tany1157

thank u so much for all the answers, we met through yahoo ..and we used to talk a lot ,and then we decided to take it to the next level...seriously ppl here in the us gets married for less like i dk ..but i guess its obvious if i want to marry him for life ..

he is older than me a 8 years gap , i already have a son..im a christian for now but i dk maybe i'll convert some time..u know why i wanna get this quickly cuz i dont have that much money to spend on flights ..im just a simple girl living a simple life and dreaming to fulfill it with my love..isnt that enough??

its the first time i will ever take a plane..and i've been saving to buy the ticket..im being honest with u guys..i cant stand living on my own..i 've been reading stuff here and there ..and i know that its going to be hard...but my situation wouldnt allow me to travel a lot to morocco..

he was never married before ..

so what do u guys think??

I'm so sorry to hear this, and BRAVO for leaving!! That takes a great amount of strength and self worth. That was probably the best decision you could have made for yourself and your kids. I pray for your healing, and hope you never look back.

Before making any decisions, read this forum. Have all the information before you take any steps. Getting married on the first visit is already a red flag. Can you tell us more? How and when you met. What is the age difference, any divorce or kids? Which religion are you. Do you regularly send him money? Does he have family/ friends here? Has he been petitioned before? Has he ever had a relationship with a foreignor?

Hutchison (by the grace of God finally a lame duck) is worthless, regardless of one's party affiliation. In my time of need, I spent all day trying to reach her top staffer. When we finally connected, she cut me off with a haughty "The Senator has far more important things to do than to concern herself with one person's K-1 application."

Those words will ring in my brain forever.

Help... Please. What do they mean not denied? Plus case expires may 9th so ....

Dear Madam,

Thank you for your inquiry on behalf of your fiancé Mr. **** regarding his I-129F petition.  Mr. **** visa has not been denied His case was returned to the Department of Homeland Security's Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) on April 17, 2012 for further review.  Due to the personal nature of the information, the file was sent via registered diplomatic pouch (Reg # 7448616).  The Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services will be contacting you to discuss the return of the petition to their office.  However, if you wish to seek information on the status of the case, you should contact the USCIS National Customer Service Center at 1-800-375-5283.  You are advised to wait a few weeks before contacting USCIS to allow them to receive and review the file.

This is a denial, they just won't say those words. Sending it back is denying a visa. USCIS has the final say. It will most likely expire. I'm so sorry to hear the bad news.

You're welcome! And good luck! I'm sure things will be fine since you've already proven you have lots of patience.

My husband calls us "professional waiters"

I agree with so much of the above post. PATIENCE & understanding is so important. Patience for yourself as well as him. It's a big adjustment in so many ways. So many things are taken for granted when your SO is not new to this country. You will get frustrated and you will have misunderstandings, but be patient with yourself and him throughout it all...

Thank you...I am ready for the challenge, at least as ready as I can be....

They're valid fears. Don't worry about making him happy, that's his job. Patience is key. So cliche, I know. Patience and understanding. Help him become independent asap. That will help things big time. Get him driving and navigating around the area asap. If he's willing, get him involved in social activities and networking. That will help in a job search. There will be rough times. If you have kids, that will be a little rough at first but if everyone works at it things will be smooth in no time. For us, the kids adjusting to my husband and vice versa was the easiest part. My husband loves kids and he's great with kids so that helped a lot. The biggest things for me was accepting someone new in my space. I was on my own and the "boss" for a few years before my husband arrived so it was super difficult for me to share my space and adjust to having to "check in" so to speak. Not saying my husband was controlling or anything but it's not like I could just go out with the girls or go shopping after work or whatever like before. I had more than just my kids to worry about. That was a big adjustment for me. On top of it, my husband wasn't able to work for several months and I wasn't used to having an adult just hanging out all the time not working. That was way difficult to deal with. Having someone in my face 24/7 was rough. LOL. I know some people may wonder, why did you get married then? I admit I was ill equipped for the whole immigration thing. I was married to a MENA guy before so I figured easy peasy, I can do this. I know all the "rules", blah, blah, blah. Yeah right! Never factored in the actual immigration/adjustment thing. Anyways, again..your fears are valid. Be patient, be understanding, have an open line of communication and understand that you will have misunderstandings due to language and culture. I've known my husband almost 8 years and we still have occasional misunderstandings due to these things.

I really appreciate you sharing your experience and giving such great advice for what's to come. Thank you!

I agree with this 100%.

Real life and extended vacations are vastly different. Getting along with someone for 6 months while on vacation (no work, no responsibilities, etc.) is much easier than living day to day life. Especially when the immigrant is limited in their independence, work history in the US, and general ability to adjust to new surroundings. Some people (like myself) think/thought...piece of cake. No, it's not a piece of cake. At all. Even if you psych yourself out for real life together, it's not even half of what you imagine. I think that has a lot to do with the break downs of some marriages. Not just because they are from MENA but because they are an immigrant, in general. You may have personalities that mesh well when on vacation or in a long distance relationship and then when you live together 24/7 you pick up on things that you didn't notice before. Anyways, what I'm saying is don't be too confident about how awesome things are on vacation. Not to be a Debbie Downer or anything. I firmly believe that the guys that end up to be scumbags were always scumbags but it was ignored while the couple was courting. Lust, infatuation, excitement of a new relationship, etc. always makes one blind to reality.

