatznext in AP TRACKER   
    Here is a link for some interesting material for understanding the process
    http://www.usaimmigrationattorney.com/SecurityNameChecksAndAdministrativeReview.html
  20. Like
    Pman's Wife reacted to Queeny in Admin Processing (what the heck)   
    Hello VJ,
    it's been a while since I posted but to bring you up to speed we were placed in AP on Jan 12, 2010 at our interview. As many of you know, we started out filing for a finance visa and was placed in AP. The consular sent our application back to USCIS. We were married in June 09 and refiled CR1 and had our interview Jan 12, 2010. AP again and this time it's been over 2 months.
    I have mixed emotions and feeling like something has to be done about the broken immigration system. WE NEED REFORM. Not just reform to legalize immigrants currently in the US without documentation, but REFORM of the process in which U.S. citizens apply to bring loved ones to the US to live.
    The U.S. Consulates abroad are out of control and seem to write the law as they go along. Laws need to change around admin processing to include the participants in the process rather than exclude us. When I initially wrote my congressmen and senator's office is was only to address my individual concerns about my petition but I'm expanding beyond just my individual concerns to REFORM as a whole.
    I am writing my Senator in CA to make suggestions about REFORM. We all need to solicit the assistance of our Senators in this process. I could rant on and on but think I'll stop here for now...
    What you all think?
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