I admire that you admit you thought things would be pretty easy when your man got here, but they weren't. I always hear, "getting them here is the easy part." As we didn't have the normal immigration run, this scares the bejesus out of me! We can only do the best with what we know. I have a short fuse. I actually have been talking to myself a lot lately on how I will need to be way, way more patient when my husband gets here. Everything will be new to him. I have compassion and understanding, but my husband doesn't even know how he will feel, he has never left his country before. He may say he will be fine now, but I am scared of all sorts of things. Like, what if he hates it here? What if I can't make him happy? All new fears have surfaced since he got the visa. We will be living as a married couple now, and not in a long distance relationship. It is all new territory. I just pray we can make it through what's to come.

I would just like to say that even though certain women come back to tell their stories about the decline of their marriage or the fraud that their spouse committed, this doesn't make them a bad person. I believe it makes them admirable. They had the balls to come back here and share the hell they went through, to expose themselves to ridicule or the proverbial ”I-told-you-so” attitudes that can be found here.

So many of them did exactly what you are doing...spent lots of time in their SO's country, knew the family well, and listened to his talk of love and life together. They had covered every red flag. And yet, their world came undone. It takes a lot of courage to come back here and say that you were taken for a ride, or that your marriage just didn't work out because of cultural differences. So, now, when you ask if it has worked out for anyone with your age bracket differential, you are showing your skepticism. And let me say, your skepticism is justified...twenty years is a lot...not impossible, but it will raise eyebrows all the way around.

Sometimes MENA isn't all rainbows, lollipops, and unicorns. Just sayin'.

It's not?!?! And here I am, this whole time, thinking life will be just perfect when my husband gets here, and we'll be singing Kumbaya every night, while living somewhere over the rainbow Hmm, maybe I should get my head outta my butt

*Please note the sarcasm

I'm guessing noone is intentionally generalizing young MENA women as mindless, vapid, stupid baby makers. But talk of young MENA men needing foreign, older women so that they have someone to match their intellectual capacities seems to be doing just that. This seems as bad to me as generalizing MENA men as abusive control freaks.

Ok guys, so I just called Senator Gillibrand's office and I found out that they have not even made the inquiry yet! I am SO frusterated! I tried very hard not to freak out on the poor guy that was speaking to me, but I was so upset that they haven't even checked into our case yet that I got a little emotional (I tried not to but I couldn't control it). He said it was because they have many cases to check into - it is a senator's office and not a congress person - but still...A MONTH?! and you haven't even checked into it yet?! I contacted them because I am SICK of waiting - not because I have ANOTHER month to spare! So anyways, he said he let his supervisor know and they would inquire asap. Either way I'm not waiting anymore...I just emailed my congresswoman (Carolyn B. Maloney) instead...hopefully that does some good. Although I can honestly say I have absolutely NO faith in any area of our government anymore. There is no wonder that illegal immigration is so prevalent if this is what happens when you do things the proper way.

Thank you to everyone for your help!

I'm so sorry The waiting is horrible, but you guys will get through it!

I totally agree with everything you are have said here. I was married for 20 years to someone who made life unbearable, I know what the struggles of marriage can be. I am very aware of the cultural differences in my new marriage, and I know it won't be easy by any stretch of the imagination. I have spent as much time as I can with my husband and his family, and I have talked to many people in similar marriages and discussed how they handle their day to day issues in the marriage, I have done my homework. In every marriage or relationship there will be ups and downs, but I think that if both people are willing to work hard and overcome the obstacles they can make it work. I don;t have any visions of it being easy, I know it will be difficult, but I we will do our best.

That's all you can do. Be aware of things, and do your best along the way. You made a very good point, both have to be willing to work at it. My ex wasn't a partner in our marriage, which is why we are no longer married. Feeling like you have a partner working just as hard as you are is important.

Wow...it sounds like I need to find another office to inquire into my case! Thank you for sharing!

No problem I remember I had a senator that didn't care enough to even remember me. I am talking like I would speak with her about our case, and a few days later, she would have to be reminded of who we were, and what we needed. After this happened 4 times, I dropped her. Some are just more competent than others....good luck!

I actually stayed with my family as long as I have just because I didn't want to move during the process, needed help with my son, and wanted to save money. Inky is right, as long as you can prove income, living with family shouldn't do anything to your case.

Thanks for the feedback everyone! I did contact my senator's office and they did respond right away...but I am referring to how long it took for them to actually make the inquiry w/the embassy and get back to you with what they found out about your case...

I think most of us are referring to just that. My congressman always got a prompt reply from USCiS and the consulate. Never waited longer than a week.

Find another congressman

A month is too long to wait. I had three elected officials on my case in the beginning, but stuck with one because she cared about us, and got the job done. I never even had to tell her to inquire, she always did at the right time, and she stuck with us since our first denial in January of 2010. Some offices are better than others.

JUST RELAX OKAY?AS LONG AS ITS GENUINE LOVE AND GOD KNOWS THAT,EVERY QUESTION WILL BE IN YOUR FAVOUR.....YOU WILL SMILE AFTER 23RD I PROMISE YOU THAT.......ALL THE BEST

I happen to have a legit marriage, and we were denied twice. Once in 2010, and another in 2011. Being legit in God's eyes, does not mean it is legit to a consulate. Sometimes, God wants us to wait. If it is their time, they will be approved at this interview. OP, maybe you should email an MOD about having this topic moved to MENA, you will get more realistic answers there from people who know Casa.

Well Marrying a younger MENA man ...yes there are crazy stories on here that I think have been magnified and in turn might have eclipsed the good Visa story endings...

@ ILoveMimosh

My Visa process is still not complete but as as write now I am in Morocco with my husband, in his home by the ocean and WE have a happy ending. In our 3 years We have been through more time separated then together, But it is simply blessings in disguise. Because of the turn of events we were forced to hold on tighter, Know each other better and Learn a stronger patience and trust that people in long distance relationships endure. We appreciate the little but meaningful times we can spend together online or on the phone due to time differences. And in a personal note my children were given a larger amount of time to know him and accept the new man in our lives.

Traveling is a looooong journey for me..but spending that additional time with his family gave all of us more time to share... to know and love each other. I see the man from the way he is with his parents and siblings. There is laughter and love in my new family..And the allowance of my long visits taught me so much. Again I would miss out on these lessons if not for this Visa process.

I dont believe we could have had grown this way, this strong, or this grateful if our Visa journey was simpler.

Dont get me wrong...If I had the fiance visa approved back in July...we still would be happy and it would have cost less in time and monetary sense ...But God has his plans and I see the beauty in this one.

WE have a happy ending no matter what side of any borders we will live on.

And just a little note of converting...This was the wonderful basis of our friendship's beginning. I am proud to say God chose me to learn Islam. I just got a wonderful man with the deal.

BTW how can I not mention the really cool people I have met through this site too!!

YES I write it with happiness to share..

Inshallah

Regarding the underlined statement: Exactly how I feel about my husband and I. Our long journey made us so much stronger than if we would have gotten approved over 2 years ago the first time. I have been able to visit Morocco, and spend way more time with his family than I would have if we were approved back then. Don't get me wrong, I didn't want the denials back then, but God knows best. We did our best, but was STILL delayed. My husband is coming to America very soon, and this comes with new challenges, but with all the suffering, and fighting we did for our relationship, I feel confidant we will make it.

Hey VJ'ers...

For those of you who contacted your senator or congress-person...how long did they take to get back to you? I contacted my senator (Kirsten Gillibrand - New York) about a month ago (03/19) and I am still waiting to hear back...I'm sure they are busy because it's a New York office and I'm sure the embassy also takes a while to respond to the inquiry...but I'm getting anxious...I talked to them over the phone a while ago and they had all of the info they needed...but how long should I expect to wait for a response? This whole process really tests your patience...

Hope some of us hear good news this week! Good luck all!

My congressman always got back to me (in email form) no more than a week, with the response from the consulate or USCIS. She would also send me snail mail of the same info, which took a bit longer. I live in NH.

Thanks for the advice everyone! You have been most helpful and most reassuring!!!! Where is MENA? Can someone post me the link? Thanks again!!!!!!!

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/forum/97-middle-east-and-north-africa/

Study this forum....seriously, some great info...Many, many pages have some great info

We all know what assuming leads too...

I think you have gotten some good advice here....years ago, i used to read all the horror stories, and compare every little detail to my (then) fiance...it literally made me crazy. You know your SO more than anyone, and like Staashi said, as long as you both have security, and trust, then to hell what anyone else says. My reading caused some arguments and hurt between my man and I. I realized my husband was not like any one of those jerks I was reading about, and I had to stop reading about them, and comparing. Yes, the possibility of being used is there, but not everyone is a user. Keep your eyes open, and be smart. Go with your gut feelings, and remember, for every horror story, there is one with a beautiful outcome.

Why the inshalla? Have you coverted? That seems to be a trend as well, some women just have no backone.

....and this was uncalled for

Great pics by the way, make sure he has copies of pics of your family's visit to Morocco or UK not sure where they were taken but either way have them available. You have made alot of trips and it has also included your family which is always a plus but with Casa it can always be tricky. Just make sure he has all the proof of those trips. Ensure you documented your time with him over the summer. I always say you can never be too prepared for Casa, he needs to know your childhood, your boyfriends, your jobs, your school history, bestfriends, your children (if applicable) any and everything you can imagine to include financial standings. Your goals, habits, hobbies, lol I have to laugh everytime I tell the story of drilling my husband like he was going to a promotion board in the Army. In our case they asked about my ex-husband, my children and their girlfriend and boyfriend's names and their hobbies.

Good luck, always rooting for a favorable outcome....

Good overall advice, but I assure you, too much knowledge can, and will backfire. Then it looks like you prepared, and are memorizing facts, instead of having a genuine knowledge of your SO. This happened to us in 2010, this is why Casa is so difficult, there really is no rhyme or reason to it